Kate’s Song

by Jennifer Beckstrand

  Chapter Thirty-Eight

  Elmer blew into Nathaniel’s workshop like a hurricane. Nathaniel and Luke were boxing the last set of cabinets that would go out on the truck tomorrow.

  Nathaniel caught sight of Elmer and groaned inwardly. He hadn’t the restraint or strength to deal with Elmer’s persistence today.

  Elmer saw where Nathaniel stood and came straight to him. “Nathaniel, we must talk.”

  Taking a deep breath, Nathaniel glued on a patient expression. “Luke, can you finish up?”

  Luke nodded without giving Elmer a second look.

  Nathaniel led Elmer back the way he had come and out the door. The nippy air slapped at his face. They would have been more comfortable indoors, but Nathaniel wanted a short conversation and hoped the cold would encourage Elmer to be brief.

  As soon as the door swung shut behind them, Elmer started talking excitedly. “I went to see Kate yesterday.”

  Nathaniel folded his arms to keep the ache from bursting out of his chest. “How is she?” he asked, pretending that he didn’t really care.

  “We misunderstood her. She thinks she is too much trouble. That is why she left the community. Don’t you see? She didn’t choose the world. She was being unselfish. For all of us.” He waved his arms with great animation. “She thought you rejected her when you were really trying to be noble because you thought she made her choice.”

  “Things are complicated,” Nathaniel said, with all the emotion of a man reading from the phone book.

  “Don’t you understand?” Elmer insisted. “She still loves you.”

  Nathaniel’s heart almost failed him. If he believed that, if he believed she ever had loved him, he would crawl to Milwaukee on his hands and knees to fetch her back. If there were no boyfriend and no baby, nothing could keep him from her.

  He passed his hand over his eyes. “I know what you want from me, Elmer, but I cannot give it. There are other circumstances that separate us.”

  Elmer glared at Nathaniel in astonishment. “Like what?”

  For Elmer’s own good, Nathaniel would not reveal the whole truth. Let Kate’s brother believe what he wanted to believe. How could he tell Elmer of the forbidden relationship Kate had with a boy in Milwaukee? Of the baby that had come from that relationship? He would not be the one to destroy Elmer’s opinion of his favorite sister. Kate would have to find the courage to tell him herself.

  “Kate has made her choices.” He cleared his throat and looked away. “She is worldly and vain and selfish. She is not the kind of woman I want for my wife. And I know she does not want me.”

  Elmer became more agitated with each word Nathaniel spoke. “Worldly? Vain? Kate is not these things.” He paced back and forth then closed in on Nathaniel. “And you know it. Has Aaron poisoned you too? How can you spout such lies about my sister?”

  “It does not make me happy to tell you this.”

  “It makes Aaron happy to hear you say it.”

  “I am sorry.”

  Elmer backed away. “Nae, you are not.”

  Nathaniel gave up. Nothing he said would make Elmer feel better. He shook his head in pity and opened the door to his shop. “I will not speak of this again.” Elmer tried to say something, and Nathaniel held up his hand. “Never again, my friend.”

  The hurt in Elmer’s eyes almost broke his heart. Better to escape before compassion betrayed him.

  Nathaniel raised his hand to pat Elmer’s shoulder but thought better of it and pulled away. “May you find peace.”

  He went inside and left Elmer standing there, staring at his own reflection in the glass door.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  Kate sat in Music Theory, barely able to stay awake, as the graduate assistant droned on and on about the rules of counterpoint and how Mozart broke them all the time. With her head propped in her hand, Kate gave in to the temptation to close her eyes for a minute. She deserved a little indulgence following her opening-night performance.

  After two-and-a-half months of demanding rehearsals, Romeo et Juliette had opened to an enthusiastic audience. The crowd gave them a standing ovation after each act, and people practically leapt to their feet at the finale. She should have been floating ten feet in the air on adrenaline alone.

  “Psst.”

  Kate opened her eyes and looked into the hallway, where the hissing had come from.

  Shannon stood outside the open door, waving and pointing to a newspaper in her hand. She mouthed words Kate could not interpret. Kate shook her head and pointed to the clock on the wall above the teacher’s head. Holding up three fingers, she formed the words, “Three more minutes. Hold on.”

  Shannon fidgeted and paced until the instructor dismissed the class.

  Three of Ryan’s friends lingered around Kate while she half-heartedly gathered up her notebook and pens.

  “You were amazing last night,” Brandon said. “You totally stole the show.”

  “Oh, thanks. And Ryan did great as Romeo,” Kate said.

  Blushing, Ryan’s friend Keisha handed Kate two playbills. “Don’t think this is dumb, but can I have your autograph? My mom asked me to get one for her too, because you’re going to be famous someday.”

  “Sure.” Kate signed her name on both playbills.

  Brandon grinned sheepishly and produced the program from his pocket. “Me too?”

  “After last night, you must be on cloud nine,” Keisha said.

  Kate forced the same smile she bestowed on everyone and gave the answer she knew was expected. “I am honored to play Juliette. It’s the chance of a lifetime.”

  Shannon grew impatient waiting for Kate. She marched into the classroom, grabbed Kate by the wrist, and shoved the newspaper in her face. “Read this.”

  “Read what?”

  “Right here, on page one.”

  “Which part?”

  Impatient at Kate’s apparent lack of interest, Shannon snatched back her paper and began to read. “‘The Milwaukee Music Academy’s production of Romeo et Juliette’…yadda, yadda, yadda…here it is. ‘Kate Weaver’s performance as the young girl is both heartbreaking and powerful. Her stunning vocals along with the wide-eyed innocence she brings to the role are the perfect combination for Juliette. This critic has never seen her equal. The performance was an unmitigated triumph.’” Shannon clutched Kate’s arm and beamed. “I don’t know what unmitigated means, but it must be really good. Oh, Kate, isn’t this amazing?”

  Was this what amazing felt like? Because all Kate felt was empty, like a deserted road in Apple Lake after midnight. Had she experienced anything amazing before Nathaniel came into her life? Was it so bad now because it was so good with him?

  Keisha and a couple other students leaned in to read the review. “One of the women on the board said it was the best opera the academy has ever done,” Keisha said. “I heard some of them talking after the performance.”

  Where was the rush of elation that should accompany such praise? Kate had everything she had every wanted, more success than most of the kids at this school could ever dream of, and she couldn’t care less.

  Maybe down the road she would find what she truly searched for.

  But she didn’t have to waste her time looking. What, or rather whom, she wanted was sitting in a little workshop in the heart of Apple Lake, shaping blocks of wood with strong, gentle hands.

  * * * * *

  Kate sat in the empty dressing room in front of the full-length mirror. With her eyes closed, she listened to the muted sounds of the empty space: the vending machine down the hall that hummed and sputtered to silence in turns, the buzzing fluorescent light over her head, the subtle groans and creaks of the stage above as the crew arrived to set the show. Taking a deep breath, she wrapped her arms around herself.

  November fifteenth.

  Closing night.

  Her soul felt as empty as the spacious dressing room.

  Every night the audience stood in resounding ovation and threw her roses an
d teddy bears at curtain call.

  “A masterpiece. Brava. A tour de force. When will we see you at the Met? Have you thought of studying in Europe?”

  “You’d make a stunning Mimi.”

  “Your mother must be very proud.”

  “Yes, yes, your mother must be very proud.”

  Kate inhaled deeply, as if she had been holding her breath for a long time. She fluttered her eyelids to keep any mutinous tears from escaping. Dr. Dibble would not approve of self-pity.

  She picked up a brush and ran it through her cascading tresses. No wig needed for the performance. Every night, Shannon came to the theater almost two hours early to curl Kate’s hair and sweep it onto her head in perfect Juliette fashion. Better get into a robe. Shannon will be here any minute.

  Kate heard the door open slowly. It stood on the other side of a dividing wall so curious eyes wouldn’t be able to observe costume changes. “Shannon?”

  “Leibe?”

  Kate watched the reflection in the mirror as her parents inched tentatively around the dividing wall and into the room.

  “Mamma! Oh, Mamma!”

  She melted into her mamm’s arms, sobbing and laughing at the same time like a child reunited with her mother after being lost in a crowd of strangers.

  They stood like that until Mamma took Kate by the shoulders and held her at arm’s length. “Let me take a look at you. It was the same last spring,” she said with an affectionate scold in her tone. “You are too din. Don’t they have a kitchen at this school where you can put some meat on your bones?”

  Laughing in the delight of a hundred memories, Kate hugged her mamma again. Dat patted her on the shoulder, an unusual show of affection from him. “My Katie,” he said. He stared at her as if she would disappear if he looked away.

  “We hope you are not cross with us for coming,” Mamma said.

  “Cross? How could I be cross? I am so happy to see you, I think I will float onto the stage tonight. You got my letter?”

  “Jah, leibe, thank you. We were so happy to finally hear from you,” Mamma said.

  “They told us at the ticket office that tonight is your last night,” Dat said. “And that you are wonderful-gute.” He turned to Mamma. “What is the word they used, heartzly?”

  “Stunning,” Mamma said.

  “Jah. Stunning,” Dad repeated.

  Kate clutched both her parents’ hands. “I have missed you so much. How is the family? How are all the brothers and sisters?”

  Mamma nodded. “Joe and Ben have both grown three inches since the summer. Mary’s arm is all better, and the children are gute. We pressed four hundred gallons of cider.”

  “Four hundred?”

  “Jah, a very gute crop. Elmer did most of it, with the help of the twins.”

  “How is Elmer?” Kate said. “I am afraid he was angry with me when we parted.”

  Mamma and Dat looked at each other, and then Mamma looked down at the floor. “He had a hard time with your leaving. I worry for him.”

  “He loves Christmastime. At Christmastime I am sure we will see him happy again,” Dat said. “Especially if you come for a visit.”

  Kate smiled wistfully. “I would like that very much.”

  “We miss you, Katie,” Mamma said. “Can’t you come home for good?”

  Dat took Mamma’s hand. “Now, hush, Emma. We will not trouble Kate with our selfish wishes.”

  “You want me to come home?”

  Mamma dabbed moisture from her eyes. “What a question.”

  Shannon, holding her phone in one hand and a jar of applesauce in the other, appeared from behind the divider like a warm spring breeze. “Oh, hello,” she said. “Are you Kate’s parents?”

  “Jah,” Dat said. “Solomon and Emma Weaver.”

  “Nice to meet you.” Shannon turned to Kate and gritted her teeth. “There’s another one waiting for you down the hall. I’m afraid she’s related.” She held up the applesauce. “She gave me this. Made by real Amish people.”

  “Who is it?” Kate said.

  Both Mamma and Dat shook their heads.

  Shannon winced. “I don’t know. But she’s a talker. After two minutes I was looking for her OFF switch.”

  With a sense of foreboding, Kate led her parents out of the dressing room. A high-pitched screech echoed down the hall. Immediately they snapped their heads in the direction of the sound. There was no mistaking that voice.

  Bewildered, Kate looked at her parents. “What is she doing here?”

  Dat shook his head in disbelief.

  They watched as Ada sashayed towards them with a wicker basket hanging over her arm. The spring in her step left no doubt that she was in very good spirits. Her eyes lit upon Dat and Mamma, and then her expression sparkled with recognition after examining Kate for a few seconds.

  “Kate!” she squealed as she jogged forward to meet her wayward relative.

  The occasion called for an embrace, so Kate reluctantly held out her arms to her sister-in-law.

  “I am a lucky soul indeed to find you,” Ada said. “This building has about a hundred hallways. I wasn’t sure I was in the right place.”

  “What are you doing here?” Dat said.

  “Last night I was halfway asleep when the idea came to me,” Ada said, tripping over her words in an effort to get them all out at once. “Aaron was quite alarmed when he heard you were taking the bus to visit Kate today, and he asked me to follow you over and bring a little cheer. This morning I called Madeline Schwimmer from the phone at the grocery store, and she said she’d be delighted to drive me.” Ada beamed with satisfaction.

  Kate could only pretend to share her jubilation.

  Ada’s gaze traveled from Kate’s bright yellow sundress to her rather frivolous orange heels, courtesy of Shannon’s credit account at Nordstrom. “Look at you!” she gushed. “You’re all made up and ready to take on the world.” She leaned close to Kate and lowered her voice. “I think the fancy clothes suit you. Might as well be honest about who you are.”

  “You brought some of the applesauce,” Mamma said.

  Ada reached into her oversized basket and pulled out a jar. “Look what we did, Kate. Me, Anna, Mary, and Mamm Weaver. My sister Sarah came too. More than one hundred quarts in one day. I thought my feet were going to fall off, they hurt so bad.”

  Ada handed Kate the bottle. “From the MacIntosh apples?” Kate said.

  “Jah,” Mamma said.

  Ada waved her hand in the air dismissively. “I don’t know the kind. Mamm Weaver dumped the apples in the sink and told me to wash. Mary had to bring me a stool because I could barely stand on that hard kitchen floor of yours. Mamm saw how badly I suffered and told me to go put my feet up on the sofa. Ach, what a time we had!”

  Out of the corner of her eye, Kate saw Dat flash a peculiar half smile.

  “And look at this.” Ada produced a small bottle of apple cider, a beautiful amber gold. “My boys were a big help to Elmer and the twins. And lots of neighbors dropped by, didn’t they, Mamm Weaver? The Zooks, the Herschbergers…oh, too many to name. Nathaniel King lent a hand, but secretly I think he came over because Sarah was there.”

  Kate’s stomach flipped at the sound of Nathaniel’s name, but she did not betray any emotion to Ada. She refused to give Ada the satisfaction of knowing that the mere mention of Nathaniel King sent Kate reeling. Resolving to bury her curiosity so Ada wouldn’t suspect, she nodded politely but didn’t reply. As it turned out, her pretense didn’t matter. Ada was eager to talk about Kate’s one-time boyfriend.

  “And, Kate,” she said, patting Kate on the arm. “I don’t want you to fret one bit about Nathaniel. He told Aaron that he has completely forgiven you and has not one iota of bad feeling left in his heart for you or the family.”

  Kate forced her throat open to speak. “That is very good of him.”

  “The whole community worried over him for weeks, but I’m convinced he has completely recovered. That boy won’t slo
w down. He’s joined two different youth groups, and he and Sarah go everywhere together.”

  Kate wanted to crawl into a hole. Did she look as distressed as she felt, even with a painful smile pasted on her face?

  “Plus, Nathaniel loves Sarah’s apple pies.” Ada glance darted between Kate and Mamma, and she sighed in conspicuous contentment. “We’ll have those two married off next year, Lord willing.”

  Mamma, who avoided confrontation at all costs, cast her eyes downward while Ada chattered away.

  It was only with supreme effort that Kate kept her composure. A gaping hole in her chest quickly sucked every bit of light right out of her. Why was this news so devastating? She had already learned the brutal truth from Nathaniel’s own mouth.

  “Ada,” Dat said, “Kate does not need to hear this. Leave well enough alone.”

  “I am just sharing the news. My boys adore Nathaniel. He plays Scrabble with us once a week and is already their favorite uncle,” Ada said, prattling merrily.

  Kate thought she might scream if she were forced to listen any longer.

  “Nathaniel is a fine man,” Ada said. “Don’t you think so, Dat Weaver?”

  Dat did not answer. He was studying Kate intently. What he saw in her face must have made him unhappy. His eyebrows loomed over his eyes like dark storm clouds.

  He took Mamma’s hand. “Ada, could you wait here while we find a vending machine for Kate? She needs something to eat before her final performance.”

  Ada pulled a bright green apple from the basket. “No need. I brought apples.”

  “She needs some sugar.”

  “I brought pie,” Ada replied.

  Still holding tight to Mamma, Dat grabbed Kate’s hand and pulled them both away. “She wants something not in your basket.”

  Dragging Mamma and Kate with him, he plowed his way to the end of the hall, around a corner, then into the stairwell, where the metal door slammed behind them. The deafening clang echoed off the cement stairs.

  Without saying a word, Dat pulled Kate to him and wrapped his thick arms around his daughter. Kate could not remember ever before receiving an embrace from her reserved father. Feeling as if she had run a marathon, she inhaled and exhaled with purposeful breaths until her heart slowed to normal and the vice squeezing her lungs relaxed.