Healing Tides

by Katie Winters

  The little winery was located about five hundred feet from the hotel and it burst out from the tree line and dipped across the beautiful sands. Carmella and Elsa walked slowly toward the furthest table from the inside; they didn’t have to discuss it — they just wanted to be as near to the waves as they could.

  Elsa hadn’t been on a “first date” with someone since she’d met Aiden a million years before. Somehow, though, her stomach jumped and shivered in a way that reminded her of first-date jitters. Funny, since she sat at a table now with her actual blood-related sister.

  “What kind of wine should we get? It’s on me,” Elsa said.

  They opted for a bottle of rose from Provence. When the waiter left, Elsa realized that she had absolutely no idea what to say to this beautiful woman. She folded and unfolded her hands on her lap. Again, she thought of their mother, Tina, and how Carmella was startlingly exactly like her during her last years.

  “Thank you again for everything. I don’t know how we would have gotten all that information without you.”

  Carmella nodded. She seemed at a loss for words, too. They’d had such a rush of emotion, of glory and now, they were again left with the strange, amorphous relationship between them. The waiter arrived shortly with their glasses of wine, and Elsa lifted hers to clink with Carmella’s.

  “I guess this cheers is to justice.”

  “To justice,” Carmella echoed. “They better not mess with the Remington girls again.”

  “No. They better not.” Elsa sipped her wine and then turned her eyes toward the water. In the distance, a bird landed on the glow of the somber sea, just as another wave rushed toward it. It fluttered away quickly, just in the nick of time.

  “Why did you decide to help me, Carmella?” Elsa’s question was a surprise even to herself.

  Carmella dropped her eyes toward her wine. She then sipped it — perhaps more than she meant to, then slid her hand over her lips. After a long pause, she said, “I’ve never seen anyone look as miserable as you have the last year. That is, anyone besides myself when I look in the mirror every morning. But I’m used to looking like that. I’m not used to my older, beautiful, confident sister looking like that and it killed me.”

  Elsa, who’d never imagined her sister had even regarded her with any emotion like that at all, was taken aback.

  Her voice cracked with her response.

  “I should have done something about us all these years, Carmella. I hate that I let things go on for so long like they have.”

  Again, Carmella couldn’t meet Elsa’s eye. She sipped her wine again. A few tables away, a young man babbled through what sounded like a first date. He literally couldn’t stop bragging about himself. Maybe, if Elsa had been at the wine bar with an actual friend rather than her sister, she might have joked about him. But here, her tongue felt so flat.

  “I just feel like Karen did way more damage than either of us realized,” Elsa continued.

  At this, Carmella’s eyes snapped up to Elsa’s. Resentment fell over her face.

  “I mean, come on, Carmella. Don’t you remember all the stuff she used to say to you about me? Not all of it was true.”

  Still, Carmella didn’t speak. Elsa felt anxious and she scrambled to say the right thing.

  “I mean, I know you like, loved her, or whatever, but listen, she tore our family apart,” she continued.

  Dark shadows formed beneath Carmella’s eyes.

  “And, did you ever even hear from her again after she left?” Elsa demanded. “I mean, she always said you two were best friends, but where was she when Dad kicked her out? Where was she when Dad’s money was no longer at play? Huh?”

  Carmella snapped her hand across the table so hard that the wine shook back and forth in their glasses. Her eyes were ominous.

  “Why the hell do you have to bring this up, huh? You really know how to kill the mood.”

  Elsa’s lips formed a thin line and her eyes grew large with shock.

  “I mean, why do you want to beat an old horse? Over and over again? Isn’t it enough that you and Nancy have your little club together? Now, I guess you have Janine, too. A new sister, one with no relation to Karen or to Colton or to Mom or to anything that hurts you from the past.”

  “Nobody said anything about Mom or Colton,” Elsa returned.

  “Yeah? Well. Here, I’m bringing them out for you. All our ghosts, Elsa. And in all of it, you never wanted me to be happy. You and Dad and Mom were always content for me to just live in the guilt of what I’d done. Now, I do one nice thing for you and you want to dance all over the Karen issue again. Whatever, you know? I don’t want to deal with it. I’m glad your precious family name is probably saved. But it’s clear to me, more than ever, that I was happy with the way things were between us.”

  Carmella leaped from her chair and stormed off across the beach. She disappeared between the shadows of the trees, enraged. Elsa rushed after her, but Carmella’s long legs had already snaked her all the way back to her car. In a flash, she was gone. Elsa remained in the darkness of the forest as the rush of the wind and the sound of the waves fell over her. Yet again, she staggered through another problem with her sister.

  It seemed increasingly clear that they would never be able to fix the trauma between them.

  They would never find common ground.

  Elsa returned to the table and watched the waves stir over the sand, shifting it, molding it in ways that would alter a million times over in the course of a month. She lifted her phone exactly once in an attempt to write something meaningful to Carmella.

  But there was nothing to say. She couldn’t change the past. It felt impossible.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  THE KATAMA LODGE AND Wellness Spa celebration was held on the first Saturday in August. The air simmered with excitement as the white tent ballooned up toward the glowing blue sky in preparation; the kitchen sizzled with new recipes, as the chef, Cynthia, hustled to keep up with everything and ordered the various new hires to “fry this” or “bake that.” The women who’d chosen to stay at the Lodge over these days came out of their suites and cabins in a kind of haze. After all, they’d spent their time meditating, getting massages, speaking to therapists, and getting acupuncture — their minds were in the midst of reformation. They were like caterpillars in their cocoons, preparing to become butterflies.

  Elsa hustled about the grounds, grateful to have something to do with her hands. She had a great deal to think about, and any time she spent at her desk meant rolling thoughts of panic and fear. Bruce was still in the midst of his investigation; the island still gossiped about Aiden and spread misinformation about his good name and Carmella still wouldn’t look her in the eye after their fight at the winery. It was as though everything had the possibility to be great, but Elsa just wasn’t sure how to make the greatness flourish.

  The party began at eight. Everyone on Martha’s Vineyard knew that Katama Lodge knew how to throw parties, and soon there was an influx of some of the greatest islanders — Jennifer Conrad, Olivia Hesson, a pregnant Amelia Taylor, Camilla Jenkins, Lola, Christine, and Susan Sheridan, and a number of other beautiful and prominent men and women who made the community such a marvelous one.

  Elsa snaked through the crowd and spotted Mallory off toward the trees, which lined the grounds. Mallory had decided on a light pink dress, one with a tender line of beautiful buttons that trailed from the neck toward her knees. Her hair shined beneath the sun, but her face lent a far different expression— one of anger and sorrow.

  Elsa followed her daughter’s line of sight to find none other than Lucas. He stood in a pair of slacks, a button-down shirt, and he held a bouquet of flowers outstretched in his arms. Mallory crossed her arms over her chest as Lucas spoke. Elsa burned with a desire to go over there and save her daughter from more heartache.

  But her daughter was twenty-four-years-old. She was a mother and she had to fight her own battles just as Elsa always had before her.

/>   Just then, there was a soft tap on Elsa’s shoulder. She stepped over and twisted her head, falling from her reverie.

  There, far above her, was a pair of soft green eyes.

  “Bruce.” She couldn’t help it as a smile stretched from ear to ear. “I had no idea you were coming tonight.”

  Bruce was dressed wonderfully. He wore a pair of dark jeans and a polo shirt, which highlighted his muscles. He had a beer in hand, and that same cologne came off him in a soft wave.

  Beyond anything, the look in his eyes made her feel something. Wanted, maybe. Adored.

  Not that either of them would ever do anything about it. They were both grieving.

  And in that way, both understood the other much more than ever needed to be said, maybe.

  “I couldn’t miss it,” Bruce said finally. “And my brother and sister told me you guys always have the best parties. I have to admit that this is one of the better views of the Bay. And the grounds are just gorgeous.”

  Elsa’s heart swelled with pride. “Not everyone is lucky enough to have a family business like this. I definitely count my blessings every day.”

  Bruce nodded and held her gaze. “Can I grab you a beer or something?” he finally asked.

  “Oh! Um, wine, please.” Elsa turned her eyes back toward Mallory, where she caught the first sign of an actual smile on her daughter’s face.

  Was it possible that Lucas would win her back?

  Even after everything that had happened?

  Oh, but wasn’t that a good thing? Shouldn’t Elsa want Zachery’s father in his life? She did, didn’t she?

  “That’s my daughter,” Elsa said suddenly, just before Bruce headed off to grab her wine. “And her ex-fiancé.”

  Bruce groaned. “Ex? That sounds like a mess.”

  “Yep. Sure is. Although... I don’t know. They seem happy? Dare I say it?”

  Bruce laughed good-naturedly. “They’re young. They’re good at making messes.”

  “I was so stable back then. I was twenty-four-years-old, with three babies and a husband and a career.”

  “I don’t think it’s healthy to compare,” Bruce said tentatively. “Everyone is on their own journey. Your daughter will find her way.”

  Elsa chuckled. “I don’t mean to say that she’s late to her journey or lagging. I’m just saying that I feel just about as lost as Mallory does now. No journey is linear.”

  “No journey is linear. Wiser words have never been spoken.”

  Elsa turned her eyes back toward his. They held one another’s gaze for a long, beautiful moment.

  “I want to go over there and tell him he’s not good enough for my daughter.”

  Bruce’s smile was crooked, endearing. “But you won’t?”

  Elsa shook her head. She then swallowed the lump in her throat and continued. “When I was younger, I tried as hard as I could to meddle in my little sister’s business. She resented me for it. There are, of course, so many other factors at play— decades and decades of hardships. But I’m not sure she’ll ever forgive me and that tears me up. I would hate for Mallory to feel that I had somehow messed up a good thing. All I can do is offer love and support. Especially now.”

  Bruce furrowed his brow. “When you and your sister were in my office, I couldn’t help but notice —”

  Elsa arched an eyebrow as silence filled the space after his words. “Notice what?”

  “Just how similar you two are. All your mannerisms and the way your eyebrows jump up when you find something funny. Even the way you laugh. It’s uncanny. I suppose it must have been the way your mother was. I hope it’s not too much for me to say that.”

  Tears sprung to Elsa’s eyes. All this time, she had regarded Carmella as the living portrait of their mother, Tina. She had never imagined that Tina lived on in her, too.

  “Anyway, I’ll grab you that wine,” Bruce said delicately as he spread his palm across the back of his neck.

  “Bruce.” Elsa drew her own hand over his wrist. It was such a tender motion, one that surprised even Elsa herself. “Thank you for saying that. And for helping us as much as you have. I don’t even have the right words to say. So, thank you.”

  When Bruce arrived back with her glass of wine, Elsa was in a bubbling conversation with Jennifer Conrad and her handsome developer boyfriend, Derek. Bruce and Derek struck up a lovely friendship, the kind that focused on fishing and sailing outings and how good they were at golf. Jennifer and Elsa rolled their eyes and shared playful smiles.

  Bruce and Elsa lost one another later on. Elsa tended to a few small disasters in the kitchen, chatted with Nancy for a while about the success of the party, and even danced on the dance floor with Janine and her friend, Henry, who seemed overly willing to place his hand on the small of her back and draw her close. Janine’s eyes were electric with the joy of it all. She looked like a giddy teenager.

  Mallory met her on the dance floor during a softer number. A local guitarist sat center-stage with his acoustic across his lap and strummed beautifully with long fingers.

  “I saw Lucas,” Elsa finally said.

  Mallory nodded as she leaned against the wall. “He wants to spend a bit of time as a family. Just the three of us. He said that he’s started going to therapy to address some of his problems.”

  “Wow.” Elsa certainly hadn’t expected Lucas to actually step up and handle his demons head-on.

  “I told him we have a really hard road ahead of us and that we have to have open and honest communication. That we need to do everything we can for Zachery even if that means separating for good.”

  “You sound wise beyond your years, honey. I’m really proud of you.”

  “I guess you have to be when you have a kid. But I guess you already know that.”

  “Just promise me, you’ll put yourself first before everything. You’re doing pretty darn okay without Lucas around.”

  “It’s remarkable to know that I can live without him. I think I was so eager, you know, to have babies and get married. I never fully considered what it might mean to be alone.”

  Elsa, who had spent the first year of her life alone the previous year, nodded knowingly. It was incredible in a sense, realizing that you could be alone. It wasn’t discussed; it had never been a part of many women’s narratives.

  As twilight flung flickering stars across the sky, Elsa ambled toward the edge of the party, where Bruce towered over many with one hand in his pocket, the other gripping a beer. He looked contemplative yet content. She was drawn to him like a moth to a flame.

  “Having fun?” she asked him.

  He jumped slightly at the sight of her. Elsa wondered if he’d been thinking about her. Was that too presumptuous?

  “It’s a great party,” he complimented. “I have to admit. I haven’t let myself let loose in a while.”

  “I get that. It’s difficult for me, too.”

  “We should try to push ourselves to be more open to that stuff,” Bruce said. “Make sure we’re still having fun despite everything else.”

  Elsa nodded. Again, a lump formed in her throat.

  “By the way, I wanted to tell you. I’ve been in conversation with a journalist in New York,” Bruce continued. His eyes shifted out toward the water. “What Carlson Montague has been doing is a huge scandal. And it seems like there might be a huge article coming out— one that will crack this thing wide open and definitely clear Aiden’s name.”

  “Bruce...” Elsa was overcome with emotion. She batted her eyes quickly, trying to keep her tears at bay. This was certainly not the time or place. “Bruce, that means the world to me.”

  Bruce nodded. He then turned his eyes toward the ground as he said, “Knowing you, the past few weeks have been remarkable. I feel awake in ways I never thought I would.”

  “I feel that, too.”

  “Then you probably also feel the other stuff,” Bruce said softly.

  “That it’s too soon?”

  “Yes,” Bruce said.


  Elsa nodded. Sorrow swirled with joy and crafted a tornado in her gut. How horrendously difficult all of life was! There was never a moment of rest.

  Bruce’s eyes twinkled as he added, “But that doesn’t mean I want to stop seeing you. Even after the case is closed.”

  “Me neither.” The thought of not seeing Bruce any longer actually filled her with dread. She suddenly felt like a temperamental teenager. She slid a strand of hair behind her ear and imagined them kissing, right then beneath the budding moonlight. “I really mean that,” she said, as though those words added anything at all.

  Bruce bid her goodnight after that. Elsa watched as his shadow flickered out along the line of trees until his form disappeared into the amorphous darkness. When she closed her eyes, however, her mind turned back to Aiden and her consciousness spoke to him. “If you can hear me if you can see me, know that I still love you with everything I am. But I’m still on this earth and I still have time to live. Maybe I’ll find a way to do that.”

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  THE PARTY GUESTS DEPARTED just after midnight. Elsa’s throat grew hoarse as she called out to so many, “Thank you for coming! The Lodge wouldn’t be the same without you.” As she stood with her hand raised mid-wave, an arm stretched over her shoulder and held her close. Nancy’s perfume and the slightest hint of wine-laced breath fell over her. Elsa turned her face to dot her nose against her stepmother’s.

  “What a party, huh?” Nancy said. Her words were passionate. She then kissed her step-daughter on the cheek and said, “I think it’s time for the four of us Lodge girls to have a little meeting.”

  Elsa arched an eyebrow. “We have a meeting next week. Tuesday afternoon, right?”

  “Not that kind of meeting,” Nancy corrected. “This is the kind of meeting that demands moonlight.”