by Andi Jaxon
He thinks I’m angry at him? He did nothing wrong, everything was, in fact, perfect, I re-read the words, hearing his voice in my head, smelling his spicy scent, before getting up and heading to class. His class. I’ll sit in the very back, not make eye contact, and be the first one out of the classroom when it’s over. He’s right about one thing, I can’t let this ruin my future, no matter how bad it hurts.
I make sure to arrive with everyone else to blend in with the crowd. It’s easy to get lost in a group of college students in morning classes because no one looks awake yet. The class begins like every other, with attendance being taken. However, when he gets to my name, there’s a slight pause and tensing of his shoulders before he says it.
“Here.”
He appears to breathe easier, knowing I’m not avoiding his class to spite myself. Once attendance is taken and homework is passed forward, Alister jumps into today’s lesson, spending most of the hour with his back to the class. I can’t say I blame him, I wouldn’t want to look at me either if I were him.
The class drags with me spending more time staring at his ass than on the board. The girls are all whispering about the hickey, which is on full display, his black V-neck t-shirt doing nothing to cover it. I don’t know if I should be horrified or proud of it, but my heart is in my stomach, so it doesn’t matter.
The lesson finally comes to an end, and he turns to face the class, his eyes lingering on me for only a few seconds before asking if anyone has any questions. A few people raise their hands, and he goes over each question thoroughly, as he always does, then excuses the class. The entire time I’m packing up I can feel his eyes on me. I feel everyone’s eyes on me like they can all tell it was me who left the mark on the teacher they lust after. I need to get out of here, off campus so that I can think again.
Stomping my way down the hallway, I head to the bike rack where mine is locked up, only to find a tire missing.
“Son of a bitch!” My outburst has birds taking to the sky in alarm. “Come on!” I kick the bike storm off to the bus stop. Could today get any worse?
Chapter Twenty-Eight
ALISTER -
All day I have barely held it together. The bruise on my neck is sore and throbs when I move my head the wrong way. Every time it happens, I’m reminded of how I got it, of who gave it to me. A shiver runs down my spine, goosebumps break out along my skin, and the fist around my heart contracts.
Nausea cramps my stomach, my head pounds with caffeine withdrawal since I haven’t had any coffee today. How can Ben have this strong of an effect on me? It’s ridiculous, but he does. I need him in my life, and I need to know he’s okay. In my office, I pull up the student information I have for him, name and email address. Since I can’t access any of his other information, I pull up Facebook and search. After an hour of stalking every Ben or Benjamin Wallace I can find, I come up with nothing. What college student doesn’t have a Facebook account?
With a growl of frustration, I turn off my computer and head home. The walk will help clear my head, and I can go down to the apartment gym to work off any lingering frustration.
The wind turns the rain into biting pellets against all exposed skin, which makes me think of Ben riding home on his bike. He only had a sweatshirt this morning. I hope he was able to stay dry and warm on his way home.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
BEN -
Stomping down the sidewalk after walking home in the pouring rain, I’m cold, wet, and pissed off. Who steals a damn bike tire? I’m fucked, I can’t afford to replace it, so I either have to walk back and forth every day, or find a way to pay to ride the bus.
Water squishes out my shoes with every step I take, and shivers rack my body against the cold. Thoughts of being wrapped in Alister’s arms plague my mind, and the warmth, both physical and emotional, that comes with being around him. My soul is weary, tired of pain and loneliness and never being enough. Just once, I want to be enough.
Climbing the steps of my rickety building, avoiding the soft spots, I make it to my door, but something isn’t right. There’s water on the floor in the hallway and it’s coming from my apartment. Come on! Why can’t I ever catch a fucking break?
The key unlocks the door, and I push it open to find my place flooded. There’s at least an inch of water throughout the apartment, all my stuff is soaked, and there’s a hole in the ceiling where water is pouring in. I don’t own much more than the clothes on my back. I can probably fit everything into two garbage bags. Now I have to find a way to get it all out of here, heavy with water, figure out how to get it cleaned and dried before mold and mildew sets in, then find somewhere to go. I obviously can’t stay here, I doubt the owners will fix the hole, and I know they won’t replace my stuff. I have no money for a hotel room because my bank account has $2.48 in it.
Dropping down to sit on my waterlogged mattress, I drop my head into my hands and cry. What have I done to deserve this? Why am I being punished? Did my mother know I was cursed, is that why she left me to die?
I don’t know what to do. I can’t take any more hits. My phone rings in my backpack, reminding me there’s still shit that needs to be done, like homework. Careful to keep my bag out of the water, I find my phone and see a message from Kristin to call her. Not having anything else to do, I call her and try to get a hold of myself before she answers.
“Hey, Ben!” She’s having a good day, she either got an assignment she’s excited about, or she just found some juicy information to write.
“Hey.” My voice scratches my throat.
“What’s wrong?” Instantly she can tell I’m not okay.
“My apartment is flooded. Everything I own is soaked, and someone stole my fucking bike tire.” I hope I don’t sound as hopeless as I feel.
“What is your landlord doing about the water? Do you need money for a hotel for a few days until it gets fixed?”
“I don’t know how to tell you this, but I guarantee the owner isn’t going to fix this. I’m fucked. The building is going to be condemned if this is reported to the city.”
“What are you talking about? Of course, it’ll get fixed. They are legally responsible for the building. If they don’t fix it, they’ll get sued.”
“Kris, listen very closely, I live in a shit hole. No one in this place can afford to sue the owner.” Frustration at my situation is bleeding through to her, and it’s not fair. Sucking in a deep breath, I hold it for a minute to calm down.
“I don’t know what to say to you, Ben. I’ve offered to help you numerous times, and you refuse to accept it. I don’t know if you’re too stubborn or just too stupid, but when you’re ready, you know where to find me.” The call ends, and I’m left alone with my thoughts once again. I’ve pushed the only person in my life away. I have literally no one.
Gathering the few clothes I own, I pile them on the bed, along with the few possessions I have. Digging into mostly empty cabinets, I find some grocery bags and start wringing out my clothes before placing them in the bags. School books are added to my backpack, along with any papers I can salvage. Looking through my stuff, I find some mostly dry socks and my boots to change into, they’ll be better than my drenched converse.
Looking around, my entire life is packed into one backpack and a handful of grocery bags. What a pathetic existence I have. With one last deep breath, I glance around before leaving my key on the kitchen counter and closing the door behind me. I won’t be back, there’s nothing left for me here.
Once again, everything I own fits into a few bags and I’m off into the unknown, hoping I come out on the other side or freeze to death in my sleep. Is this really a better existence than being at Dan’s? The sun set a few hours ago, turning the chilly night bitter and biting. The temperature is not low enough to freeze, but not by much. Without much thought in my direction, I start walking. At some point, I hope to find a covered bench or mostly empty overpass I can hide from the wind and rain for the night. I’m homeless. Hopeless. Lost.
I don�
��t know how long I’ve been walking, but I can’t feel my fingers anymore, I can’t feel most of my body because of the cold. A car pulls up next to the curb and parks, but I don’t pay it any attention. I would love to have a car to sleep in tonight, it would be cold, but at least it would be dry.
“Hey!” someone yells from behind me, the sound of feet moving quickly and getting closer makes me turn to look. “Hey, do I know you?” No, but you sound like the voice I long to hear.
I shake my head, attempting to move around the police officer. A light in my face blinds me for a minute before he drops the beam. “Yeah, aren’t you a friend of Alister Bennet?”
At his name, my gaze snaps to the man’s face standing in front of me, an exact replica of Alister. I stare at him, too emotionally broken to school my features. He moves the flashlight around, taking in the bags I’m carrying and the clothes sticking to my body from the water. “You okay? You need a lift somewhere?”
I open my mouth to tell him no, but nothing comes out, leaving me to just stare at him again. Too cold and tired to do anything else.
“I’ve got some towels in the squad car. Let’s get you warmed up. Okay? Come sit in the car with me.” He ushers me to the patrol car, removing the bags from my fingers. “Why don’t you take your sweater off? I’ll grab a blanket for you.” He leaves me at the passenger side door and opens the trunk, digs around for a minute and comes back with a big brown blanket.
I can’t get my sweater off without his help, my fingers not wanting to work. He notices me struggling and helps me pull my arms out of the sleeves, then lifts it over my head. Once it’s off, he unfolds the blanket and wraps it around me, before helping me into the car where he blasts the heater. The warmth of the car burns my face, and the blanket makes me shiver harder than I was just a minute ago in the rain.
“Hey man, what’s your name?”
It takes me a few tries to get the words past my trembling lips. “B- b- en.”
“You know my brother, right? Alister Bennet?”
I nod, too exhausted to try to speak again.
“I’m Alex. Where are you walking to?”
I shrug my shoulders, the shaking of my body so intense I’m not sure he could see it. “Du- dun- no,” I manage to get out.
“You don’t know where you were going?”
My head shakes again.
“Um okay. Why are you wandering around in the rain for no reason?” He’s starting to sound suspicious, and I can’t blame him in the least, I sound insane. Or high.
“F- f- f- flood- ed.” My teeth are chattering so hard I bite my tongue and it starts bleeding.
“Your place flooded?”
Trying to keep the blood in my mouth and not dripping down my shirt, I keep my mouth closed and nod.
“You don’t have anywhere to go? A friend or family member you can crash at?”
“N- no.” The copper taste of blood is bitter in my mouth.
“How about Ali? I’m sure he would let you crash on his couch.”
I shake my head but don’t say anything, not sure what I can say. This is Alister’s twin brother, nothing I say is going to end well for me.
Reaching for his phone, he does something and lifts it to his ear.
“Alex? Aren’t you on duty?” Alister’s voice comes across the line. Embarrassment has me leaning against the window and closing my eyes. My face is bright red from the cold, I’m sure, and my body is basically convulsing.
“Yeah, hey, I found your friend Ben, he appears to need a place to crash. He said his place flooded. I found him wandering around in the rain, completely soaked. I should probably take him to the hospital to be treated for hypothermia, but I think I caught him early enough, if we can get him warm, he’ll be fine.”
“Jesus Christ! Where did you find him? Can you bring him to my place?”
“Just a few streets over from you actually, we’ll be there in a couple of minutes.” He ends the call and starts driving, not asking if this is what I wanted, but since I don’t have any other options…beggars can’t be choosers.
“I don’t know what’s going on with you and my brother, but I know I’ve never seen anyone in his apartment before. He’s mentioned you to me a few times, and he’s never done that either, so you mean something to him.”
I don’t respond to him, just watch out the window. Only a few streets down from Alister? My subconscious wanted him, even if logic said I shouldn’t.
Chapter Thirty
ALISTER -
Alex’s call definitely caught me off guard, he rarely calls me while on duty. He’ll text if it’s a really slow night, but most of the time he’s patrolling. He found Ben just a few streets away from my apartment, drenched, and hypothermic, wandering around aimlessly. What the fuck is going on with him?
I pulled out a t-shirt and lounge pants with a drawstring for him to change into when he gets here, and some extra blankets to wrap around him. I don’t know how bad he is, but pacing my living room floor isn’t helping me stay calm. Yanking the front door open, I stalk to the elevator and hit the button to call the carriage. When the doors open, Alex is standing inside with a brown blanket wrapped around an exhausted and shivering Ben. Reaching for him, I wrap my arm around his shoulders and pull him to my side and into my place.
Inside, I lead Ben to the couch and have him sit so I can take off his shoes and socks. His feet are white, almost blue, and wrinkled from being wet for so long. From my place kneeling on the floor at his feet, I look up at his face. His lips are blue, jaw trembling, cheeks red, probably from Alex having the heater blasting in the car. Shivers are still racking his body, and I imagine they’re better than they were. But his eyes, those deep pools, are full of defeat.
Alex clears his throat to get my attention. “He was carrying these, looks like mostly clothes. I’ll put them by the washer and dryer for you guys to deal with later, do you need help getting him changed?”
“No, I got it, thanks. Thanks for calling me.”
Alex disappears down the hallway, the opening and closing of sliding doors sounds, then he’s back. “Let me know if you need anything. I’m on the night shift for a while, so I can swing stuff by on my way home if you need.”
I nod but don’t turn away from Ben. Alex leaves, the front door closing behind him, and we sit there for another moment. Shame and embarrassment flashes over his face.
“Can you stand? You need to get the wet clothes off in order to get warm. I’ve got some dry clothes you can put on.”
He wobbles as he stands, my hand on his lower back helps keep him steady. His hands reach for the waist of his jeans, but his fingers fumble with the button.
“Can I help?” My voice is soft, trying to bring him comfort, and ease his embarrassment. This isn’t exactly the way I wanted to get him out of his pants for the first time.
His shoulders sag even farther, and his hands drop, his forehead leaning into my chest. Making quick work of the button and zipper, I work his jeans and the elastic of his underwear down his hips and over his ass, far enough for him to sit. Getting wet denim off is always a pain in the ass, but I work as quickly as I can to free him from the fabric. Taking the blanket from his shoulders, I lift the t-shirt over his head and drop it on the floor with the rest of the wet clothes.
I grab one of my extra blankets and wrap it around him, and the soft plush fabric is dry and soothing against his irritated skin. “Do you want to put clothes on or are you okay naked? We should lay down together. My body heat will help get you warmed up.”
When he doesn’t answer, I wrap my arm around his shoulders, help him stand, and steer him toward my bedroom. The blankets on my bed are pulled down, making it easy to slide him in. I strip my clothes off and slip in the other side, pulling him against my chest. His skin is freezing, almost painful to have against mine, but I force myself to stay wrapped around him. His body needs to warm up, or I’ll have no choice but to take him to the hospital.
His face nuzzles into
my neck, brushing the mark he left this morning, and with one arm around my back with our legs intertwined, he falls asleep. He’s not just asleep but passed out, completely dead to the world, exhaustion forcing his body to shut down. I wrap my arms around him tighter and hold him, so fucking glad to have him with me, even if the circumstances are terrible.
In a few hours, my skin is slick with sweat. Ben is still wrapped around me, but he’s no longer shivering. With the way the night unfolded, I didn’t close my curtains before laying down. A small break in the clouds lets enough of the moonlight in for me to see the color is back in his face, and that he’s dreaming peacefully. Careful not to wake him, I move the heavy blanket off us, leaving us covered in only a flannel sheet.
I’m finding myself at war with what I want at this moment. I want to kiss him awake, show him without words how much he means to me, let my body worship his, the way he deserves. But I also want to just hold him, be the safe place he needs right now. He shouldn’t have to worry about being taken advantage of while he sleeps, so I’ll stay here and watch over him, no matter what my dick says.
Ben has been here for a few days, mostly just sleeping and eating. He spiked a fever the morning after he got here, I’m not sure if it was from the hypothermia, but his stomach has been okay, so I’ve been trying to force ibuprofen and Tylenol into him along with soup, bread, and water. I wasn’t able to get into his student email, so I had to call his professors, try to disguise my voice and leave messages to excuse the absences. I was too worried to leave him alone all day, so I had to excuse myself from classes as well. Hopefully canceling one class won’t set anyone too far behind.
The sun is shining directly in my face, blinding me before I open my eyes. It takes me a minute to realize Ben is behind me, pressed against my back, his cock nestled in my ass cheeks. It’s been a long time since I bottomed, but I am more than willing. In his sleep, he moves against me, his body seeking pleasure.
