by J. R. Grant
“About time you showed up,” Kade says with an attitude, as Devon pushes him toward my car.
“Sorry, I got caught up with the time and rushed right over here as fast as I could. You got everything?” I turn toward Devon and grab the few bags sitting beside his feet near the curb.
“Yup. He’s all set to go, Mrs. Foster.” Devon smiles. “Take care, Kade. I’ll see you in a couple of days.” Shutting the passenger door, Devon waves and walks back inside the rehab center, pushing the wheelchair in front of him.
Hopping in the front of my car, I adjust the air conditioner, making sure Kade’s cool enough in the heat before we take off. God, I hope he’s happy to finally be coming home. The kids are about to drive me crazy.
Reaching for his hand, I ask, “Are you excited to finally be free?” but he ignores me.
The car is silent when we pull off, and Kade stares out of the window. “Yeah….. Excited,” he grunts out of nowhere.
Okay…not what I was expecting. My word, he’s been gone forever, so you’d think he would be jumping up and down with joy.
“What crawled up your ass, Kade?”
“You really want to know? Because I don’t think you do, Lani,” he replies rudely.
Oh boy, here we go….
“Try me. I’m a whole lot stronger than you give me credit for.”
Shifting toward me in the front seat, he stares over my body, as if he’s trying to burn holes straight through me.
“I’ve waited ten months to come home, Lani. Ten. Fucking. Months,” he says, his tone becoming antagonistic. “I don’t know what the hell I’m supposed to do with myself now that my life’s been ripped away from me for one night of fucking fun- to be with my fucking brother on a night that was supposed to be a celebration. So no, you have no damn idea what the hell I’m going through. So spare me the sympathy and leave me the fuck alone.”
If that wasn’t a slap in the face, I don’t know what is. Kade’s going through a lot. I get it. But to be hateful toward me is no way to act. I’ve been here for him every day, through all of this. I’ve sat by his side, night after night, worried sick he wouldn’t pull through. So yes, I know what the hell he’s going through, because I’ve been going through it all, right along with him.
Deciding not to push any buttons, I grab a hold of his hand and rub my thumb around his fingers, and make the rest of the drive home in silence- hoping once Kade sees everyone at the house, he’ll be in a better mood.
By the time we pull into the driveway, Kade went from mad to worse. You could almost sense the tension in my car a mile away.
“This is the house you got? You’re kidding right?” His face is hard, his jaw ticks repeatedly.
“Yes, Kade, it’s the best I could do on my own seeing how I had no money left after paying the bills every month. Besides, where’d all your money go from the side jobs you did?”
“In the bank, where else?” He huffs staring straight ahead.
Shaking my head, I burst out laughing. “Well that’s funny, because Parker got into the accounts, since I’m apparently not on them, and you only had nine grand in each one. So, try again. Where’d it all go?”
“I’m not doing this shit with you right now. The money was never your concern, I’ve warned you many times before, Lani. Just let it be.”
The front door swings opens and Katherine, Zakrie, and Justin rush over to Kade’s side of the car and open up his door.
“Daddy,” Zakrie squeals, hugging his father.
“Hey buddy, you want to help your old man out?”
Grabbing a hold of his arm, Zakrie tries to pull Kade as hard as he can until he’s standing on his own two feet.
“Come here, boys.” Kade pulls Justin and Zakrie in for a hug. The smile on their faces is priceless.
This is exactly what family is all about. I’d never want to go through any of this ever again, but seeing my two favorite men, together with their father, smiling, is enough to brighten my day.
I just pray it stays this way from here on out.
Katherine and I grab the rest of Kade’s bags and follow the boys into the house. Once the door opens, Kade walks inside and everyone jumps out and hollers, “Surprise!”
Smiling big, Kade’s greeted by all of our family and friends.
“It’s good to have you home man. We missed your sorry ass,” Owen jokes, giving Kade a hug.
“Sorry ass, my ass. It’s good to be home, punk.”
The rest of the family moves in to welcome Kade as our friends stand in line with open arms.
“He looks miserable,” Ryder points out, nudging my shoulder from the kitchen.
“Yeah, I know. He’s really been something else lately. I just hope now that he’s home, he’ll lose the attitude, and I’ll have my husband back.”
<> * <>
Over the next year, Kade remained in therapy, three times a week, and was finally able to return to work part-time in October. Of course my husband wasn’t satisfied with only working a few hours each day. He missed being around all the guys and keeping busy. Kade always hated sitting still. He insisted he would progress in therapy and get back to his old self rather quickly. And he was right. Before we knew it, Kade was back working full-time and never home. The man loves his job and takes it very seriously. That’s one thing about Kade, he never messed around when it came to his line of work. He is creative in more ways than he gives himself credit for. Regardless of everything going on, I am proud of all of his accomplishments.
<> * <>
A year of Kade being home passed by, and we all fell back into our normal routine. The boys were happy once school finally started again, and I’d been happy for them. Summers can be a drag when you’re stuck inside a lot and not at the beach like they love to be. They missed their friends greatly spending all of their downtime in the hospital beside their father, and then with their grandparents while I had to work.
Kade had changed drastically over the last two years and our marriage, behind closed doors, was something I needed to deal with. I’d hid in my own shell, in fear, for far too long.
Chapter Sixteen
Lani
“Come on boys. We’re going to be late!” I yell down the hall for the tenth time. Waking up early in the morning isn’t something I’ve ever been good at. I’d be surprised if my boys and I aren’t late to our own funerals when we die. Yes, it’s that bad. The three of us always rush around like chickens with our heads cut off, no matter what the circumstance may be- school and work being the biggest ones of all.
When Kade was back in Baltimore at the Shock Trauma Center, our mornings were far worse, but yet, nothing beats today. And right now, I’m ready to pull my hair out.
Story of my life.
Putting the last bit of makeup on, I race toward my bed, throw my sweater over my shoulders, and head down the hall to gather the boys and get out the door.
“Momma, I can’t find my shoe,” Zakrie calls out to me in a panic.
That boy is forever losing something. Just last night it was his Game Boy, and now it’s his damn shoe. Ugh, go figure.
“Seriously, Zak. We’re gonna be late!” Rushing around the living room, I push the sofa back, and voila. There it is, right in front of my face.
“Thanks, Momma,” he says with a goofy grin. That boy is something else.
Locking up the door, Justin, Zakrie, and I jump in the car and pull out of the driveway, making it to their school parking lot in record time.
“Don’t forget Grandma’s picking you both up this afternoon. I have an appointment at three, but I should be home before it’s time for dinner.”
Leaning in the front seat, Justin kisses my cheek followed by Zakrie.
“Love you guys. Have a great day!”
“Love you too, Momma,” they both tell me as they exit the car.
<> * <>
The day started off by being rushed and now the time can’t move any slower. It doesn’t help the fact that I have a
lot on my mind either. Regardless, there’s nothing worse than when you’re watching the clock, waiting for the numbers to change, and they’re at a constant standstill.
Unreservedly frustrating.
The past two years have been a constant struggle- both physically and mentally- and I am drained. Between Kade getting discharged from the rehabilitation center and coming home to working full-time and tending to the boys, I’ve been going nonstop. My emotions have been all over the place. But more than anything, I’ve been so tired that on days like today it’s hard to function and hard to concentrate. And for the life of me, I can’t seem to get my act together, no matter how hard I try.
To top it all off, my marriage has been at a halt for quite a while now. With trying my best to push aside how things are at home, and the lies from Kade I’ve had to deal with, the reality of it all is finally starting to sink in. I can’t ignore it anymore. I’m at my wit’s end, I just don’t know how to approach the issue without causing a havoc.
Kade has been extremely angry, and with the way he’s been acting toward me, I’m afraid my husband is going to really hurt me if I’m within reaching distance to him.
I’ve never been one to pry my business or express my feelings to the world. Majority of the time, I always cast all my cares upon Parker and Ryder. But lately, it’s been so much more than that, and for my own insecurities, I don’t want to look like a fool in front of my friends. I don’t think they would judge me on the life I have been living, but that doesn’t take away my fears. I’m scared shitless what will happen.
Kade’s all I’ve ever known. He’s not just my husband, he’s been my best friend almost all of my life. Besides Parker, Kade, and I have history together, but I can’t keep living like this. No one in their right mind would blame me if I choose to leave. I know that. Little by little, my husband is destroying me, and if I don’t do something about it soon, I’m afraid to see what our future has in store.
Recently, our boys have started to pick up on their father’s behavior. Justin and Zakrie have been questioning me, wondering why their daddy’s calling me a “whore” or throwing his shoe at my face when he’s angry. They’ve both witnessed Kade pushing me up against the wall- yelling in my face while he’s choking me. But for whatever reason, I can’t seem to confront the issues head-on like I need to and get all of this resolved. Not that I think it would work. Talking to Kade Foster sometimes, is like talking to a brick wall. He can be extremely hardheaded. Everyone’s wrong, and Kade’s always right. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. He knows absolutely everything, and if I say any word anymore, I’m the “stupid whore,” and he punches me.
I just want out. I’m so tired of living like this, but every time I’m ready to take the final step, I back down out of fear. I don’t think Kade means to do what he’s doing, nonetheless, I’m done making excuses for him.
Inconveniently, Justin walked in the room last night when Kade had his hands around my throat. And for the first time in my life, I thought my husband was going to hurt his own son because he was pissed at me.
I had just put the boys to bed and listened to them say their prayers before heading down to the laundry room to start a new load of clothes. There is a really good movie coming on tonight at ten, and I’ve been wanting to watch it.
Since giving up a few necessities in our home, such as our DVR, we’ve not been able to record our shows, and this is one I didn’t want to miss.
Kade came into the laundry room pissed off about not being able to find a piece of paper. He swore he’d left it in his pants pocket.
“What the hell did you do with it, Nalani?” he yells upon entering the room.
You can always tell when Kade’s pissed at me, he calls me by my first name. Normally, he’d call me Lani, like everyone else, or pretty girl like when we were growing up. But not tonight. Tonight, I’m anything but…
“I told you, Kade. I haven’t touched it. When I picked the pants up out of the basket, I checked your pockets like I always do, and nothing was in there or any other pair in that pile.”
“Bullshit,” he screams, charging straight toward me. “I know it was fucking there. Don’t play dumb with me you stupid bitch.”
Choosing to ignore Kade is a lot better than confronting him, especially when he’s raging like this. The last thing I’d ever want to do is initiate his rancorous behavior.
Shutting the dryer, I’m coarsely jerked around by Kade pulling me hard by the arm.
“Look at me,” he demands in a hateful tone, squeezing my upper arm.
Lifting my chin, I hesitantly look at my husband, trying not to show any signs of fear. If I’ve learned anything this past year, it’s to never show Kade Foster I’m scared of him. Because if I do, for some reason, my husband thrives off of me being weak. It’s sickening.
“You. Got. Scared. It. Was. Another. Woman’s. Number. And. Threw. It. Away. Admit it, before I choke you, Bitch. Admit it!” he seethes in my face, his face is beat red.
Unwanted tears leak from my tired eyes and I can’t help but to cry, he’s hurting me.
“I promise Kade. I didn’t see anything or I’d tell you. I have absolutely nothing to hide. Let go of me,” I demand, trying to pull my arm out from his hold.
But he’s too strong.
Being only five-foot-three and one hundred and twenty pounds, my husband’s six-foot-three, two hundred and fifty pound body frame towers over me.
Laughing, he squeezes my arm harder before taking his left hand and bringing it up- wrapping his fingers tightly around my throat.
“You think you’re cute? Huh?”
Shaking my head, I close my eyes, praying to God he lets go. I can’t take any more of his shit tonight. He’s hurting me, and the pain is making it feel like my throat is closing.
“Answer me, damn it.”
“No, Kade. I’m not cute. Now please, let go of my throat. You’re hurting me.”
Kade places both of his feet on top of mine, grinding his heels on the tips of my toes, causing them to crack. And still, he refuses to let up on the hold he has around my throat.
“I should just kill you. You know that? No one would ever know you’re dead.” He chuckles, throwing his head back in laughter. “You mean nothing to me, Nalani. NOTHING-”
“Get off of her, Dad,” one of the boys demand, running over to my side.
It’s Justin.
“Let go of my mom. She’s not done anything to you.” His face is full of anger.
My children should not have to witness their father acting this way.
“Get out of here, boy. NOW!” Kade yells, not moving his eyes from shooting daggers through me.
“No,” Justin yells back at him. “Not until you let my mom go.”
Before I can catch my breath, Kade releases the hold on around my throat and viciously turns around, grabbing Justin by the front of his shirt, throwing him against the wall.
“Now you listen to me and you listen good, boy. Don’t you ever, and I mean, EVER, tell me what to do with my wife, you hear me? She’s my fucking wife, and if I want to choke the bitch, I’ll do what I please. Do you understand?”
Nodding his head repeatedly, I can see the fear clear across the room on my son’s face. Quickly, I try to regain my composure, making my way over to him.
“Get the hell off of him, Kade Foster,” I demand. “You can mess with me all you damn well please, but don’t you dare put our children in the middle of this shit. It’s not fair. They don’t deserve this type of behavior from you or anyone else.”
Pushing Justin back, Kade looks at me and rolls his eyes, mumbling something under his breath about me being a dumb whore and wishing I was dead, and forces his way out of the room.
Running directly into my arms, Justin cries, “I’m so sorry, Momma. I couldn’t let him hurt you. Please don’t be mad at me.”
“Ssshhhhh… It’s okay, love bug. It’s okay.” Holding my son in my arms, I rub his head, trying to calm h
im down. “Are you okay? Did he hurt you?” I ask, hoping my boy’s fine.
Resting his head on my chest, Justin squeezes his arms around my waist and continuously sobs. “I’m okay, Momma. I’m just glad Dad didn’t hurt you. For a second, I thought he was going to kill you. Your face was turning blue. It scared the shit out of me.”
“Justin William,” I yell, pushing his shoulders back so I can look him in the eyes. “Don’t you dare use that vulgar language. I know you’re upset, but that’s no way to talk. Do you understand me?”
“Yes, ma’am. I’m sorry. He just makes me so mad, Momma. Why does he keep hurting you like this? After all you’ve done for all of us? I don’t get it. You deserve to be happy like before. I hate seeing you so sad all the time.”
That’s exactly why something needs to give. For my son to have to worry that his dad’s going to kill me isn’t right. As his mother, I have to do the best I possibly can to hide the real reasons for my husband’s actions. Regardless, I don’t know how much more I can handle.
If anyone ever found out how Kade has been attacking me, even verbally, he’d have hell to pay. That’s a huge reason I don’t want anyone to know the depths of what’s been going on in our home.
Maybe I’ve been too hard on him since he’s been home recovering? Or maybe I’ve been stressing him out? Who knows?
All I can say is that I’m drained, and I need a break away from it all, because as of right now I’m thinking about me and my boys, leaving my husband out of the picture. I just don’t know where to start or what to do to get to the place I need to be. I’ve never been around this type of behavior, therefore I’m clueless on how to go about leaving the man I once thought loved me.
Chapter Seventeen
Parker
Work has been extremely busy lately, now that Lani is onboard. She has been helping out tremendously in every department, especially with advertisement. This year, Lani alone has brought in over a dozen and a half clients, packing our schedule just right through the course of the year.
