by J. R. Grant
“We got a problem, Kade, and I think you know what this is about.”
Pushing my gear back in reverse, I fly out of the parking spot without any warning and race toward the light. Erik, Kade’s father, owns Foster’s Construction, and his office sits on 70th Street, therefore it’s best if I take Kade away from his work where he can’t call his little buddies to come rescue his sorry ass. Not that I’m scared. In less than five minutes, I’m going to make this prick shit his pants.
“Where we going, Parker? I thought we were just hanging out front? I didn’t tell Doug or Michael I was leaving.”
Right…Michael…The same guy who kept you away from your wife and kids for four days, using women, drugs, and sex as your getaway.
“You’ve got bigger problems than Doug and Michael right now, Kade.” I reply, half tempted to elbow him right in his jaw.
Flying down Coastal Highway, I pull behind the movie theatre near the Gold Coast Mall. There is a strip of stores, the Comfort Inn, and Denny’s restaurant beside us. Behind the building, the bay is present and nothing else other than a couple of dumpsters. Right now, this is the perfect place, away from everyone, to handle this shit once and for all.
Jamming the gear back in park, I shift my body around and face the bastard who hurt my best friend. “I’m going to give you one fucking chance, Kade, to tell me the damn truth. One chance. If you even think about lying, I swear to God, I will pull your fat ass out of this car so fucking fast, you won’t see what’s coming next. Think I’m playing, you better guess again. Bet.”
Looking up at me in fear, Kade closes his eyes and shakes his head. “Lani,” he whispers in a crackly voice.
“Yes, Lani. Now why’d you choke her? What. The. Fuck. Would possess you to put your hands around your beautiful wife’s neck and leave blue finger bruises?” I’m pissed. Fucking irate. This bitch better start talking because I’m about two seconds away from whipping his fucking ass, leaving him floating in the damn bay to fend for himself.
“I…fuck, Parker, I snapped…I fucking snapped, man. I don’t know why. I lost a piece of paper. I swore the damn thing was in my pants pocket, and Lani probably thought it was another woman’s number or something and threw it away. In fact, I know that’s what happened, because she’s done it before. Then…then I asked her…and she freaked…she freaked out, started yelling and shit. I just lost it, man. I don’t know what the hell is wrong with me lately. I feel like I’m losing my damn mind some days, and most of the time, I don’t know whether I’m coming or going. Fuck…..I don’t know how to fix this shit, dude. I’m losing my family, I can feel it.”
Punching the steering wheel, Kade’s eyes go wide. “Are you fucking kidding me right now? You lost a damn piece of paper, Kade? A piece of fucking paper, so you choked your wife? The one who’s been by your side through all of your bullshit? The one who’s taken care of you and your kids while you were laid up in the fucking hospital in a coma? Then you wake up treating her like shit, hitting on another girl, and Lani has to walk in on that shit. Why?” I yell, my voice sounding fierce.
“What in the world would possess you to do this to her? She’s been worried sick over you, and this is how you repay the woman who gave you two kids that just so happen to worship the ground you walk on?”
Tears roll down Kade’s cheeks. Call me heartless, I don’t give a shit. The bitch deserves to cry. Hell, the fucking tears are probably fake at the rate he’s been going. You can’t believe anything with this guy. Unreal!
Kade used to be my best friend, my go-to guy. Now, I don’t even know him at all.
“They don’t…the boys don’t worship me now. Not…not after last night, man. I fucked up…I fucked up bad…”
“What else did you do, Kade?”
I wait a minute, but he doesn’t answer me. Instead, my bitch ass friend, who used to be my rock, is sitting in my car sobbing like a baby because he got caught red-handed.
Grabbing a hold of his neck from behind, I squeeze my fingers as tight as I possibly can, showing the asshole how it feels to be choked.
“What. Did. You. Do?” I seethe, inching in closer to the side of his face, my fingers still squeezing him hard... But he doesn’t answer me.
Kade tries jerking his body forward, which only made me able to get a better grip around his neck.
Pulling back, I sucker punch him in the face. “You want another one or are you going to tell me? Last chance, fucker. I’ve got nothing to lose. You of all people should know that by now.”
Starting my countdown, I lift my hand in midair, ready to swing when Kade brings his hands up and pulls his head back against the seat. “Fine,” he cries, looking at me through the corner of his eye.
“While I was choking her, Justin walked in and saw me. He…he got lippy, and I snapped again, I snapped and hurt him…”
Rage circulates through my body, I feel like I’m going to fucking explode. “What’d you do to your boy, Kade? You hurt him didn’t you? Did. You. Hurt. Justin?”
Nodding his head, this time I let go. Fuck holding back, fuck his feelings, and fuck anyone else’s for that matter. Kade Foster needs his ass handed to him, and I’m the lucky son of a bitch to do it.
“This is for Justin.” I punch him in the face.
“This is for Zak.” I hit him again.
“And this is for the most beautiful girl in the world who you’ve just about killed. For what? All for loving you, you stupid motherfucker-” With all I’ve got, I let my anger and frustration out on the bastard who deserves it the most.
Chapter Twenty
Lani
Grabbing my jacket and purse, I hide the envelope Kelly handed to me under my arm, so it doesn’t get wet from the rain, and rush to my car. My appointment is at three, and it’s two-thirty now. I’ll never make it in time to Salisbury in time. And right now, I don’t have it in me to go. Not after what happened this afternoon. Worrying about everyone and everything else these days has made me procrastinate on my own concerns, my own health. I guess it’s become an ugly habit.
I’d woken up with a headache about three weeks ago. Originally, I thought it was caused from too much stress. But as the days went on, it hasn’t fully gone away and I had been getting concerned. Parker is the only one I told, for the mere fact that I didn’t want nor did I need anyone worrying about me. At least I knew telling Parker, he’d keep me somewhat calm through my pain when it came on, and would help look out for me and the boys.
But right now, I need to go somewhere quiet, where nobody will find me, and open this envelope. What I’m about to read is all I’m concerned about. I’d planned on reading it with Parker beside me, but that didn’t work out apparently.
With shaky hands, I hop into my Audi and pull out of the parking lot. Turning my ringer on silent, I throw my phone back in my purse and sneak off to my hiding place. There’s only one person who knows where this place is, but after the stunt I’d just pulled, I know he’ll give me time before showing up, if he does at all. Parker knows my limits, and he knows when I don’t want to be bothered. Right now, this just so happens to be one of those times.
I pull into my reserved spot and grab my belongings. Leaning into the passenger’s side of the car, I grab my umbrella. I step outside, open the umbrella and try to keep the envelope tucked inside my coat as I make my way across the sand. Once I hit the spot where it’s peaceful and calming, I kick my heels off and take a seat, lifting my feet up on the bench in front of me. Taking a deep breath, I sit back and do my best to try and relax.
On rainy days like today, the covering here comes in handy even though I feel numb. The rain would probably feel good running across my bare skin.
Reaching on the bench next to me, I pull out the envelope and look at its label.
To: Lani Foster
Lord, whatever’s in here, I just ask that it doesn’t kill me. I’ve only got an ounce of hope left within my body. I don’t think I can handle much more.
Pulling the
first piece of paper out, I start reading as the tears begin to stream down my face.
Dear Lani,
First, I would like to apologize for not confronting you in person. As immature as this may sound, I would have rather you read this letter in your own privacy, rather than to face me. I know the day will come soon when we’ll see each other, however hopefully you’ll have dealt with things by then.
I’d like to start off with a sincere apology. What happened between Kade and I was clearly unplanned and unexpected. We were drunk at Macky’s the night Justin was born and one thing led to another. I never intentionally meant to destroy you or your family, and for that, I’m very sorry. I’ve had a couple of years to come to grips with everything, and I hope one day, you’ll be able to forgive me.
The day you delivered your son, I was at Macky’s as I stated, drinking with a couple of girlfriends for happy hour. Parker was at the hospital with you and your family.
Sometime around four, Kade showed up, and I invited him to sit with us at the bar. He’d been upset, his sadness was very apparent to myself and my friends. I didn’t know Kade very well, only when you two were with Parker and me those couple of times we’d gone out. Other than that, I only knew the two of you were married.
Anyway, sometime after the seven of us were drunk, my friends took off leaving Kade and I alone. Parker was nonstop blowing up my phone. He could get really antsy if I wasn’t home by a certain time, as if he didn’t trust me. That’s one thing that drove me nuts about the guy.
Kade and I were outside walking to the bus stop since we were too drunk to drive. After we got on the bus and headed north on Coastal Highway, the next thing I knew, I woke up at the Fenwick Inn, the following morning, with Kade naked beside me.
Six weeks later, I’d ended up pregnant and as you know, Lucas was born eight months, three weeks and four days after Justin. Parker and I hadn’t been intimate that one month. We had been arguing constantly, and he refused to sleep with me. I knew all along Kade was the father of Lucas but I didn’t want to say anything. So, I pinned the pregnancy on Parker until I could come up with a new plan.
I never expected Kade to help raise and support Lucas. Actually, he surprised me when he showed up at my door with bags full of gifts for our son. It touched me that he cared, but it killed me inside knowing what that all meant.
For the past eight years, other than when he was in a coma, Kade has been helping me raise our son. I know you’re probably in shock. I don’t blame you for your feelings one bit.
I’m sorry for hurting you and not being woman enough to tell you this in person. I’m sorry for destroying your family and taking away what should have been between you and your husband. But I didn’t ask for any of this. I never expected Kade to come around. Honestly, I was going to keep him off of the birth certificate and let the father’s name remain blank for the sake of my sanity along with yours. But when Kade said he would take me to court and take Lucas away from me, I had no other choice but to go ahead with the DNA test.
The reason for this letter is to let you know that your boys have a half-brother who would love to be a part of their lives. I’m sure you’re probably thinking hell no right about now, but please, I beg of you to give all of this information time to settle in before you deny a little boy his family.
I have attached a couple pictures of Lucas in case you’re interested in helping make his wish come true. Kade has already told Lucas about Justin and Zakrie, and they’ve met in passing at the beach, but they do not have a clue that Lucas is their brother.
Again, I’m sorry to break the news to you this way. I hope you can find it in your heart one day, to understand and forgive me. More importantly, I hope you don’t take your hurt and anger out on an innocent little boy.
Jules
Oh.My.God…
This isn’t happening. It can’t be.
What did I do to deserve all of this? Why did Kade marry me if he was going to turn around and hurt me this bad? We were young, I know, but it’s not like he didn’t understand right from wrong. He does, he did. Kade’s far from stupid.
Cheating is wrong. But creating another child… creating another life the day your son was born is a total devastation. How could I be so stupid?
How could Kade live with himself? How could that sick bastard sleep with me all those nights knowing he had a son out there? How could he smile at me, kiss me, make love to me and then turn around and be with her?
Oh God, I can’t breathe. I can’t. My chest feels tight. Please, help me. I can’t handle this pain. I’m not strong enough anymore. For years, he has sucked the life out of me, and I always pushed my feelings, my hurt, to the side, because I loved him. I thought he was going to change like he promised. I thought he loved me. Why did he do this?
Kade never loved me. He never cared for me. He couldn’t have. Our vows…those vows…they didn’t mean shit. If they did, my husband would have never betrayed me in such a way. He would have never thought about hurting me or abusing our love, destroying what he had, what we shared.
Wrapping my arms around my legs, I rock myself back and forth, pleading with my mind to calm down. My heart is racing, and I can’t stop shaking. I can’t take this pain anymore. If it weren’t for my boys, I would walk out into the cold water in front of me until I could no longer stand. I would allow the waves to suck me under and drain the little bit of life I have left out of me. I’m sure there’s not much there anymore, but still, anything would feel better than this. Anything. With shaky hands, I reach for my phone and call the one person I could never imagine my life without.
“Hawk…please…” I cry. “Please, I need you. Please…..save me from this pain…”
“Calm down…breathe, Princess. Try to relax…..just breathe. I’m coming. Tell me where you are, Lani, and I’ll be there.”
“I…I can’t…I can’t do this… I feel like I’m dying. Please…save me…”
“I’m coming, Lani. Just tell me where you are? I can’t help you if I can’t find you,” Parker yells through the phone. I can tell he’s frustrated with me, but right now, I don’t fucking care. I don’t care about anything.
“B…beach…” I muster out before dropping my cell phone in the sand.
Rolling my body over, I push myself up and stand on my feet. Moving one foot in front of the other, I begin walking toward my healing place, the place that takes all the pain away. It’s the only way for me to go. There’s nothing left here. As much as my heart cries no, I can’t raise two innocent little boys this way. They deserve so much more, so much better. Not someone who’s drowning in pain. Not someone who has no fight left within them. They deserve the world, and I can’t give that to them anymore. I can’t give them anything.
The water brushes across my feet, the icy temperature doesn’t begin to touch my numbness. But I don’t care, I keep walking. The waves hit and crash at my knees, soaking my dress. I still can’t feel a thing. As I make it out to my height on the ocean floor, water covers my chin. Inch by inch, I begin sinking further down until the final wave takes me completely under.
“I love you, boys. Please remember me,” I cry out to my children before taking my final breath.
“One more push, sweetie, you got this,” my mom whispers in my ear as she pushes my right leg up to my chest. Kade is standing beside me, holding my left leg in place. He looks a little freaked out. I can’t say that I blame him. Having a baby alone is worrisome, but at least he is as excited as I am. Had he not been, I wouldn’t know how to get through all of this.
“One more big push, Mrs. Foster, and you’ll meet your son,” Dr. Byrd reminds me.
“I can’t,” I cry. “It hurts. Please. Just get him out.”
This pain is so intense, I feel extreme pressure ripping me from down below. Gripping Kade’s hand, I try and pull him down to kiss both of our fears away, but he’s too strong. Instead, he lets go of my arm as I hold my breath and push down one more time. And right that very second
, our little boy enters the world.
Without having time to ask Kade what’s wrong, I hear, “Congratulations!” The nurse with short gray hair is exclaiming as she stands up and walks the baby over to the warmer, a sound of cries echoes throughout the room.
When she is done cleaning the baby off, the nurse wraps a blue blanket around our little man. Smiling, she tucks him in tight and walks back over toward me.
“He’s a big one; nine pounds, three ounces, and twenty-one and a half inches long. I think you have a little model on your hands,” she says happily.
Looking back and forth between my son and my husband, in shock, the tears begin to stream down my face. Our family. This is exactly what I’ve dreamed about my entire life and now they’re both standing here before me.
“Hi, love bug. I’m your mommy,” I say and kiss the side of his cheek. His lips are puckered, his skin feels perfect.
I didn’t have to take any drugs other than an epidural to deliver our baby boy. I certainly thought my delivery would’ve been a lot worse compared to what we’d watched on the DVD in the birthing class. I’m just afraid to see what’s going on down below as the doctor remains focused.
“Do you want to hold him, baby?” I ask my husband without taking my eyes off of our precious boy.
“I see him, pretty girl,” Kade replies, standing like a statue beside the bed, staring into his phone.
What is he doing on that stupid phone during our special moment? Is he serious right now?
“Who in are you texting, Kade? Your son was just born not even five minutes ago, and you can’t put that stupid phone down?” I bitch, not understanding as to why he can’t go five minutes without being on that dumb thing. Although it shouldn't phase me. He never puts his cell phone down anymore.
Leaning his head down, Kade kisses the baby on the top of his forehead and says, “I’ll be back in a little while. I have something I’ve got to take care of.” And he walks out of the door, leaving me laying here.
