eyond Desire Collection

by JS Scott, M Malone, Marie Hall, et al

“Wait!” she calls.

  Too late. I pull open the side door to her parents’ kitchen and come to a screeching stop. Holy shit. Jax’s dad’s bare ass is on full display as he pounds into her mom, right there on the counter. They’re too engrossed to notice me, and I spin, heading straight back out the door. But before I can escape, Jax barrels in.

  “Seth, no. What will my parents—Mom? Dad? Omigod!” She stares at them in horror. “It’s Christmas morning. What are you doing?”

  Despite my desperation to get my damn clothes and chase after Lucy, I can’t help the laughter that rumbles from my chest. “Pretty good present if you ask me.”

  “Jax!” Her mom gasps and buries her face into her husband’s shoulder. “Could you give us a moment?”

  Her dad doesn’t speak, but his entire body flushes red in embarrassment. Jax runs back out the door.

  “Sorry,” I force out through the laughter and escape into the next room, unwilling to abandon my clothes now that I’ve been spotted. After a quick stop in the laundry room, I hurry out the back door and take the stairs two at a time back up to Jax’s apartment.

  She’s fuming when I get inside. “What the hell was that?”

  “Uh, some holiday cheer?” I offer with a snicker.

  “No, you ass.” She grabs a pillow and throws it at my head. “I meant you barging in on my parents. Now they’re going to think I have something going on with you.”

  Having easily dodged her assault, I pass her on my way to her bathroom. “I needed my clothes, and you weren’t cooperating. But don’t worry, your parents aren’t likely to mention this incident ever again.” I slam the door shut. It takes me less than a minute to pull my clothes on.

  On my way out, I give Jax a quick hug. “Thanks for the couch. I have to talk to Lucy.”

  “I’m coming with you.”

  “What about Christmas with your parents?” I ask.

  “Oh, hell no. They’ll be lucky if they see me before New Year’s at this point.”

  “All right. If you’re sure.” Maybe Jax can reason with her.

  “I’m sure.”

  Jax spends the entire time in the truck using my phone to call Lucy. But it always goes straight to voice mail.

  “She’s turned her phone off,” I say.

  “I know. I just want to catch her if she turns it back on.” Now that it’s settled in how upset Lucy is, Jax is more anxious to set her straight than I am. “I can’t believe she thought we’d been together like that.”

  I give her an incredulous look. “Seriously? I slept with her the first night we met. And my reputation isn’t a shining beacon of respectability.”

  “Mine is,” she says with conviction.

  “True, but you were looking for someone to take home the night of your birthday.”

  Her face turns a bright shade of red, and she focuses on the ocean view as we head south on the highway.

  “One-night stands are no big deal,” I say.

  She lets out a huff. “Easy for you to say. You never seem to have a shortage of options.”

  I chuckle. “I think if you’d had less tequila, you would’ve noticed a few solid possibilities.”

  “Maybe.” She presses a button on my phone again and sighs. “Still voice mail.”

  “We’ll be there in a minute.”

  The second I pull up, Jax is out of the truck and pounding on the door. “Lucy! Open up.”

  There isn’t any ambient noise from inside the house, but Lucy’s car is in the driveway. She pretty much has to be here. “Luce!”

  I leave Jax at the front door and head around to the sliding glass doors in the back. There’s a small gap in the curtains, but the room is dark. And no Lucy. Feeling entirely too much like a stalker, I rejoin Jax at the front door. “Anything?” I ask.

  “Nope,” she says to me and then pounds on the door. “Lucy, come on. We’re worried about you. Open up. Please?”

  We stare at each other, both of us at a loss for what to do. Jax throws her hands up and takes a seat on the front step. “We’ll just wait her out. She can’t stay in there forever.”

  I pace and finally end up sitting in my truck. We’ve been here for over a half hour. At what point does this become harassment? Unease settles in my gut. “Jax, let’s go.”

  “No. She’ll crack sooner or later.”

  “I don’t want her to crack. I want her to talk to me, not feel like she has to call the cops to get rid of us. She can call when she’s ready.” I tap out a text to Lucy, asking her to get in touch with me, and then fire the truck up. Jax is still sitting on the front porch. “I’m going. You coming?”

  She glances over her shoulder and lets out a huff of frustration. “Yeah. But I’m not happy about it.” Taking her time, she slowly retreats back to the truck. After climbing in, she slams the door and crosses her arms over her chest. Like a petulant child, she glares at the house. “Merry fucking Christmas, Lucy.”

  I ease out of the driveway. “Give her a break. She’s upset.”

  She lets out a huff of irritation. “But I’m her best friend. She can’t honestly believe I’d sleep with you.”

  “Ouch.” Damn. Way to punch a guy when he’s down.

  “That’s not what I meant and you know it.” Her scowl deepens.

  We’re silent as I drive her home. Once parked outside her house, she doesn’t move to get out. “Are you going to your parents’?” she asks.

  “Later for dinner.”

  She nods. “We have dinner planned as well. But I might skip it after this morning’s events.” She makes a face.

  “It’s Christmas. You have to go.” I smile. “Just avoid the kitchen. That should help.”

  “Disgusting! Nothing will help.” She climbs out of my truck. “Call me if you hear from Lucy.”

  “You, too. And thanks for the couch.”

  “Anytime.”

  I drive home in a stupor, worse off than I was the night before when I’d gone to Jax’s house. What is Lucy thinking? Why isn’t she with Kinx? After spending the morning in her driveway, I highly doubt he’s still there. Had he gotten a car and taken her somewhere? Had she left town with him? Would she even say good-bye?

  The questions and doubts swirl in my mind until my head starts to pound.

  The lights are on at my house. Damn. Lillian is still here. She’s not going to leave me alone until I tell her where I’ve been. My only hope is that she’s locked in the second bathroom, primping for what’s his name. Her mate who never seems to be around.

  I quietly let myself into the kitchen, relieved to find it empty. The whiskey bottle beckons. It’s before nine a.m. on Christmas day. “Screw it.” I wash two aspirin down with a pull of the harsh liquor. It burns straight to my gut. I take another swig and the tension in my shoulders eases slightly.

  “Hey.” Lillian leans against the threshold of the doorway leading into the living room. “Rough night?”

  “Awful. And even worse morning.” I brush past her, heading for my bedroom.

  “Seth?”

  “Yeah,” I say without stopping.

  “Are you living here full time now?”

  That makes me pause and I turn to look at her. I’m not sure how to answer. For the past few weeks I had been either here, at the shop, or at Lucy’s. I hadn’t been back to Mom and Dad’s at all. “I guess so.”

  She nods. “Good. Don’t get so drunk you miss Christmas dinner.”

  I hold the bottle up, eyeing the contents. If I take it with me, I’ll likely finish it out of sheer frustration. Walking back down the stairs, I tip the bottle to my lips once more, then hand it to her. “You take it.”

  Her hand wraps around mine and she squeezes.

  I want to pull away, but if I do the bottle will smash to the floor.

  Lillian steps forward and wraps her other arm around me, squeezing hard. “Whatever happened, little brother, you’re stronger than this.” She pulls the booze from my hand. “Spend the day wallowing, or head up
to your studio, or go work out, but don’t let this get you again.” She kisses me on the cheek and silently slips from the room.

  My breathing turns choked and I press my hand to the wall. Jesus. Was I really going there again? Whiskey for breakfast? Yeah. I was.

  I’m not an alcoholic. I don’t crave booze on a daily basis. But since I lost Elsa, I have been known to be destructive when I don’t want to deal with something. And whiskey is one of my go-to vices. Shit. She’s right. My head is already spinning. If I keep it up, I’ll be passed out by noon. I should’ve eaten something at least.

  After grabbing a box of left over pizza and two Cokes, I climb the stairs to my sanctuary. My studio. The room instantly calms me. Then it hits me. No matter what happens with Lucy, she’ll always be in my heart. Her presence in my life has given me what Elsa’s death stole from me. The desire to create just for me.

  Chapter Thirty

  Lucy

  Jax and Seth are outside, but I can’t bring myself to go downstairs to talk to them. Lying in my bed staring at the ceiling, I know I’m being unreasonable, refusing to even talk to them. It’s as if I’m floating above myself, watching myself push away everyone who loves me.

  I can’t help it, though. Seeing Jax and Seth sleeping together had flipped a switch in me. My trust in everyone is shot. I don’t know what happened between them. And it shouldn’t matter this much. Seth and I barely know each other. We haven’t made any promises to be together. I have no claim on him. I’d even sent him away because my soul mate was here.

  But my heart is broken at the thought of him with my best friend. And the fact that Jax might use Seth for her one-night stand after I’d spent the week with him is unimaginable. Yet, I’d been the one to keep pushing her to go to him. She trusts him. Loves him even… as a friend. It’s just too much to process. And I trust no one.

  When I hear the roar of Seth’s truck start again, I get up and move to the window. He’s calling to Jax to get in the truck, but she’s refusing. She looks so upset, I want to run down and pull her in the house. But there’s that nagging doubt. What if it’s true and she’s only upset that I found out?

  Before they leave, I crawl back into bed and pull my pillow over my head. It’s time to spend the day with only myself. No boys. No awful parents. Just me.

  I lie in the bed for hours, going over and over what I’d seen this morning. It’s a reel that plays on a continuous loop and makes me sick to my stomach. The thought of even talking to Seth or Jax has me running to the bathroom. After I empty the contents of my stomach twice, I curl up in the bed and cry myself to sleep.

  ***

  I wake much later to the inky blackness of the wee hours of the morning. I’m groggy and hollow. Wrung out from grief. With my eyes burning from the gritty sandpaper sensation that comes from a fitful sleep, I glance at the picture of Dad on my nightstand and make an instant decision. I need to move forward. To get on with my life. Hiding here, using Jax and Seth as emotional shields, isn’t solving anything. I’ve got a contract to fulfill.

  And despite everything, at least Cadan and I understand each other. I know who and what he is, and he knows me. With some firm rules, I’ll be able to make this work.

  Without hesitation, I grab my phone, power it on, ignore the two dozen alert notifications, and then punch in the number I want to call.

  It rings three, four, five times. On the sixth ring he answers. “Lucy? Are you okay?”

  I glance at the clock. Two twenty-two a.m. I would apologize, but familiar voices filter over the line. He’s hanging with the band.

  “Cadan,” I say, “I’ve made a decision.”

  “Hey, guys, shut up!” he calls, clearly holding the phone away so he’s not shouting in my ear. His volume returns to normal, but there’s a new lilt of hopefulness. “About us?”

  “About coming back to the band.”

  “Oh.” The background noise coming from his end fades to silence.

  “Are you outside now?” I stall.

  “Yes. Everyone else is inside. Where are you?”

  “In bed.”

  “Always a good choice.” I can hear the smile in his voice. It eases me into a familiar comfort, making what I need to say next simple.

  “I’m ready to record Dad’s songs. When’s the soonest we can start?”

  Silence.

  “Cadan? You there?”

  He clears his throat. “Yeah. Sorry. You just shocked me. Are you sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  “What happened? I mean, why did you change your mind?”

  “I…” Telling him I’m ready to put the past behind me and move on is still too personal. I need this to feel whole again. To let go of all the pain. And I don’t want to answer questions about what this might mean for our relationship in the future. As far as I’m concerned, we’ll just be business partners.

  “Never mind. It doesn’t matter. Do you want me to come get you?”

  “No,” I say. “I’m going to pack, and I’ll come to Sacramento in the morning. I need the name of your hotel.”

  He gives it to me. Then he hesitates as if thinking something over.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing,” he says quickly. “I just want to make sure this is what you really want. We can record something else if you’re more comfortable.” His tone is achingly sincere.

  “It is. I’m ready to let go.”

  “Ah, babe.” He sighs sympathetically. “Your dad will always be with you.”

  “I know. And these songs will honor him.” I run a hand over my soft comforter. “See you early afternoon tomorrow.”

  “Goodnight, Luce. Merry Christmas.”

  “Night.” I hit End on the phone and lean back against the pillows. The decision is made. The pit in my stomach doesn’t go away. It only widens and my heart breaks a little more. A voice deep inside says I should run as far from everything and everyone as I can. But I tried that and it didn’t work. All I managed to do was get hurt again. At least with Cadan I’ll have my career.

  ***

  I pull up to the Grand Marquis Hotel in downtown Sacramento and climb out. Straight away a bellman rushes over.

  “Hello, Ms. Moore. We’ve been expecting you. Your party is waiting inside in the bar area. We’ll take care of everything from here.”

  “Thank you.” I hand him the keys and, with more than a little trepidation, head into the hotel. The bar is just off the lobby, and I spot them right away. Cadan and the band are lounging around a table drinking beer and watching a snowboarding competition on ESPN. It’s different than what I’m used to. Usually they’re all still passed out with half a dozen girls hanging around their rooms.

  “Lucy!” Jessie, our drummer, calls and jumps up from his chair. In five long strides, he’s by my side, wrapping me in a bear hug. “Thank God you’re back. I need someone other than these ugly a-holes to look at.” He lifts me up until my feet are dangling off the ground.

  Laughing, I hit his arm. “Put me down so I can get a good look at you.”

  He does as he’s told and steps back, holding his arms out. Then he does a slow three-sixty, showing off his lean runner’s physique. “See anything you like?”

  “Hey, now,” Cadan says, coming to a stop at his side. “Stop hitting on my girl.”

  I ignore Cadan’s possessive demand and raise an eyebrow at Jessie. “You look… normal.”

  He chuckles. “As opposed to?”

  I grin. “Wrung out and hungover.”

  “Oh that.” He gives Cadan a stern look. “This bozo said we were partying too hard and put the kibosh on the after-show invites. It’s no fun to sit around drinking without the ladies. So our social lives have taken a little bit of a hit.”

  “Really?” I turn to Cadan. “You banned visitors?”

  “No.” He puts an arm around my shoulders and pulls me in. “Just random groupies. Friends are welcome. But it was getting out of hand and… the music was suffering.”
<
br />   Jessie scoffs. “Not nearly as much as this guy.” He punches Cadan in the arm. “We thought we were going to have to get a bulk supply of Prozac there for a while. Talk about a downer. One minute he’s working on a new song and the next he’s—”

  “Shut up, you fucker,” Cadan says as he pushes Jessie back. “Lucy doesn’t need to hear all this right now.” He grabs my hand and tugs me out of the bar.

  “Hey,” I say. “I didn’t get to say hi to the rest of the guys.”

  “You’ll see them tonight. First we have a meeting with Cassie.”

  I stop and face him. “Already?”

  “Yeah. She was in town meeting with another band, and when I told her you’d called she cleared her afternoon in order to welcome you back.”

  “Oh.” I straighten my shirt and run a nervous hand over my hair. I’m not exactly prepared for a business meeting.

  “Relax. She just wants to hammer out the schedule so we’re all on the same page.” He guides me to the elevator, and we ride to the thirty-ninth floor. It’s the highest before the penthouse suite.

  The plush carpet is glorious under our feet as we make our way to the end of the hallway. “Pretty nice place,” I say.

  Cadan nods and raps once on the door.

  The door swings open, and Cassie’s smile turns to a huge grin when she focuses on me. Her onyx eyes sparkle with true pleasure. “Lucy! Dang, is it good to see you.” She pulls me into the room and then gives me a tight hug, wrinkling her silk pantsuit. “I hope your break was restful.”

  I glance at Cadan over her shoulder. Break? I’d quit.

  He holds his hands up as if to say he doesn’t have a clue what she’s talking about.

  “I know your dad’s passing was really tough for you. It’s no wonder you needed some time.” Cassie pulls back and stares me in the eye. “You let me know if you need anything, okay? A day off to be normal for a while. Someone to cook for you. A personal shopper if you don’t want to go out. Whatever you need. We’ve got you covered.”

  “Uh…”

  “Just don’t worry about a thing. We’re here to make life as easy as possible. The top priority is the new album. Whatever it takes to make it happen, that’s what we’ll do.”