eyond Desire Collection

by JS Scott, M Malone, Marie Hall, et al

  “So, how long have you been into jazz?” Jackson leaned back in his chair and studied her.

  “Ever since I can remember. My mom used to play jazz albums every weekend while cleaning the house. It was usually Coltrane or Miles Davis on Saturdays and then she’d sing along with Ella Fitzgerald on Sundays while cooking dinner.” She smiled at the memory. “It was the only time she really seemed happy.”

  “I’m sorry you didn’t get to see her happy more often. I can’t even imagine.”

  “That’s because your parents are such happy people. Tell me about what it was like to grow up with three brothers.”

  “Chaotic. We all had chores on the farm, of course. I was usually able to get out of mine if I was crafty enough.”

  “So you were a charmer once. What happened?”

  “I guess I deserved that.” He held up his wineglass. “Touché.”

  She took a healthy sip of her own drink. “Just teasing.”

  “My dad would always bring us along while fixing things or repairing fence. We always ate dinner together and then played outside until bedtime. After we got older, my parents cheered us on at our little league and basketball games. Even when I went away to college, they made a point to call every week and check on me. Until I dropped out, anyway.” He smiled sheepishly.

  “Your parents sound really special, Jackson. I’m sure they’re very proud of all their children.”

  Dinner passed in comfortable silence. Both seemed at a loss for words and spent most of the meal staring into their wineglasses or admiring their surroundings. Usually she felt compelled to at least try to make polite conversation, but with Jackson she felt free to just sit and enjoy her meal in peace. Jackson seemed to share her thoughts as he smiled at her over his wineglass.

  “Ladies and gentlemen. Thank you for attending the launch party of Shadowlight Records’ newest jazz artist, Simona Raye.”

  Polite applause broke out around them and Ridley sat up in her seat. “Did he just say Simona Raye? I love her!”

  Jackson leaned closer to speak directly into her ear. “You’ve heard of her?”

  Ridley nodded. “I downloaded her single when it first came out and I’ve been waiting for the album to release. She reminds me of a cross between Ella Fitzgerald and Nina Simone.”

  The announcer waited until the applause died down completely before continuing. “Ms. Raye got her start in the local theatre before she released her first single independently. It did so well that she was immediately picked up by Shadowlight Records. Her album will be released next week, but tonight, she’ll be performing several songs from the album for you. Now without further ado, Ms. Simona Raye!”

  Ridley jumped up along with everyone else in the room and clapped as a beautiful, dark-haired woman took the stage.

  “I’m glad you’re excited. Maybe this’ll get me some cool points to cross out all the idiotic things I seem to do and say around you,” Jackson said.

  “Consider the slate wiped clean,” Ridley replied and swayed to the music as the opening notes of the single she’d previously heard were played.

  “Would you care to dance?”

  Ridley’s head shot up. She wasn’t much of a dancer and she certainly wasn’t willing to risk embarrassing herself in front of all these people. However, Jackson grabbed her hand and led her out to the center of the dance floor where other couples swayed in time to the music. She stopped thinking at all as soon as he pulled her into his arms.

  Simona Raye’s smooth voice flowed through the sound system and rolled over her in waves. It almost felt like she was floating with Jackson’s strong arms as her only anchor. Ignoring the little voice in her head warning her to be careful with her heart, she surrendered to the warmth seeping through her pores and curling sweetly through her veins. Jackson hummed softly along with the music. She felt so safe with him, swaying gently to the music, completely unaware of anyone else’s presence.

  For just a little while it was their world and she didn’t want to let anything or anyone else in.

  Chapter Sixteen

  An hour later, a band had taken over and Ms. Raye was circulating throughout the crowd. He didn’t work with jazz artists but since he knew Ridley would love it, he’d made a point to introduce himself so that Ridley could meet her.

  He usually hated participating in the fake socializing that went on at these types of events but with Ridley by his side, it didn’t even faze him. As he pulled her against him for another slow dance, he felt a tap on his shoulder.

  “Jackson? Hey, it’s good to see you!”

  Jackson turned and froze when he saw who was behind him.

  “Hey, Bill. I didn’t think you were on the jazz scene?”

  It had been years since he’d seen Bill, but he still looked the same. The older man had been one of his biggest supporters when he was younger and one of the most vocal opponents when he’d decided to take his career in a new direction.

  He smiled tightly when his old mentor turned to Ridley.

  “Hello there. I’m Bill Witherspoon. I’m an old friend of Jackson’s from before he was a superstar. I knew him when he was just another kid with a guitar.”

  Ridley laughed and shook his hand. “Nice to meet you. Ridley Wells.”

  “I can see he still has excellent taste.” Bill laughed and slapped him on the back. “So, is there any truth to the rumor that you’re working on a solo project? You’ve heard the stuff on the charts lately. That golden voice of yours would be a welcome improvement.”

  Jackson pasted a smile on his face. “No, that’s just a rumor.”

  Ridley looked up at him, her eyes sparkling. “You sing, too? I didn’t know that.”

  “Oh, yeah he sings. Has the kind of voice that makes me see dollar signs. I was two shakes away from signing him to a deal a few years back.”

  Ridley raised her eyebrows. “A few years back?”

  Jackson coughed. “Well, it was great seeing you, Bill. Tell your wife I said hi.”

  Bill sobered slightly. “Of course. Take care of those adorable boys of yours. And I meant what I said. I know your label is under Shadowlight, and I don’t want to step on any toes, but Interlace Entertainment would ink a deal for you in a heartbeat if you ever decide to give a solo career another shot. That offer is always on the table.”

  Jackson tugged on Ridley’s hand and steered them around the other couples on the floor. He was happy when the song changed to an upbeat number and more people crowded onto the dance floor.

  Ridley put a soft hand on his cheek and he looked at her, startled. “Why didn’t you tell me you’re an artist, too?”

  After a moment, he looked away. He’d never been shy. As the youngest of four brothers, he’d quickly learned how to command a room. He’d had to if he wanted any attention at all. But when Ridley looked at him, he felt like she could see everything, even the things he didn’t want her to see.

  “Because I’m not. I used to be, but I let that dream go. I’m a composer and a producer. That’s more than enough for me.” Jackson held her close as they swayed to the music.

  “I’d still love to hear you sing. I only wish I could sing or play an instrument.”

  “I’ll teach you to play.”

  “But you can’t teach me to sing,” she teased. “If I could sing I think I’d be doing it all the time. Around the house, in the shower. Just everywhere.”

  “It’s not that big of a deal, Ridley. Just leave it alone.”

  She cringed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean… Sorry.”

  The song ended and everyone broke out into applause. He could feel Ridley’s eyes on him as they walked back to their table.

  “Do you mind if we cut out a little early? I just needed to put in an appearance.” He pulled his valet ticket out of his pocket.

  “Of course.” She collected her wrap and purse and trotted to keep up with him.

  He could only hope he’d responded appropriately to everyone who spoke to him on the way out.
Once the valet brought his car around, he helped Ridley into the passenger side and then handed the guy a bill.

  “Thank you, sir!”

  By the young man’s wide eyes, he’d probably over tipped by a lot but he didn’t even care. Looking for a smaller bill would have taken time. It was worth just about any price to get the hell out of there.

  They rode in silence for a few minutes before Ridley said, “Thank you for inviting me tonight.”

  Jackson stifled a bitter laugh. She was too polite to say what she was really thinking. She shouldn’t have been thanking him for treating her like that. It wasn’t her fault that he’d rather do almost anything than sing these days.

  He was starting to understand why Matt had punched a hole in his wall. The anger inside him was an ugly, potent thing and it seemed more than happy to shred his insides in lieu of another escape route.

  He sat up straighter and gripped the steering wheel tighter. It was raining and he, of all people, knew how treacherous a little water on the roads could be.

  “I’m sorry if I bit your head off back there. I just don’t like talking about it.”

  Ridley shrugged. Jackson looked over at her. She continued to stare out the window at the passing scenery.

  “Come on, Ridley. I said I was sorry. I’m admitting I was an ass.”

  “I’m not angry with you,” she said finally. “I shouldn’t have asked. It’s none of my business.”

  He cursed. The memories roiled around in his brain and he had a feeling they were on the verge of boiling over. It was probably best that they’d left early. It wasn’t Ridley’s fault that he was in a shitty mood and he didn’t want to take it out on her any more than he already had.

  Things had started between them with a lie, but there was one thing that couldn’t be faked. Their connection. They had a bond he hadn’t felt with any other woman since his wife’s death. He didn’t want to expose her to the very worst side of him there was. He didn’t ever want her to look at him with condemnation in her eyes.

  “I gave up on my solo career when my wife died.”

  He felt more than saw her turn. Even when he wasn’t looking at her, her eyes had the ability to slice his emotions down the middle. Right now, all he could feel was her pity. It was rolling off her in waves.

  “It’s fine. I didn’t tell you so you can feel sorry for me. I just want you to understand why I can’t talk about it. It isn’t personal.”

  They rode the rest of the way home in silence.

  ***

  “So, I guess I’ll see you in the morning.”

  Ridley nodded sadly and turned down the hall to her room. She closed the door behind her and dropped her purse and wrap on the bed.

  “So much for my perfect night.”

  After kicking off her shoes and hanging her dress up, she unhooked her bra with a sigh of relief. She sifted through the array of clothes in the suitcase she’d brought from Raina’s house until she found a lacy, silk nightgown. If she was going to be depressed, at least she could wear something pretty.

  It was tempting to just drop into the bed but she knew she’d pay the price if she didn’t remove her makeup. She walked into the bathroom and took her earrings and necklace off. Her reflection stared back at her. It was crazy that she could look fine when she felt like she’d been kicked in the gut. She pulled the pins out of her hair and massaged her scalp.

  There was a knock on the door just as she was soaping her face. “Just a minute,” she called out.

  She hurriedly rinsed and then dried her face with a hand towel. When she left the bathroom, Jackson was sitting on the bed.

  “Hey. I thought you were going to bed.”

  “I was, but I’m not tired. Not even slightly.” He looked up at her and Ridley shivered at the pain in his eyes. “I can’t go to sleep with you thinking that I won’t talk about it because I don’t trust you. Especially when nothing could be further from the truth.”

  “You don’t have to tell me anything.” She was suddenly exhausted. Tired of trying to figure out where she stood with him and tired of wondering if he felt anything for her beyond lust. “I just want to go to bed.”

  He didn’t move, just sat staring at his hands. She was just about to tell him to get out when he finally spoke.

  “My obsession with my music is the reason my wife is dead.”

  Ridley gulped, suddenly sure that whatever he was going to tell her, she didn’t want to hear. “Jackson, don’t—”

  “Cynthia was upset that night. I’d been spending so much time holed up in the little closet I used for recording back then. We’d just had Jase and all she wanted was a little time to herself. But I couldn’t understand that.” He looked up at her. “I accused her of wanting to go out with her friends so she could cheat on me.”

  “How old were you?”

  “I was twenty-two. We were so young. We should have had our whole lives ahead of us. But instead, I picked a fight with her. Said horrible things. It was raining that night, but I didn’t care. I told her to go out with her friends if she wanted to so badly. To just leave and not come back. And that’s exactly how it turned out.”

  The raw pain in his voice pulled her to his side. She sat on the bed next to him and held his hand. He didn’t look at her.

  “You were only twenty-two. I had just finished college at that age. I had no responsibility at all. I can’t even imagine the things you both had to deal with. You made mistakes, I’m sure but her accident wasn’t your fault.”

  “I’ve had all the counseling and therapy that money can buy. I know the accident wasn’t my fault. But none of it can change the fact that I was a shitty husband. If I had been thinking of anything besides myself, she wouldn’t have been out in the rain driving that night. That was my fault. My golden voice didn’t make my wife very happy, did it?”

  She was stunned by the bitterness in his voice.

  “I just wanted you to know why I hate talking about it. It’s because it reminds me that I failed at one of the most important things in my life.”

  She pulled him into her arms and didn’t let go, even when he tried to pull back. Finally he stopped fighting her and grabbed her tightly. She allowed him to pull her into his lap.

  “I want you to listen to me,” she whispered. “I’m sure your wife loved you very much, even when you guys were fighting. She wouldn’t want you to punish yourself for the rest of your life.”

  “I know. That was the last thing she asked me to do. To live my life. To love. To be happy.” He blinked quickly and wouldn’t look at her.

  Ridley nodded and held his face in her hands. “That’s what she wanted and that’s what I want for you, too. For you to give yourself permission to be happy.”

  She kissed him softly, hoping that she could convey all the comfort and healing she felt to him through her lips. After a few moments, he kissed her back. Then suddenly, his eyes opened. His lashes lowered over his dark eyes as he pulled her closer and kissed her again, an unforgiving clash of tongues and lips and teeth.

  “I don’t know what you do to me,” he panted. “You make me believe anything is possible.”

  “That’s because it is,” she whispered.

  She pulled him closer and kissed him again, pressing against him. It was strangely arousing to be in his arms when he was fully dressed and she was only wearing a thin, silk nightgown. He held her shoulders still so he could ravage her throat. She shivered at the slightly rough sensation of his stubble against the delicate skin.

  He pushed her back on the bed, roughly. One of the straps on her gown snapped when he tugged it aside. She pushed it down, wiggling her hips until she was able to slide out of it. Part of her was surprised at this side of him, but a bigger part was thrilled. It was such a rush to be able to drive a man like Jackson to the point of urgency, where he couldn’t get her clothes off fast enough because he couldn’t wait to have her.

  “I wanted to romance you tonight. To show you a good time. But I can�
��t seem to take it slow with you. You. Drive. Me. Crazy .”

  He punctuated each word with a gentle bite to the soft skin of her breasts. He held them in the palms of his hands, holding them still so he could lick and bite the sensitive tips. She ran her fingers through his curls, trying desperately to keep up.

  It was too much, too fast and she could already feel her release bearing down on her. She panted, almost afraid of it.

  Jackson fumbled with his belt buckle, growling his frustration against her breast. The rumble of his voice against her nipple made her cry out. He finally got his pants off and then lowered himself between her thighs.

  As soon as his erection pressed against her core, she came.

  “Yes, come for me. I can’t wait to get inside you.”

  She bit her lip to keep from screaming as she trembled in his arms. When she opened her eyes again, he sat up and ripped his dress shirt down the middle. The ping, ping, ping of the buttons hitting the floor would have been amusing if she wasn’t just as crazed to get him naked.

  She ran her hands over his chest greedily. His muscles contracted beneath her fingers and all she could do was admire as he leaned down and took her mouth in another breath-stealing kiss.

  “I promise, the next time we make love it’ll be perfect. It’ll be romantic. I won’t be so rough.”

  “There’s only one thing I need you to do that will make this perfect.”

  “Anything.”

  “Get naked. Now.”

  ***

  Jackson knew he was being too rough but he couldn’t seem to slow down. His hands raced over all her enticing curves, dipping into the hollow of her belly button and teasing the silky, soft skin behind her knees.

  “Hurry!” She sat up and tugged on the elastic band of his boxers. “I want you naked, too.”

  There was no way he could ignore a request like that. He probably set a land record for how fast he got the rest of his clothes off.

  “That’s so much better.” She tugged him back down and wrapped herself around him, her long legs curling behind his waist. Her hair flowed beneath them, tangling under her arms as she lay back on the bed. The wild curls made her look like she’d been completely and thoroughly taken and he loved it.