Tales of the Marvellous and News of the Strange (Hardcover Classics)

by Malcolm C (Tr Lyons

  ‘Usfur went into his house and gave his wife the gold he had received as well as the robe of honour and told her what had happened. ‘Didn’t I tell you to go and trust in God?’ she said. ‘You ten thousand times harlot,’ he exclaimed, ‘you’re always saying: “Go and trust in God,” until a time comes when I go like a bird into a trap from which there is no escape. Get up and let’s go to another town, for we have so much gold that if we ground it up and ate it we’d not reach the end of it.’ ‘By God, I shall never leave here except to go to my grave,’ she said. ‘Amen!’ he exclaimed, ‘and may God not bring you back from the dead but crush you.’ He then sat back, praying to God for help.

  For a time he enjoyed the pleasantest of lives, and the astrologers, filled with envy as they were, could find no way to harm him until one day they went to the king and said: ‘Your Majesty, how is it that you have promoted over us a donkey who understands nothing but who beats us? This is unendurable, so either kill us all or let us have justice from him.’ The king pointed out that ‘Usfur had never failed to find what he was looking for, and they agreed but said that this was thanks to pure coincidence rather than knowledge. ‘Fetch him to us,’ they said, ‘so that truth may be distinguished from falsehood.’ ‘I’ll umpire this fairly,’ the king told them, ‘and so I’ll hide something in the orchard. If you find it, I’ll set you over him, but if he gets the better of you, don’t try to hurt him again.’

  When they had agreed to this, the king went to the orchard, where a bird was pursuing a locust. It swooped down, but the locust succeeded in getting beneath the skirt of the king’s robe, pursued by the bird. The king took hold of them both, exclaiming on this remarkable coincidence, and keeping them hidden in his hand. He said that whoever could guess what he was holding would be set over his opponent and he told the astrologers to fetch ‘Usfur, their enemy. When they called out to him he said: ‘Well and good!’ They told him that he was wanted by the king, and he told himself that this must be the decider. He got up and said goodbye to his children and his wife, to whom he said: ‘You can be happy, you bitch. I shall be hanged, and they’ll take the gold away from you.’ ‘Go off and rely on God,’ she told him.

  He went out to those who were waiting for him and then on to the king, greeting him as he entered and then taking his seat, looking at all the assembled astrologers. The king said: ‘Sage, all these men have come here to say that you know nothing. I have argued with them about you and I’m going to decide between you. I have something in my hand, and whoever can guess what it is will be the winner.’ One of the astrologers suggested that it was a gillyflower, another green leaves, another a water lily, yet another a narcissus, another a violet and another a lemon. Every one of them produced a guess, and every time the king said ‘no’. At last only ‘Usfur was left, and he was thinking about what had happened to him thanks to his wife, who had made him take up this art. The others said: ‘Sage, why don’t you speak? It’s your turn.’ ‘Usfur said: ‘Your Majesty, what can I say?’ ‘Go on,’ the king told him, and he said: ‘If it hadn’t been for Jarad [‘locust’] the bird [‘Usfur] would not have fallen into the king’s hand.’ ‘Very good, by God, very good!’ the king exclaimed, and he took the locust and the bird from his hand. Everyone looked with astonishment at ‘Usfur and exclaimed that there had never been anyone like him in the world. Jarada was the name of ‘Usfur’s wife, and what he had meant was that, but for her, he would not have fallen into that mess.

  The king presented him with a robe of honour and, after giving him a hundred dinars, he asked him what he wanted. He said that he wanted the astrologers to be slapped as usual so that they wouldn’t try anything against him again. The king gave the order and they left, while ‘Usfur himself went back home and sat enjoying the pleasantest of lives. Word spread that this king had an astrologer who could find what was hidden, restore what had been stolen, and to whom every branch of knowledge was open.

  The emperor of Rum had a learned astrologer unmatched in his age, and ‘Usfur’s reputation roused his envy. He told the emperor that he proposed to go off to hold a debate with him, saying that: ‘If I win, we shall have got the better of the Muslims.’ The emperor told him to get ready, and he took his servants, saddled up and set off, moving from stage to stage by night and day until he reached the king’s city. He stayed outside it for three days, before his messenger asked permission to enter the king’s presence.

  When this was granted, the messenger entered and after presenting his services he said: ‘Your August Majesty, the Emperor, Lord of ‘Ammuriya, has a wise astrologer, the most learned of all those in Rum. It has come to his notice that you have a sage who has defeated all the men of excellence and learning and the astrologers. He has sent his own astrologer to you so that these two may hold a dispute in front of you, and whichever wins will be in the right.’ The king sent a summons to ‘Usfur that he should come and debate with the Rumi. When the servants reached his door and knocked on it, his wife said: ‘Who is it?’ They said: ‘The king wants ‘Usfur, as a Rumi sage has come from the emperor to debate with him, so that people can see which of them is the more learned. The winner will get robes of honour and gold, as well as being recognized as the wisest man of his age.’

  ‘Usfur’s wife went back to her husband and told him what the servants had said to her. He turned pale, and his appearance changed. ‘Damn you, you bringer of “blessings”,’ he said, ‘what am I going to do now? It only remains for this foreign astrologer to ask me something that I don’t know in our dispute, and how am I going to answer?’ ‘Man, go off and put your trust in God,’ she told him, ‘for nothing but good will come of it.’ He said: ‘Every time you throw me on my head, and this time I’m going to be hanged. But, by God, I’m not going to let you get off with it when I’m gone. I’m going to say: “Master, it was she who got me to make fools of you by telling me to become an astrologer and laugh at people, though all I am is a weaver.” ’

  He dressed and went out and, after reaching the palace and asking permission to enter, he went in, greeted the king and took his seat. The Rumi messenger was disturbed by the sight of his long beard and his wide eyes, but then the astrologer said: ‘Your Majesty, I shall ask him three questions, and if he answers them he will have beaten me, and there will be no need for me to debate with him.’ ‘Are you happy with this?’ the king asked ‘Usfur, who said: ‘Yes, and collect the people for me, so that they can act as witnesses.’

  At that, the qadi, the ‘udul, the emirs and the leading citizens were brought in and told of the contest. When they had taken their seats, the Rumi astrologer pointed at ‘Usfur, moved his hands gently and put them on the ground. At that, ‘Usfur moved both his hands before lifting them up. ‘Good, by God! Well done!’ said the Rumi, adding: ‘He has answered this question but there are two left, and if he gets them right he will have beaten me.’ He then used his index finger to point at ‘Usfur, who, widening his eyes, pointed at him with two fingers. ‘By God and the truth of my religion,’ exclaimed the Rumi, ‘this is a learned man! He has got the better of me in two questions, but there is one left.’ He then took out an egg from his pocket and pointed it at ‘Usfur, who took a cheese from his own pocket and used this to point at the Rumi. On seeing this the Rumi exclaimed: ‘By the truth of my religion, I used to think that I was the most learned of men and that I was in the right, but I have never seen anyone like this astrologer. Stretch out your hand, for I bear witness that there is no god but God and that Muhammad is the Apostle of God, may God bless him and give him peace.’

  The king said: ‘I didn’t understand what the questions were or how they were put. Show me how he defeated you and what it was that you asked him first.’ The Rumi said: ‘I first asked him who it was who stretched out the earth and his answer was: “He Who raised up the heavens.” Then I used my finger to ask if God had created Adam, and he used two fingers to say that He had created Eve as well. I brought out an egg and said that God created it between excreme
nt and blood, and he produced a cheese to say that the same was true of it. In your presence, Your Majesty, I admit that he has defeated me and in front of you I accept conversion to Islam.’

  The king now presented the Rumi with a robe of honour and a gift of five hundred dinars, and he gave the same to ‘Usfur. ‘Usfur asked him why he had given this to the Rumi when he had lost. ‘Because he became a Muslim,’ replied the king, at which ‘Usfur said: ‘I’ll become a Muslim too, or a Christian, if you want.’ The king and everyone there burst into laughter.

  As the king was often told that ‘Usfur was incomprehensible, he asked him: ‘What did you say to him and what did he say to you?’ ‘When he moved both hands he meant that he was going to bury me, and I told him that I would lift him high up before dashing him to the ground and smashing his guts. He then told me: “You fool, I’m going to pluck out one of your eyes,” and I said that I would take both of his. When he produced the egg he meant: “I’m going to eat this,” and I said the same thing about my cheese.’ The king [text ‘vizier’] laughed and said: ‘When God grants good fortune to one of his servants, He makes all things serve him, and when fortune comes it acts as teacher to a man.’

  ‘Usfur’s wife was in the habit of going and staying with the princess, who would give her robes of honour and money. ‘Usfur approached her and said: ‘You have sworn to me that you will never leave this city. Come on now. Tell the next lot who come for me that I died three days ago. That will be best, and for God’s sake do what I ask so that we can get over this headache. If you don’t, by God I’ll kill myself.’ ‘I’ll do it,’ she told him.

  For three days ‘Usfur kept away from the king. The princess told servants to go to his wife, and when they did ‘Usfur said that she had died. The princess was filled with grief and asked what had been wrong with her, saying: ‘She was here the day before yesterday.’ For his part the king asked about ‘Usfur and was told that he had not been seen for three days. He sent off servants, who shouted for him, and when his wife asked who was there, they said: ‘The king is asking for the sage.’ His wife told them: ‘He is dead.’ They told the king, who asked when he had died. ‘Two days ago, his wife said,’ they told him, and he was very sorrowful and distressed. He went to his daughter to console her on the loss of her sage and found that she too was sad. She said: ‘May God prolong your life in exchange for the astronomer’s wife, a good woman who used to visit me.’ He told her: ‘I sent just now to ask for him, and his wife said that he was dead.’ ‘And I sent to ask for her just now, and he said that she was dead,’ she replied.

  The king kept saying: ‘The astrologer is dead,’ and his daughter kept saying: ‘His wife is dead.’ ‘This must be one and the same affair,’ the king decided. ‘When night falls you and I will go with two eunuchs to find out who is really dead.’ The princess agreed, and that night she, the king and two eunuchs went to ‘Usfur’s house and knocked on the door. No one answered, and they went on knocking until, as still there was no answer, they got impatient, and the king ordered the door to be broken down. This was done, and when they went up they found both ‘Usfur and his wife dead. ‘By God, the two of them are dead!’ exclaimed the king. ‘His wife must have died first,’ his daughter said, which led the king to say: ‘I’d give a thousand dinars to anyone who could tell me which it really was who died first.’ At that ‘Usfur gave a cry and sat up like a jinni, saying: ‘I died first.’ The king burst out laughing and said: ‘Why did you do this?’ ‘Usfur told him: ‘By God, your servant is no astrologer. It was my wife who made me do this.’ The king laughed again and presented him with a robe of honour and the gift of a thousand dinars, taking him as one of his companions.

  ‘Usfur stayed with the king, leading the most pleasant, enjoyable and trouble-free life until Death parted them. This is the whole story, and God knows better.

  Tale Ten

  The Story of Sul and Shumul with

  Reports and Poetry, and

  How Shumul Was Abducted,

  As Well As What Ordeals

  Her Cousin Sul Faced and How the

  Two Were Reunited. It Is a

  Marvellous Tale.

  In the Name of God, the Compassionate, the Merciful

  They say – and God knows better and is Greater and more Glorious – that amongst the stories of past peoples is one of two brothers of the Banu Sa‘d known for their generosity, hospitality to guests and swordsmanship. One was called al-Khattaf, and the second al-Muhadhdhab.

  The Banu Sa‘d had made al-Khattaf their emir, entrusting their affairs to him. He had a handsome son who surpassed all the other young men in beauty, culture and understanding, who never hesitated to answer questions and who stayed close to his father. His father named him Sul. For his part al-Muhadhdhab had a daughter called Shumul, and both children were of the same age. Shumul was the most beautiful and graceful girl of her time, surpassing the others in the splendour of her loveliness, the shapeliness of her figure and her quick understanding.

  Sul and Shumul were friends, and Shumul would join Sul to talk and recite poetry, and they would then part with no suspicion of indecency attaching to them. Day by day their love for each other increased.

  One day they met as usual and, after talking for a long time and complaining of their love, Shumul asked Sul to recite some of the poetry he had written about her. He produced these lines:

  I swear by my parents there is an Arab girl

  Who is without an equal in this world.

  She is a full moon. My heart sickens with her love.

  A slender virgin, dawn is on her brow,

  Unchanging, she enslaves men with her loveliness,

  And her face blunts and turns their glances back again.

  She has dark eyes, the magic of whose lids

  Comes from the languorous glances that they cast.

  My longing for her will last all my life,

  And I am bound in fetters of her love.

  Shumul, you are my joy and the goal of my hope.

  None other shall distract me till I die.

  I swear this by the truth of the Almighty God,

  To Whom we call, and to His Messenger,

  Light of the Hashimis, who brought us the Qur’an.

  This love of mine for you shall never fade

  Until the pain of longing brings me death,

  And my last journey takes me to my grave.

  From there your love will raise me up to God.

  If I am asked, then I shall say to Him:

  ‘For Sul the fires of love are a just punishment,

  And all mankind falls to Shumul’s assault.’

  ‘Well done, cousin!’ exclaimed Shumul. ‘Now give us more.’ At that Sul recited:

  My heart is struck by love for a young girl,

  A wild calf wearing anklets, love for whom

  Has worn away my body. In her hand

  Approval is a sword, and any man

  Whom she took as a mate would scatter all his foes.

  I shall meet death if I conceal her love,

  But if I speak it, I cannot find words.

  ‘Well done, cousin!’ repeated Shumul, and again she called for more. At that Sul recited:

  Love for a girl has struck my heart,

  Who charms her lovers with a smile,

  A young wild calf who, when she bends,

  Is like a branch kept fresh by rain,

  Nineteen years old, a full moon in the night.

  She has my heart’s blood and my heart itself,

  Thanks to the arrows that her eyes have shot.

  These strike the lovers’ hearts at which she aims.

  When I ask her for union I am shown

  The gross enormity of what I want.

  How can I forget one who captured me

  With a figure for which there is no like?

  ‘Well done, cousin!’ repeated Shumul, and she again called for more. At that Sul recited:

  How am I to forget what fate has brou
ght?

  This is the only harvest for my eyes.

  She dulls my senses when she turns to me.

  I see how small she is, yet she is like a moon;

  Her eyes are white and black; what would I give for them!

  Her radiant beauty gives the moon its light.

  I swear by God that she outshines that moon.

  I cannot bear to be without Shumul,

  And my endurance has come to an end.

  In sadness I keep watch over the stars,

  While my tears flood down from my eyes like rain.

  My restless longing makes me watch those stars,

  Until the light of dawn has filled the sky.

  It is as though, thanks to my tears, these eyes

  Are scratched by needles or are pricked by thorns.

  I used to guard against this, fearing it,

  But destiny has brought me what I feared.

  Say to Shumul she can sleep quietly,

  While sleeplessness and passion torment Sul.

  Light of my eyes, my hearing and my sight,

  You are all that I wish for from mankind,

  My love for you is fixed within my heart,

  And cannot be plucked from my inmost thoughts,

  For it is closer to me than my eyes and ears.

  ‘Well done, cousin!’ repeated Shumul, and she again called for more. At that Sul recited:

  I would give up my life for this gazelle

  Who is at liberty to shed my blood.

  I swear by pilgrims to God’s Holy House,

  Mecca, Mina, Zamzam and al-Safa,

  That I love you. God knows this love of mine

  For you outweighs the mountains and the hills.

  It stays within my heart, between my flesh and bones;

  It will remain there till my dying day,

  Meeting no alteration when I die.

  Then when I lie within my tomb alone,

  I shall remember it till Judgement Day.

  For at the Resurrection it will be with me,