FOREVER MINE

by Michelle Lee

  She stands and presses her hips into me. I place my hands on the small of her back and slowly slide them to the top of her ass cheeks to hold her in place while I press myself into her, letting her feel what she does to me.

  Her hands are flat against my chest she leans in running the tip of her nose down my jaw. She whispers against that spot where my neck and ear meet. I think she says I smell good. She smells like vanilla and strawberries. She puts her head on my shoulder and I feel the nervous tension radiate off her. I won’t let her second guess herself or have any regrets, so I hold her and rub her back. “It’s ok, I’m here.”

  I feel her relax and decide now is a good time to break the spell she has cast on me. “I can feel your gun.” I whisper into her hair not fully trusting my voice. “I’m glad you’re being careful.” I was worried she didn’t think this is as serious I think it is. I twirl one of her beautiful curls, making a spiral when it’s released, and flick her nose.

  Laughing, “So what did you bring home to eat?”

  “Mexican.”

  “Well, what are we standing around for? I’m starved. Let’s eat.”

  “I am enjoying standing around.” I wink, lightening the mood, “Alright, let’s eat.”

  After dinner I told Charlie I had some work to do in my office, but as I sit here I can’t seem to get anything done. I keep thinking about what is going on with us. That was the first time Charlie has ever acted that way towards me. It wasn’t like she was taking her clothes off but usually she’s so casual with me. I have seen her in her underwear and there has never been that kind of heaviness in the air. Everything usually turns into a joke. I’m not laughing this time.

  Turning back to his computer, Brody starts to type. He stops, opens a new tab, and searches for rapes in the last three years. He gets way too much useless information. Thinking on how to narrow his search, the door bell rings.

  He jumps out of his chair and hurries down the hall to the top of the stairs, Charlie already has the door open. At least she has her gun out. Foolish girl. “Who’s there?” I can’t believe she opened the door. I don’t know why, but I’m fuming.

  “No one is here.” She turns toward me, confusion blooming in her features. “What?”

  “Shut the door and lock it. I’m going to go look around.” I walk outside and listen for the locks. Then I start to slowly walk around the house. Everything looks fine. Maybe kids in the neighborhood were playing ding, dong, ditch. As a kid that game is awesome. As a grown up, not so much. As a grown up trying to stay off a psycho killer’s radar, it sucks, bad.

  Just as I’m getting ready to head inside, I decide to widen my search. I walk down the side walk careful to notice anything that looks off. At the next block I take a right, this street leads to an alley behind the houses on my street. No one uses the alley so I almost forget it exists.

  In the alley, a little more than halfway down, I notice what looks like black paper all over the narrow road. I walk over and pick up a piece of paper to find it isn’t paper at all. Someone has thrown black rose petals all over the ground. There must be two dozen worth. They are everywhere. I realize where, in the alley, I am and my blood runs cold.

  I look up and I am looking at the back of my house. Charlie is standing in the kitchen chewing her middle finger nail. I can see her clearly through the windows. She walks over to the back door and comes out to the deck.

  “Well, what is it?” Her voice sounds strong, steady.

  I walk over to the gate of the surrounding black wrought iron fence. As I walk to the deck Charlie is standing on, I tell her, “It is at least two dozen black rose petals.” No sense in keeping it from her. “I couldn’t find anyone though.”

  “Fuck”

  “Come on let’s go inside.” I take her hand and lead her to the house, stopping on the deck. “Wait one second.”

  “Are we going to call the police?” She asks. Her voice is starting to rise.

  “Yes. First I want to do something on our own.” I walk in and take a notebook out of the drawer in the kitchen, and go back outside where she’s waiting and I write today’s date, June 24, at 8:39 pm, door bell rings; no one’s there. Black rose petals in alley behind house. “I want us to start keeping track of the weird shit that is going on and probably will continue until Michael is caught.”

  “Ok, but do you really think it will matter? Isn’t that what filing a police report is for?”

  “Yes I think it will matter. I think if we keep track we might be able to see a pattern or at least maybe learn his mode of operation. It gives us specifics to look at also. I tried to look up anything on rape and just got the home page for the justice department. It’s really hard to find correlating cases. It isn’t like we have access to police records.”

  “Ok I think that is a good idea. I also think he gave us our first clue, Fred. How many florists in the area sell black roses? It has got to be pretty rare. I think if we find the florist we might be closer to finding Michael.”

  “I think your right. Who’s Fred?”

  “From Scooby. You know, you’re Fred and I’m Daphne. We are solving a mystery.”

  “Oh, yeah. I think I want to be Shaggy. He was cooler. You should definitely be Scooby. He eats a lot, like you.” Laughing I poke her in the belly button.

  Laughing back, she says “You’re just jealous that a skinny twerp like me can out eat you, and not have to worry about her girlish figure.”

  “You’re right about that.” Speaking with a lisp and adding an overly feminine octave to my voice, I say, “Everything goes straight to my ass.”

  “Alright enough, we have to call the police, and file a report. I really don’t feel as afraid as I should. Does that make me as crazy as he is?”

  “No. I think you are just past the fear stage. You have lived there for so long you are ready to deal with what causes it. I think you should have caution and be careful, as I’ve said before, but I think not being as scared as you were before is a good thing. You won’t panic if you are put in a position where you need to act. You are a strong woman and I think you can take whatever mind games Michael is playing with you and come out of it the winner.”

  She reaches out to me with her hand, and pulls me into her when I take it. Hugging me tight she lifts her head and looking me in the eye she says, “Your faith in me is overwhelming, it staggers me. I believe it when you say I’m strong. I believe I can be finished with all the pain he has caused me. I want to heal. I want more, now. I want what I was told I didn’t deserve to have. I want it all. You help me believe in me. Thank you.” Then, standing on the deck with the setting rays of the sun over the horizon, Charlie slowly inches towards me pressing her lips to mine.

  I pull her in closer to me and probe her lips with my tongue begging for a way in. She grants it, parting her lips taking as much as I am giving. She moans and I tangle my hands in her hair at the nape of her neck holding her to me. Our tongues dance and our hands roam. When we pull apart we are breathless. I gently kiss her nose. Her cheek. Both eye lids. We stand there for a minute catching our breath.

  I look at her and see the tears standing in her astonishing eyes. “Please don’t apologize. It will kill me.” I close my eyes waiting for what she’ll say.

  “I’m not sorry. I’m happy.” She sighs and snuggles into me closer. “Brody, we just had our first kiss.” She giggles a little.

  “Yes we did.” I rub my cheek against the top of her head. “Come on. We’ve got work to do.”

  “Ha Ha, that’s in the theme song!” She jokes as we walk back in the house.

  CHAPTER 24

  Once inside we call the police. They are sending someone out to get our statements. I grab Brody’s digital camera and go back outside to shoot some picture of the rose petals on the ground. It’s dark now, so it’s a little harder to see what is in the photos but it is not impossible.

  Heading back toward the house I can’t help but remember what it felt like to finally kiss Brody. I
have wanted to do that for so long now. I had to know if he’d stop me or apologize. I have always been worried that if we took it to that place and it went bad we couldn’t be friends. I am still a little worried.

  I stand looking at the place where held each other while the sun set and had our very first kiss. I know fear. We have been bed fellows for a long time now. I sleep with the lights on more often than not. I carry a gun. I take self defense classes, not to better myself, but because I’m afraid. I live in an apartment alone. I don’t take risks with my heart anymore. I was so wrong before, with Michael, I never felt love like I thought I had with him. It was fast and furious; passion and eventually pain. I thought if you love with your whole self the other person will love you just as much. I was so very wrong.

  I know insecurity. I know what it feels like to have absolute faith in someone. And have that blind faith slap you in the face and make you feel dirty. It makes you lose what little faith you had in yourself. You feel like a fool. You feel raw. It becomes part of you. Something you wear on the outside; like a second skin. Everytime someone touches you, the sensation never penetrates the invisible shield that has hardened to protect you. Everything you do, every choice you make is questioned by the little voice in your head.

  What I don’t know, is this feeling I am experiencing with Brody. It feels familiar. I think if I scrutinize it too much I will destroy it. I can’t have faith in myself; I haven’t learned how to do that. Yet. I know I’m ready to move past this. I do trust Brody. It’s not blind faith or blind trust. He has earned it. Over and over he has been there. No questions. He has also come to me. He trusted my fucked up opinion and listened to whatever I had to say. I trust him to know what we do now. I sure as hell don’t know.

  Sighing I walk into the kitchen. My little mental tirade leaves me feeling a little exposed. I rub my hands up and down my arms trying to get rid of the feelings I’m wearing as an insecurity/fear shirt. As if he can read my mind Brody hands me a cup of chamomile tea.

  “I saw you having a talk with yourself and thought you may need to relax when, and if, you ever came back inside.”

  The tears fall from my eyes before I can stop them. This is why I trust Brody. He doesn’t even know what he has just done for me. He knows I need something and does his best for it to be the right thing. “Thank you.” I wipe my face angrily as I cry again. I take a deep breath and fix the facade I have to hide behind.

  I let him hold me for a minute. I don’t trust myself to show him beneath my mask right now. The police are coming. If I lose my control now I may not get it back, but I promise myself I will show him. Soon. I pull out of his arms gently, and sip my tea. He isn’t finished talking yet so I wait.

  “You don’t have to worry about what happened before.” He says as he sits at the kitchen table. He scrubs his face with his hands. “I don’t want you to think I’m going to change on you because we kissed. It was amazing, and I am having trouble thinking of anything besides kissing you again; and soon, but I will not move beyond a kiss until I feel you’re safe; physically and mentally. I am still your best friend.” He smiles a bit devilishly at me.

  I put my tea on the counter by the sink and walk over to where he is sitting. I squeeze in between him and the table, straddling his lap, and brush his lips with mine, never breaking eye contact, just the slightest touch. His hands rub up my thighs and over my hips to rest high on my ribs; his thumbs just below the curve of my breast. Slowly, I lick his bottom lip; just trace it with the tip of my tongue. He moans and tries to capture my tongue. I pull back a little and shake my head telling him no, and go back to learning the contours of his mouth. When I can’t take it anymore, I hold his face in my hands and pour everything untainted into him. It’s passionate and carnal. I open my mouth to his kiss; I open my soul to him.

  CHAPTER 25

  Michael waits in the car until Brody is in the house. He watches as he climbs the stairs to the porch, unlocks the door, and shuts out the outside world. It drives him crazy that he doesn’t know what is going on.

  He starts the car in drives around the block to the alley. He parks the car so the driver side of the car is on the side of the yard. He is parked under a tree so the shade is providing enough shade not to draw attention. He is still taking a chance being so close.

  Michael puts the binoculars to his eyes and sees Charlie taking bags out of Brody’s hands, grinding herself obscenely against him. She rubs her face against him like a cat in heat, and whispers something in his ear.

  It’s madness he feels, as he watches that whore throw herself at someone like Brody. It is all consuming. He feels it in his head. His brain is pulsating, his ears ringing, eyes watering, his mouth goes dry. Why does she offer herself to everyone, except him?

  He punches the dashboard so hard it cracks. He opens up the glove box, taking out a 3 inch pocket knife and opening it, he begins to stab the seat next to him. The sweat pouring from every pore, his breathing is heavy; his arms ache from the torrent of blows delivered to the passenger seat.

  As he calms, the plan takes center stage in his brain. He has to stick to the plan. To deviate would be disastrous. He takes a few cleansing breaths, clears his mind. Control. He has to stay in control. He stretches his arms above his head, rolls his shoulders, and cracks his neck. Ready.

  Quietly, he opens the car door. Walking to the back of the car he takes out a big Ziploc bag. Inside the bag he has 3 dozen black rose petals. Torn from roses he grows himself, in a greenhouse in his building. He set up lighting and irrigation so the flowers grow to be perfect specimens.

  Opening the bag he throws the rose petals on the ground, walks over to the gate, and urinates on the bottom of the fence. He marks his territory like an animal. Then, he gets in the car takes one more look in the window, and sees they have moved to the other rooms in the house. He drives to the front rings the door bell, gets in his car, and drives farther into the neighborhood like he belongs. No hurry, no fear of getting caught, just leisurely driving.

  He stops the car at a McDonalds back in the city, 20 minutes away. While he eats he thinks about the roses he started growing just for Charlie. It stirs memories of another time he gave a rose to Charlie.

  **********

  It is 2000; senior prom night is just beginning. The Limo is idling while we take pictures. Our group of misfits consists of Charlie and me, Samantha and Will (my friend from football), Brody and Rachel (a girl who graduated 2 years ago. I honestly don’t know what girls see in him. He is disgusting.), and Melissa and Paul. I think Melissa is somehow related to Charlie, but I never cared enough to ask how.

  Charlie looks beautiful tonight. She is wearing a long sliver satin dress. The sleeveless dress covers her from throat to foot. The rhinestone choker attached to the dress at her throat twinkles in the light. There is a slight opening in the dress between her perfect breasts, showing the tiniest bit of cleavage. The two slits on either side of the skirt go almost to her hip, and are visible only when she is walking. Her back is completely bare; only a sparkle at her neck, and a shimmer of fabric draped low on her hip caressing her fabulous backside.

  The black tux I’m wearing has a matching sliver bow tie and vest. I brought her one long stemmed white rose. It represents purity. I have a matching rose pinned to my lapel. We look stunning together. It is this moment that I decide that we will be married. After college and our careers take off. We have to follow the correct path.

  Once we are in the limo, the girls are still taking picture, and the guys are trying to look like they’re not having fun. I notice Brody and Charlie are giggling. He has whispered in her ear and she is nodding her head. She reaches over and takes his hand kisses his cheek. I pull her away from him and sit her firmly next to me.

  Pretending not to be mad, I put my arm around her, kiss her cheek and I whisper in her ear. “I can’t wait till later. You look beautiful tonight.”