The Order of Chaos

by Rhonda L. Print

  “You risked her life when you used her as bait to catch that psychopathic vampire; you chased her into this life with SINS, so how the hell am I supposed to believe you didn’t do something to cause this?” Joaquín accused.

  Ian didn’t have anything to do with my joining SINS. Joaquín still doesn’t get it.

  “I love her,” Ian said softly.

  My heart jumped against my ribs.

  “Oh yeah, I’m sure she tastes delicious but she’s no longer on your menu.” Sarcasm laced Joaquín’s voice.

  I heard the scrape of chair legs on the tile floor. Then, “I know you have strong feelings for her, young Joaquín. I am an empath; I know your feelings as well as you do. I also know you are having a difficult time accepting that she has feelings for me.”

  “Are you sure she gives a damn about you at all?” Joaquín’s tone turned arrogant.

  Ian sucked in a deep breath then let it out slowly. “She will not admit her feelings for me, not even to herself. So, no, I have no assurances.”

  I heard a satisfied huff come from Joaquín before Ian continued, “I also do not sense that she shares in your feelings for her.”

  I heard a rustling of fabric and thought one of them had grabbed the other. I tried to free my arm and open my eyes. An alarm went off to my right, followed by a whoosh of air and the telltale creak of the room door opening. I didn’t hear either man speak but I smelled a faint perfume and sensed a nurse adjusting the machines that were obviously hooked up to me once again. “If she continues to get upset, I will ask you both to leave,” her soft but firm voice announced.

  Both men grunted their apologies and the whoosh of air, accompanied by the creak of the doorway opening again, signaled that the nurse had left the room.

  I felt the cool brush of Ian’s hand across my forehead and could imagine Joaquín’s eyes roll. I don’t know if Ian touched me just to piss off Joaquín or not, and I was completely powerless to say or do anything. Whatever drugs the hospital pumped me up with turned my body into a useless paperweight. I tried once again to open my eyes, speak, move something, anything.

  Ian’s hand strayed from my forehead through my hair. “Shh, My Love. Have you awakened?”

  I heard footsteps move closer and an almost imperceptible growl but I’d be damned if I knew which man it came from. I felt the warmth of Joaquín’s hand grasp mine but I was still unable to move or speak. I lay there motionless with the coolness of Ian in my hair and the warmth of Joaquín on my hand.

  “I still don’t know why you insist on having a human. She cannot possibly live as long as you will exist unless…” I felt Joaquín’s grip tighten.

  Turn me? I finished the thought for Joaquín. Did Ian want me to become a vampire?

  “I have no intentions of turning her, Joaquín,” Ian said as if he’d read my mind. “I know I will someday lose her. She believes I have a soul, perhaps I do. She brings life to me and it is more than just the blood bond between us that holds us together. I have existed for longer than I care to think about, but I had not lived until I met her. She reminds me that I was once human, that I had emotions, that I could love.”

  Both men had a piece of my heart. I just didn’t know which one held my soul as well. It was the last thought I had before I was once again swallowed by blackness.

  * * * *

  Joaquín’s voice cut through the fog. “Do you know what he did to her?” I opened my eyes and winced against the light streaming into the window. Anger marred Joaquín’s face. It wouldn’t have been first on my “things to see when I woke” list, but at least I recognized every face in the room. Wilson stood next to Alli. Joaquín stood closer to my bed. Ian stood across the room and there was no one else standing around demanding attention. Maybe I hadn’t been hallucinating. Perhaps the stocky guy was just looking for someone to communicate with, but unless he got shot in the head in the hospital, I shouldn’t have been able to see him. At least, I never had before. It was only the recently deceased that could “talk” to me. That thought both relieved and worried me. Damn.

  “He saved her life, Joaquín.” Wilson’s kept his tone low. “You should be grateful for that.”

  “She would’ve never been in danger to begin with. He,” Joaquín jabbed a finger toward Ian, “put her in this position.”

  “No,” I croaked, finally able to speak. I didn’t know how much they had told Wilson and Alli and I wasn’t really up to explaining the whole “she drank Ian’s blood” thing.

  Joaquín walked to me and clasped my hand.

  “Ian didn’t put me in any position.” I looked over at Ian. “He saved my life,” I croaked.

  “I don’t understand.” Joaquín shook his head slowly.

  Alli released my restraints then placed a straw to my lips. I drank gratefully. I felt the cold water stream all the way down to my stomach. It also gave me a moment to think.

  I tried to put myself in Joaquín’s place. If I had walked in and found him drinking blood from the wrist of a vampire, what would I have thought? Now there’s one you don’t see on daytime talk shows.

  I let out a breath that blew my cheeks out like a balloon. I didn’t even know how to begin to explain this to him. Hell, I didn’t even understand it myself. One fact was true though, if Ian hadn’t offered me his blood, I would have died.

  “I have not discussed that with anyone, My Love.”

  “I need to speak with Joaquín alone.” I looked to Alli and Wilson.

  “My Love?”

  Alli gave me the look that asked if I was sure I wanted to be alone with Joaquín right now.

  I gave her a slight nod.

  She set the water down on the table, then ushered Wilson and a reluctant Ian from the room.

  “Did you tell them about…?” I began.

  Joaquín moved closer to me and took my hand. He shook his head. “No. I didn’t even know how to begin.”

  “I don’t know how to explain it myself.” I ran my fingers along his jaw. “I do know that he saved my life.”

  “Do you love him?” Joaquín asked pointedly.

  I wanted to tell him no. I wanted to deny I had any feelings for Ian at all. What I said was, “I care about you, Joaquín. Hell, we nearly made a lifetime commitment to each other. I thought you were everything I always wanted. You’re loving, warm and safe. You’re normal, and that’s just something I can’t be.”

  His eyes fell away from me.

  “No matter how much I want to be or how hard I try to ignore the…” I tried to think of the right word for the powers I carry, “shit,” would have to do, “that’s inside me, I can’t change who I am. I’m not the woman you deserve. I’m so sorry.”

  Joaquín stood. He released my hand and backed away. I saw a flurry of emotions chase across his face. He finally seemed to settle on anger.

  “You’re wrong about us,” he muttered as he moved toward the door.

  Chapter Twenty-Four

  I spent the next couple of days in a state of morphine-induced mental obscurity. I had more visits from the stocky man missing half his head and several others also, but he was the most tenacious and disturbing among them. It was still freaking me out, especially when he started demanding that I speak to him. Usually souls came to me as a shadow of their formal selves and then faded away. They were never aggressive or demanding. This one, and the others who visited me during my stay in the hospital, were as solid as me and they all wanted something. In fact, I spent an hour having a conversation with a middle-aged woman in a hospital gown one morning. She knew Alli was my mom and wanted me to thank Alli for being so kind to her while she was hospitalized. It was all very sweet until she turned to leave and I saw the charred and blistered skin that covered her back. She was burned so thoroughly I could see the bones of her spinal column when she reached for the door. When I shrieked in shock, she simply smiled and left. The most disturbing thing about the entire encounter was that she had touched me. Not the hand pass through the body touching
but she actually brushed my hair off my forehead. I could feel her. I wasn’t crazy about being touched by strangers in the first place, and making physical contact with a dead soul had implications I didn’t even want to think about.

  If they could move my hair, what else could they do?

  I ignored all unknown visitors after that and even began flinching away from the staff. If these were souls, they were pretty damned persistent and if they weren’t, well, if I kept getting caught by the nurses and doctors talking to my hallucinations, I was never going to get out of the hospital.

  Joaquín never returned, never called, and admittedly the morphine dulled more than just my physical pain. I had thought Joaquín and I might make it this time. I hoped he’d changed, accepted who and what I was. Or had I just tried to cling to the last piece of normalcy I had left?

  I had plenty of time to think about my personal life while I lay in that hospital bed for the next week. The “normal” I’d always I wanted didn’t sound so appealing anymore. Maybe that was why things kept falling apart between Joaquín and I; we were looking for something in each other that just wasn’t there.

  After speaking to Ian, we both thought it best if I continued to ignore the angry demands of my hallucinations, souls, whatever. Alli tended to my physical wounds every day and Ian soothed the emotional ones when he visited each night. Hospital visiting hours didn’t mean anything to a determined vampire who had no problem deploying mind control.

  After much discussion with the doctor about my mental state of health and my convincing lies that I no longer saw anyone in the room that wasn’t actually there, it was decided I could be released from the hospital.

  The night before I was to leave, Ian explained to me that I had healed much faster than humanly expected. I would still progress quickly because of the blood bond held between us, even though the reasons why this bond affected me this way remained a mystery. Vampires have had blood bonds with humans for as long as any of them can remember, which is a pretty damn long time. I guess some things in life, and death, still remain unknown.

  I had healed more than I was able to admit to anyone. My body still ached and let me know when I moved too quickly, but I didn’t want anyone questioning my humanity, especially the people Alli worked with every day. In an effort to hide my quicker-than-human recovery and an admittedly selfish desire not to be left alone, I agreed to go home with Ian.

  He started the car and I sank into the seat.

  “Why am I healing so quickly?” My heart hammered in my chest. The rational part of my brain needed the answer, but that didn’t make me like it.

  Ian’s hands gripped the steering wheel a little tighter. Oh hell, if he was stalling then I was in deep shit.

  “Ian?” I prompted.

  He turned to me and whatever he saw on my face must have shown him my panic, either that or he felt it. “It is not so bad as all that.” He smiled and cupped my chin in his hand, brushing his thumb along my cheek. “I just do not think you will like the answer.”

  “Which is?” I whispered.

  “The bond between us makes you stronger.”

  “I’m not your bloodslave,” I said with more confidence than I felt.

  “No, My Love. You are not. You are, however, bonded to me and that provides you with some advantages.”

  “Like the ability to heal quickly.”

  “Precisely.” He let out a relieved breath and a small smile.

  “What else?”

  His smile disappeared. “Increased physical strength.”

  My turn to let out a sigh of relief. “That doesn’t sound so bad.”

  “There is more.” He dropped his hand.

  “Of course there is.” I sat back in my seat and crossed my arms across my chest, waiting for the ax to fall.

  “I can make you stronger.”

  “I will not let you turn me, Ian.”

  He laughed to himself and shook his head. “That is not what I had in mind. However…” He raised one slender eyebrow.

  “No,” I said firmly.

  “I can Mark you. It will increase your strength and healing abilities. You would become very difficult to kill,” he said solemnly.

  “It would make me your bloodslave.”

  “That is outdated terminology, My Love. I’d prefer to think of us as partners.”

  “Bloodslave, and no.”

  “Think of the possibilities, My Love. Increased strength will be an asset in your profession.”

  “And you being able to control me?” I challenged.

  “I would not abuse it,” Ian insisted.

  “But you would use it.”

  He didn’t answer. We both knew he would if he thought the situation warranted it.

  “Consider it,” Ian said quietly then started the car.

  With the seatbelt pulled tight and the peaceful hum of the engine, I fell asleep nestled in the soft leather seat of the car.

  I woke up to the rhythmic sound of the fan I kept on when I slept each night. The sound was soothing and always helped lull me to sleep. I stretched languidly without opening my eyes and cringed at the tightness in my muscles and the throbbing pain in my neck that reminded me of the abuse my body had taken. I opened my eyes when I realized the fabric I stretched out on wasn’t the usual soft cotton of my sheets but the cool slide of silk.

  Ian’s bed.

  “Do not be angry with me, My Love,” Ian spoke before I did. “You needed to heal. I could not bear to leave you unguarded.”

  “The fan?”

  “I know how soothing the sound of it is to you so I purchased a similar one.”

  It was one of the many little thoughtful things that Ian did. “How long was I out?” I asked, clearing the sleep from my throat.

  “A few hours.” He propped himself up on his elbow.

  “The drugs must have…”

  Ian shook his head, his expression somber.

  “How did you keep me asleep?” I asked before realization slammed into me. “Falcon.” I answered my own question.

  Falcon was Ian’s brother, whether through mortal birth or immortal birth, I didn’t know which; he was also a vampire with the ability to make someone do his bidding with a single word. If Falcon placed his hand on you and said sleep, you slept. I was usually able to block him from commanding me but with my shields down I was still vulnerable.

  “He merely helped to keep you comfortable.” He searched my face. “I know you are still seeing things that others cannot.”

  His eyes challenged me to deny it but I simply nodded.

  “You do not believe they are the spirits of recently departed?”

  I shook my head. “They are able to touch me.” My voice cracked. “I can feel them.”

  “I do not know why this is happening to you, but I’d like to take you to see a friend of mine. She may be able to help.”

  “A shrink?”

  Ian laughed. “No, My Love, not a psychiatrist. A witch, Wiccan to be precise.”

  I raised my eyebrows at him.

  “I assure you she does not wear a pointy hat and ride upon a broomstick.” He smiled, flashing me a single dimple. “She is a trusted friend.”

  “Okay,” I said.

  Ian studied my face for a moment. “I am shocked. You are not usually so agreeable,” he said playfully.

  I took a deep breath. “I need this to stop. What if I’m really losing my mind?” My voice cracked, revealing my fear.

  “Then we shall find it again, My Love,” Ian reassured me. “A peace offering.” He handed me a cup of coffee.

  It was black with just a touch of cream and I salivated as soon as I smelled it. I held the cup with both hands and breathed the aroma in deep before I took a long sip. I couldn’t contain my moan of satisfaction.

  Ian laughed. “You savor coffee the way a vampire savors blood.”

  “I can guarantee this tastes better,” I replied between sips.

  He shrugged. “To each his own.” He
watched me with a smile.

  I sat up a little farther. “Where are my clothes, Ian?”

  “I couldn’t very well leave you in them.” He smiled, his single dimple appearing. “Shia helped make you comfortable. She dressed you in the nightshirt.”

  “Thank you.” I pressed my fingers to his lips, shaking my head.

  He turned his face away and stared at the wall behind me. “I know you feel betrayed by me.”

  “Yes. I do. But that’s not all I feel, Ian.”

  I pulled his hand to my heart. “I don’t want to lose you. I don’t know what I want or if what I felt for you before was real or not…”

  “I did nothing to control your feelings, My Love. You have my word on that.” His fingers intertwined with mine.

  “You used me and I still haven’t sorted that out yet.”

  “You belong to Joaquín?” He raised his brows in question.

  I sat up straight. “I belong to no one,” I replied indignantly.

  “You still have feelings for Joaquín.” It was a statement void of emotion. Ian was very good at hiding his emotions.

  “Ian…”

  He placed his fingers on my lips. “Don’t answer that.”

  “Joaquín and I are finished.”

  He replaced his fingers with his lips and feathered a light kiss across my mouth. I wound my hands into his hair, put everything into the kiss and felt a wave of satisfaction when Ian moaned with pleasure. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me closer. I arched my body against his then ran my tongue across his bottom lip and he sucked it into his mouth. As our tongues danced together it was my turn to moan with the pleasure I felt at being back in Ian’s arms. I let my hands wander around his shoulders and then slid them down his back as far as I could reach.

  His comfort sank into my pores and I relished in it. And this, I knew, was real. It was not vampire trick to mold my emotions to his needs but what I truly felt. What I wanted. The control freak inside me did a little happy dance at the knowledge that this was all of my doing.

  Possessive much? You’re damn right!

  Did I want this to go further than a kiss?