To My Future Number 1 Fan

by L. A. Witt

  “It was mostly about the movie you’re starting next month.” He avoided my gaze. “But they also mentioned me. Again.”

  I swallowed. “Did they?”

  Brian nodded and his eyes flicked up to meet mine. “Yeah. They, um, it was just a sidebar. A picture of us with an offhand comment about how we’d been seen together and that neither of us had said anything beyond your publicist’s statement.”

  “Same shit, different day, then.”

  “Yeah.” He drew me into his arms, and as I rested my head on his chest, he went on. “I’ve seen a few comments like that. Not full articles, but… it’s on their mind. And it bugs me whenever they mention I’m a nurse living in Everett. I mean, it wouldn’t take much to figure out exactly where I work, you know?”

  I grimaced and nodded. “Yeah. I know.”

  He sighed, his body tense all over even as he held me close. We lay in uneasy silence for a moment, and I could feel his heart thumping as hard as mine was.

  We needed to talk about this. Really lay it out on the table, look it in the eye, and figure out where to go from here. Vanessa was right—the press wasn’t going to back off as long as they thought they had a chance to be the first to break the story. My life wasn’t that fucking interesting, but they sure thought it was.

  I gently freed myself from Brian’s embrace and turned onto my elbow so I could see him. “I know it’s stressful. Believe me, I know. But maybe we need to beat them at their own game.”

  Brian’s brow furrowed. “How so?”

  “Maybe… maybe we need to go public.”

  His eyes widened.

  I rested a hand on his chest, and carefully told him everything Vanessa had told me.

  When I was done, he said, “So, if we do decide to come out…” He chewed his lip. “How do we do it? Just change our Facebook relationship statuses or something?”

  “We could. Or we could be a bit less subtle about it.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “I mean actually go out in public as a couple. Right in front of cameras and everything.” I paused. “In fact, I’ve got a charity event coming up. It’ll have the red carpet and the whole nine yards.” I searched his eyes and whispered, “You could come with me as my date.”

  Brian paled. “That, uh…” He gulped, and I swore I could hear the gears turning in his head and see the film reels showing him a horror-movie version of what I was suggesting.

  I touched his hand. “Those events—they’re honestly not as bad as they sound. The walk on the red carpet only takes a couple of minutes, and once that’s over, it’s food, booze, and stupid long speeches.”

  He exhaled slowly. “And you’d really want to take me to something like that? Out in public with—”

  “Brian.” I smiled and smoothed his hair. “Are you kidding? I want to take you to everything.”

  “You sure you don’t want to start small?” He smirked. “Make sure I can be trusted to behave in public?”

  “Please.” I rolled my eyes. “I’m the one who was raised on a farm. If I can behave, so can you.”

  He barked a laugh, but he sobered pretty fast. “So you’re serious. You want to do this.”

  “Yeah, I do. And, um—it might get a little crazy at first. Everyone’s going to speculate about everything, and they’ll probably hound us both for a while. But once somebody has a baby or a nasty divorce or something, everyone will lose interest in us.” I ran my thumb along the edge of his jaw. “We’ll just have to ride it out until then.”

  Brian gulped. “But you still think it’s a good idea?”

  I nodded. “The tabloids are already sniffing around. Right now, they have control of the story. By coming out, we’re doing this on our terms and giving them a hell of a lot less incentive to try to out us.”

  He seemed to mull it over for a moment. “Okay. Yeah. That makes sense. I’m not going to lie and say it doesn’t make me nervous, going out in public like that.”

  “I know. Me too. But at least this way we can stop worrying about someone finding out.”

  “That would be nice,” he said softly. “What about your family, though?”

  I tensed. “What about them?”

  “Well, I mean… they’re bound to hear about it if it goes this public.”

  “So?” I shrugged tightly. “I don’t have any contact with them anymore, and they already know I’m out. Finding out I have a boyfriend won’t exactly be a huge revelation.” My own words echoed in my head, and I cringed. “I mean, if ‘boyfriend’ is the word we’d use. I… have no idea how…” I cleared my throat. “Is that the word we’d use?”

  Brian’s expression softened and he touched my face. “Oh yeah. I think that’s definitely the word we should use. It’s what I’ve been using.”

  I relaxed a bit, releasing a breath. “Oh. Okay. I mean I guess we have been using it, but I just didn’t want to be presumptuous and—”

  His gentle kiss shut me up, and after a couple of seconds of his warm lips against mine, my apprehension melted away. I wasn’t usually such a rambling idiot around him, but when I got nervous, I couldn’t help it. I wanted to get this right. Maybe I’d watched a few too many romantic comedies, but I was sure at every turn that I’d say something stupid and send him out the door.

  But then he’d kiss me, and suddenly everything would be okay. Nothing had to be perfect—even though it pretty much was—and he could read between my nervous lines and hear what I was trying to say even if I botched the delivery.

  Drawing back a little, Brian whispered, “You’re not being presumptuous.”

  “Okay. Okay, good. Anyway, I’m not worried about what my family thinks. There’s a reason I’m not in contact with them anymore.” I held his gaze and ran my thumb along his cheekbone. “If they find out, they find out. I just think going public would kill the excitement for the paparazzi. We’ll never completely escape cameras and speculation, but they’ll lose some interest.”

  Brian chewed the inside of his cheek, eyes unfocused for a few long seconds. The gears and film reels were definitely turning in his head again. I got it. He was such a private person, and I knew all too well how much it sucked to transition to life in the public eye. Finally, though, he nodded, and a little smile played at his lips. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

  My heart skipped. “Really?”

  “Yeah. Really. I’ll follow your lead since you know how to handle these assholes better than I do.”

  I wouldn’t go that far, but okay. “Do you want to do this at the charity gala? Or just… go out? Like a normal couple?”

  “The gala, I think. Might as well blow the closet doors off, right?”

  “True. Get out in front of as many cameras as we can and be done with it.”

  He shivered, and then another furrow appeared between his eyebrows. “What’s the dress code for stuff like that, anyway?”

  “This one is black tie.”

  Brian grimaced. “I don’t exactly have a tux lying around.”

  “No, but they can be rented. And I know a guy in LA who rents the really nice ones, not the cheap ones you’d wear to prom. Swing into a suit shop and get your measurements, send them to me, and I’ll make sure he’s got something ready for you.”

  “How much does that run?”

  “Don’t worry about it. I can—”

  “Adam.” He took my hand and kissed my palm. “I don’t want you paying for everything. I’m not rolling in money, but I can pay my way.”

  “Still. Events like this can be expensive as hell. And we’re going so we can come out as a couple because my career means everyone is watching us.”

  “Would you still want to take me even if that wasn’t an issue?”

  “What? Of course I would.” I closed my hand around his. “If we didn’t have to worry about coming out, it would be a no-brainer for me to take you to every event.” I paused. “I want to take you every event. Just, you know, without overwhelming you.”

  Bri
an smiled. “And I want to go with you. I can pay for my own tux. I promise.”

  “Okay. At least the limo’s paid for.”

  “Limo?” The smile turned to a grin. “Cool.”

  “Yeah, I won’t lie—the novelty of showing up to these things in stretch limos has not worn off.”

  “Good, then I won’t feel like such a dork.”

  “Eh, we’ll be dorks together.”

  His grin got even bigger. “Now I’m really looking forward to it.”

  “Me too.” I laughed. “These events are pretty fun too. The food is good, and hopefully no one’s speech will bore us all into comas.” Sobering a bit, I added, “And it’ll probably be more fun to go to the one after, since we won’t be stressing about this anymore.”

  Brian’s grin vanished, and he nodded. “Which I will be this time.”

  “Me too. Definitely.” I leaned in, our lips almost touching. “It might get bumpy once word gets out. Everyone’s going to want a story.” I exhaled. “But we’ll get through it. I promise.”

  “I know.” Brian kissed me softly. “I could think of worse things for the world to know about than me dating you.”

  I laughed and pulled him closer. “Ditto.”

  He kissed me again, and neither of us said anything more. Holding him tight, I let cool relief wash over me right alongside the warm arousal. This wasn’t over yet—wouldn’t be until we’d come out and the resulting drama had died down—but I felt better. Those nerves that had been chasing me around lately were backing off, and I finally felt like we weren’t on quite such a precarious edge anymore.

  Which was a damned good thing.

  Because when I wasn’t so afraid of us falling off a cliff, I could focus a lot more on how quickly and eagerly I was falling for him.

  Chapter 28

  Brian

  “Are you sure about this?” Adam put his hand on my knee in the back of the stretch limo. “There’s still time to back out.”

  Backing out sounded good. Like, really good. Forget we’d ever had that conversation, go back to keeping our fingers crossed that no one found out about us, and never bring up the idea of coming out again. Once we made this move, there was no putting the cat back in the bag. Or back in the closet. Whatever. After this, I would be on a lot more radars than I was comfortable thinking about.

  Adam squeezed my leg, and I realized I still hadn’t answered him. Clearing my throat, I faced him. God, he looked good. His brow was pinched with worry, but his face was as handsome as ever. His hair was carefully styled and spiked, and he’d trimmed his beard so it emphasized his sharp jaw and full lips. The black Armani tuxedo and flawless bowtie didn’t hurt either.

  What was I so nervous about? The world finding out that this sweet, gorgeous man was my boyfriend? That wasn’t exactly something to be embarrassed over.

  I smiled and covered Adam’s hand with mine. “Yeah. I’m sure.”

  The concern in his expression faded, though it didn’t disappear. “It doesn’t have to be tonight if you’re not ready.”

  “I know. But…” I took a deep breath. “The sooner we put it out there, the sooner we can stop sweating over keeping it a secret.”

  Adam nodded. “Well, and for all we know, everyone will find something else to focus on in a week.” The furrows between his eyebrows came back. “But it could also be a big thing. The public is weird, and you just never know what will hold their attention.”

  I exhaled slowly, willing some of my nerves to settle down. “I guess we’ll see, won’t we?”

  “We will.” He took my hand and gave it a reassuring squeeze. “But we’ll be okay no matter what happens. I’m not going anywhere, and nothing changes between us.”

  I managed a smile. “I know. That’s the one thing I’m not worried about.”

  His brow pinched. “Just say so if you change your mind. Even if it’s at the last second. No one will see you until you’re out of the car.”

  I was shaking my head before he’d finished. “No. I want to do this. No more hiding.”

  He studied me uneasily, but his features began to relax into a smile. He glanced up ahead. “We’re only a few cars back, so it’s almost our turn.”

  Oh God. No, I wasn’t backing out of this for anything, but nervous? Christ, yes. Especially when the car rolled forward a few feet, drawing us closer to the thick crowd surrounding what I assumed was the end of the red carpet. Even in the daylight and through the heavily tinted windows, I could see camera flashes from here.

  I’ve got this. We’ve got this.

  Adam and I busied ourselves straightening bowties and fussing with cufflinks. We turned off our phones since the organizers frowned on phones going off during the event itself, and we were both anticipating some calls and messages tonight.

  Then the car stopped again, and Adam patted my leg. “We’re next.”

  I closed my eyes and exhaled. Okay. Okay. We could do this. I could do this. I didn’t have to say anything. All I had to do was stay by Adam’s side, smile, follow his lead, smile some more, and make it down the red carpet. Easy. Sort of.

  The car rolled forward.

  Stopped.

  There was movement outside, and then someone opened the door, letting in a rush of SoCal heat. Adam put on one of those smiles I’d seen in a million photos, and stepped out of the limo. Immediately, people started calling his name and shouting questions at him. He paused, probably letting them get a few photos, then turned to me and extended his hand.

  Second thoughts froze me in place. Once I got out of the car, there’d be no turning back. The whole world would know.

  They’ll know you’re dating Adam fucking Jacobsen, idiot. Get your ass out of this car.

  I took a deep breath, put my hand in his, and stepped out into the blinding sunlight.

  The ripple of voices told me we had absolutely not gone unnoticed. Of course everyone had already been focused on him. Now they were focused on us.

  Cameras.

  Faces.

  So many cameras and faces.

  People called out both our names, and flashes went off, and suddenly I was centerstage in that middle school play, my mouth parched and my lines forgotten. Panic shot through me. What do I do? Where do I go? What was I thinking? Why is everyone looking at—?

  Adam laced our fingers together and, barely moving his mouth, whispered, “You’re doing fine.”

  I nodded, but I didn’t dare speak because there was a small chance I might puke. I just kept a startled smile in place and stayed beside Adam.

  We slowly made our way along the carpet, cameras snapping and flashing the entire way. Toward the middle, Adam stopped, so I did too. We were facing all those reporters now. Staring right into the giant eyes of way, way too many cameras.

  I sensed Adam looking at me, and I turned to him.

  And everything…

  Just…

  Stilled.

  There was flickering and shouting at the edge of my senses, but right here, it was just us. Just him. Those warm brown eyes fixed on me. The smile I’d fallen for five long years ago. The perfectly styled hair I would absolutely be messing up later.

  Where there’d been nerves before, there was suddenly pride. I was standing in front of all these people and all these cameras with the most amazing man I’d ever met. We were out. We weren’t hiding anymore.

  We’re together, we were saying to anyone who cared to listen.

  And right there in front of God and everyone, Adam lifted himself up and kissed me. Shutters snapped all around us, and I almost wanted to turn to some of the photographers and ask them to send me a copy. A shot of me and Adam in tuxes sharing a kiss on the red carpet? Yeah, that was one for the fridge door.

  We let it linger for a moment—not long enough to be obnoxious, but maybe a few extra seconds for the reporters—before we continued down the carpet.

  When we reached the end and were out of sight, we both exhaled hard. He put his arm around my waist, I put
mine around his shoulders, and we paused for a moment just to collect ourselves.

  “Well.” He grinned up at me. “I think we made our point.”

  I nodded, but still didn’t speak. Yeah, we’d made our point. The world hadn’t ended. The sky hadn’t fallen. It was a lot like the first time I’d come out as gay—everything around me was simultaneously identical to how it had been before I’d said “I’m gay,” but it was also different. Like there’d been an earthquake and everything had moved, but not enough to be really noticeable unless I squinted, and I was still jittery with adrenaline as if I thought the whole building was still going to come down or a big aftershock was coming.

  “Hey.” Adam touched my cheek. “You all right?”

  Moistening my lips, I nodded again. “Yeah. Just feels… big, I guess.”

  “Yeah, it does.” He was smiling, though, and he drew me in closer. “We did it. People know. Now we don’t have to hide anymore.”

  Gazing into his eyes, I realized he was right. Our earthquake had toppled buildings, but it hadn’t brought them down on top of us. It had crumbled all the walls that had been keeping us hidden and suffocated, and now we were outside in the sunshine. Now we could breathe.

  “You’re right. We don’t.” I cupped his face in both hands and pressed a long kiss to his lips.

  And for the first time, I didn’t have to care if anyone saw us.

  In fact, I hoped they did.

  Chapter 29

  Adam

  My tux guy would be horrified if he knew our tuxes didn’t end up on hangers when we got back to my place. If he saw those finely tailored jackets and slacks rumpled on my bedroom floor, he’d probably have heart failure. And the spit-shined shoes littering the hallway before vests, bowties, and shirts had started falling to the carpet too? Yeah, he wouldn’t be happy.

  But that was why God invented the iron. All the wrinkles would come out later. For now, those fancy clothes would just have to stay where they’d landed while I fell into bed with Brian.

  As his hips sank between my parted thighs, all I could think was yes, everything is perfect. Dizzy, out of breath, and overwhelmed, I wrapped my arms around him and let myself get lost in his kiss and his body heat. The novelty of having a naked man against me—especially this man—hadn’t even begun to wear off. I couldn’t get over the softness of his skin and the firmness of his muscles. I loved how it felt to run my fingers through the thin hair on his chest and the way he groaned when I squeezed his round ass. Everything was mind-blowing, from his warm breath on my neck to his hard dick against mine.