Be My December

by Rachel Brookes

  How was I meant to ever say goodbye to her now?

  I shut off the faucet and tested the water. Perfectly hot. Turning back to face her, I moved between her legs and wrapped my arms around her waist, lifting her in one motion off the vanity before placing her in the bath. Her gasp as her still tingling body hit the heated water filled my ears. I stood and looked down at her, the bubbles swam around her; the sated look on her face completely undid me.

  “Are you getting in?” Her words shocked me. Her confidence was beginning to come through, and I loved the thought that I had something to do with that.

  I nodded and slid in, pushing my back against the opposite end of the porcelain bath. In all my time living here, I had never used the bath.

  “You asked me what I was thinking, but what are you thinking?” The softness of her voice massaged the intensity of my thoughts so tenderly.

  I took a deep breath, meeting her inquisitive eyes as they begged for honesty. A tightness in my chest thundered to life as I prepared to give her my every thought. “Sex will never be the same again. You, Eden, have singlehandedly ruined me for anyone else.” My honesty even shocked myself, and by the way her eyes widened, I knew they shocked her too. “I can still feel myself deep inside of you, deeper than I’ve ever been before, and I fucking love it. I tried so hard to deny you because I didn’t want to hurt you; I didn’t want to lose you, but now that I’ve felt you, that I’ve had you, that I’ve come inside you, I don’t know what to do.”

  My words were absolute truth. How was I meant to move on from this? This was exactly why I never wanted to be with her like this. I didn’t think I could possibly move on from this.

  The splashing of water hitting the tiled floor brought me back. Eden shifted toward me until her legs were over mine and we were chest to chest, face to face. A thousand unspoken words shifted between us as her shining blue eyes met my hazels. The moment her head hit my shoulder and she crawled onto my lap, I closed my eyes as a contentment I chose to ignore for so many years engulfed me. Four years. I had fought every single regret for four years and now what I craved—a life of peace, contentment, love, and redemption—was brought on by the girl who was my biggest regret in the first place.

  “Thank you for making the hardest day in my life into something I will never forget.”

  December 16th.

  I knew the day all too well.

  The lump in my throat disabled my ability to speak so I held onto her for dear life as the water around us cooled. I held her as I knew her memories were coming in thick and fast; I held her for my memories of a fateful day that had stuck with me as a constant reminder and I held her for a secret that I knew I had to admit sooner rather than later.

  “Are you hungry?” I said softly against her neck once the water had completely cooled.

  “Mmhmm.”

  “Let’s get changed and get some food.”

  We walked out of the bathroom once we dried off and put on our sweats then made our way to the kitchen hand in hand.

  “I made some spaghetti; it’s a recipe that I stole from Mom.” I grabbed a spoon and dipped it into the red sauce giving off the strong aroma of fresh tomatoes and garlic.

  “Oh my God, that is delicious,” she groaned and licked her lips savoring the taste. “I’d ask you to cook this every night if it didn’t mean that I’d put on a hundred pounds.”

  I loved playful Eden, and it seemed like she was the one who came out after sex and I loved it.

  “I could make it low fat if you were really that desperate.”

  “Ky Crawford, did you just insinuate that I had a weight problem?”

  “Never! I love every single curve of your body.”

  I grabbed her around the waist and she squealed as I lifted her from her feet and placed her on the counter. The bubbling of the spaghetti matched the bubbling of tension in the kitchen.

  “You are crazy,” she whispered.

  “Maybe a little, but that’s what you like about me, isn’t it? Or is it the way I kiss you or maybe it’s the way I make love to you?”

  I reached behind her and pulled out the pins holding her hair in place and with steady fingers I ran through her hair separating the clumps so it fell perfectly over her shoulders.

  “Your crazy is what got my attention in the first place, and you know I enjoy your kisses, and well, you know what else.”

  “You can say it,” I whispered and moved in closer. “I want to hear you say it.”

  “When you—” she inhaled sharply, and I watched as her eyes moistened with emotion “—made love to me.”

  “We are going to do that again you know. It’s not just a one-time thing. I want you in my bed all the time; I want to fall asleep beside you and wake up with you in my arms. None of this separate room bullshit. I want you for as long as I can have you.”

  “You don’t frighten me anymore,” she admitted so softly that I almost missed her confession.

  Now it was my time to watch her. This kind of honesty was so unheard of from Eden and something that I hadn’t been lucky enough to witness yet. I never knew how she felt about whatever this was between us, because she had locked it away and hidden the key.

  “Babe, I’ve got to admit you frighten the hell out of me,” I replied with complete honesty.

  She shifted ever so slightly on the counter and leaned forward, dropping her forehead to my shoulder. It was the first time that she had initiated any intimate physical contact between us, and I savored every moment. This was pure contentment but a frightening reality. My heart was thrusting itself at her to run with it, and she was slowly breaking down her walls and showing herself to me. And while I was savoring every moment, I was well aware that I couldn’t believe that anything could come of this. I had asked for one month, and that’s all she was giving me.

  When she pulled away her eyes roamed over my face and she placed one solitary kiss on my lips before turning toward the pot of spaghetti and giving it a stir.

  Twenty minutes later we had eaten; Eden had groaned her way through the spaghetti and every time she did my cock woke. She was an evil mistress. I watched her closely as she washed the dishes. When she was done, she threw the dish cloth on the counter and turned toward the living room. I was busted checking her out. Her lips twisted into that innocent smile that set me alight, and I patted the couch beside me. The way her hips swayed when she walked toward me made even the best supermodels in the world look like amateurs.

  “Why are looking at me like that?”

  “Do you want the honest Ky response or the trying not to make Eden uncomfortable Ky response?”

  “Well I seem to be getting honest Ky these days so lay it on me.”

  She took a seat beside me, sitting so her body was in front of mine. Her legs folded beneath her as she looked back expectantly.

  “You are sexy Eden, and I love the fact that you are so oblivious to it. Every time you walk into the room I just want to kiss you and taste you and devour you. You have completely and utterly got under my skin and that was never my intention when I first decided on this crazy agreement.”

  “Can I be honest with you?”

  I nodded.

  “I’m still confused with why you actually wanted to do this in the first place. I was never receptive to you; I tried everything to stay away from you, but somehow you were just always there.”

  I swallowed hard at her question. I had no idea what she was expecting to hear. The longer this went on, the harder it was to remember my intentions when I came up with this crazy scenario. My goal was still dancing in the grey, whereas some would say that it was black and white. Was it selfish? Probably. Was it an asshole move? It could be seen like that.

  “The first time I saw you all I wanted was to know you. It wasn’t about being physical with you when it started. I just wanted you. My urge to protect you and keep you safe could even be considered insane.”

  I held my breath as I watched her take in my words. I didn’t wa
nt any more questions. I couldn’t deal with any other questions.

  “I like the way you protect me.”

  I couldn’t have asked for anything else and protect I would.

  ••••

  The past couple of days had been horrendous. I worked from sunrise to sunset and my time with Eden was limited to coffee catch–ups, late dinners, and stolen kisses. No matter how busy I was, my mind would always be filled with her.

  I couldn’t deny my feelings for her any longer. It would be like denying a starving man food. I wanted her, I wanted her in every sense of the word. Eden Rivers was a new beginning, a closing door to my own battles, the injection in my heart that made it beat with life again. She was my first thought in the morning, and my last goodnight at the end of the day. She was my brutal reminder of a life that could be. Her nightmares had diminished, but I knew exactly when her thoughts became too much, and the exact moment when they would constrict around her, squeezing the life out of her. She would sink into an impenetrable silence and grip hold of my body so hard that I could barely breathe. I never spoke during that time and simply offered my body for her protection. It was during those times that I felt the weakest.

  The more time I spent with her, the more I couldn’t imagine not having her around. Every time I was with her something came alive within me. She was the catalyst that lit up the darkest parts of me and for that I would be forever grateful.

  I saw a change in her every day. She was becoming stronger and less fearful; she was becoming the person that I knew she wished she could return to. It made this easier, knowing that it was happening, and that I was playing a part in this. It somehow made me forget everything that I needed to redeem; it made me think that maybe this wasn’t just helping her but in some fucked-up way it was helping me.

  Tonight was my annual end of year drinks with friends where I would supply them with booze, food, and my place to destroy. It was almost like my apology for being so distant throughout the year and not accepting invites because of my work schedule. Tonight would be different though—tonight Eden would be here.

  Josh walked through my apartment with a six-pack of beer in his hand and an obnoxious grin on his face. His eyes scoped out the living room, and I knew he was looking for Eden.

  “She’s in the shower,” I answered his unasked question, grabbing the beer from him and walking into the kitchen.

  “I really like that girl Ky.” His words shocked me.

  I removed my gaze from inside the fridge and turned to find my brother staring back at me with a look on his face that screamed ‘heart to heart conversation ahead’. “I really like her too,” I admitted honestly. “Maybe a little too much.”

  “She has changed you man,” Josh continued. “It’s about fucking time that I finally seen you this…happy.”

  My lips twisted into a knowing smile. “How can I not be happy bro? I have the best fucking girl in the world spending her time with me, falling asleep in my arms every night, kissing me good morning and making me feel the fuck alive. But I also know the reality of this situation and that’s what is freaking me out.”

  “Talk to her. Open your fucking mouth and tell her exactly how you are feeling. Give her that.”

  My brother; pussy lover, timeless bachelor, and now my relationship counselor.

  The sound of the shower shutting off halted our conversation and Josh looked at me knowingly before heading to the couch and pulling out his phone. The guests would be arriving within the hour, and I knew I wanted some time alone with Eden before I had to share her with the rest of the world.

  I made my way down the hall and stepped into my room. A combination of vanilla and flowers hit me with force, and I breathed in sharply. I wished I could bottle the scent of Eden Rivers because I wasn’t sure how long I’d be able to survive without it. I leaned against the door frame for a few moments of silent wonderment. She stood by her suitcase, wrapped in only a towel, her wet hair hanging over her bare shoulders and her skin still flushed from the heat of the shower. She was the most beautiful sight in the world, and she was mine, if only for a few more weeks. Thinking of that caused my stomach to drop. I couldn’t think of it.

  I crossed the room until I stood behind her and her body reacted the moment she felt the heat of mine. I didn’t think I’d ever get enough of her reaction to me.

  “You smell good enough to eat.” My voice dropped as I stepped closer until my chest brushed against her back. “And I know exactly how sweet you taste.”

  “Ky,” she sighed wistfully and leaned into me. I buried my face into her neck and wrapped my arms around her waist, my hand resting on her stomach, and pulled her even closer.

  “Turn around Eden.” My voice hummed as my body ignited under the feeling of her skin against mine.

  Without hesitating, she twisted around until we were chest to chest. It would only take one quick movement for her to be standing in front of me naked—just a flick of my wrist and a tug on the towel—and her body would be mine to play with. My eyes dropped to the top of the towel pulled tight against her skin showing off the top of her tits.

  “How are you feeling about tonight?” I asked softly as my hand cupped her cheek allowing my thumb to trace her bottom lip. Her breath halted, and her eyes closed under my simple touch.

  “I’m nervous,” she admitted softly.

  “About what?”

  “I don’t do crowds well.”

  “If you get anxious just come and find me.”

  She nodded her head, and I dropped my lips to hers, taking away her nerves. Her arms slid around my waist as I pulled her body hard against mine allowing her to fall into the kiss. I ran the tip of my tongue over her bottom lip, causing her to sigh under the sensation. When her mouth opened, I took a chance and slipped my eager tongue through her lips, kissing her with all my might. I didn’t think I’d ever not want to kiss this woman; how would I survive not tasting her. Her tongue battled with mine for ownership. I reined in my need to control the kiss and let her explore. Her teeth nipped at my bottom lip before she claimed complete ownership, sweeping her tongue through my mouth, tasting and devouring everything I was. Her sigh against my lips caused my cock to stir and the moment I pulled her body closer to mine her sigh turned to an alluring moan.

  “You are so beautiful,” I hummed against her lips. Her hands gripped tightly on my hair, pulling my mouth back to hers. “How am I ever going to survive without your body and your mouth?”

  She pulled her mouth from mine and with pinked cheeks and broken breath she looked at me with heated gaze.

  “I can’t think about that,” she whispered.

  I didn’t want to think about it either. I still had time with her. She was still my December, my only December.

  “Ky, leave Eden the fuck alone and get out here. People are arriving!” Josh’s amused voice shot through the closed door, and my eyes slammed shut under the intrusion. Seriously, could he be any more frustrating.

  “Well Josh has spoken. I’ll let you finish getting dressed. Come out when you are ready. Don’t be nervous, just be yourself. Everyone is going to love you.”

  My hand left the comfort of her cheek. I stared at her and her eyes fluttered open; her beautiful blues looked back at me, glistening with lust. A simple touch did so much to her body, and I fucking loved it. I traced her jaw with my index finger, and my eyes followed the movement. Her mouth opened and she drew in a quick breath.

  I dropped my hand and turned toward the door ready to go out and put on my socializing hat. The moment my hand connected with the handle I turned back toward her and found her still looking at my retreating self. A wicked thought filled my head.

  “By the way, don’t wear panties tonight.”

  What the hell was I doing?

  I had absolutely no clue who the majority of these people were yet that didn’t stop me from standing in the middle of Ky’s living room wearing no panties and a dress that left nothing for the imagination. Who the hell h
ad I become and why in God’s world was she making me happy? I inhaled a deep breath and took off through his apartment, the heel of my boot clinking with the polished floors, as I made my way toward the kitchen.

  Men smiled while women seemed to snarl at me as I passed. I felt so unbelievably out of place. Where the fuck was Josh or Ashlyn when I needed them and Ky, where had he disappeared to?

  “You look cute tonight.”

  Finally! I spun around at the sound of Ashlyn’s voice and her eyes immediately roamed up and down my body taking in my black dress that fit snuggly around my waist and boobs but skimmed loosely around my knees.

  “Where have you been?” I laugh and shot her a ‘don’t you dare leave me’ look.

  “I had to take the Australian to the airport. He flies back to Sydney tonight.”

  I couldn’t ignore the sadness evident in her voice. “You okay with that?”

  “I don’t really have a choice. But enough about me, how are you? You seem, how shall I say it, sated?”

  My brief smile was answered by a clap of celebration from Ashlyn. “You two had sex?” she whispered. “This is massive.”

  “I’m pretty darn happy.” I smiled in response.

  Ashlyn grabbed my hand and dragged me through the ever-growing crowd of people until we stood amongst a group of guys in the kitchen who were in the midst of an argument about who would win the Super Bowl. I stood silently, sipping on my usual Coke and listened as Ashlyn got right in the midst of the argument. It was quite amusing to watch.

  “You look so fucking sexy and knowing that you don’t have panties on is making my cock ache.” Ky’s soft breath caressed the skin by my ear, and I momentarily leaned back into his body. I ached all over for him and the desire pounding between my thighs was increasing by the second. His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me back against the firmness of his chest. He kissed the side of my neck before whispering. “I’ll see you soon.”

  My eyes trailed after him, following his every step as he walked toward the couch where three guys had taken ownership. Ky sat on the coffee table in front of them and fell into animated conversation.