Blush

by Anne Mercier

  “All in,“ Ben mutters and everyone, including Janalee and Misty head over. Xander comes back and sits in the chair across from mine. He reaches for her other hand and I just watch him. He watches back.

  “I don't want to know but I gotta,“ I tell him.

  He nods.

  “Are you in love with her?“

  “No, but I could be. Fuck it up and I'll step up.“

  I nod. “You won't get the chance. She's my forever.“

  He nods back. “I know, man, and so does she. She's my best friend, though, dude. That's not going to change. We cool?“

  “Yeah, we're cool.“ I can't fault the guy. Lucy's one hell of a woman and right this second her eyelids are fluttering. Maybe, just maybe she'll wake up. I fucking hope so. I'm lost without her.

  “Something unpleasant is coming when men are anxious to tell the truth.“

  —BENJAMIN DISRAELI

  I WAKE SLOWLY, listening to the voices mumble about babies—triplets!

  “Aunt Lily! You didn't tell me it was triplets!“

  I swear I hear her laugh.

  I'd flip her off but she'd find a way to tell my mama.

  “Well, babies, it's a good thing we've got as many people around as we do to help out because I have a feeling you three are going to give me and your daddy a run for our money,“ I murmur aloud, patting my tummy. Oh boy. Jesse as a daddy. I'm going to be a mother. Whoa.

  I sit up, feeling much better. I'm not one hundred percent but I think I'm ready to get back to the land of the living. It's gloomy in here. There should be sunshine and flowers. Tulips and daffodils, daisies. Green grass and birds singing. I snort to myself. It's not a Disney movie, but there could at least be some brightness in here. Then again, if it was that inviting, likely, people wouldn't want to leave.

  I start walking toward the red glow in the sky and the voices start getting louder.

  “Grandpa Giovanni?“ Oh boy. That can't be good.

  “I don't want to know but I gotta,“ I hear Jesse ask. It's always bad when a conversation starts like that.

  “Are you in love with her?“ Jesse asks someone. Oh no. No, no, no.

  “No, but I could be. Fuck it up and I'll step up,“ Xander responds.

  Unh.

  “You won't get the chance. She's my forever.“ Jesse.

  “I know, man, and so does she. She's my best friend, though, dude. That's not changing. We cool?“ Xander.

  “Yeah, we're cool.“ Jesse. Well at least he doesn't sound pissed off at Xander. I certainly hope things don't get awkward. I'd hate that. What I'd hate more is that I'd be the cause.

  I'm almost there and I feel like I'm connecting with my body, getting stronger.

  “Come on, Lucy. Shake your ass and get back here.“

  “Somehow I don't think shaking my ass will get me back there, Jace,“ I murmur aloud. Great. Now I'm talking to myself. I'm not liking the red of this glow. It's eerie and creepy, almost like it's pulsing or something. But I keep going until I'm standing directly underneath it.

  I look up and it's a heart. No, not the gross-looking kind from inside our bodies but one like you'd draw on your notebook in high school—like I drew on my notebook in high school with Jesse's name inside.

  “Luce my goose, step into the light,“ I hear Xander say and I sigh.

  I feel a pull and I close my eyes. I see myself in a hospital bed, the room full of… everyone. I try to open my eyes and holy shit that hurts!

  I moan and move my fingers when I feel both Jesse and Xander squeeze my hands.

  “There you go, Cupcake. Let me see those gorgeous brown eyes.“

  “Jesse,“ I whisper. Oh man, it hurts to talk. My throat feels like I swallowed a bucket of sawdust and my head feels as if those weird Riverdance people with their flailing legs are practicing on my brain.

  I squint one eye open and there's my husband.

  “Hey, baby,“ he murmurs softly and I groan. I hurt. I hurt badly.

  “H—“ I try to talk but my throat is way too dry.

  “Here,“ Xander says and I crack the other eye open. He's holding up a cup with a straw. He fits it to my lips and I take a sip. Oh, heaven. I take another sip. Then another.

  “Mmm,“ I moan out my pleasure.

  “How're you feeling, babe?“ Jesse asks.

  “I've been better. Hurts. It hurts so bad.“

  “I think you're due for more medicine soon,“ Sera says and I cringe.

  “Soft, please. My head.“

  “Sorry,“ she whispers.

  “Lights. Too bright.“

  “Is there a fucking dimmer in here?“ I hear Kennedy whisper-curse and I snort.

  “And she's back,“ Xander announces.

  “You know, Xan my man,“ I begin, “I tried going toward the light but I was told it was the wrong way. Apparently going toward the light equates to death or Heaven or the afterlife or whatever comes next.“

  “Fuck. Don't go to the light. Ever,“ Xander tells me, pushing the straw back into my mouth when I lick my lips.

  “What happened?“ I ask, looking at Jesse.

  He sits on the bed next to me and tenderly brushes my hair off my forehead. I try not to wince but fail.

  “Sorry, baby.“

  “S'okay.“ I'm about to ask again what happened when a doctor enters the room. He looks commanding and authoritative and really intimidating. Grandpa must have hired him.

  “Mrs. Kingston. It's nice to finally meet you,“ he tells me, shining a light in my eyes. I wince and moan.

  “Sorry, I know you're sensitive right now and that's the worst of it, I promise,“ he tells me.

  “A little warning next time, huh, doc?“ I whisper.

  “Follow my finger, please,“ he tells me but doesn't respond to my request. Dick. I follow his finger but shit, that hurts.

  “Is it normal that even moving my eyes hurts?“

  “In your case? Yes. You've had quite a bit of trauma to that magnificent brain of yours so any exertion at all is going to be painful. I'm sorry about that. We'll give you some more pain medication after my exam, but we're restricted on that as well,“ he mentions, looking at me.

  I nod. “Triplets.“ I look at Jesse. “Holy shit, Jesse.“

  He laughs.

  “So, they told you already?“ the doctor asks.

  “No. I heard you all talking sometimes.“

  The doctor nods. “That's good. It means you weren't in a deep coma. We've been concerned as you've had three seizures since you were brought in.“

  “Oh boy. Did I pee myself?“ I ask.

  Xander busts out laughing and I wince. “I'm sorry, Luce, but,“ he shakes his head, “that's what you're worried about?“

  “Well, that's humiliating. Just ask Jace,“ I murmur and his gaze meets mine.

  “What'd I ever do to you, Lucy? Huh?“ Jace asks.

  “Now you've got to tell us,“ Xander prods as the doctor keeps moving along with the exam. Lifting my leg. Making me wiggle my toes.

  “Jace peed the bed until the third grade,“ Sera blurts out.

  I laugh and groan. “Fuck, fuck, fuck.“ Nausea rolls through me. “I'm going to throw up,“ I announce and Jesse puts the basin under my mouth just in time to catch what little I've got in my stomach. Then I dry heave and, oh my God, my head. It hurts so bad I start crying.

  “God damn it, doc,“ Jesse bellows. “Give her something for the pain.“

  “Mr. Kingston—“

  “Now, Dr. Felton,“ my grandpa commands from the doorway and the good doctor shuts the fuck up.

  “Right away. I'll be right back.“

  “Gampy,“ I sniffle.

  “Ah, mia bambina.“ He leans in and holds me loosely then kisses my forehead.

  “Luciana, you didn't pee yourself,“ mama begins as she squeezes my leg. “You have a catheter in.“

  I look at her in horror. “Gah.“

  “Better than peeing yourself, no?“ Grandpa asks.

&nb
sp; I look at Jace who flips me off.

  “I didn't tell,“ I respond to the gesture.

  “She wouldn't have if you hadn't brought it up.“

  “Maybe. And yes, Gampy, it's better than peeing myself.“

  Xander snickers and Jace tells him to fuck off.

  “Your pain medication has arrived,“ a nurse in Hello Kitty scrubs announces as she injects something into my IV. “We're going to play it safe and keep you off oral medications until your tummy's a little more stable.“

  “Good plan,“ I tell her, lifting Jesse's hand to my lips for a kiss, gazing into his chocolate orbs. I pull our joined hands to my chest.

  “Baby,“ he whispers, his voice breaking, as he leans forward and presses a soft, lingering kiss to my lips. He runs his nose along my cheek over to my ear where he whispers, “I love you so much. I won't survive without you.“

  His cheek rests lightly against mine.

  “You won't have to,“ I whisper back. “I'll be okay.“

  He nods and I feel him take a shuddering breath. He squeezes our joined hands lightly.

  “This won't happen again,“ Grandpa says.

  “What even happened?“ I ask again.

  “You don't remember?“ Jesse asks.

  “No. Nothing.“

  His brow furrows.

  “You had gone back to the bus to shower after the concert,“ Grandpa begins. “You were with Mike. He and Gio were outside waiting for you. Misty was inside and said you were sick, so she helped you with the shower and clothing.“

  I look to Misty who nods.

  “Thank you,“ I whisper.

  She nods and smiles a small smile.

  “She gave you some ginger ale in a glass, trying to disguise it as alcohol so no one would know you were pregnant. When you and Mike made your way across the parking lot to the doors, someone shouted something from behind the barricades and you stopped to look back. Someone threw something at you and hit your head. You collapsed and lost consciousness,“ Grandpa finishes. I can tell he's holding back anger as well as information.

  I shake my head slightly. “I don't remember. I mean, I remember the shower and vomiting. I remember stepping out and greeting Gio and Mike walking with me…“ I trail off, a memory nagging at the back of my mind but I can't quite grasp it. Somehow I know it's important. I just know.

  I wince and close my eyes.

  “Don't push, Lucy,“ Jesse tells me.

  I sigh. “I need to remember. It's important.“

  “Why?“ he asks.

  “I'm pretty sure I saw something, I just can't quite grasp the image.“

  Grandpa looks at me. “You just rest. We're taking care of things. Plans are in motion.“

  “You know who it was,“ I say to him.

  “We do,“ he answers, his expression grim and severely pissed off.

  “Who?“ I ask and notice Cage and Damian coming into the room.

  “Well, lookie who's awake,“ Damian teases. “Baby doll we've been worried about you.“

  “I'll be alright.“

  “You and the triplets,“ he says with a grin.

  “Ha, isn't that crazy?“ I ask no one in particular.

  “Want to know what's crazy?“ Xander asks.

  “Yeah, I do.“

  “Damian is a Russo enforcer dude.“

  “Shut the front door!“ I exclaim. The pain medicine must be working because it doesn't hurt as badly.

  I look to Damian who gives me one short nod.

  “Grandpa?“ I ask.

  My gampy winks. “He's your protector. Yours and Serafina's. As is Cage.“

  “Wait a minute.“ An uneasy thought comes through. What if we've only gotten these video shoots and this tour and recording contract because of my grandpa?

  “Back up the fucking truck,“ I murmur.

  “What's wrong?“ Jesse asks when he notes my frown.

  I look to Sera who can't meet my gaze. “You knew,“ I accuse.

  She looks to me now and nods. “There were threats against the family, specifically me.“

  “How long?“ I ask.

  No one answers.

  “For how long!“ I shout, then wince and fight against the waves of nausea.

  “Calm down, baby,“ Jesse whispers.

  “You don't understand, Jesse.“

  “What don't I understand?“

  I look to Cage who's watching me with that deadpan expression that I never could read. “Did you hire us because we were good or did you hire us because you're my grandpa's second in command?“ I bite out.

  “How'd you know I was second in command?“ Cage asks.

  I roll my eyes. “I grew up in this Famiglia. I know the only one allowed to call the boss by his rightful name is his right-hand man.“

  Cage nods.

  I take a breath. “How much is real and how much is fake?“

  “Lucy—“ Grandpa begins.

  “Don't you 'Lucy' me,“ I yell at my grandpa, not caring about disrespecting him. He disrespected me by doing all this behind my back.

  “How much!“ I yell at Cage.

  “It was all real, Lucy. Above it all I'm a businessman. Do you think I'd hire you if I didn't believe in your talent?“ he asks, still masking his expression.

  “You know, I have no fucking clue.“

  “Language, Luciana,“ mama scolds.

  “To hell with the language,“ I snarl. Shit. Is that Jesse's sister? I smile and I'm sure I look like a deformed clown. “Janalee?“ I ask by way of greeting.

  She nods. “Nice to meet you.“

  I let out a laugh. “Likewise. Would have been better under less insane circumstances.“

  Janalee snorts. “Wait until you meet my family.“ Ben scoffs and Jesse nods.

  I look to my grandpa. “Did you set up everything in my career, Grandpa?“

  He just looks at me. “You think I would do that to you?“

  “I don't know. I don't know anything anymore. You hid this from me. You all did,“ I say, looking at my parents who both look guilty as hell. “Why didn't you just tell me?“

  “You didn't need to know,“ Damian replies.

  “Who the fuck are you to tell me what I need and don't need to know about my god damn life!“

  “Baby, please, calm down,“ Jesse asks. “Your blood pressure is spiking and you don't need to have another seizure. Please. I just got you back.“

  I take a deep calming breath, closing my eyes. Breathe in, breathe out. I open my eyes and meet Jesse's gaze. “I'm sorry, love. I am. I'm so angry right now. So confused and frustrated.“

  He nods and kisses me softly, resting his cheek against mine again.

  “Make them leave,“ I whisper.

  “Everyone?“ he asks.

  “No, just them.“ He knows who I mean. I look straight at his chest when he sits upright, not meeting anyone else's gaze as I hear them shuffle out of the room. I look up for a second and meet Sera's gaze. “You too.“

  Hurt crosses her features. Well, welcome to the club, sister.

  “Lucy—“

  “Don't. Just go,“ I tell her, looking back to Jesse as tears slip from my eyes. Betrayal, hard and sharp, fills me and a sob bursts forth.

  “Shhh,“ Jesse whispers, sliding up next to me and pulling me into his side. Xander rubs the fingers of my casted hand, well, not the broken two, but the rest.

  “I just don't understand why it was a secret. And now how can I trust that everything I've accomplished as an actress and with Blush is even real and hasn't been staged? Would we have gotten this contract if it wasn't Cage?“ I glance at Meggie.

  “We're fucking awesome. Cage or no Cage, we'd be right here helping Falling Down sell out shows,“ she says with conviction.

  Trace steps forward and rests a hand on my foot. “Your talent is unquestionable. Don't doubt yourself. Don't start doubting Blush either.“

  “I'm not doubting any of that. I know we're fucking awesome. I'm doubting them and wo
ndering what else they lied about and manipulated in my life,“ I sigh.

  “Does it matter?“ Trace asks. “In the end, does it matter? You're here and you'd be here with or without them.“

  I tilt my head. “I guess.“

  “Screw them,“ Kennedy steps up. “You are a fantastic actress. We watched you as you went from commercials to sitcoms to movies—“

  I cut him off as I look to Jesse. “You watched me?“

  One side of his mouth kicks up in that grin that turns me into a puddle of goo. “Of course I watched you. Did you think you could make that kind of impression on me and I wouldn't keep tabs on you?“

  “But I didn't tell you my last name.“

  He shakes his head and shrugs a shoulder. “I saw you on that one show, the family one?“

  I nod.

  “After that, he was sunk,“ Ben teases. “We watched every single show. He found everything you'd ever done and we watched that too. I especially enjoyed that commercial for lip balm.“

  “Whatever. I was sixteen,“ I grin and Xander manipulates the fingers of my casted hand and flips Ben off. “Thank you, Xander.“

  “You're most welcome. And I've got to say, I enjoyed the sunscreen commercial. You had that tiny bikini—“

  “Dude,“ Jesse scowls.

  Xander laughs. “Every single time.“

  “What?“

  “Every time that commercial came on, I'd talk about your ass or the bikini and he had that same reaction. Every single time.“

  I meet Jesse's gaze and he looks slightly embarrassed. “So you watched me as much as I watched you?“

  He nods. “After we met, yeah. And, baby, do not doubt your talent. With each role, you proved yourself. Your award is a justified win.“

  I sniffle and Xander wipes my face with a tissue. I'd wipe it myself but both men are holding my hands.

  “I'm tired,“ I whisper to them. “There's just been so much. I can only imagine the media.“

  “Who cares, really?“ Ethan asks. “Who gives a fuck what they say or what they're gossiping about now? Let them speculate.“

  “They'll find out enough shit when you get sprung from this joint,“ Jesse adds.