The Debutante

by Magnolia Mason

  “Do you like him, baby?” Conrad asked. He wore a funny smile on his face. Sort of teasing. When he received no answer, he sighed and shrugged as we watched Cash slipping his arm around Betty Willows’ waist. A pang of jealousy shot through me, as if someone plucked a poorly tuned heart string.

  “You better decide soon.” He sighed and a cloud of boozy breath fell around me like a fog. “See all these girls? They’re all wolves. Every last one of them. You’d never know looking at them, they’re so pretty and delicate in their white dresses, but it’s a ruse.”

  Conrad was a little tipsy. Well, drunk, actually. He sloshed his drink as he gestured toward them, and then chuckled when it splashed on his shoe.

  “Yessiree, they’re all damned wolves on the hunt. And that boy, he’s their prey. He’s a lamb.” Conrad looked at me and nodded sagely, imploring me to listen to his wisdom. I nodded back.

  “Oh, he’ll make the best of it—boys always do, if you know what I mean—but he needs a little nudge in the right direction. Just think about it, baby,” he said as he rested his hand on my shoulder and kissed my coiffed hair, which was collapsing like a meringue from the humidity. “Let Conrad know. I’ll take care of everything.”

  He wandered off to find another Sazerac, leaving me alone in the crush of taffeta and tulle and too much perfume. If I wanted him to, he’d be my matchmaker. He’d talk to Cash’s daddy and set everything up. I wouldn’t have to do a thing. It was tempting… but, no. I’d be put in some gilded cage like a bird and never do a thing. I’d be a pretty, bobble-headed wife like all the mothers in this room. Forced to smile when they needed to cry, forced to say ‘yes’ when they wanted to say ‘no’.

  Cash danced with every girl, occasionally throwing a glance and a smile in my direction. When it was my turn, I was shaking like a leaf as he walked toward me.

  “Cassy? Would you do me the honor?” His eyes met mine as he bent at the waist and offered me his hand. It was like something out of Jane Austen.

  “I—uh—yes, please. I’d like that,” I managed to answer, though I’m not sure the words came out right. It felt like my tongue was ten sizes too big for my mouth.

  He slipped his arm around my waist and twirled me around the room. I was never a very good dancer, but he danced well enough for the both of us. He kept our rhythm, and spun me effortlessly until I was breathless and grinning like an idiot. I forgot the zit on my face and how bloated my tummy felt—I felt lovely and envied by everyone.

  He leaned in and whispered in my ear, sending a shiver down my spine.

  Is this the feeling my mother is always after? I wondered as I looked into his eyes. She always seemed to like the courtship best; less so the marriage. This… this was like champagne after a lifetime of drinking milk.

  “Can I show you the gazebo?” His breath was a hot, ticklish wind on my bare neck. It smelled of bourbon and mint.

  My body tingled all over as his hand slipped down a little bit further, cupping my ass through the voluminous fabric of my dress. The crush of people kept us hidden, thank God. If my mother saw his hand on my ass, she’d lose her ever-loving mind.

  “Yeah—yes. Some fresh air would be nice, Cash,” I answered as I swooned with anticipation.

  “Good.”

  He pulled back and grinned at me, showing the white points of his canine teeth. His green eyes glittered in the candlelight as he looked around us surreptitiously.

  “Your daddy will kill me if he sees us walking out together. Why don’t you go out the side door, and I’ll go out the front. We’ll meet on the porch, yeah?”

  I nodded and smiled as he squeezed my hand and walked ahead. People milled around and blocked my path, but I managed to make my unwieldy way through the throng. My cheeks were glowing and I wore an idiotic grin that anyone would be able to read.

  “Cassy, honey, look who’s here.”

  My mother’s voice cut through the buzz of people around me, snapping me back to reality. She stood in my path with a strange look on her face, wringing her lacy handkerchief in her hands. Beside her stood Jack Jolivet, who’d almost been my stepdad, once upon a time.

  He looked sharp in his black suit, with his wavy auburn hair combed back off his forehead. A strange fluttering passed through me—especially when his gray eyes locked onto mine. He had a way of looking at a person that cut right to their core. I felt like I was standing there naked in front of him, or maybe it was just my guilty conscience that made me feel that way.

  “Hey—hi,” I said with a smile as I slipped my hands around his waist and hugged him. He hugged me back, patting my back lightly.

  “Hi yourself, Miss Cassy. You look like a million bucks.”

  Jack seemed like a fish out of water. He was, I suppose. This wasn’t his type of place, and these most definitely weren’t his type of people. He was a beer-at-the-roadhouse and plinking-cans-with-a-.22 kind of guy. Still, he cleaned up nice. If I didn’t know any better, I’d swear he was born into all this grandeur.

  “So do you,” I said as I blushed a brilliant beet red. “You look nice. Real nice, Jack. I—I’ve never seen that suit before, is it new?”

  I was rambling, my cheeks blazing, as he and my mother stared at me with a strange expression on their faces.

  Oh, god, I’m making a fool of myself again, I thought as another fit of nervous giggling left my body.

  “Honey,” whispered my mother as she took ahold of my elbow and whispered into my ear. “Have you been drinking?”

  “No. Mother, please,” I said as I pulled free from her grip. “I’m just excited. Leave me be.”

  “Don’t be rude, Cassy.” The look of anger on her face blazed and then melted away to the practiced, placid smile she always wore in mixed company. She turned away. “Well, I’ll leave you two to visit. It was good seeing you, Jack. You’re very welcome here. I hope you’ll have a slice of cake before you go.”

  Like that, she was gone. Jack lifted his brow as he watched her walk away. It was so like my mother to counter a welcome with an invitation to leave—with cake to sweeten the deal.

  “Hasn’t changed much, has she?”

  “Oh, heavens, no,” I agreed with a sigh as I hugged him again. He smelled the same. Sort of spicy and warm with a hint of motor oil beneath it all. It was a good smell. A comforting smell. Also, a deeply thrilling smell. I felt my blood rising in a most shameful way. I pulled away dabbed my forehead with my hankie.

  As much as I wanted to stay and visit with him, I was antsy to find Cash. It was only logical: I couldn’t marry Jack. He couldn’t be mine. Cash could. And, besides, he was waiting for me. He’d be getting impatient soon and there were a million other girls who could take my place.

  “You okay, Cassy?” he said at last as he hooked his thumbs behind his suspenders and gave me The Look. You know the one—the one that gets the truth out of you whether you like it or not. “You seem jumpy as a cat.”

  “I—uh—I just…” I couldn’t find the right words.

  He laughed and squeezed my shoulder gently.

  “It’s okay, honey, you can tell me. What is it, a boy?”

  I blushed even harder and nodded. He smiled at me and wrapped his hands around my bare arms, stroking my skin with his thumbs as he looked at me. A crackle of electricity passed between us, though I was sure I was the only one who felt it.

  “Guess it would be, a gorgeous girl like you. You’re not a kid anymore. Who is he?”

  I wanted to tell him but part of me was still afraid he was going to tell my mother. Of course, I knew he wouldn’t. Those days were done. But old habits die hard.

  “Cash.” My voice caught in my throat as I said his name.

  Jack’s eyes narrowed as he studied my face.

  “Cash Jackson?” His voice rumbled in his chest, deep as thunder. I felt it in my core.

  “Yeah.”

  “Hm.” He looked at me out of the corner of his eyes and squeezed my arms. “You’re a smart girl and always have been,
but you gotta be careful with that boy. I’ve towed no fewer than three cars he’s wrecked driving drunk out on Lafayette Road. He’s bad news, Cass. Promise me you won’t mess with him.”

  He was bad news and I knew it. I just didn’t care at that moment. He was what I wanted.

  “I promise,” I lied softly as I went in for another hug. He squeezed me again and let go, leaving me feeling cold inside. His concern seemed to linger around me like a fog.

  “Well, go on, then. Do what you gotta do, Cass. I won’t keep you.” He craned his neck and looked around the room. “Might get myself a piece of that cake before I go. You want one?”

  “No, thanks,” I laughed as I squeezed by him and out the huge French doors that led onto the wrap-around porch.

  A big yellow moon hung on the horizon, casting its glow over everything. The air was still warm from the day, but it felt positively chilly after being indoors with all those bodies. I walked along the porch and down the stairs into the darkness. String lights hung across the yard, but their light hardly touched the willow-smothered gazebo where I was headed.

  We’ll be alone in the dark, just me and him, I thought as my heart fluttered in my chest.

  “There you are.” Cash’s voice was smooth as honey as it piped out of the darkness.

  He was standing against the railing of the gazebo with his suit jacket slung over his shoulder. The cherry of his cigarette glowed as he drew on it, lighting his face for a moment before the darkness swallowed it up again.

  “Here I am,” I replied as I made my way up the stairs. I walked over and leaned against the railing beside me, gazing off at the river. Light danced on its surface, making the darkness around us deeper and softer than velvet. “Pretty night, isn’t it?”

  He nodded and passed me his flask, then tossed his cigarette in the water. I hated the smell of cigarettes, but I was willing to overlook it this one time.

  I tipped the flask and took a little sip. The pungent liquid wriggled down my throat like a snake made of fire, burning all the way to my belly. It smoldered inside me, making me cough. I took another sip to calm my nerves.

  He moved closer and turned his body toward me, but he let his gaze follow mine, taking in everything around us. He sighed and set his hand on the small of my back. The heat of his hand radiated through my dress.

  “It is,” he agreed as he pulled me closer. I turned and set my hands on his chest. It was so broad and hard and warm. So warm. The space between us filled with heat. It enveloped me. “But we didn’t come out here to talk about the scenery, did we?”

  The first kiss was soft. It wasn’t my first kiss, but it may as well have been. I was stiff as a board, cranked up with tension. Our lips grazed against each other again and again as he stroked my back. When his lips took ahold of mine and parted, offering me his breath, I melted. A little moan escaped me as I kissed him back, as the tension ran from my body like hot wax.

  “Cash,” I whispered into his mouth as our lips opened and his tongue met mine.

  I can’t believe this is happening. This is really happening!

  My mind was racing as our bodies came together, as he slipped his hand down to find the hem of my dress.

  That was fast, I thought as his fingers grazed my calf. He’s like a sports car going from zero to 60.

  “They don’t make this easy, do they?” he laughed as he pushed up my dress, fighting with the layers of tulle. His hand slid up between my legs, his chilly fingers burning like an ice cube against my hot skin. I trembled all over. I wanted it… didn’t I?

  The night seemed to press in around us, blocking off the sound of crickets and frogs, and the constant din from the party. I closed my eyes. My heartbeat fluttered in my ears like moth wings as his fingers groped up my inner thigh—I’d waited for something like this for so long and it was finally happening… shouldn’t I be happy? Excited?

  Somewhere far off, I could hear him talking, telling me how gorgeous I was, how soft and warm, but I was hearing it as if underwater. Rustling cloth and hot, painting breath filled my ears. And my heartbeat. Harder and harder and harder, it was like a drum deafening me.

  “Cash—stop!” I shouted as I pulled away from him, gasping for air. The lights looked all blurry and the world seemed to spin. Adrenaline coursed through my veins, mingling with the alcohol until I was spinning.

  “Goddamn it, Cassy. What’s your problem? Huh?”

  He hissed as he grabbed my arm. He glanced at the house with furrowed brows, looking to see if anyone was coming at the sound of my shout.

  “Nothing,” I said as I turned away to gather my thoughts. “It’s just… you’re moving a little fast. Give a girl time to warm up. Dang it, let go of my arm!”

  I tried to make a joke of it, to make it out that I was the problem and not him. My fingers clawed lightly at the boning in my corset, which was stealing my breath.

  Jesus, I’m turning into my mother, I realized as I looked at him.

  The jackass was manhandling me and somehow it was my fault. He was pouting and taking slugs off his flask as I rubbed my arm. It was gonna leave a bruise that I’d have to explain.

  “You warm now?” he asked in a snide tone as he grabbed me around the waist and pulled me closer. “Cassy… we don’t have a lot of time. They’ll be heading home in a few minutes… don’t you want to…”

  He kissed me again, sloppily. The smell of bourbon was decidedly less appealing than it had been earlier. I kissed him back, grudgingly, as he pawed at my body. I tried to sink into it like a warm bath, calling up every steamy memory and fantasy I’d ever had about him to make it palatable, but it was pointless. I didn’t want it. I didn’t want him anymore. The illusion was broken. He was just a callow boy with a nice smile and more money than sense.

  “Cash,” I said into his open mouth as his tongue stabbed mine. “Cash, I need to go in now. I need to go in now. Stop it right now!”

  I pulled away and took two steps, but he was on me. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me back, pushing me against the railing as he yanked at my dress. I heard it rip and felt a hank of tulle fall against my bare ankle. Cash pushed my dress up hard and pushed my leg apart. He was strong—so strong I couldn’t believe it. I couldn’t move or breath or anything. I decided to bend to him so he wouldn’t break me.

  “Goddamn it, Cassy. You’re such a goddamned tease.” His voice seethed with anger as he held me there. Then it softened. “Come on, girl. You know you want it… I’ve been watching you. You want me. You’re so gorgeous… we’d be really good together.” He grabbed my hand and slid it down, pressing it against the hot hardness straining against his dress trousers like a junkyard dog on a chain.

  It was frightening how quickly he turned from a wolf to a lamb and then back again.

  He’s a lamb. I heard Conrad’s voice in my mind, and I laughed at how absurd it was. A lamb. Cash did not like that.

  “What the hell are you laughing at?” His voice boomed in the darkness. He didn’t seem to care anymore; he was angry, and loud.

  “I’m not laughing at you,” I said in a small, breathy voice.

  The boning in my corseted dress was strangling me, stealing my breath. I tried to step away, to get some air, to stop my head from spinning, but he held me in place, his hand closing over the tender flesh of my arm like a vice.

  “Let—let go, Cash!”

  Darkness pressed in against me and everything in the world narrowed to a little point of light. A thought passed through my mind—I’m going to faint—but I was totally calm. The sort of calm, I imagine, that fills a person as they fall asleep in the snow.

  I’m going to faint.

  Gravity overtook me and I started to sink, to collapse like a startled soufflé. Cash held me up, his mouth pressed to mine, stealing my breath. I didn’t care anymore. I couldn’t care. It was all too much.

  Somewhere far off, I heard a sound. A shout. Thumping. The scuffle of feet; the sound of something hard striking wood. I sank against the rai
ling, my eyes streaming with water, as indistinct movements filled my vision. A shadow seemed to have come alive and was enveloping Cash, forcing him back against the white rails of the gazebo.

  What’s happening? I wondered as I tried to push myself back to my feet. My legs wouldn’t cooperate. They were limp as jelly, tangled in tulle, totally useless. Just a little rest, I thought, just a minute or two and I’ll get up. My eyes fluttered as I saw Cash fall backward over the railing with a wail and a crash. Then the shadow turned to me.

  Run… run!

  Some primitive part of my brain told me to flee, but I couldn’t.

  Feebly, I tried to push myself to my feet, but it was no use. I couldn’t move. The shadow wrapped around me, covering me with warmth. Something pawed at my back, and I couldn’t help but picture mice scrambling over the tight, white silk binding my waist. It made me shiver.

  You’re dreaming, girl, said some voice in my head.

  “It’s okay, baby. It’s okay. It’s just me. We’re gonna loosen up your dress a little. Let you breathe.”

  The smell of motor oil made itself known to my senses. It was so precious, I thought I’d cry.

  Jack.

  “Jack…” I sobbed as he eased down the zipper of my dress and laid me down on the gazebo floor. Air filled my lungs. I was hungry for it. Starved.

  “Shh, baby. Just breathe. Little breaths, okay? Little sips.”

  He set his hand over my sternum and guided the rhythm of my breaths, slowly, softly. Not too much.

  “There, that’s better. Keep breathing. I can’t believe women wear these things. They’re torture devices, not dresses.”

  His hair had fallen over his chiseled face, as wild and untamed as he was. He seemed to have sprouted shadowy scruff along his jaw in the few minutes since I’d seen him. I reached up and stroked it, relishing the prickly surface. He smiled and kissed my fingers.

  “Cash…” I whispered as I struggled to sit up. Oxygen lit up my brain, and I found myself able to care about what had happened, to feel rage and fear again.

  “Hush, baby. He’s gone. He knows my face. He knows you’re mine. He won’t be back.”