The engine cranked and came to life, and she drove like a determined woman on a mission. She barely stopped at stop signs and blew through yields. The signs and signals didn't care about her mission, seeming to delight in torturing her, but she persevered. Monica was soon in the home stretch. A few more blocks and she was there.
Monica approached the parking lot and slowed to turn in. She found a spot near Lily’s car and turned the ignition off. Instead of getting out, she just sat there, staring at the main door. Lily was inside, but Monica had no idea if she wanted to see her. It was a chance she’d have to take. She marched to the third-floor door and took a deep, silent breath before knocking. Footsteps echoed from the other side of the door, and it came open.
“Hey, Monica,” Judy said with a smile.
“Hi,” she said, keeping her guard up since she didn’t know what Judy knew. “I’d like to talk to Lillian.”
Judy gave her a look that heightened her anxiety. “I thought she said you could call her Lily.”
“She did,” Monica confirmed. “I was pretty stupid earlier, so I wasn’t sure if I was still allowed to. For that matter, I don’t even know if she even wants to see me right now.”
Judy stepped aside to let her in. “You still are as far as I know. I probably would’ve agreed with you about an hour ago, but since Chloe left she’s been much calmer.”
Her gaze snapped over to the woman next to her. “Chloe was here?”
“Yep,” Judy answered. “It seemed like a good conversation between them. Give me a minute and I’ll let Lil know you’re here.”
Monica nodded and watched her disappear into the small hallway. Her eyes closed again, this time not sure whether she should scream at Chloe or thank her. Judy emerged again and nodded toward the bedrooms.
“You can head on back.”
“Thanks,” Monica said.
She took tentative steps down the hallway to Lily’s door. Her heart pounded so hard she felt each beat throughout her body. Her stomach twisted into knots. She stopped a couple of steps away and took a couple of deep breaths to calm her nerves.
“Here we go,” she whispered to herself.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Monica walked to Lily’s door and stood just outside. Lily was lying in her bed, facing away from her. She somehow knew that she was crying and didn’t want to look at her. Monica questioned her decision to come over. Looking at her vulnerable girlfriend, she knew she’d hurt her. She went a few steps into the room, not knowing what to say or where she should start. Her mom’s words from earlier echoed in her mind, and she just chose something to start with.
“I’m so sorry, Lily,” she whispered.
“I know,” Lily said back, still facing away. “I don’t care if you’re demiromantic or don’t have feelings for me at all, Monica. I just want to be with you.”
“What did Chloe say?”
Lily gave her a brief rundown of the conversation. Monica listened to everything and nodded as she went along.
“I should’ve told you,” she said, unable to look at Lily.
“It’s okay,” she told her, finally turning to face her. “I would’ve loved to talk about it. And I still do. It doesn’t matter to me if you don’t know how to love me back. We’ve been doing one thing very well for years—bringing the best out of each other. As long as we can keep doing that, then we can make it work. I’ll feel the love for both of us.”
Monica sprouted a tiny smile and reached for her hand. Lily took it and pulled her over, inviting her to sit beside her.
“I don’t want to lose you, Lily,” she began. “It was too high a risk for me. I’ve been wondering for years why I couldn’t love someone. It was embarrassing. I got pretty good at going through the motions, but beyond that nothing. There was no meaning behind it. But something changed.”
Lily smiled and rubbed Monica’s thumb with her own. “What’s that?”
“I realized what not wanting to lose you meant. I’d never felt that before. I was getting bombarded with new feelings that scared me. I didn’t know where they came from, and I thought something was wrong with me. As it turns out, there was nothing wrong at all.”
Monica paused to turn her gaze at Lily. “I love you, Lily.”
Both of them stared at the other in silence. Monica drank in the sensation of wanting to get closer to her, leaning in slow and steady. Lily did the same. Their eyes closed just before their lips met in the middle. Just like it had earlier, the kiss sent a tingle throughout Monica’s body. This time, she not only embraced the sensation but also Lily. Arms around each other, they lost count at two dozen small pecks but kept going. Monica didn’t want it to end but knew it had to.
“Have you eaten?” Lily asked between a pair of kisses on Monica’s cheek.
“No,” she whispered back, continuing her pattern of gentle pecks.
Lily pulled away and held both of Monica’s hands. “Let’s do something we’ve never done before.”
Monica didn’t want to leave the bed. She wanted more time alone with Lily, but doing something together sounded just as nice. “What do you have in mind?”
A giggle met the question. “We’ve been going out for three months now, and we’ve never been on a date.”
“Now?” Monica asked, feeling butterflies in her stomach when Lily nods her head. “Okay, let’s go on our first date. Do you have anything in mind?”
“I may have a couple of ideas,” Lily teased.
Monica smiled and nodded. “Let’s go.”
A pair of stomachs made curious noises as they digested their late Mongolian dinner after they left Iowa State. Monica could still hear the music from the saxophone recital by Lily’s cousin. She could still feel Lily’s hand holding her own from start to finish, except for when they applauded after each piece and gave a standing ovation after the final note faded away. The subtle jasmine scent of Lily’s hair still resonated in her nose when she rested her head on Lily’s shoulder.
Now back at Lily’s apartment, she took in a new set of sensations. The warmth of Lily’s body on her back and legs as they lay on the couch, watching a movie with Judy. The surprising softness of Lily’s left bicep under her head acting as a pillow. The rhythmic breeze gently blowing through her hair when Lily exhaled. The security from Lily’s right arm wrapped around her stomach.
When the school year started, Monica never expected the rollercoaster she’d been on since Lily came back into her life. For that matter, she never thought she’d see Lily again after she went absent from recitals. The thought of them, former rivals, meeting up again and forging a relationship she cherished ravaged her body in goosebumps from head to toe. Lily pulled her closer and wrapped her right leg around hers, clearly thinking she’d gotten cold. Monica debated whether or not to tell her she was fine, deciding she enjoyed the new sensation too much to say anything that would stop it.
Monica was open to a brand new world, one she was sure she’d never reach. But then came Lily Starr. The one who broke the cycle and turned her world upside down. The one who promised to help her as she tried to sort out all the new emotions she was now open to. Monica tried to put her finger on what made Lily different than the others. Was it their mutual love of music? She’d gone out with a couple of choir students who shared her affection for the classics but still didn’t feel anything. Could it be that she and Lily already had a history together? It was a competitive history, but a history nonetheless. The problem with that idea was that in sixth grade, she wasn’t looking for a boyfriend or girlfriend. Maybe the way Lily argued with her during their first so-called attempt at practicing together? She was sure that wasn’t it. Monica left the practice room livid with her and wishing she’d never met her again.
So just what was it that made Lily special?
“You’re not falling asleep on me, are you?” Lily asked, adding a soft kiss on the back of her head.
“No,” she answered after a soft snicker. “I was just thinking.”
“About what?”
Monica shook her head on Lily’s arm. “That’d require me to roll over, and I’m too comfortable to move.”
“You could just turn your head, silly,” Lily countered.
She had a good point.
“Sure,” she said, sliding her right hand towards Lily’s top knee. “Kill the mojo.”
Lily laughed and squirmed when Monica tickled the back of her knee. Monica teased her about finding a ticklish spot that she may have to exploit later. When she calmed down after a few seconds, she got back to what she was doing before, putting her right arm and leg right where she had them before.
“Okay,” Lily said, “you don’t have to turn your head. What are you thinking about?”
Monica slid her right hand again, but this time to wrap her fingers around Lily’s dangling left hand. “Us and how much I’ve been affected by it. How this brand new world is open to me now. I can feel connections just lying here with you that were meaningless to me before. I can finally tell someone I’m dating that I love them and mean it.” She turned her head just enough to give her a soft kiss on her bicep. “Thank you for helping me reach this spot.”
Lily’s fingers glided through her hair. “I’m not sure that I did anything special. At least, not special enough to have that kind of impact. Maybe you’ll figure out the reason.”
“I already know,” she said.
A silent giggle shook both of them. “Well, what is it then?”
“You said it yourself,” Monica told her. “We bring out the best in each other.”
Lily pulled and tugged on her, and Monica realized she was getting rolled over. She helped the rest of the way until she was now facing her girlfriend and seeing that smile that made her smile right back. Her eyes closed when Lily moved her head closer, and they exchanged another round of kisses. Only this time, Monica cooed.
“What are you two doing over there?” Judy asked. “Oh!”
Monica couldn’t help but laugh along with Lily. She’d forgotten Judy was in the room with them. She rolled back over to keep watching the movie, shivering a couple of minutes later. A blanket came over her, and she could tell it also enveloped Lily. She took hold of her left hand again and turned her head up towards her cuddling partner.
“I love you,” she whispered.
Lily responded by kissing her temple. “I love you too,” she whispered back.
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
Lily watched her choir mates talking and laughing amongst each other, but if she tried it she’d throw up. Even though she was with many other people, tonight was still her first performance in six years. She took several deep breaths to try calming her nerves, content to sit in a chair away from everyone else. Monica emerged from Mr. Larson’s office and walked over behind her. Tender arms went around her waist, just enough to let her know she was there.
“You’re going to be fine,” Monica said. “You know the songs, and you know our duet. We’re going to go out there and kick some butt.”
She smiled and leaned her head back. “Thanks, babe. This is my first one since that recital, and the first one Judy has been at.”
“I promise she’s already proud of you, Lily. Just from talking to her, I can tell how much she loves you. You’re not going to disappoint her no matter what.”
Lily held Monica’s hands. “It’s the first one you’ll see too.”
“I’ve seen a lot of your performances,” Monica pointed out. “I already know how good you are. And no, I’m not being biased.”
She giggled and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek. “I think I should be scared that you’re learning so much about me.”
Monica laughed and gave her a gentle squeeze. “You’re the one who said yes to going out with me.”
“I may have to rethink my answer,” she teased, making them both laugh. “You know, my stomach was in knots until you came over. Now it feels normal.”
“Happy to help,” Monica told her, turning her head to kiss her neck.
Monica grabbed a chair and slid it over, sitting next to her and pulling her close. They stayed that way for the next half hour, with Lily enjoying the time just cuddling. Monica told her about what she was supposed to do before Chloe and Erica sang their duet. Lily would come down from the risers with them but then go off stage so she could be introduced. Lily understood, and they started talking about their duet.
“I’ve been working a lot on B,” she said. “I think I have it ready.”
“If you have any doubts,” Monica said, “then play A. Don’t force it if you don’t think you have it ready.”
Lily sighed but knew she had a point. She’d been able to play through B with no problems a few times, but if she did make a mistake, it threw her off for at least eight measures before she could get back on track. Maybe it wasn’t a good idea after all, and she understood that. But it was Monica’s final piece. She deserved her best. The problem was she wasn’t sure what the best thing was. Would it be playing it safe and playing A? Is it worth the risk of making a mistake to play B because Monica deserved to go out on a high note?
“Okay, everyone,” Mr. Larson called out from the front of the room. “Time to line up!”
Everyone got into their positions, with Monica lining up at the end of the front row so she’s the last one and could go straight to the piano without distracting from anyone else. Lily looked at her and smiled when she winked. She knew Monica had confidence in her regardless of which version she played. Playing it safe and not embarrassing herself, Monica or Mr. Larson, was the best idea.
After performing four pieces, Chloe and Erica started descending from the top riser. Lily remembered what Monica said and went with them, going off stage to wait. She had a great view of her friends and an especially nice sight of Monica. Mr. Larson introduced the duet, and the audience applauded. Lily smiled as the applause diminished, and they got ready to perform.
The three performers made eye contact with each other. Monica slightly bobbed the beat with her head before she started the song. Chloe started to sing, and Erica joined in with a countermelody. Lily closed her eyes and listened to her friends. She picked out the two voices, noticing that Erica’s sounded richer now than it did in August. Erica worked hard on her voice, and she was proud of her progress.
But most of her attention was on Monica. She visualized her in a large hall, performing in front of a packed house, her hands dancing across the keys. Just as it had years ago, Monica’s performance gave her chills. She was so graceful. Her fingers were experts in showing emotion through actions and how they pressed down on the ivory keys. Monica would continue piano in college, but today marked the end of an era for her. Mr. Larson understood that which is why he chose the last song. Not only would it usher her in as the pianist for next year, but it’d also be Monica’s farewell to her high school audience.
Lily took several deep breaths as Chloe and Erica sang the final notes of their duet. She looked out at the audience and their reaction. Mr. Larson pointed them out; they both bowed, acknowledged Monica, and bowed again before returning to their places on the top row. She closed her eyes again while stagehands rolled out the other grand piano and bench.
This was it.
“We’re about to perform our final piece this evening,” Mr. Larson began, “and it’s a bittersweet time for us and myself. No first-year student has ever been named pianist until four years ago when Miss Monica Readdie accomplished the feat. Little did I know at the time how much the students would embrace her, and how much I’d end up relying on her. She’s been fantastic from day one, and I swear she’s better now than when she tried out. She’s become a leader, the cornerstone of this group, and I’m going to miss her. Monica plans to continue her piano studies in college, but tonight marks her last performance with us.”
The audience applauded, along with Mr. Larson, bringing a smile to Lily’s face. She saw the slight flush of Monica’s cheeks as she nodded to the audience.
“Whe
n the year started,” he continued, “a new student tried out for pianist saying she didn’t want the job this year because it’d been Monica’s so long. I was amazed at her talent, and honestly, if I hadn’t been looking at her the entire tryout, I would’ve sworn that Monica was trying to get an extra year out of me.”
The remark drew laughs from everyone, including Monica and Lily.
“So I had this idea for this year’s final piece,” Mr. Larson began again. “I chose this one specifically because it’s written for two pianos. Not only would all of you be able to hear Monica one last time, but you'd also all be able to hear our new pianist. We’d be saying goodbye to one, and welcoming another. Both of them were excited by the idea and began working together on this piece. And now I’d like to introduce our new pianist for next year, Miss Lillian Starr.”
The audience, choir, Mr. Larson, and even Monica began applauding again, this time welcoming her to the stage. Lily walked out, stopping at her piano, looking at the choir, Mr. Larson, and Monica, then what she could see of the audience with a warm smile. She bowed slightly, regarded the audience again, and sat down on her bench. Before Mr. Larson could start, she pulled her blue binder from the stand as the two stagehands returned to sit in chairs next to each bench. Lily put her red one on the stand instead, unfolding the pages and letting her page-turner know she’d nod when she was ready for the next page.
She glanced at Monica, reading the message in her eyes with ease. Lily smiled at her, then nodded at her and Mr. Larson to tell them she was ready.
Mr. Larson stood facing the choir, raised his hands, set the tempo with his hands, and Monica started playing on cue. Lily waited the indicated eight measures before starting to play B. The choir came in eight measures later, their voices strong but not overpowering her and Monica.
Lily tuned out the choir, focusing every ounce of attention she could muster onto her score, Mr. Larson, and Monica. She cleared the first set of pages and nodded her head. The stagehand sprang into action, turning to the next set of pages. Lily continued reading the score, translating the notes and her notations into actions, and her fingers obeyed everything. She also kept reading the measure numbers—60, 64, 68. Her stomach started churning since measures 80 to 96 were right around the corner. The section she struggled with from day one. Her eyes read the number 80.
Duet (Readdie Family Book 1) Page 11
