Kate’s Song

by Jennifer Beckstrand

  With his strength briefly spent, he sank to the chair at his desk and allowed his breathing to return to normal. A moist, warm sensation propelled Nathaniel’s fingers to his forehead. He pulled back his hand, dripping with blood. An errant splinter of sharp wood must have struck him as he destroyed the rocking chair. With his fingers, he explored the wound—a two-inch gash across the edge of his forehead up past his hairline. It would sting for a while.

  Good. It felt deeply satisfying to bleed Kate out of his system. Even if he bled himself dry.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Kate came in from a visit to the mailbox and plopped herself onto the sofa. She sat with her arms folded, staring at the wall. In spite of Maria and Carlos and the baby, she felt so isolated she thought she might scream. Were her parents that busy, that happy to have her away? Why didn’t they write one word of encouragement or love? Their silence spoke louder than any scolding ever could.

  And was Nathaniel truly having second thoughts, as Aaron had said? Had he learned the truth about Jared and been unable to forgive her? Kate pinched herself to hold back the tears. Maria would worry if she saw Kate crying, especially two days before the custody hearing.

  Someone knocked softly. “Kate, it’s Shannon,” she heard a muffled voice say.

  Kate unlocked the dead bolt and opened the door. Shannon stood in the doorway, her pointy-toed boots making her feet appear about three inches longer than they truly were. Kate noticed how Shannon’s hair seemed to blow whimsically around her face whether there was a breeze or not, and when she stepped over the threshold in her sky-blue leather jacket, the room brightened considerably.

  Inviting herself to sit, Shannon stuffed her phone into her purse and grabbed Kate’s wrist. “Well, what did he say?”

  “Who?”

  “Nathaniel. What did he say?”

  Kate sank next to Shannon on the sofa. “I still haven’t been able to reach him.”

  Shannon squinted and frowned in confusion. “No, I saw him on Wednesday. I told him it was about time we heard from him.”

  “He was here? In Milwaukee?” Kate said.

  “He came to the academy looking for you. I sent him to Carlos’s place because that’s where you usually are on Wednesdays.”

  Kate’s heart hummed in anticipation. “I didn’t see him…but I was there.” She paused and put her hand over her mouth in dismay. “We went for a walk with Alex. Do you think he came while we were gone?” Kate burst into tears.

  Shannon reached into her purse and pulled out a lemon drop for Kate. “Look, you need to call him again. If he won’t answer the phone, leave him a very long message. And then, if he’s not on the first buggy out here, believe me, you’re better off without him.”

  “I can’t do that,” Kate said. “His phone has been disconnected.”

  Shannon gave Kate a quick hug then took out her phone and punched the screen furiously. “What’s the name of his business?”

  “King’s Cabinetry.”

  Shannon stared at her screen and then her thumbs went wild. “Aha. Here it is. I’m amazing, really.” She pulled a sparkly pen out of her purse and wrote a phone number on the back of an old receipt. “Try this one.”

  Kate sprinted into her bedroom with the phone number firmly in her fist. Then she sprinted back out.

  “Here,” Shannon said, waving her phone in the air, “use mine.”

  Back in her room, Kate’s hands shook as the phone rang twice.

  “Hello? King’s Cabinetry.”

  Her heart leaped to her throat when she heard that deep voice. Oh, how she wanted to return to the safety of his arms!

  “Nathaniel,” she stuttered.

  A long pause on the other end.

  “Nathaniel?”

  “How did you get this number?”

  A sense of urgency drove her forward. “I want you to hear the whole story about Jared.”

  Another formidable silence.

  “I know about what happened with the boyfriend.”

  Kate’s heart raced. “Did Aaron tell you?”

  “I forgive you.”

  Kate had never heard less forgiveness in her entire life. “I want you to hear it from me. I want you to understand.”

  “It doesn’t matter. I forgive you. Do not call me again. I won’t answer.”

  The click on his end of the line was deafening.

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Kate looked in the mirror. Repeated splashing of her face with cold water had no effect on her puffy, bloodshot eyes or her sallow complexion. She buried her face into the soft towel and breathed in the scent of springfresh laundry detergent. Ach, if everything in life could be as utterly lovely as newly washed hand towels and daintily perfumed soaps.

  She pressed the towel to her eyes as another wave of despair washed over her. To despair is to turn your back on God, Mamma would say.

  No, true despair was when God turned His back on you. And God had truly abandoned her. She clung to the edge of a cliff with her frail faith, the whipping wind on the verge of blowing her into a black abyss.

  Her breath came in stutters and spasms, the effects of crying still hanging over her. After the devastating phone call, Shannon and then Maria had slipped into Kate’s room to give her comfort, but she had sent them away. It was impossible to share her pain with anyone, and Maria’s sympathetic reassurances only made things worse.

  Nathaniel. Everything inside her cried out for him.

  Despite what he had told her, she knew his unblemished soul must abhor the thought of her taking a life. He could not bear such knowledge, and so he had to cut Kate out of his heart like a cancer.

  Would she ever remember what it felt like to be happy?

  No longer able to avoid her friends, Kate refastened the pins in her kapp and wandered into the living room, where Maria carried on a hushed conversation with Shannon. Alex sat on Maria’s lap, sucking his finger. Both friends looked up expectantly when she entered the room.

  Kate folded her arms. “He said he forgives me.” With supreme effort, she kept her composure. “And to never call him again.”

  The ticking of the clock on the wall grew exceptionally loud.

  “That jerk,” Shannon muttered. Then louder, “That utter and complete jerk. And to think I was nice to him.” She slammed her iPhone on the end table with such force that Kate fully expected it to break into a thousand pieces. “I really hoped he would be different.”

  “He is different. I’m the one who doesn’t deserve him.”

  “Don’t you dare blame yourself for this,” Shannon scolded. “You deserve much, much better. I’m bringing over a pint of Ben and Jerry’s. Chunky Monkey. Eat the whole thing by yourself. That’s the only way I know to begin the cleansing process.”

  “I don’t want to cleanse. I want Nathaniel.”

  Shannon handed her another lemon drop from her purse. “I’m sorry, Kate.”

  “Just when I thought God had given me an answer, that I knew where I was supposed to be, everything fell apart.”

  Maria moved to sit next to Kate. “As soon as the hearing is over, we’ll get you home and you can sort everything out.”

  Kate turned her face away and wiped her eyes. Maria didn’t understand. There was no home to return to.

  Shannon glanced at her phone. “Oh, Kate, I’m sorry. I have to go. I’ll bring that ice cream over,” she said, before giving Kate a sisterly hug and walking out the door.

  “This is all my fault.” Maria cradled Alex in her arms and rocked him back and forth. “Right after the hearing is over, I’m coming with you to Apple Lake and explaining things to Nathaniel.”

  Kate clutched her chest, as if trying to scoop up the pieces of her shattered heart. No use in trying to repair it. She wasn’t even the same person anymore. “I must accept what is,” she said quietly.

  Alarm flickered across Maria’s face. “What do you mean?”

  “I am the one who must control my life. Not Nathaniel, not th
e Church, not God.”

  “We must all surrender to God,” Maria said.

  “I do not need God interfering in my life. Hasn’t He done enough?”

  “You expect Him to make things easy for you?” Maria said, with uncharacteristic boldness.

  “I don’t expect anything from God anymore.”

  Maria reached out and caught Kate’s wrist. “You’re confused and upset about Nathaniel, but I believe you will come to see God’s loving hand in all of this.”

  “I’m not going back,” she said. “God has made himself perfectly clear. I have a choice, and I choose not to be baptized.”

  Maria stared at her in dismay.

  Kate picked Maria’s phone off the table. While she pressed buttons, she slid the pins out of her hair and pulled the kapp off her head. “Hello, Dr. Sumsion? This is Kate. I’ve changed my mind about the academy. Is the part of Juliette still mine?”

  Chapter Thirty-Four

  “Did you ever see Jared Adams hit Miss Trujillo?” asked the judge.

  “Twice,” Kate said.

  The small room was so still, Kate could hear the judge breathing softly as he looked over the documents in his hand. Jared’s mother sat with her meticulously manicured hands intertwined in her lap, never taking her eyes from the judge. Her platinum-blond hair seemed out of place, highlighting her aging face. Jared’s father, tall and thin, looked as if he would rather be anywhere else in the world. Two attorneys in suits and ties flanked Jared’s parents, while Maria’s lawyer sat between Maria and Carlos and stared at the papers in the judge’s hand.

  The judge sat at a conference table face-to-face with Kate. “Did you ever see Miss Trujillo strike Mr. Adams?”

  “Yes,” Kate said. She sensed, rather than heard, Jared’s mother hold her breath. “On April tenth. I was at the apartment. He had called her earlier in the day, wanting to see her, and she told him if he bothered her again she would call the police.”

  “Did she lure him to the apartment as his family asserts?”

  “No, we wanted him to leave her alone. When he came over, we both fought him off. I pushed him into the counter and knocked him out,” Kate said, her heartbeat pounding in her ears. She wadded the bottom of her skirt in her fist.

  And for that, I lost everything.

  “He later died of these injuries,” said the judge.

  “Yes.”

  “What is your opinion of Miss Trujillo’s character?”

  Kate glanced at Maria, who smiled reassuringly back at her. “Don’t sugarcoat the truth,” Maria’s lawyer had told her.

  “I could not approve of her relationship with Jared. A woman should marry before…having relations with a man.”

  “I understand,” said the judge. “But the Adamses want me to rule that she is an unfit mother. We have heard their opinion. I want to know yours.”

  “There is no mother as devoted to her child as Maria is to Alex. I have never heard a cross word from her. She is kind and loving and very careful for his health.”

  The judge laid his substantial stack of papers on the table. “Miss Weaver, let me hear something that hasn’t been rehearsed a dozen times with Miss Trujillo’s attorney.”

  “Every word is true.”

  The judge pinned her with a stern eye. “Have you got anything else?”

  Kate hated the memories. “Three weeks after Alex was born, he got colic and cried for hours at a time. Jared lost patience and went to grab Alex from the crib. Maria stood in his way and wouldn’t let him touch the baby. Jared cracked two of her ribs.”

  Jared’s father hunched over and cradled his head in his hands.

  “She would die to protect Alex,” Kate said. “So she moved out. Alex is her life. It would destroy her if you took him away.”

  The judge looked at Maria, then at Jared’s mother. “My job is to determine what is in the best interest of the child. No one else.”

  “I do not understand why they want to take Alex away from his mother,” Kate said.

  “She killed my son,” said Jared’s mother, unable to contain herself.

  The judge looked over his glasses. “It is not your place to speak, Mrs. Adams. The police determined the incident self-defense, and I have no compelling evidence to suggest otherwise.” He held up his hand. “And I’m not interested in hearing any more character witnesses for your son.” Removing his glasses, the judge took a deep breath and gazed at Jared’s mother, his eyes reflecting surprising compassion. “I am sorry for the loss of your son. To lose a child is unbearable. Can you see how taking Miss Trujillo’s son would be just as unbearable for her?”

  Maria, stoic up to this point, let a tear slip down her cheek. Kate blinked rapidly.

  The judge tapped his pile of papers on the table and looked at the Adamses’ lawyers. “You’ve paraded friends and family of the Adamses in here, listing all the advantages they can offer their grandson. But you left out the most important thing. They can never give him a mother. In cases such as these, as you well know, the burden of proof rests on those who would take the child from his mother, especially where no father is present. Granted, I have indulged you in this because of the Adamses’ standing in the community, but I think enough is enough. Seeing no evidence to the contrary, I am granting Miss Trujillo full custody.”

  Both Maria and Jared’s mother burst into tears while the judge made a hasty exit.

  Kate ran around the table and threw her arms around Carlos and Maria at the same time. They laughed and cried and tried to ignore the sobs coming from the other side of the room.

  “Thank you,” Maria said, holding tight to both her brother and Kate. “I am so relieved, I think I might throw up.” The emotion that Maria had bottled up for weeks overflowed, and she couldn’t stop the tears. Half a box of tissues was not enough to contain her joy.

  Kate suddenly felt her legs go weak. Alex and Maria were her only family now. The breathless thought of what might have happened almost overcame her.

  Jared’s father, with his arm wrapped around his wife, left the room, with their attorneys following close behind.

  “He kept asking you questions,” Carlos said, taking Kate’s arm and nudging her into a chair. “You looked as white as a sheet. I thought you were going to pass out.” Carlos laughed in relief. “He believed everything you said, though. You have that look of pure goodness about you.”

  “What if he hadn’t?” Kate said.

  “Don’t think about that.”

  Maria’s attorney left to finalize the paperwork, and Carlos and Maria sank into chairs next to Kate.

  “What should we do to celebrate?” Carlos said.

  “I’m going to go home and eat cheesecake until it comes out my ears,” Maria said.

  “I’m going to memorize music for my first Romeo et Juliette rehearsal next week.”

  Carlos waved his hand dismissively. “Boring.”

  The door opened behind them, and they turned to see Jared’s father standing in the doorway. The anguish on his face was easy to recognize.

  They stared at each other in uncomfortable silence.

  “She felt so helpless,” he finally said. “She didn’t know what else to do with all that grief.”

  He strode slowly to Maria and placed a piece of lined paper and two one-hundred-dollar bills into her hand. “For the baby,” he said. “And my phone number. If you ever need anything—anything at all—please call.”

  He seemed to want to say more but instead nodded to Maria and was gone. Maria disintegrated into a fresh bout of tears. Kate and Carlos held her hands and let her weep.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  First day of rehearsal. First day of school. Should be fun, thought Kate. Should be fun.

  “Measurements for costumes will be taken on Monday,” Mrs. Malkin said. “Specific times are on the handout.”

  Dr. Dibble stood front and center. “Music must be memorized in three weeks. That is the end of September. No exceptions. You can all be replaced if
need be.” He pointed to Kate. “Glad to see you have decided to join us and cut other distractions out of your life, Miss Weaver.” He waved his baton at the attentive cast. “If any of you are serious about your careers, this is where it starts. I expect you to work harder than you’ve ever worked, but if you prove yourselves here, fame awaits.” He adjusted his glasses and pointed to the accompanist. “You all have your music. I would like to start with the ‘Prologue’ and then skip all the way to ‘Frappez l’Air.’”

  * * * * *

  Kate propped her elbow on the table in the cafeteria and leaned her head on her hand. Even she, with her simple upbringing, knew this constituted bad manners, but she didn’t rouse herself enough to care. She was a week into school and already looked forward to semester break. Rehearsals for Romeo et Juliette were as Dr. Dibble promised—grueling—and her class load left her almost dizzy, but she refused to muster any emotion at all. When she allowed herself to feel anything, the pain of losing Nathaniel overwhelmed her. A single-minded numbness was her only refuge from the grief.

  Chelsea and Shannon chatted away about Romeo et Juliette, Shannon with a sandwich in one hand and her phone glued to the other. How she managed to eat and surf the Web at the same time was a seven-day wonder.

  Kate only barely paid attention to their conversation.

  Chelsea tilted her head to look into Kate’s face. “Kate, are you okay?”

  “I guess the Ben and Jerry’s didn’t help,” Shannon said.

  “Carlos ate most of it.”

  “As far as I’m concerned, every guy in the world can go jump in Lake Michigan,” Shannon said. “I’m sick of all of them.” Then, suddenly brightening, she said, “Look, there’s Carlos.” She bobbled one of her curls and hastily put her purse on the floor. “For a guy that good-looking, you’d think he’d find a nicer-fitting pair of jeans.”

  Glancing behind her, Kate saw Carlos coming toward their table. He wore the same pair of baggy pants he wore almost every day, and they looked as if they hadn’t been washed in weeks. Carlos liked the “scruffy look,” with his face whiskery but not grown to a full beard. His ruffled hair completed the picture of a man who couldn’t care less about his appearance but somehow managed to look attractive anyway.