The Order of Chaos

by Rhonda L. Print

  I shook myself out of my thoughts as the road narrowed and the turns became sharper. The grime and crime of the city below dimmed and the distance allowed the lights to twinkle like stars below me. I often wondered if this was what the stars looked like from heaven—small points of lights shaping the life below.

  Apprehension filled me and I seriously considered turning the car around and going back to my sad little apartment. My heart thumped hard, reminding me of the pain that had been inflicted upon it too many times in the past. “Fear” and “what ifs” waged battle inside me. The fear wanted me to turn tail and run. The “what ifs” were edged with just enough hope to keep me moving forward, just enough giddiness to bubble in my stomach.

  The last turn revealed the majesty of the building that was The Ridge Restaurant and Resort. It looked like a centuries old estate with the moon shining behind, casting a silvery glow over the resort and reflecting off the pools of water that surrounded the elegant walkways.

  I pulled up to the valet and handed over the keys to my rented car. I still hadn’t replaced the truck I’d driven into a tree to escape the demon in the back seat intent on killing me. It was on my mental to-do list. I swallowed back the fear and forced my wary feet to move toward the entrance.

  Chapter Five

  Joaquín met me at the entrance and held his arm out to me. I placed my hand in his and in a gentlemanly manner he raised it to his lips and brushed a gentle kiss across my knuckles.

  Ian’s face immediately appeared in my head. Ian had always been prone to the sweet gestures that most men today had forgotten or never learned. I shook the thought from my mind. It hardly seemed appropriate to think of him while on a date with Joaquín.

  I smiled up at him. “Hello yourself.”

  He kept my hand in his but took a step back to look at me from top to bottom. “You look lovely,” he commented with a slightly seductive smile on his face. “Shall we?” He let go of my hand to place his at the small of my back to guide me into the restaurant. We were seated immediately by a short man dressed in a tuxedo complete with tails. The tables surrounded a large dance floor and soft sensual music played in the background.

  Joaquín held out my chair and after we were both seated the maitre d’ handed us menus and made suggestions for dinner. We ordered what he suggested. The wine steward appeared immediately after. We both chose a merlot and again I couldn’t help but think of Ian.

  Joaquín reached across the table and took my hand in both of his. “I’m glad you came. I was worried you’d changed your mind.” His midnight-dark hair and eyes lit with a genuine look of concern. The navy blue suit he wore fit snugly over his shoulders. I blew out a breath. “I’m sorry.” I smiled at him. “Just haunted by old ghosts today.”

  “I know this is a little awkward, Leah. I was hoping we could start fresh.”

  “How about we just start with dinner?” I hedged.

  He released my hands and sat back in his chair. “Fair enough. We can’t change the past, but the future is a blank page. We can fill it however we choose.”

  “You make is sound so simple.”

  “It can be,” he said sincerely.

  “Simple and I have never been friends, Joaquín,” I pointed out.

  He waved his hands in front of him as if erasing something from an invisible chalkboard. “Okay, why don’t I just fill you in on what’s been happening since you’ve been away.”

  I lifted my wine and took a slow sip. “I’d like that.”

  I was glad he didn’t realize that Ian was the ghost I was referring to when he blew that theory by saying, “Ah, well.” He made a show of looking around the room. “I see a few old politicians but no old ghosts here tonight.”

  I chuckled. “Into politics now, are you?” I was desperate to steer away from of the subject of Ian.

  “Only when it pertains to the tribe. Brent Williamson, the city manager, is sitting with Chief Joseph Blacksnake, probably trying to convince him to sell tribal land to him for a new tourist center.”

  “Does it have a chance?” I asked.

  “Oh, we will definitely consider it. But I doubt if it will ever get past the wishful-thinking phase. Chief Blacksnake and the Tribal Council will never sell off their land. Their tribe has been quite successful financially and has no need of the money, or the strings attached to it.”

  We talked through the salad and main course. Talking with Joaquín was always easy. His dedication to his job and the people on the reservation always put a spark in his eyes. Unfortunately, that same dedication is what had ripped us apart. The tribal council did not like the idea of their chief detective marrying a woman with supernatural abilities. That pressure and his own stupid arrogance put him squarely in another woman’s bed. I, of course, was the proverbial last to know and only found out when that woman had been murdered and Joaquín needed my help. By then though, we had broken up, but it didn’t change the fact he had cheated on me while we were together. I still didn’t know if we could get past that giant hurdle and be together again, but this was just dinner with an old friend. At least that’s what I’d told myself.

  I felt a familiar awareness snake over my spine and looked over Joaquín’s shoulder toward the door. The maitre d’ was leading an all too familiar face to the table where the city manager seemed to be earnestly arguing his case. I quickly turned away although I knew that if I felt him, he felt me.

  Ian Nightwalker.

  Chapter Six

  I let out a breath and took a long sip of wine while pretending to listen to Joaquín as he rattled on about an incident of teenage vandalism in the tribal parks. I picked at the rest of my meal and made small talk. If Ian knew I was there, he made no attempt to talk to me, physically or telepathically.

  Telepathic communication between Ian and I was one of those side effects from the bond forged between us. I could block him out if I wanted to, which was most of the time, but I could still feel the nudge on my brain when he tried to anyway.

  Ian hadn’t invaded my thoughts or dreams since I’d left town for training. Whether because of the physical distance between us or because he’d decided to let me go and move on I didn’t really know, but I’d had no contact with him in months.

  I cast away my thoughts and focused on Joaquín, who was as easy-going now as he’d been when I first met him.

  He leaned in closer to me and cupped my cheek in his hand. He brushed his thumb gently across my skin and I tilted into his warm touch. Our lips met in a gentle kiss, just a tender brush. I saw the lights flicker and heard the shattering of glass.

  Startled, Joaquín and I turned toward the source of the noise. I caught a flurry of emotions cross Joaquín’s face while we watched a waiter quickly mop up the spilled wine and broken glass. Only the stem of the crystal wineglass remained in Ian’s hand. His eyes were dark and narrow and focused on a fixed spot in front of him, purposely not looking my way. I saw his jaw tense and throb and knew he clenched his teeth.

  I swallowed the guilt stealing my breath and turned back toward Joaquín. I had a right to my own life. I hadn’t planned on Ian being here. It wasn’t my fault he’d come to the same restaurant and I was determined not to let his presence dampen my night out.

  After a moment of silent consideration, Joaquín slid his fingers down my arm and clasped my hand. “We should leave,” he began. “I know a little place…”

  “No,” I said more harshly than I’d intended. “I won’t hide.” I turned my face until my eyes met with Joaquín's. “From anyone.”

  Joaquín nodded then opened his mouth to say something.

  “I don’t want to talk about this, Joaquín. I mean it.” I braced myself for the coming night-out-ruining argument.

  “Would you like to dance, then?” He smiled tentatively.

  I hesitated. That wasn’t the reaction I’d expected from Joaquín. He was being … agreeable. Hmm, maybe he had changed.

  “I’d love to.” I stood and let him lead me to the danc
e floor.

  The song was slow, sensual, and our bodies swayed tensely with the gentle beat of the music. I let my arms lay loosely around his shoulders as one of his hands held mine and the other rested gently on my waist. Ian glared at us so I closed my eyes and lay my head against Joaquín’s shoulder and reminded myself again that I had a right to my own life even as the battle raged inside me between the feelings I’d once had for Ian, or still had for him. I had no intentions of hurting him and decided to at least go over and say hello, acknowledge his presence. When the music stopped I opened my eyes to find the table where Ian had been empty. I felt a hole open in the pit of my stomach and tried to ignore it as Joaquín and I moved back to the table then finished our coffee.

  I had driven myself there but Joaquín insisted on seeing me safely home so he followed me. He opened my car door and walked me to the doorway of my apartment.

  “I won’t invite you in. Not tonight.” I told myself that Ian’s appearance tonight and my feelings for him had nothing to do with ending this night at my doorstep. Joaquín and I had once wanted to make a life together, a normal life. Maybe we still had a shot at that. But I wasn’t ready to hop into bed with him or anyone else. Not yet anyway.

  I’d made peace with my abilities and their permanent place in my life. I’d already said goodbye to normal, whatever the hell that was. I really had.

  And maybe if I told myself that enough times, it would be true.

  Joaquín nodded. “I understand.”

  He’s being agreeable again, hmmm.

  “Can I pick you up on Friday? We can grab a bite to eat, something casual.”

  A cool breeze blew across my shoulders, raising goose bumps. I shuddered and Joaquín used it as an excuse to pull me to him and rub his hands up and down my arms.

  I relaxed under his caress and looked up into his face. “Around six thirty?”

  He pulled me into a kiss. Not gently this time but more demanding and promising. I kissed him right back, parting my lips slightly in invitation. He hesitated for only a moment before I let my tongue slide across his lips. Then his tongue darted into my mouth and a small sigh escaped me. Joaquín had always been a good kisser. I let the kiss hold all the possibilities I felt. Perhaps he would get his second chance after all, even though my bruised heart still protested. I would not hold it captive. I would allow my heart to reach out for what it truly desired even if I risked the pain again. What is life without risk?

  I put my hand on his chest and gently pushed, breaking the kiss and allowing us both to catch our breath.

  Joaquín raised his eyes in hopeful expectation. “Are you sure I can’t walk you up?”

  I laughed and shook my head. “Not tonight. Thanks for a wonderful evening.”

  “Until Friday then?” he said as his hand gently released mine.

  “Friday,” I confirmed then opened the door and walked up the steps to my apartment, my lips slightly swollen and satisfied, yet still wanting more.

  I walked into my apartment, practically floating on the lusty possibilities behind that kiss. I hadn’t been kissed like that since … well, since Ian.

  My mood darkened. “Damn him.” I scowled as I threw my keys on the small table by the door. I dropped my purse next to my keys and kicked off my shoes.

  That’s when I saw the open window. I’d left in a hurry that day but thought I’d closed the window.

  Shit.

  I stepped slowly backward toward the door, reaching under the hem of my dress for the gun holstered to my thigh, my eyes scanning every dark corner of the room. The light glowing from the hallway through the door I’d left open went out. I was just about to ease myself into the hall when my back collided with a hard body. Someone had been standing just outside the door … waiting.

  Chapter Seven

  I let out a sharp gasp and tried to turn, but I wasn’t fast enough, not fast enough by far. A hand clasped my wrist and squeezed until I was forced to drop my gun. I reached behind me and tried to grab my attacker’s head so I could toss him over my shoulder to the floor. From there, my plan was to ram the heel of my foot into his solar plexus, hopefully knocking the wind out of him and giving me time flip him onto his stomach and handcuff him. It was a solid plan. Really, it was.

  It was like trying to move a mountain. I reached back, but my arm was immobilized too quickly for me to make contact with anything. I tried to kick backward toward his knee and found nothing but air. A low laugh escaped the mouth of my attacker and only angered me more. Until I realized to whom that particular laugh belonged—then I was infuriated.

  He spun me in his arms and held me close. There wasn’t a breath of space between us and for just a heartbeat I had to fight the urge to fold myself into the familiar arms that embraced me, the intoxicating scent that warmed my soul, even if my heart and head denied it.

  “What the fuck are you doing here, Ian?” I craned my neck to look at his face. His amused expression did nothing to quench the anger boiling inside me. “How do you know where I live?” I demanded.

  “I didn’t, My Love. You have strengthened your shields.”

  A feeling of satisfaction crept through me. “I have.” I placed my hands on his shoulders, ignoring the urge to curl my fingers into the soft hairs on his chest, and pushed myself away.

  “I did not feel you, not until I saw you tonight.” His face tensed, his lips forming a sneer. “With him.” An expression of anger, or was it pain, flashed across his face so quickly I’d thought I’d imagined it.

  “Who I spend my time with is none of your concern, Ian. And my name is Leah,” I arched an eyebrow defiantly, “or Agent Wolfe if you prefer.”

  “Your training is complete?” The quick change of subject startled me.

  “I’m finishing my probationary period,” I stated with more calmly than I felt. I’d known I’d see Ian again, it was inevitable. But I thought I would have had time to prepare for it. Seeing him now, this close … this temptingly close. I shook my head to clear it. “How did you know where I live?” I repeated.

  He jerked his shoulder carelessly. “I followed you. Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

  A slight snort escaped me. “No. Definitely not.” I took a step back. I knew that all Ian needed was one invitation and he would be able to come and go as he pleased. Without an invitation, he was unable to come in at all. I didn’t need him showing up on a whim.

  “We have some things to discuss.” He spoke calmly yet serious. His expression as unreadable, a sure sign he was trying to hide something. The blank expression was his mask.

  “Is everyone okay?” I asked suddenly alarmed. “Shia? The boys?” Shia and I had become friends and had kept in touch even as I went through training. Her sons had snuggled their way into my heart just as quickly.

  “I assure you they are well.” He raised his hands to my shoulders, hesitated, and then dropped them to his sides. “It is you and I we must discuss.”

  I shook my head. “There is nothing to discuss. You made your choice. I made mine.”

  “I did not choose to have you walk out of my life,” he said as his voice rose just slightly. “I have been more than patient with you, My Love. I thought you had accepted who and what you are.”

  “I have always known who and what I am.” My temper flared. “And it’s Agent Wolfe,” I reminded him through gritted teeth.

  “I thought you would come to accept that we were meant to be. We are bound together, My Love. Nothing can break that bond, not even your fears. I will win you back.” His voice was thick with determination. “I did not choose to lose you.”

  Ian had kind of tricked me into speaking the ritualistic words during sex. Okay, so he hadn’t actually forced me to say them, he just didn’t tell me what the implications would be. Now we were bonded and it allowed me to tap into some of his powers, like the way I’d willed the flames to jump from the torches to Elizabeth, a centuries-old vampire who wanted to take my powers by killing me, before I’d gone into
training. The flames had consumed her, turning her to ashes before she could succeed. Elizabeth had also killed Ian’s lover, decades before I was even born, and he used me to get to her.

  “You chose to use me as a pawn to get back at Elizabeth. That was your choice!” My voice broke and I hated myself for it. Ian had hurt me more than I wanted him to know.

  “I never meant for it to come to this, My Love.” His voice softened and this time when he raised his hand he let it gently cup my cheek. “In the beginning…”

  I jerked my chin away from him. “In the beginning you saw me as a chance to get back at Elizabeth, to use me as a pawn to seek your vengeance. You used your powers to compel me to…”

  “To what?” he asked his voice etched with confusion.

  “To make me love you.” My voice croaked, barely a whisper, and I hated myself for it.

  Anger fought with surprise and flashed across his face. “I have never compelled you to do anything!” he shouted indignantly. “I have never used my powers to make you love me.” The corner of his mouth hinted a smile as he said the last part.

  I shook my head to block out his words, his lies.

  His voice became gentle, soothing. “Is that what you believe, My Love, that your feelings for me are not your own? That I took away your free will? I could not, even with my power, make you or anyone else, love me. I wouldn’t if I could.”

  I made a disgusted sound.

  “I’m afraid I don’t fully understand,” he mocked. “Joaquín’s betrayal was acceptable?” The words came out of Ian cruelly.

  “Joaquín did not risk my life for his own selfish needs,” I spat back.

  “No, he risked your heart.” He angled his head in thought. “Have you thought perhaps my betrayal hurt you more than his because you love me more than you ever loved him?” He reached a tentative hand to me.

  I moved away and held out my hands. “Don’t! God don’t, Ian.” I fought the tears stinging the back of my eyes. “I can’t … won’t, go through this. It’s over.” I turned and shut the door before he could respond. I shoved the lock into place and walked to the window, slamming it shut, only to realize the lock had fallen off the rotting wood, explaining why it opened so easily in the breeze. I made a note to contact the apartment manager, not that he would do anything about it, and then jammed a thin knife under each swinging window pane to secure them shut.