eyond Desire Collection

by JS Scott, M Malone, Marie Hall, et al

  A knock sounds at the door. I cross the room, expecting room service, but instead there’s a courier holding a thick manila envelope. “Package for Mr. Kinx.”

  “I’ll sign for it,” I say and scribble my name on his form.

  “Have a good day, ma’am.”

  Ma’am? What the hell? Do I look like I’m forty? I cross the room and go to lay the envelope on the desk, but it slides off and falls to the carpet, landing upside down. Near the flap it’s marked CONTRACTS. I pick it up and inspect the note taped to it.

  Contracts for Cadan Kinx and Lucy Moore. Please look these over at your earliest convenience and get them back to us as soon as possible. Cassie.

  I sit and tear into the packet. There are two sets of contracts. One marked Cadan and the other Lucy. Cadan’s has a note from Cassie.

  As requested, the contracts were delivered to your room. Please pass Lucy’s on to her as soon as possible. C

  I frown. Why couldn’t mine be delivered to me? Was it an excuse to come see me? Because he didn’t need one if he wanted to talk to me.

  Settling back into the chair, I dig into the contracts. They’re pretty standard, though Jeff has managed to get us better terms than when we originally signed. Both the new and old are present with an addendum. The old one is rendered complete. With the addition of the new contract, they aren’t requiring us to finish the old tour. Everything is focused on the new one. Good. All bases covered there.

  Then I come to the publishing contract. There is only one. The old one isn’t included. Maybe they forgot. So I start to read. By the time I get two paragraphs in, my stomach clenches and nausea rolls through me. By the third paragraph, I’m on my feet and striding across the room. I don’t knock. I just throw the door open to the bathroom and barge right in, the contract fisted in my hand.

  “What’s up?” Cadan asks around the toothbrush lodged in his mouth.

  “This.” I slap the contract on the counter.

  He scans it, and the blood drains from his face. He spits the toothbrush out. “It’s not what you think.”

  “Really? Am I mistaken that there was never a contract for the new songs? That this new one specifically says that any songs I wrote during the lapsed time between my old contract and the new contract are to be considered represented by the label? That if I sign this, I may not sell them to any other label? You’re saying I don’t understand what that means? Because this implies none of my new songs are currently under contract. I can walk if I want to.”

  “No. That’s not…” He holds his hands up in a surrender motion. “I told them I signed for you. Since the contract wasn’t valid, they didn’t include it. And yes, you’re correct. You don’t have to sign the new publishing contract. That’s entirely up to you.”

  I step back, holding the contracts to my chest.

  “I swear,” he says.

  “And just like that they voided it? All this time Jeff’s been struggling to get me out of my contract and now they’ve suddenly caved when you confessed to signing for me?”

  He nods. “But that was also after you decided to come back. So it isn’t like they were losing anything. And trust me, they were not happy with me. If it wasn’t for you, I think they would’ve dropped me.” He steps forward and grabs my hand. “I’m really trying to do the right thing here, Luce. Give me a chance to prove myself?”

  The mistrust and anger are still actively gripping me, but I relent anyway. “Okay. But you’re going to have to give me some time to catch up. This new you… it’s a little overwhelming.”

  He cracks a smile and leans in, kissing me on the forehead. “I’m still getting used to it myself, babe.”

  ***

  The label goes all out and hires an SUV limo for the ride to San Francisco. The guys are in good spirits, hyped up for the show. Their energy is intoxicating, and before long, I find myself singing along with their rendition of “Sweet Child of Mine.” When the high note comes, I give it my all, stretching it out in my best Axl Rose impersonation.

  “Holy shit, Luce, That was fucking amazing,” Jess exclaims, giving me a high five.

  I grin as Cadan and the rest of the band chimes in with appreciation.

  By the time we get to Blue Jays, I’m more than ready for the show to start. I’m pacing my dressing room and going over the set list when a knock sounds at my door. My heart does a little flip. It could be Seth. I’d put his name along with Jax’s on the guest list.

  “Lucy?” Cassie’s voice filters through the door.

  Disappointment sets in. Damn, I have it bad. “Hi,” I say as I open the door.

  “Oh, you look fantastic.” She sweeps into the room, her arms full of paperwork. There’s also a pen tucked behind her ear.

  “Thank you.” I tug at the leather skirt and smile when I think of the last time I wore these boots.

  “I’ve got some schedule changes and itineraries for you.” She sits down on the secondhand plaid couch, wrinkling her nose. “For such a nice club, you’d think they could update their dressing rooms.”

  I shrug. “Can you blame them? Most bands are pretty hard on furniture.”

  “True. Anyway, tomorrow we have you booked to visit two radio shows and then a spot on the morning show. So we’ll need you down in the lobby of the hotel no later than five forty-five.”

  I groan. “That’s really early, especially after a show.”

  “I know. No one ever said the life of a rock star was all spas and relaxation.”

  “You’ve got a point.”

  “Okay, I have to fill in the guys.” She makes a face. “I’ll probably have to drag their asses out of bed in order to make it on time.”

  “Probably.” I grin. “Good luck with that.”

  “Promise me you’ll help. I don’t think I can take walking in on a naked Jess again.”

  That gets a snort of laughter out of me. One morning she’d found him passed out with no clothes on. That was bad enough, but he’d also had pudding smeared all over his man bits. Chocolate pudding. It wasn’t pretty. “Yeah, I’ll help.”

  “Thank God.” She throws her arms around me and gives me a quick hug. “It’s so good to have someone on my side again. To be honest, I wasn’t sure we were going to get you back. It hasn’t been the same without you.”

  “Well, we did have that contract,” I say, trying to keep my voice light. I don’t want an altercation, but I also don’t want to ignore the fact they’d pretty much forced my hand.

  She frowns. “The one for the rest of the tour? I thought Cadan told you the label suspended that because of your dad.”

  “Suspended?”

  “Sure. We only had a few months left, and with your dad passing, we weren’t going to force it. I really thought we’d lost you for good. But here you are. And I couldn’t be more thrilled. The new song is going to make chart history. You just wait and see.”

  “So I was free? My publishing contract was fulfilled as well?”

  “Yeah.” Her brows pinch as she studies me. “Why?”

  Red-hot anger flares to life, instantly replaced by a cold, unfeeling acceptance. I’d been lied to. “It’s nothing.” My voice comes out even, with not a trace that anything is wrong. “Nothing at all.”

  Chapter Thirty Two

  Seth

  The closer we get to the city, the more I’m tempted to turn the truck around and drive back home. “I don’t know how I let you talk me into this,” I say to Jax.

  “Yes, you do. You want to see her sing again, and so do I. Besides, she called and asked you to come. I think that’s what got you on the road. Not me.”

  She’s right. I do want to see Lucy one more time. But I don’t know if I’ll be able to survive seeing her with Kinx. Jesus Christ. What am I doing?

  “It’s too late now anyway,” Jax says. “We’re almost there. And I’m not letting you chickenshit out. Got it?”

  I make a face but keep driving. If she wasn’t in the car, I would turn around. This seems lik
e a colossally big mistake.

  Once in the city, it takes a while to find parking. And even then we end up more than six blocks away. “Damn. Are they all here for the show?”

  “Looks like it.” Jax slides her arm through mine. “Everyone’s headed in the same direction.”

  The line is impressively long, wrapping around the block. Jax glides past everyone to speak with the doorman. “We’re on the list,” she says and gives him our names.

  He frowns. “Sorry. No one by either name is listed.”

  She spends ten minutes trying to get him to double-check, but no amount of insisting helps and we end up at the back of the line.

  “Thanks for nothing.” Jax scowls at the doorman an hour later when we finally make it through the line. “Lucy has been waiting for us.”

  “Sure she has.” He rolls his eyes and goes back to checking IDs.

  “Asshole,” she says under her breath.

  “It’s fine. We’ll talk to her after.” I position Jax in front of me and place my hands on her shoulders, letting her lead us through the crowd. The place is so packed I’m certain the club is breaking some fire codes.

  “Wow,” Jax says. “Giant crowd and they only announced this show last night. Crazy.”

  The line at the bar is too insane to even contemplate. It’s just as well. I’m driving Jax back to Mendo tonight anyway. Better to stay as alert as possible. Though after I see Lucy, I’m certain I’m going to need that drink.

  And then it happens. The lights go down over the venue, and after a short introduction, there she is, her short skirt showing off those gorgeous legs. My body comes alive as I focus on those boots. The boots. The ones that will forever be burned in my brain. Damn her. A knife to the heart would’ve been kinder.

  “She looks amazing,” Jax says into my ear.

  I nod, unable to speak. What I wouldn’t give to go back to Christmas Eve morning and make good on my threat to keep her locked away in her bedroom all day. Hell, all week.

  Kinx joins her on the stage and every female in the place loses her fucking mind. There’s a lot of jumping, screaming, and even some crying. It’s nuts. I had no idea they were this popular.

  He plays to the crowd, announcing their reunion and promising the best damn show, which is going to be full of surprises. My chest constricts, and I feel as though my heart is withering under my breastbone.

  The band starts up, and all the lights go down except for the spotlights illuminating Lucy and Kinx. Lucy is more beautiful than ever, her dark hair framing her face seductively. She’s sexy as hell, and it’s torturous knowing she won’t be mine. But when she starts to sing and Kinx joins in, it’s as if a beacon of hope lights up inside me. The sensation is so overwhelming it almost brings tears to my eyes. I want her so badly, more than I wanted Elsa maybe. The pain bolts through my veins, but it’s tempered with the strange hopefulness that seems to be invading my heart and mind.

  “It’s amazing, isn’t it?” Jax says. “The magic they bring to everyone. I…” She clutches her chest and lets the tears roll freely.

  I nod once and keep my eyes locked on Lucy. I want to study this moment, to remember her in her element. To experience her talent as I had the first night we met. Only this time she isn’t focused on me. She’s there for the entire crowd. Touching as many people as she can. Everyone except me. Even when her gaze flickers past us, she doesn’t linger or give any indication she knows we’re here.

  The song ends, and they move right into the next one. My emotions run the gamut of joy, contentment, and despair, but through it all, hope is at the forefront. If this is the way most people feel while experiencing them sing, I can see why they’re so fucking popular.

  Curiously though, while Kinx keeps trying to engage her onstage, she does her best to keep her distance. She sings in all the right places, makes eye contact when needing to stay on cue, but any time he moves toward her, she repositions herself to keep her personal space. That tiny knowledge keeps me sane right up until they get to the last song.

  The music winds down and Lucy takes the microphone. “Hi, folks. Thanks for coming out tonight. You’ve been a fantastic crowd. San Francisco always is.”

  The crowd goes batshit, and she smiles through it all, waiting for them to dial it back a notch.

  “You may have heard we have a new song to reveal. However, I hope you’ll forgive me if I change things up a bit. There’s another song that’s more appropriate to my life right now. I think it’s fitting that I sing it tonight. What do you say? Are you with me?”

  The crowd responds with enthusiasm, just as I’m sure she knew they would.

  She smiles. “You’re the best.” Turning around, she nods to the band, and the keyboardist starts the entry to “Let Her Go” by Passenger.

  Kinx frowns at her, clearly unhappy. There’s nothing he can do to change things now, though, and he starts in on the lyrics, his eyes burning in a hole in my head all the way from the stage. Lucy joins in when he starts singing about letting her go. Their eyes lock, and the whole room can feel the tension and struggle between them. He doesn’t want to be singing this, but she’s giving it her all.

  Finally, she turns, and her smoldering gaze lands on me as she sings the last line.

  “I can’t do this,” I say to Jax, unable to breathe. “I can’t stand here while she says good-bye to me.” Before she can answer, I take off out of the club, desperate for fresh air. The cold December night air assaults me, but I barely feel it at all. My one goal is to get to the truck. Six blocks away.

  Once I finally find my ride, I unlock it and climb in, realizing there’s no way in hell Jax should be walking through the streets of San Francisco by herself at this hour. I take out my phone and instruct her to text me whenever she’s ready to leave and I’ll pick her up at the front door. It takes a while before she texts back, and when she does, she tells me to get her in one hour.

  That hour turns out to be the worst hour of my life. Lucy’s inside that club, and I’m not going to be able to say my own good-bye. She’s had her say, and I got nothing. Electric anger pulses through my blood. Damn Kinx and their soul-mate connection. Damn him to hell. He has what I want. Desperately. Maybe I’m not what she needs, but I’m damn sure Kinx is a disaster waiting to happen.

  It turns out to be two hours later by the time Jax emerges from the club. She’s serious and reserved, but that may be from my mood. I say nothing, opting to ignore the turmoil churning inside me.

  “Don’t you even want to know what happened?” Jax demands.

  “No.”

  “No? That’s it?”

  “Right. I want to remember the way she was onstage. Not some lame brush-off excuse. I don’t need one. Look, I got it. She’s with him now. It makes sense. He’s her soul mate.”

  Jax narrows her eyes and gives me a disgusted look. “You’re an idiot.”

  “Maybe.” The urge to demand that she tell me what Lucy had to say is overwhelming. But deep in my gut I know whatever she says will only make it worse. Lucy is gone. I need to let it go, and the sooner I do that, the better.

  Jax huffs out a sigh of frustration, taps something into her phone, and then pulls my blanket around her shoulders and closes her eyes.

  Good. At least she won’t nag me for the rest of the drive back.

  The road is virtually empty and we make good time, cutting the three-hour drive down to two and a half. When I finally pull up to Jax’s house just before four a.m., she speaks for the first time since we left the city. “Will you keep painting?”

  I shrug. “Eventually.”

  She rubs her sleepy eyes and gives me a worried look. “You’re not going to give it up again, are you?”

  I shake my head. “No. But there’s something I have to take care of first before I spend any more time in there.”

  Confusion is written all over her face, but then her expression morphs into understanding. She knows. And oddly the knowledge puts me at peace.

  She re
aches over and squeezes my hand. “You know where to find me if you need me.”

  I nod and turn to stare out the window. If I look at her, I might lose my shit. So much for peace. With one simple statement, I’m back to being the poor bastard who hasn’t let go of the past. “‘Night, Jax. I’ll call you.”

  “You better.” She scrambles out of the truck and up to her apartment.

  I wait until she’s safely inside, then go home, to the one I shared with Elsa. It’s time to come to terms with the cards I’ve been dealt.

  ***

  Sitting on the beach, I gaze out at the ocean, seeing nothing but a wall of fog with the surf rolling in from under it. The day is one of my favorites. The sun is shining bright on the shore, holding the mist over the sea.

  I’ve been sitting in the same spot for over an hour, trying to work up the courage to do what I came here to do. It’s not the first time I’ve come here for this purpose. But I’ve never been able to go through with it. I feel close to Elsa here. Almost as if she’s sitting right beside me, sketching the ocean and the fog. Once it’s done, will I come back here? I don’t know. This place is painful, right to my very core, yet I crave that pain, crave the weight that settles over me every time I sit on these rocks.

  Today is different, though. The pain is there just beneath my breastbone as usual, but it’s tinged with sadness and acceptance. Before it had always been laced with anger and despair, a feeling I’d come to associate with the last time I’d seen her.

  I know today is the day. It has to be. I’ve turned a corner and I won’t go back.

  Chapter Thirty Three

  Lucy

  After three days of renegotiations and uncovering the truth of what has really been going on with my contracts, I headed back to Mendocino. Desperate to talk to Seth, I tried his shop and his house, then called Jax. She didn’t know where he was, but she’d had a good idea of where to look.

  Now I’m standing in a small parking lot about thirty miles south of Mendocino, scanning the beach for Seth. The fog hovering over the ocean is a dramatic contrast to the sunny day, but it’s still pretty cold, and the beach is empty. I know he’s here. I’m parked right next to his truck.