Feta and Freeways

by Baganz, Susan M. ;

  “Yes, but this is not the Niko and Tia show. This is Specific Gravity. I don’t want to take away from that.”

  Sam piped up. “Tia, maybe God is opening up a door for you guys to walk through? It’s not competition for the band but a complement to all we’re doing. You are a huge part of that. I don’t mind you and Niko going on television to talk about the band and your journey with us. It’s good publicity, and you always point back to God.”

  Wayne nodded. “I agree. How much of this can we really do, though? Tia’s right—this would stretch us, especially Niko and Tia. We need to protect them from the burnout and stress that could come with this.”

  Marc shook his head. “Perhaps we should stick to band-only stuff and not add much. We could start booking this stuff for the next tour, though?”

  “What about ‘strike while the iron’s hot’?” Johnny asked.

  Niko read over the list. “I’m okay with some of these if they don’t involve the huge setup. We don’t have a road crew to take the burden off us, and Tia can’t help as much as she used to.”

  Tia started to protest, but Johnny stopped her. “Tia, he’s right. We all want the little Nikolette to be healthy.”

  Tia laughed. “Little Nikolette? Is that what you’re calling our child?”

  “Well, you don’t have a name yet, and you don’t know the gender, so we came up with Nikolette.”

  Niko gave a hearty laugh as Tia started to giggle till tears ran down. She grabbed a Kleenex and wiped her eyes as Niko bent over to kiss her head.

  “Well, let’s go through these one by one. Some of these need a response quickly.”

  “I should tell you guys as well, that, um, you are in the top ten now in album sales. Jazzy Records has offered a contract for the next album, but so has Recon Records and a few others in Nashville. You have choices.”

  Niko shook his head. “We already did the fundraiser. I think we head home, book the studio and the best sound engineers to work with Rocco, and cut our album ourselves.”

  Johnny and the rest of the men agreed. “The fans supported us when Jazzy wouldn’t. We should honor them. We have most of what we need for the new album anyway. We could have it out by the time the baby is born.”

  “Which begs the question—what about the next tour?”

  Wayne cleared his throat. “I doubt I’ll be up for another tour. Candace needs me at home with the kids, and I have a job offer, which would allow me to be there. I’m sorry, but I just don’t think I can do this anymore. My wife and kids need me too.”

  Niko nodded. “We’ll have a lot to consider, won’t we? You’ll do the studio album?”

  “Absolutely. I wouldn’t miss it.”

  “Good,” Johnny said. “Nothing ever stays the same. We should’ve all learned that by now anyway. We need to keep seeking what it is God wants us to do and not what’s comfortable or what we’ve done before.”

  “Wise words, coz.” Niko said.

  They finished the list, and Tia was back on the phone and computer as they barreled down the road. The next month would be insane. How was he going to date his wife and take care of her in the midst of this? He didn’t know, but he did know Someone who did. He grabbed his Bible and his journal and settled down into his favorite chair with earbuds in to focus. Little did the rest of the gang know that classical instrumental music was what he listened to at times like these. His little secret.

  * * *

  The first television interview was eye-opening for Niko.

  Anchor: “Today we are thrilled to have Specific Gravity with us. We have learned they are up for awards with the Christian Music Fan awards as well as Country Music Awards for best new album and for their single For Love of You. Congratulations, guys. Will you be going to the award shows?”

  Niko smiled. “Depends on when the dates are. The invitations haven’t arrived in the mail yet, but we have been on the road.”

  Anchor: “The Fan awards are at the end of May, and CMA is early June.”

  Niko shook his head. “While we are honored to be nominated, I for one have a bigger award to be present for during that time period, the birth of our baby. I wouldn’t miss that for any award show.”

  Anchor: “It’s tradition for nominated bands to perform.”

  Niko: “It’s also tradition for a husband to be with his wife as their child is being born. To me, that’s far more important.”

  Anchor: “You’ll perform for us now?”

  Johnny: “You bet.” They performed an older song and soon tore down to head to the next show.

  Tia took Niko aside. “I wasn’t aware, Niko. I’m sorry. I would’ve warned you if I’d known.”

  “It’s okay, Tia.”

  “You guys need to go.”

  “I’m not leaving you.”

  “You don’t have to.”

  Niko stopped and stared at his wife. “Explain.”

  “I can give birth anywhere. If we take the bus to the awards, I would be close to a hospital. The chances of me giving birth in the middle of a performance would be remote, don’t you think?”

  “Tia. We’ll talk, but not now.” They were loaded up and soon unloading again and setting up for the next gig. Tia worked in the bus while the guys did their thing. Roger hung with her. Niko felt unaccountably angry. He slammed things around as he packed up.

  Johnny grabbed him. “Hey. Chill, man.”

  Niko shrugged him off. “Leave me alone, Johnny.”

  “What’s eating you?”

  Niko stopped and threw the mass of cords on the floor. “Tia was the best at winding these and keeping them from getting tangled.”

  Johnny shook his head. “Not buyin’ it. It’s the awards, isn’t it?”

  “They don’t matter. We’ve been there before. We even won a Dove award once.”

  “It is a big deal. I heard Tia say it could work out. Why did you shoot her down? She understands how big this is. You realize going and maybe even winning is as much her reward as it is ours?”

  Niko squinted at his cousin. “I don’t understand.”

  “How long has she worked, slaved, and sacrificed to get us where we are? Sure, it’s about good music, but it’s also been about smart marketing and promotion. We couldn’t have done this without Tia. Paige maybe, but she’d have beaten us down and tore us apart as a group with her games. Not Tia. Tia has constantly urged us to stay connected as a group. She’s not torn you away from us but pushed you to be an even better leader and songwriter. Niko. Tia deserves these awards as much as we do.”

  “But we’re having a baby.”

  “True, and she’s right. She can give birth in Menomonee Falls or Nashville. Ask your sisters. They didn’t even all have their own doctors at delivery.”

  “I’m not going to risk her or the baby.”

  “Where’s the risk?”

  “What if something went wrong?”

  “What if it did? We would all be available to help and support you. Life is filled with risk, isn’t it? When Tia was attacked, it wasn’t in Milwaukee. It was at a small-town Midwest festival. A place one would think of as safe. Were you left alone as she recovered?”

  “No. You stayed.”

  “Exactly. Niko, the band isn’t going to be sticking together for long. Marc is getting serious with Ginny and is thinking about marriage. Rocco has studio gigs lined up when we get back. Sam is in demand for studio work and might move to Nashville or Atlanta. Even if we bring on new band members, it’s not going to be the same Specific Gravity as it is now. Let’s go out with a bang before we make the changes. Don’t cheat her out of this. She wasn’t even allowed to attend last time. It was her boss who took all the credit for her work. She stayed home working hard for the next tour, and I got cancer and we cancelled the tour, making her hard work on our behalf useless.”

  “What did she do when you were sick?” Niko asked. “I don’t remember.”

  “She came to visit. She called. She sent cards and thoughtful gift
s. That was three years ago or more now. Around the time when her mother died.”

  Niko closed his eyes. “So she was denied the reward for her work and lost her job, was worried for you, and had to bury her mom. All while being unemployed?”

  Johnny raised his eyebrows as he tilted his head to one side. “Duh. Learn about your wife, dude.”

  Niko wanted to slug his cousin but couldn’t deny Johnny was right. It seemed there were still so many things he didn’t know.

  * * *

  They raced up the west coast from one concert and interview after another. The venues were huge and sold-out. The nights were late. The band was exhausted.

  “Tia, where do we go tomorrow?”

  “Home.”

  Niko and the band turned to stare at her. “What?”

  “We start the drive to Wisconsin. We have one final concert in Denver and head back to Milwaukee.”

  “I thought there were more.” Johnny said.

  Tia sighed. “Sorry if I’ve not communicated well. I’ve been trying to not let you become overwhelmed, so recently I’ve only given you the next venue. After tonight, we start the drive to Colorado. We might get an extra night to rest depending on the roads and snow in the mountains.”

  The guys all smiled. Niko grinned too. The end was near, but there was still much about his wife’s history he didn’t understand. They’d never talked about the finances yet either. He needed to spend some time with his wife beyond sleeping and trading off spots in the bathroom.

  “Tia, can we talk?” He motioned for her to come to the back of the bus.

  “Sure.”

  They closed the door behind them, and Tia collapsed back on the bed with her knees up. “Oh, that feels good.”

  “Your back is bothering you?”

  “A little. Normal, from what I’ve read.” She pulled his arm to force him to recline next to her. She took his hand and placed it on her protruding stomach. Time had marched on, and she was now six months along.

  Niko’s hand rested on the baby bump, and it moved underneath his palm. Tia pushed his hand down a little, and he got a kick in response. Tia giggled. She moved his hand and did the same thing. Another kick.

  “Little Nikolette is saying ‘hi’.”

  “I can’t believe you’ve adopted the band’s name for our baby,” Niko said.

  “It’s funny and cute.”

  “We haven’t even talked about possible baby names.”

  “No. Probably something we should do before he or she is stuck with Nikolette forever.” Tia pulled her shirt up, revealing skin, and placed Niko’s hand off to the side. “Watch.” The entire surface rose and fell like a wave. “I think Nikolette is doing summersaults in there.”

  “Tia.” He leaned in, gave her a lingering kiss, and nuzzled into her shoulder.

  “You asked to talk, and I distracted you. The baby does this when you are performing or sleeping. I wanted you to have a chance to experience the wonder of it.”

  “Thank you. He likes our music?”

  “Loves it. Dances any time you play or sing. Even if it’s you alone. He recognizes his daddy’s voice.”

  “He?”

  She shrugged. “I have no clue if it’s a boy or a girl.”

  “How are we going to name this baby?”

  Tia shrugged. “We can come up with names, or we can wait. You could name it if it’s a boy and I if it’s a girl, or vice versa.”

  “Can we have veto power if we are opposed to the name suggested?”

  “Sure.”

  “Okay. We’ll think about it and wait until the baby is born. Hard to name a baby we haven’t seen yet, isn’t it?”

  “Some do it.”

  “I don’t think that’s us, though.”

  Tia touched his whiskers. “I agree. It’s not us.”

  “Tia?”

  “What?”

  “What are we going to do when we get home?” He rubbed her belly, enjoying the baby’s response.

  “About what?”

  “We need a bigger place to live, and we have to figure out these award shows, the baby coming. Can we afford any of it? I’m freaking out over it all.” He stopped to gaze at her.

  “It’s going to work out. You liked that house you told me you went to see with your dad, right?”

  “Yeah.”

  “I got the video tour the owner sent me. Your dad is lining it up for us. Roberto will email us a contract to make an offer. We have the money for a down payment. I have ideas for the space. I’m sorry, but I might want to paint some rooms.”

  “We’ll get people to do that. You’re not painting.”

  “Trying to spoil my fun?”

  “Trying to keep you healthy. The idea of you up on a ladder with a paint roller terrifies me.”

  “Oh, so the reality is you’re trying to avoid gray hairs.”

  “Tia. Don’t go teasing me now.” He kissed her cheek. “You really think we can swing the house?”

  “Yeah. And your father got a deal on a sport utility vehicle too. The insurance money from my beater being totaled helped pay for it. He’ll transfer the title when we get home.”

  “You’ve mentioned this to me before?”

  “Yeah, but to be honest, I think you’ve been a little preoccupied.”

  “True. I’m sorry I’ve not been paying attention.”

  “You were focused on the music and your job. That’s what you’re supposed to do. But now you’ll have some space to think of other things.”

  “You are more important than the band or any concert.”

  Tia shook her head. “No, honey, seeking God is the bigger priority, and to be honest, I’ve been preoccupied too and I’ve neglected communicating well with you.”

  “We can’t let ambivalence creep into our marriage.”

  “You, my dear man, are too passionate for ambivalence.” She wiggled her eyebrows at him.

  “Now?”

  “Why not?”

  “I like the way you think, dear wife. What’d I ever do without you?”

  * * *

  Tia was having bizarre dreams. Some were wonderful about the baby. Some were terrifying, about the attack or some other tragedy. She feared something would happen to Niko. It became almost impossible for her to let him out of her sight. The bus ride to Colorado was tedious, and sometimes the roads were less than desirable. To add to the mix of twisted emotions swirling around inside her, she received a disturbing email.

  Dear Tia,

  I know we haven’t talked in years. Thank you for letting me know about the death of your mother. You may not believe it, but I did love her and I was sorry to hear of her passing. I couldn’t compete with the bottle. My own addiction was my work. I know the stress spilled over to you in horrible ways I cringe to remember.

  I’ve heard it said that when you die, you will see all the things you did on this earth. God has been revealing the sins to me in horrifying memories, and I cannot escape the reality that I was a terrible father.

  Your mother introduced me to Jesus, and I accepted him. I wish she could have known that before she died. We never know when someone will go though, do we?

  I’m being released from prison next month and would love to come and see you and your husband. Congratulations on your marriage and the baby you’re expecting. I’ve tried to follow your husband’s journey and have had the opportunity to see interviews where you were present. You are more beautiful and gracious than your mother ever was.

  You talked at a church about forgiving your attacker. I would like to pummel him as much as your husband wanted to. But I deserve as much punishment for my own crimes, if not more. My hope and prayer is you will accept my apology for all the wrongs I did against you and your brothers and sisters. They refuse to have anything to do with me. My crimes cost me more than my freedom. They lost me my entire family. It was a gift, and I never appreciated it.

  I pray you’ll forgive me. I would love to get to know you as the beautiful
and accomplished businesswoman you’ve become. I would love to know my son-in-law and meet my grandchild. Will you let me be a part of your life?

  I await your response.

  Sincerely,

  Benjamin Bartel

  Tia closed the email and wasn’t sure what to do about it. Forgive her father? Surely she had done that, hadn’t she? But reconciling with him? She wasn’t sure she wanted that. Was that being passive-aggressive? An attempt to punish him for the past while protecting her heart in the here and now?

  She went back to the bunk to do a video chat with her friend Stephanie.

  Stephanie waved and held her one year old son, Levi. “Hey, girlfriend. What’s up? I wasn’t expecting to talk to you today, but I’m always glad to hear from you.”

  Tia waved. “Wow, Levi is getting so big.”

  “Just wait. You’ll soon have your Nikolette in your own arms.” Steph laughed. She thought the nickname for the baby was funny.

  “I called because I got an email from my dad.”

  “Ouch. You’ve not talked to him in, what, eleven years? Why now?”

  “Niko suggested I contact him about our wedding and the baby. I really didn’t want to open that door, but I did it because he asked me to.”

  “And now your dad has written back.”

  “Yeah. He’s apologized for the past and says he’s become a Christian. He wants my forgiveness and to visit us when he is released in a month.”

  “Whoa. He’s coming to Wisconsin? He’s not planning to move in with you, is he?”

  “No way. Oh, but wouldn’t it be like Niko to welcome him?”

  “Perhaps he really has changed.”

  “How do I trust him after all that’s happened, Steph?”

  “I don’t know. I think you need to talk to Niko about it.”

  “He’s been preoccupied working on getting the songs ready for the next album. They want to hit the studio shortly after we return. Some of the guys are going to move on to other things, so if they are going to record together, they need to do it right away.”

  “The band is splitting?”

  “Much of it. The core is still there. Wayne said he would drum when it fit into his work schedule, so short tours might be possible. We’ll lose our bass and keys though.”