Shattered Promises

by J. R. Grant

  If this is a dream, I don’t ever want to wake up.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Parker

  My plan to wait until Tuesday after court to share my feelings with Lani are shot. But when after her insecurities got the best of her, and with the feel of her skin on top of mine, I couldn’t hold back any longer. I had to be honest and share how I felt. If she still runs, I can no longer chase her. The ball is in her court now. Regardless, after the night we shared together, I don’t think she’s going anywhere. Not now and certainly not anytime soon.

  I’m more than certain everyone is just waiting for the day for me to come out and tell Lani how I’ve felt. Honestly, I’m glad it’s all behind us, and she knows now. More than anything, I’m glad she agreed to be mine. To me that’s what was most important.

  It’s been hard as shit the last decade pretending I didn’t feel anything. I almost felt stalkerish at times. Lani trusting and believing me now means the world to me. More than she’ll ever know.

  I have loved this girl my entire life. There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for her. I can only hope Kade and Jules stay out of the way. I understand all of Lani’s pain. To be with a man since you were twelve years old; give him two kids, sit by him through his accident, and get hit and called every name in the book when he’s pissed off, is more than enough to handle. Then just when you think okay, what’s next, you are hit with a dart that nearly kills you.

  I loved Jules and cared for her deeply, but my love for Jules and Lani’s love for Kade were totally different. Jules and I didn’t last but two years. We didn’t have a whole lot of history together. Lani and Kade have years upon years of memories with one another.

  <> * <>

  Tomorrow is the big day. I can only speak for myself when I say I can’t wait for this shit to be over. But for now, something needs to be said to the boys and Lani before we start this new chapter of our lives.

  “Hey guys, can y’all come in here for a minute? Your mom and I want to talk to the both of you,” I call out back to Justin and Zakrie.

  After an eventful night last night, I told Lani I wanted to sit both boys down and tell them everything. They have the right to know I’m in love with their mom. I don’t want to have to hide my feelings around them any longer.

  Lani’s standing in the kitchen preparing food for our friends and family to join us this evening for a cookout to celebrate Labor Day. I’m still a bit nervous as to what her parents are going to say about us being together, but I’ll deal with one person at a time. And right now, Justin and Zakrie are my top priority.

  The back door swings open and a sweaty Zakrie bursts through the door with Justin following behind him. “What’s up, Uncle Parker?”

  That’s the first thing that needs to stop. Calling me uncle while I’m sleeping with their mom just doesn’t sound good.

  “Have a seat,” I tell the both of them and pull two chairs out from the kitchen table.

  They take a seat and look up at their mom when she brings them a juice box. “Here, drink these down. You’re both so sweaty.”

  Chugging back their juice, I sit down at the head of the table and turn my attention on Lani. She’s leaning against the counter staring at me with a blank expression.

  I nod my head and smile, letting her know it’s going to be okay. One way or another, everything will work out. It has to.

  “I brought you guys inside to talk to you about a few things. Your mom is right there in case you need her,” I tell them and point in Lani’s direction. I don’t want them to think this is all me. I want to include Lani in on everything.

  “I don’t know how to say this…”

  Shit…this is hard. I thought just spitting it out would be easy but the scared look on their faces is making my skin cringe. Their father has done far more damage to their little minds than they let on to their mom. That’s another situation I’m going to have to fix here soon.

  “I don’t know how to say this, because I don’t want to confuse either one of you. But I’m just going to spit it out. If at any time you want me to stop, just tell me.”

  Taking a deep breath, I close my eyes before I continue. “For as long as I can remember, I have loved your mom. She’s been my best friend since before we could walk or even talk. We’ve spent day in and day out with each other. For a lot of reasons, I didn’t share my feelings with your mom. The main reason is because your dad beat me to it. When we were twelve, he asked your mom to be his girlfriend before I could, and well, the rest is history.” I say, trying to keep the conversation flowing.

  “Throughout the years, I never backed away from your mom one time. I have loved her just as much, if not more, than I do now. When your mom and dad split up, I gave myself a little time to get my feelings in check. I knew she had a hard time with the separation and everything that has gone on with your dad, and I didn’t want my feelings to get in the way.”

  I take a drink of my beer and look at the both of them. They are still staring at me, except this time, I don’t know how to read their expression. It’s not blank, not mad, but not happy.

  “When your mom started getting better, I decided I would wait until after the court hearing for her divorce and then I would tell her how much I loved her. I mean, she knows how much I love her, but this is a different kind of love. I am head over heels in love with your mom.”

  “What’s in love with my mom mean? As in you want to marry her? Call her your girlfriend?” Justin asks curiously.

  “Yes, all of the above, little man. I didn’t wait until the court hearing like I had planned. Your mom needed to know how I felt, so I told her how special she is to me and how special you both are.”

  The feel of a hand on my shoulder interrupts my thoughts. I turn my head around and Lani is standing beside me. Her parents are both leaning in the door, and they’re smiling.

  When did they get here?

  “And I love him too, boys. Parker and Mommy are a couple, we’re dating I guess you could call it? Parker is my boyfriend.”

  Wrapping my arms around Lani’s hips, I pull her down on to my lap and kiss her cheek. “Your mom has always been my dream, my forever, and if it’s okay with the both of you.” I look back and forth between the boys and then turn to Gloria and Derrick. “And of course, you two as well, I’d like your permission to make this official?”

  Zakrie jumps out of his chair and runs over into my arms and hugs me. “Does this mean you’re going to be my dad? I’ve always wanted you as my dad. You’re a lot nicer, and you pay attention to us and come see us. Dad doesn’t come around anymore, and I don’t want him to. When he hurt Momma, I didn’t like it.”

  A loud gasp echoes throughout the kitchen. I look down at Lani and her hand is covered over her mouth and tears are streaming down her cheeks. She gets up off of my lap and walks over in front of Zakrie and pulls him beside Justin.

  “Your father will always be Kade. Now I know you both are hurt, and I know you’re angry, but you never ever have to worry about being loved. Parker has always been here, and he will always be here whether your daddy comes around or not. Either way you look at it, you have a lot of special people who love and care about the both of you.”

  Justin and Zakrie get excited and hug their mom. Maybe I should have waited?

  I don’t like keeping secrets from either of them. They’ve been through too much since Kade left to live with more unnecessary shit being thrown their way. That is not something I’m willing to do.

  The three of them continue talking, and I decide to give them their space. I stand up from my chair and stretch.

  “It’s about time, son,” Derrick says and slaps me the shoulder. “It took you long enough. As long as you treat my girl right, I’ll always be on your side.”

  Reaching out, Derrick hugs me, and I couldn’t feel more proud. This is a dream come true. Before my mom passed away, she always told me how much Lani and I were meant to be together. She said the two of us were destined to be m
arried, and we shouldn’t waste any more time playing around. The woman knew my heart too well.

  “Oh, sweetheart.” Gloria hugs me. “I knew it. I said it all along. Your momma was a wise woman, you know. She wanted you and Lani together before she passed. That was one thing she always kept tabs on, but y’all were still so young. I bet she’s in Heaven smiling down right about now. You just made our day!”

  “Thanks, Gloria,” I reply and give her a hug. “I have loved your daughter since we were little. I wish it hadn’t taken this long but it did. And now that we’re all together, I’m not letting her or the boys go. Ever. I made that mistake before, I’m not doing it again.”

  Lani and the boys turn to face me and the three of them have the most loveable, happiest smiles in the world. My girl, I love them all. I don’t care if I sound like a little bitch. The three of them mean the absolute world to me.

  <> * <>

  Cruz and Lauren come over later in the day, and Ryder swung by when she got off of work. Apparently, she got called in earlier because two high school kids called out from being hung-over. I can only imagine what she said to those poor kids over the phone. I wouldn’t want that girl as my boss. She’s a feisty little thing.

  Lani and I cooked burgers and hot dogs on the grill with our family and friends. We played corn hole, a couple rounds of basketball, and even used the volleyball net one more time before having to take it down until next year.

  For the first time in years, Labor Day weekend was a success. No arguments, no drama, and from here on out, it’ll stay that way.

  <> * <>

  “Since tomorrow’s your first day back at school, I wanted to set goals with the both of you kind of like we did last year, except this time I want to make it bigger and better. If you do everything you’re told and you reach your goals, you’ll win. But you have to do everything that’s said tonight, no questions asked. Got it?”

  Justin and Zakrie sit on their bed excited. I wanted to do something special for them this school year. A little something from me, not Lani. We did this the last three years, but this time, I want to go all out. Lani’s always doing things for them, and I’m afraid they’re both going to start expecting them with Kade being out of the picture. I’ve thought about it for a month now, and I’ve come up with a plan. And now that Lani and I are together, it makes everything so much easier to watch their progress from here on out.

  “What is it?” Justin asks. “I’m not cleaning the toilets. Last time I tried to clean the old bathroom like you said, I got poop on my hands, and it made me throw up.”

  A fit of laughter erupts in the room. Typical Justin. He’ll play in the mud and get dirty any time of the day but won’t clean a toilet. I can’t say that I blame him. Bathrooms are not my cup of tea either.

  “No, you don’t have to clean the toilets this time, but you do have to clean. I’m going to help your Mom set up a chart and every week you’ll have a list of things that need to be done around the house. By Saturday morning, all your chores have to be done in order to get the star next to your name.”

  “Does it include our homework too?” Zakrie asks. I know last year he tried so hard with his grades. Hopefully this year, he’ll do just as well. Justin, on the other hand, had an extremely hard time focusing on his tests when all of the trouble started at home, causing him to fail quite a bit. From here on out, with Kade out of the picture, I can help Lani get him back on track. The kid is too smart to fail any class or test.

  “Yes, your homework is included. You have to do that every day. When you come home, you need to get a snack and get right on it. If you don’t have any homework for that day, you have to do your chores before playing outside. By Saturday, your chores have to be done along with your homework for the week, and you’ll get a star, just like last time.”

  I look over at Lani, and she’s smiling. I know she’s been stressing a lot, especially about court tomorrow. I want to try and help take something’s off of her plate.

  “If your mom needs help, you have to help her. No giving her any trouble. If you do everything you’re told, every month I’ll take you to a place of your choice; laser tag, golfing, go karts. Anywhere, you name it.”

  “What about our report cards? If we get good report cards, are we going to get stuff like we did last year Mom?” Zak asks Lani.

  “Of course you are, love bug. I will always reward you for your grades. But this right here is Parker’s doing. He wanted to help you both out seeing how much progress you made at Grandma and Grandpa’s last year. So, you never know what he’s got up his sleeve for you both.”

  Justin jumps up and wraps his arms around my neck. “Thank you, Uncle Parker. Thanks for making Mom smile again. She’s beautiful when she smiles.”

  I close my eyes and hold him in my arms. These kids do not deserve the shit they’ve been given by Kade. I don’t know how the man sleeps at night knowing he left the three of them this way. But thankfully, they trust me enough to let me in. They know I would never hurt any of them. I’d rather die before that ever happened.

  “Alright you two, it’s time to sleep. Give me a kiss and say your prayers.”

  “Good night, Momma.” Zak crawls onto Lani’s lap and hugs her.

  “Good night, love bug. I love you times infinity.”

  “Love you too, Momma.”

  Standing up, Lani tucks Zak in before turning around and walking over to Justin’s bed.

  “Goodnight, baby. I love you times infinity. I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Justin looks at me and smiles before hugging his mom. “Love you too, Mom, times infinity.”

  “Night boys. I’ll see y’all tomorrow after school.”

  “You’re not staying here? I thought you were living with us now?” Zakrie asks with a confused look on his face.

  “No, buddy. I’ve got my own house. But maybe one day soon, okay? In the meantime, I’m right down the street, and I’ll be over here a lot more now.” I smile just thinking about the day I’ll be able to wrap Lani in my arms every night.

  Turning off the light switch, Lani and I make our way into her bedroom, and she shuts the door. “Today was interesting to say the least.” She smiles as she starts to take off her shirt.

  Damn, I can get used to this. Lani naked and underneath of me every night? Hell yeah.

  Pulling her arm, I bring her over to me and place my hands on both sides of her cheeks.

  “Are you happy, Princess? Is this what you really want?” I know I keep asking her. I guess I just need reassurance for myself. This is a dream come true for me.

  “Of course you’re what I want, Hawk. Why do you keep asking me that? Are you having second thoughts?”

  Is she serious?

  “Hell no. Never. You’re it for me, you know that. I just want to make sure you’re not regretting any of this.” I smile. “I guess we’re both kind of scared.”

  “I guess so.” She leans in and kisses my lips. Wrapping her arms around my neck, she says, “Zakrie’s right. I think our house would be better if you lived here. I mean, you’re going to be here all of the time anyway. At least you’ve always been before.”

  She pulls back and gives me a scared look. “I’m rushing things aren’t I? I don’t want to rush you into anything. I just want you here. Now that we have each other, I want you all of the time. I’m sorry if I’m sounding like a leech, but I feel like we’ve already wasted so much time as it is.”

  “Shhhh…” I kiss her again. “I want to be here, I just think we should let the boys adjust to the idea of us being together first. Plus we need to see how court works out tomorrow. Then we’ll decide on where we’ll move or who will move in with whom. I own a house, remember, so it’ll take time to sell. Either way, we have a lot to do before we can officially ‘move in together’. Nevertheless, I’ll stay with you anytime you want. Just tell me when and I’ll have my bags packed.”

  “Hmmm…” Reaching for the buttons on my shirt, she opens the first two
closest to the top and says, “How about tonight? Are you going in to the office early?”

  If this is the way she’s going to play every night when I say I’m leaving then I might as well just stay. I’m never going to be able to resist her touch.

  “I’m going wherever you are. Wherever you need me, I’ll be here.”

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Lani

  One thousand, four hundred, and sixty days I have suffered with pain, depression, fear, and anxiety. I’ve been happy, I’ve been sad, and through it all, I have had to learn how to live all over again starting from the beginning.

  Today, I face the reality of my divorce being final and say goodbye to the man I once thought I would grow old with. Had Parker not had such a huge impact on my life with me and the boys, I don’t think I would be ready to put this day behind me. But I am and I’m happier than I have ever expected.

  Last night after Parker fell asleep holding me, I tried my best to calm down and get some rest, but the anxiety of going to court this morning hit me pretty hard. For the first time in my life, I’m not scared of saying goodbye to Kade or what we once shared. I won’t be upset seeing Jules or their son standing by his side. None of that bothers me anymore. I am extremely happy and content where I am in my own personal life, therefore Kade going his own way makes everything all a whole lot easier.

  What hurts the most is knowing I shared years with a man and our two children, and in the end, he just wrote off our boys as if they were nothing. That hurts. In fact, it kills me to even think of the pain our children have felt these past twelve months.

  Justin and Zakrie are the most wonderful, loving, caring little boys in this world. They loved their father more than anything. So, for Kade to act as though they don’t exist hurts my heart. Our children didn’t ask for their father to cheat on me or to walk away from them. Hell, they thought the world of the man.

  Maybe I should have reached out and talked to Kade? Maybe I should have encouraged his relationship with our boys? I don’t think it would have mattered if I pushed the issue or not. Regardless, you can’t make someone love you; child or spouse, no matter what you do or how hard you try to push them. That has been a hard lesson that Justin, Zakrie, and I have had to learn. The four of us had always been a close-knit family, or so I thought, but the pain the boys and I have experienced will never be forgotten.