eyond Desire Collection

by JS Scott, M Malone, Marie Hall, et al

  He grinned and winked at her, then walked away while Graci and Hugo still stood slack-jawed.

  Thank you very much, asshat. Tara mentally cursed him for outing them in such a dramatic way. It was such a Luis thing to do, play it for shock value and let the chips fall where they may. Funny guy. Except he’d left her to mop up the mess.

  “What. Was that?” Graci’s gaze swung from the door closing behind Luis to Tara’s face. “What was that?”

  “Yeah, well, it’s what I wanted to talk to you about. Luis and I are sort of seeing each other.”

  “You’re what? Since when?” Graci demanded.

  “Recently. Really recently. At first it was just… But now we’ve decided to make it a little more official, so I thought it was time to tell you. Apparently your dumb brother thought this was a hilarious way to do it.”

  “At first it was just what?” Hugo could lift a single eyebrow just like Luis.

  “None of your business. Go away, Hugo.” Tara reverted to an eleven-year-old. “Graci and I are talking.”

  “This is priceless. Wait’ll Mom and Dad hear.” The big man shook with laughter as he retreated into his office.

  Tara frowned. “Will your parents freak out?” she asked Graci. “Do you mind? I mean, there’s sort of a taboo about best friends and people’s brothers. I didn’t know if you’d care or not, and I really don’t want to damage our friendship, but I like him, Graci. I secretly always did even when we were kids. But now we’re grown-up. When we saw each other again, it just…took a turn.”

  “You and Luis,” Graci said faintly. “Together. Like together together.”

  “Yes, like that.” Tara forced her clenched hands to loosen. “So, what do you think?”

  “I don’t… I don’t really know what to say. This is like when you’re a kid and you first realize your parents have sex. It’s sort of mind-boggling.”

  “Not that mind-boggling. You had to know Luis and I always had a certain attraction between us.”

  “No. I didn’t have to know that, although I can sort of see it now. But, Tara… Are you sure this is a good idea? You know how you are.”

  A cold finger of something like dread or annoyance tickled the base of her spine. “How exactly am I?”

  “Well, you’ve been through a lot of guys. You’ve fallen in and out of love more times than almost anyone I know. Don’t look at me like that. I’m not trying to be mean.” Graci held out her hands palms up, beseeching. “I’m just saying that Luis has been through some really heavy stuff recently. Although he tries to hide it, I think he’s pretty fragile right now. I don’t want him to—”

  “What? Make a mistake? Get hurt? Pick a slut to hook up with? Which is it?” Tara could hear her voice rising but couldn’t seem to stop it. Surely Hugo in his office could hear her. The receptionist sneaking peeks from behind the counter certainly could.

  Graci’s mouth thinned to a tight line, never a good sign. “Get hurt, I guess. I don’t think you’re a slut, Tara. I never said that. But your judgment isn’t always the best, and right now, I don’t think Luis’s is either. I feel like you’re both too volatile to be very good for each other—him with his trauma and you with the drama. Maybe you both need to take some time to consider the consequences of getting involved.”

  Tara didn’t get mad often. Negative feelings like anger were counterproductive, useful in acting but not in real life in her opinion. But just then, she felt something slow and dangerous uncoiling inside her, like a dragon with sharp claws and fiery breath.

  It wasn’t as if she was unaware of her own shortcomings and flaws, but having Graci enumerate them really wounded her, especially given the total support Tara had offered Graci during her breakup with Joey. Tara would never say such negative things when one of her friends needed her approval or support. And yes, maybe she’d guessed that this might be Graci’s reaction to her hooking up with Luis, but it still stung.

  “If one of you begins to care more than the other, that person is going to be hurt,” Graci continued. “On the other hand, if this is destined to be some short-lived thing, is it worth the awkwardness you’ll feel afterward?”

  Meaning that she couldn’t imagine Luis and Tara as an actual couple. The idea of them was preposterous to Graci. Probably the idea of Tara in any lasting or meaningful relationship was a joke to her.

  When she spoke again, the fire inside Tara had turned to ice. “You make some valid points. I’ll consider them.” She picked up her purse from the plastic chair and slung it over her shoulder.

  “Don’t be mad, Tara. But this is exactly the sort of thing I’m thinking about. Now things are weird between us. Is a fling really worth it?”

  “I don’t know.”

  She walked out of the garage with more of Graci’s protests and apologies ringing in her ears. She was hurt and angry and disappointed in her friend, but beyond all that, she feared that Graci was completely right. If there was no chance of a future for Tara and Luis, was it worth causing all this trouble?

  Was a “for now” relationship even possible, or would someone eventually get hurt? Tara had managed a friends with benefits situation with Dre, but somehow she doubted she could pull it off with Luis. Given her history of broken hearts, she had little doubt the one mangled would be hers.

  Chapter Nine

  “You’re a dick, Luis Ramirez!” Tara blasted him over the phone, which was easier to do than in person.

  “I know. I’m sorry. I thought it would be—”

  “Funny. I know. You wanted to shock them, especially Hugo. But you left me to pick up the pieces.”

  The glimmer of humor disappeared from his voice. “That was wrong, but I honestly didn’t think it would be a big deal to Graci. I thought you were worrying for nothing. What exactly did she say to you, anyway?”

  Tara paused. The last thing she wanted was to cause a rift between sister and brother, so instead of saying basically said I was no good for you, she replied, “She suggested we might not be in the right frame of mind to become involved. That neither of us is thinking clearly.”

  “What the fuck?” Luis exploded. “I’ll call and talk to her.”

  “Don’t yell at her. That will only make things worse. I told you to let me tell her myself, but you had to charge in like a bull in a china shop.” Not that she thought it would’ve made much difference if she’d spoken to Graci privately. Apparently her best friend thought Tara was good enough to be pals with but not a suitable partner for her brother. Even though that wasn’t exactly what Graci had said, that was what it felt like.

  “Just let it rest for a little while,” Tara counseled. “Let her get used to the idea.”

  “You want me to avoid her? If I don’t call her, I know she’ll call me. We’re going to have this out one way or another.” He sounded like a grim gunslinger preparing for a duel.

  “You guys can’t get in a fight over this. That was exactly what I didn’t want to have happen. Besides, it would ruin your mom’s birthday if things are strained between you.”

  “She won’t know. We’re not five. We can act civilized for a couple of hours. But I’m not going to just let this go. I’m talking to Graci.” He hung up before she could protest more.

  Tara put down her phone and closed her eyes. Everything had gotten complicated really fast. So much for Bree’s assurance that Graci would have her back. A fresh flame of irritation flickered through Tara as she recalled Graci’s words, spoken in such a polite, careful way. “You know how you are. Your judgment isn’t always the best. You’ve fallen in and out of love more than anyone I know.” How could those statements not be hurtful, even if they were true?

  “After I stood by you choosing Joey when none of the others did,” she complained to her empty apartment. “I was there after he dumped you, and again when you started dating Neal too soon, which I never said a word about. Always right there for you, Graci!”

  Screaming and punching a couch pillow helped a little, but she w
as still really angry. Tara tossed the pillow aside and got up. She just had time to get in a run before play rehearsal. Certainly, jogging would be a more constructive way to relieve her tension, and it would keep her from calling Graci and yelling everything she was feeling—exactly what she’d told Luis not to do.

  She changed and headed out to the park, turning off her phone so she wouldn’t be tempted to read or listen to any incoming messages from Graci or Luis. Right now, she needed to breathe deep, clear her head, and search inside herself.

  After all, perhaps Graci made some good points. Maybe Luis was too damaged to be involved in any romantic relationship just now, and maybe Tara was too blinded by lust to see what was best for him…and for herself.

  Such thoughts swirled in Tara’s head as she ran. Slowly conviction began to settle into her heart. She may have leaped before she looked yet again. Just because she and Luis were attracted to each other didn’t make their hooking up a smart thing to do. Maybe it was time to put on the brakes before somebody got hurt.

  She ran faster, feet pounding the pavement, chest heaving with every aching breath, a stitch lacing her side. She ran until her legs trembled and she couldn’t breathe. Her eyes blurred with tears from the stinging breeze.

  A brief fling with an old friend, a momentary lapse that would soon be a dim memory as each of them moved on to their separate futures. And maybe there was a reason Luis kept pushing her about moving to LA. He knew their relationship was destined to be short-lived.

  Maybe it really was time to move on and start a new chapter in her life.

  ***

  Tara took advantage of Corinne’s absence to hide out in her apartment for a couple of days. She sent texts to both Luis and Graci, asking them to leave her alone for a little while to think. And just to be sure she had a break from both of them, she blocked their calls. Her will wasn’t strong enough to refuse to answer repeated rings. They’d have to waylay her at work or the theater in order to talk to her.

  But she didn’t count on Corinne.

  It was Tara’s second day of camping out in her friend’s place, and she was doing her best to keep Corinne’s décor as pristine as when she’d walked through the door. It wasn’t easy. Tara tended to leave things where she dropped them and wipe up spills later. She was scrubbing a blotch of dried ketchup on the kitchen counter when Corinne called.

  “Hey, what’s up?” Tara answered the phone. “You in Seattle now? How’s Adya?”

  “She’s okay.” Corinne hesitated. “She’s coming back with me. She needs a break from her life here.”

  “Why? What’s going on? Did you find out why she’s been ignoring all of us?”

  “We’ll talk about it after we get back. What I called about is you. Graci said you’re seeing Luis and that you’re not answering her calls. And my neighbor Seth said you were staying at my place. You met him when he dropped off my mail yesterday.”

  “Oh yeah. The cute nerd from across the hall. He’s easily agitated, isn’t he? I think it freaked him out to find me here. Anyway, I haven’t messed up anything, I swear.” Tara laughed lightly. “I just needed a retreat where I could think about things, and I knew Graci wouldn’t leave me alone if I was at home.”

  “So, you hooked up with Luis! That came out of left field.”

  “Maybe a little, but not really. I used to have a crush on him back in the day, and now we’re both adults, so…”

  “When? Where? I want the details. Tell me. I promise I won’t say anything to Graci.”

  “It’s like Clue—Luis Ramirez, in the garage, with a wrench. Except there was no wrench.” Tara relaxed a little, glad to be able to talk to a third party who wasn’t involved. “We got to talking about old times, and one thing led to another. There was a spark. After that, we tried to stay apart, but it didn’t take. We just seem to keep coming together.”

  “Please, God, tell me you guys aren’t doing it in my bed!”

  “No! I haven’t been in contact with Luis any more than I have with Graci these past couple of days. I needed a break from both of them to think.”

  “Yeah, there’s a lot of that going around,” Corinne said cryptically. “Graci’s really worried. She’s afraid you’ll be mad at her forever.”

  “Well, maybe not forever. I just needed a couple of days to stew. I’ll probably call her soon. But she as much as told me I’m no good for Luis, and that was pretty painful.”

  “Really? Because that’s not what she said to me.”

  “Well, maybe not exactly, but she suggested we were a bad match, both too damaged to be healthy for each other.” Tara paused, still absently running the sponge over the granite countertop. “And I’m starting to think she’s right.”

  “Why on earth would you think that? You listen to Graci too much. She’s sure as hell no expert on relationships. Joey was proof of that.” Corinne drew an audible breath. “Now you listen to me. Do you like him? Does he like you? Can you picture the pair of you together?”

  “Yes.” Tara threw the sponge into the sink. “For a while, anyway. But Graci’s right, Luis is having a hard time after what he went through in Afghanistan. I don’t know if he’s at all ready to get involved with anyone. Besides, I may be moving to LA.”

  Tara had to take the phone away from her ear because Corinne shrieked so loud.

  “Well, good for you! When you didn’t fly out with me, I thought you’d given up on the idea. But this could be the best thing for you. A fresh start. A chance to really try for your dream. New York didn’t pan out for you, but maybe LA will.”

  “I’m just thinking about it. Anyway, I should be focusing on my career right now, not getting involved with anyone.”

  “You could do worse than Luis, though. He’s a good guy, and I’m starting to realize how rare that is,” Corinne said. “Anyway, my advice is to stop hiding. It’s not like you to back down from a problem like this. It’s time for you to make up with Graci. Call her.”

  “Yes, Mom. I’m on it.” Tara smiled, already feeling a bit more capable and less mopey. Corinne always was a good motivator.

  “And, Tara…” Corinne paused. “Please don’t wreck my apartment.”

  ***

  “Can we meet someplace and talk? I don’t want to have this conversation over the phone.” Tara waited, half expecting Graci to refuse.

  “Yes! Absolutely. I’m so sorry if I came across as judgmental or made you feel like I hate the idea of you and Luis together. I swear that’s not what I meant. Yes, I’d be glad to meet you anywhere you want.”

  “I don’t have a lot of time today, just a couple of hours between my job and rehearsal.”

  “Long enough to meet for coffee. There’s a café pretty near where you are. How about there?” Graci paused. “I just want to say right now whatever you and Luis decide to do or not do, I’m behind it.”

  “He talked to you, didn’t he?”

  “Yeah, but I came to that conclusion by myself.”

  Sandra, the other waitress, passed by, tapping her wrist.

  Tara interrupted, “Hey, my break’s over. I’ve got to get back to work. I’ll see you soon.”

  There. One item on her list checked off. Now she only had to decide what to say to Luis. That was a call she was still avoiding. Over the past couple of days, she’d wavered between wanting to see him and thinking it was better to nip this thing between them in the bud. She still didn’t know which she was going to choose when she saw him again.

  Tara arrived at the café a half hour later than she intended and found Graci sitting in the patio area, despite the cool early evening air. Tara shivered and buttoned her jacket as she took a seat across from her friend.

  “You’re probably wondering why we’re at an outside table.” Graci’s warm brown eyes were the same shade as her brother’s, Tara realized. She couldn’t tell if they glistened from tears or from the glow of lights strung overhead.

  “I chose this spot for a reason,” Graci continued. “This is where N
eal and I had our first date, the one with the flash mob I told you about.”

  “I remember.” Tara smiled. “Great first date idea. The boy’s got game.”

  “And it’s where I sang that song to try to win him back, so this place is pretty special to me. Something clicked between us the moment we met, but it took me a while to believe in it, you know?”

  Tara recalled Graci’s uncertainty and erratic moods not so long ago. “It didn’t take you that long. Only about a month altogether.”

  Graci laughed. “Yeah. But, trust me, while I was living it, it felt like a year. I was so confused, I didn’t know up from down. I couldn’t trust that I’d found my ‘one’ right on the heels of ending a serious relationship. It seemed preposterous, like maybe I was grabbing at anyone to avoid being alone. Except it wasn’t just anyone. It was Neal, and when I finally quit fighting myself, everything became clear and simple.”

  “Because when you know, you know.” Tara quoted what Graci had said to her the other day.

  “That’s right.” Graci waved away the waiter who approached to take their order. “The point is, I don’t know how you and Luis feel about each other. It’s not my business to pry into your personal lives. But if you two want to be together—even if it’s only for a while—then you should be. Whatever makes both of you happy, really, Tara, I swear that’s all I want for you.”

  The slight quaver in Graci’s voice sparked a tightening in her own chest. Tears prickled her eyes as undemonstrative Graci got up from her seat and came around the table to give her a hug. “Sorry.”

  Tara hugged back, clinging tightly for a moment to her friend.

  “And if this turns out to be something more,” Graci whispered near her ear, “I couldn’t ask for a better sister-in-law.”

  Before Tara could protest that she was really jumping the gun, Graci released her and moved away from the table. “Okay. I’m going to go now. There’s somebody else who wants to talk to you.”

  “Wait? What?”