The Edge of it All

by Jessica Grayson

  When I sit on the edge of the bed, my exhaustion hits me like a giant wave. This mattress is soft and inviting; a luxury I haven't had in a long time. Laying down, I pull the blankets over my body and curl up on my side, cocooning myself beneath the warm fabric.

  Today was a good day with Soran. Reaching up, I touch my mouth. It's been so long since I smiled this much that the muscles of my face are tight, but I welcome the discomfort. As I think of all I've been through, I repeat my vow that I will not let it break me. I'm alive, and I will find my crew and my home world. There is always hope, and I choose to hold on to it with both hands.

  For the first time in a long time, I know that I'm safe as I allow myself to drift off to sleep.

  I'm surrounded by darkness. Long tendrils of fear unfurl and wrap around my spine. Cold fills me as the sickening sharp clicks of Zovian speech echo nearby. A dull thump sounds along the metal floor, followed by the electric hum of a shock stick. My heart stops and then begins hammering in my chest.

  My eyes snap open, and I bolt upright in bed, panting heavily. I look to the viewscreen; the stars blur by, reminding me of where I am. Scrubbing a hand across my face, I draw in a deep breath and focus on clearing the dark memories from my mind.

  I swing my legs over the side of the bed. Unable to still my trembling hands, I curl them into fist and press them into my lap to stop their shaking. After a moment, I stand and then walk to the viewscreen.

  Wrapping my arms tightly around my form, I fight back tears. Anchoring myself in this moment, I repeat my mantra aloud. "I am a Garza, and I come from a line of strong women. I am the Commander of the Navis, and I will never give up. I will find my crew and my planet or die trying."

  I'm so tired it should be easy to sleep. But I can't. I don't want to close my eyes and fall back into my nightmares. As crazy as it sounds, I miss sharing such a small space with Tr'lani. It was comforting knowing she was nearby.

  On the long flight between Terra and Mars, the crew is awake for at least a week each way before we enter the sleep pods for the longest part of the journey. It's a safety to make sure everything is running smoothly with the ship before we go into stasis and then again before we approach our final destination.

  Whenever I couldn't rest during that time, I'd go to the command center. Something about sitting at my station, monitoring the ship's functions was relaxing. I'm a pilot, after all, and the bridge is my second home. When Soran briefly showed it to me earlier, I realized that it's the one place in this entire quadrant that feels even remotely familiar.

  Stretching my arms up over my head, I yawn loudly and then start for the door. It's going to be a long night.

  Chapter 7

  Soran

  Rowan's expression is a mixture of relief and pity when I tell him that Liana already has a mate—a male that was part of her crew.

  "Then that settles it," he says firmly. "She cannot be your Ashaya."

  Frustration burns through me. "That settles nothing. It doesn't change what I feel in here.” I place my fist to my chest, directly over my heart. “Do you not understand?"

  Worried eyes meet mine. "What are you going to do?"

  "I'm going to help her find her missing crew and her home world."

  He shakes his head. "She is probably going to Aerilon. When Tr'lani sent out the message to her family, she mentioned Liana, requesting that they accept her into their clan because she has no home and no protection."

  I frown. "That is almost unheard of for an Aerilon clan—especially one of the High Clans—to accept an outsider as one of their own. Do you think they will?"

  "Once her clan receives the message, I have no doubt they will accept Liana. She claims Liana kept her alive, that she took many of the beatings from their masters that were meant for her because she knew Tr'lani would not live through them."

  My mouth drifts open in shock. Liana is so much smaller than Tr'lani. How did she survive beatings from the Zovians and the Anguis? They are known to be especially brutal. As I think of Liana's Terran form, I am ashamed that my first impression of her was that she was fragile. "She is much stronger than I realized," I whisper, more to myself than to him.

  Rowan nods in agreement. "Tr'lani owes Liana a life debt and has claimed her as her sister. I believe her family will not hesitate to accept the Terran into their clan."

  He opens his mouth to speak again, but the doors to the bridge whoosh open, revealing Liana.

  Her worn and tired appearance is concerning. "Are you feeling unwell?"

  A pained smile tugs at her lips as she takes a seat at the empty station next to mine. "No, I...I couldn't sleep. On my ship, whenever I had trouble sleeping, I'd come to the bridge. It may look a bit different from what I'm used to, but this”—she runs her hands across the smooth glass of the control panel—“feels familiar." She lifts her gaze to me. "Will you show me the controls?"

  I dip my head in a subtle nod. "Of course."

  I tap her display to activate it, and she frowns as she examines the menu. "I can't read any of these glyphs."

  Rowan turns to her. "An unfortunate consequence of your language not being programmed into the translator. It can allow you to speak our language, but it has no form of reference to help your brain translate our writings."

  She studies the display and determination sets in her features. "I'm a fast learner. Teach me the symbols."

  "You don't need to concern yourself with—” Rowan starts, but I shoot him an irritated glance, stopping him abruptly.

  He's very possessive when it comes to the glider. It's his personal ship—customized and built to his exact specifications. It took at least three months of coaxing before he agreed to allow me to pilot her. And the way he fusses over every little scratch on the outer hull and is constantly polishing the control panels so that they shine like new, you'd think it was his own fledgling instead of a flying chunk of metal.

  She turns to him. "I don't know how long it will take me to find my planet, or if I'll ever find it. But I need to learn how to survive here. I need to be useful at something. I can't just sit in my quarters all day. I'm a pilot. This is what I do." She gestures at the controls. "This is what I know. And I have to start somewhere. Even if I never find Terra, I have to find my crew. And the only way I can do that is if I begin by learning how to pilot one of your ships."

  Rowan sits back in his chair, crossing his arms over his chest. It's obvious from his expression that he's reluctant to allow her to "learn" how to do anything on his precious glider.

  As if she can read his mind, Liana meets his eyes evenly. "Look, I can tell this ship means a lot to you. Pilot to pilot, I promise to be really careful with her." She gives him a small smile. "What do you say?"

  Instead of answering, he stares at her with an unconvinced expression and her smile begins to falter.

  Annoyed by his ridiculous attachment to his glider, I elbow his ribs, startling him so much he nearly falls out of his chair.

  His nostrils flare as he shoots me an angry glare, straightening himself back in his seat. With a heavy sigh, he purses his lips before reluctantly nodding. "Fine. But be careful with her. This one”—he points to me—“decided it would be a good idea to go through an asteroid field the very first day he piloted her, to shave a bit of time off our trip." Closing his eyes, he inhales and exhales deeply. "I shudder just recalling all the damage he did to the outer hull."

  I wave a dismissive hand at him. "It wasn’t that bad. Stop being so dramatic. It was only a few minor scratches."

  His eyes go wide. “Minor scratches?” His voice rises in pitch. "An entire outer panel had to be replaced."

  Sighing heavily, I shake my head. "It was cosmetic damage. Nothing more."

  He gives me an incredulous look. "It was more than that. The damage was so severe, I'm surprised the entire ship didn't decompress and shoot us both out into space."

  I open my mouth to reply to his ridiculous recounting of events but stop abruptly when I hear a star
tling sound.

  Both of us turn to find Liana doubled over, her body shaking so hard with laughter that tears begin leaking from her eyes. "Oh my gosh," she wheezes. "You two are hilarious!"

  Glad to see her laughing so much, I grin at Rowan, who appears less than amused at first, but after a moment, I notice the smile that tugs at his lips.

  When she finally stops, she looks at my brother and grins. "So...that's a yes? You'll teach me how to pilot the ship?"

  He draws in a deep breath as if dramatically steeling himself to the idea before he nods.

  She gives him a beaming smile, and his cheeks flare deep reddish-orange as he returns her expression with a wide grin of his own.

  I recognize that awestruck look on his face. It's the same one he gives to any attractive female that looks his way. As if sensing my jealous thoughts, he darts a nervous gaze toward me, and I narrow my eyes at him.

  Her small hand grips my forearm, drawing my attention back to her. "So." She smiles brightly, and my cheeks flush with warmth because now I'm completely mesmerized by her beautiful smile as well. "Where do we begin?"

  We spend half the night taking turns showing her the various menus and teaching her the Mosauran symbols to navigate the controls. Because she is a pilot, it doesn't take long for her to get the hang of it. I'm impressed not only by her piloting skills but also her intelligence. She has already committed more than half the glyphs to memory.

  I ask her to give me a return demonstration of how to prep for FTL, and when she mixes up one of the symbols with another that is very similar, she growls low in her throat.

  Rowan and I instantly sit up in our seats at attention. My blood heats as my entire body flushes with warmth. Is she trying to initiate the mating ritual?

  I share a confused glance with my brother.

  Liana's brow furrows softly. "What's wrong?"

  "Were you..." I hesitate, unsure how to delicately ask this question. "Were you growling?"

  "Yeah," she replies casually.

  Rowan's jaw drops.

  Noticing his shocked expression, which I'm almost certain is mirrored on my own face, she gives us a puzzled look. "What is it?"

  The scales of his cheeks flush a deep red-orange hue as my brother clears his throat. "You might not want to do that around a Mosauran."

  Her head jerks back slightly in surprise. "Why?"

  "That particular pitch of growling indicates that you are interested in initiating a mating."

  Her eyes go wide. "What?"

  Wondering if the translator is misinterpreting something, I decide to break it down into a simpler explanation. "It is what a female does when she wishes to initiate the mating ritual and shav-rhokan."

  "'Shav what?" she asks, her voice rising in pitch.

  I open my mouth to explain the mating battle that ensues after such a declaration, but she puts her hands out to stop me, shaking her head. "Never mind. I don't really need to know all that right now." She meets my eyes evenly. "But trust me when I say that is not what I was doing. I repeat. I was not trying to initiate any kind of mating ritual. I would never do that. All right?"

  I nod. From not only her words, but the expression on her face, it is obvious that such an idea is repulsive to her. Whether it is an aversion to my facial scar or my overall general alien appearance compared to her own, I do not know. I only know that the way she is staring at my brother and I right at this moment is enough to deflate any warrior's pride.

  Despite her obvious fatigue, she refuses to go back to her quarters. I think she avoids returning to them because she does not wish to be alone. With Tr'lani already resting in her own quarters, Rowan and I are the only other people to keep her company.

  When she finally closes her eyes and curls up in the chair, I stare down at her small form, uncertain what to do. I do not wish to wake her, for she needs rest. Who knows how long it has been since she was able to sleep like this.

  I remember what it was like those first few months after Rowan had rescued me. Haunted by the nightmares of my traumatic memories, it was often disorienting—terrifying even—waking up alone. I do not want that for her. I look to my brother and drop my voice to a low whisper, "I'll stay with her on the bridge until she wakes."

  He gives me an understanding nod before leaving for his own quarters. This chair isn't exactly comfortable, but I've slept in worse places. I run a quick check of the controls to ensure the cloaking shield and autopilot are functioning normally.

  Gently, I drape a blanket over her in case she gets cold. Careful to retract my claws, I tuck it around her shoulders. Lying partially on her side, her long silken hair falls back from her face, exposing the delicate curved shell of her ear. Dark lashes fan across her cheeks—the many small spots across the bridge of her nose only adding to her charm.

  I wonder if her skin is as soft as it looks, and my hands flex at my sides with want to touch her. But I dare not. Not unless she asks. Who knows how many have touched her against her will; I would never do that to her.

  Settling back in my chair, I close my eyes and drift off to sleep.

  Chapter 8

  Soran

  A small yawn startles me awake, and when I open my eyes, Liana gives me a sleepy smile.

  "Good morning."

  "Good morning," I reply in the standard Terran greeting.

  This has been our routine for the past week and a half—waking together on the bridge at our stations. She does not use her quarters for anything but bathing and dressing. And ever since she joined our crew, neither do I.

  The rest of her time is spent either here on the bridge with Rowan and me, learning more about the ship, or with Tr'lani.

  It took three days before the haunted look finally left her face. Now that it has, she smiles at me often, and I treasure each one as if it were as precious as L'omhara.

  "Where are Rowan and Tr'lani?" she asks.

  Almost as if her question has summoned them, the doors whoosh open, and they enter the bridge.

  A wide smile breaks out across her face as she looks to her friend. "There you are. We were just talking about you two."

  Tr'lani hums in greeting to my Ashaya before she speaks. "Have you eaten yet?"

  Liana shakes her head. "No. Have you?"

  Tr'lani's eyes dart to my brother before she answers, and I don't miss the pronounced deep red-orange coloring that creeps across his cheeks. "You two fell asleep here on the bridge again, and I didn't want to wake you. We just finished breakfast. We're going to try sending another message to my family. I still have not heard anything back from the earlier transmission we sent. Maybe this time”—she gives Liana a pained smile—“we'll reach them."

  To my great surprise, Rowan places a reassuring hand on Tr'lani's shoulder. "Even if we do not, I will escort you to Aerilon myself. I give you my most solemn vow as a warrior of Mosaura. I will do all that I can to reunite you with your clan."

  My eyes widen. He's giving her his most solemn vow? Perhaps I'm not the only one with feelings for one of our passengers.

  After speaking more with her friend, Liana looks over her shoulder at me. "Feel like grabbing a bite?"

  A smile twists my lips as I think on this odd Terran phrase: "grabbing a bite." It is one of many that she has taught me over the past several days. This is how she asks if I wish to consume a meal with her.

  "Of course." I arch a brow, deciding to tease her a bit. "I was thinking that perhaps we could soften the nutrient bar enough for your pitifully tiny fangs to chew, by soaking it in the liquid protein you enjoy so much."

  Wrinkling her nose, she makes the cutest disgusted face I have ever seen. I laugh as she narrows her eyes. "If you dare try it, you'll be sorry."

  My brows shoot up to my forehead in mock surprise. "You would challenge a Mosauran warrior to combat over a nutrient bar?"

  The edges of her lips curl up in a barely suppressed grin. "I would but...you're a nice guy, Soran.” She shrugs. “I wouldn't want to hurt you."
<
br />   A wide smile spreads across my face. "Well then, I will endeavor to please you so as not to incur your wrath."

  She laughs, and the sound is so enchanting it fills my heart with warmth.

  Knowing how much she enjoys my teasing, I make sure to do it often. I love making her laugh.

  She calls over her shoulder as she steps into the hallway. "I'll meet you in the crew mess in thirty minutes."

  I remain locked in place, staring at the closed doors with what I'm sure is a lovestruck grin on my face.

  Rowan's gaze darts to mine, sadness flashes briefly behind his eyes. We've discussed this many times. He's afraid I'm going to get hurt. Liana already has a mate, and even if she did not, it is forbidden to take a mate outside of our race.

  It is hard to be so often in her presence and know she can never be mine. Every day, I learn something new about her—more of who she is. And I have seen how she suffers from nightmares and dark memories, but she does not let it break her. Instead, she spends every day learning whatever she can to help her survive. To forge a new path in this unfamiliar part of the universe.

  All these things speak to a strength of heart and will that is equal to that of a Mosauran warrior. She is intelligent, strong, brave, and kind. Even if she were not my Ashaya, I would still desire her as mine, for she is all the things I could ever wish for in a mate.

  But she is not mine, and she never will be. While my mind has accepted this, my willful heart still refuses. In the end, I know it will break me when she leaves, because I am too far gone now. The damage is already done; I cannot distance myself from her any more than I could will Mosaura to cease its rotation around Drakonus.