Souls Unfractured

by Tillie Cole

  Then as I turned the next page, I stopped, hands freezing, as a familiar set of midnight eyes stared up at me from the page, as though they were real and shining in the moonlight beneath my window.

  With a timid finger, I traced the edge of those eyes and wished that I were able to touch him in reality. I held my right hand in the air, and with my left hand, intertwined the fingers just to imagine how it might feel.

  A hand holding mine.

  One simple touch.

  A touch that said so much.

  A slice of pain hit my chest, and I sighed deeply in sadness. Because since meeting Flame, my thoughts had changed so much.

  In commune, I used to dream that I was a butterfly. That I would spread my colorful wings and fly away from all the pain. But now, when Flame was near, I dreamed anew. I dreamed that one day I would know what his hand felt like holding mine.

  My heart sank at this impossibility. Dropping my hands, I let my fingers loosen and break their hold.

  Suddenly, my attention was pulled by the sound of rustling trees. I sat bolt upright in the chair and stared at the dark line of the forest. My heart slammed against my ribcage, when a figure emerged from the heavy foliage.

  My breathing paused, fear taking hold, then a familiar pair of leather boots and trousers entered the moonlit lawn. Blades hung from his belt, and his torso was naked under the heavy leather cut.

  Flame.

  My heart, that was already racing, seemed to beat at an impossible speed. And then Flame lifted his head, and it ceased to beat at all.

  The frown that was on his face instantly blanked. His lips mumbling something under his breath, stilling mid-speech.

  I clutched the blanket lying over my knees to my chest. I remained frozen, as did Flame. I had not expected him to come tonight, his friends had taken him back to his home. I could see from my window how exhausted he had been. I could see, even in the haze of moonlight, how tired he was still.

  Flame’s hands tensed at his sides. His chest heaved with movement that was too quick, then he abruptly turned on his heel, and with a rigid back, he headed back into the forest.

  My stomach sank as he turned to leave, and without conscious thought, I slammed my sketchpad shut, shuffled to the edge of the seat and called out, “Wait! Do not go!”

  Flame stopped dead.

  As did I.

  Swallowing back my nerves, my shock at what I had just done, I said, “Please, Flame. Do not go… I… I am glad you are here.”

  Flame’s fingers curled and uncurled, then straightening his shoulders, he slowly turned. His large frame was rigid as he faced me once more. Then he just stood. Stood at the end of the forest, his attention fixed forward.

  But I wanted him closer.

  Still perched on the edge of my seat, I asked, “Would you like to come closer? I… I have been sitting out here alone as I could not sleep. It…” I took a deep breath, fighting my natural instinct to flee, and continued. “It would be nice to have some company.”

  Flame remained still, his rigid body convincing me that he would not come any nearer. Then, to my surprise, he began walking, his powerful legs bringing him closer to where I sat.

  In the still and silent night, I could hear him counting his steps one to eleven, then repeating it back to himself under his breath. My head tilted to the side as he approached, a swirl of anticipation and fear mixing in my stomach.

  His skin on his arms looked newly cut, and I could not help but feel sad for him. For whatever had happened to make him need to harm himself in such a way. Grasping a blade from his belt, his fingers tightened on the handle. Like he needed the blade as a comfort.

  As though he was nervous to be here with me now.

  Inhaling a long breath, I asked quietly, “Would you like to sit?” I pointed at the chair in front of mine. Flame looked at the chair through his long black lashes, and exhaling sharply through his nose, sat beside me. I smelled the oil and leather. I smelled the rich musk and spice scent that only belonged to Flame, and warmth filled my bones.

  He was sat beside me.

  Flame was sitting right beside me.

  Dropping my eyes to the frayed edges of the gray blanket wrapped around me, I played with the clustered strands of wool just for something to help with the nerves accosting my body.

  But Flame was absolutely still. Absolutely silent.

  I glanced to the side, only to see him watching. As soon as our eyes met, he dropped his. A blush raced to fill my cheeks, and for some unknown reason, a whisper of a smile pulled on the corner of my mouth.

  Lifting my head, I stared at the large moon, and found the courage to speak. “I did not think you would be coming to see me tonight.”

  After several seconds of silence, I believed Flame would not respond. Until I caught him shift in his seat, and he said roughly, “I couldn’t stay away.”

  My pulse raced at his response and I whispered, “Why?”

  Flame’s shoulders shrugged, then focusing back on the blade in his hand, he said, “I couldn’t stop thinking about you. And I…” Flame trailed off.

  “And what?” I pushed.

  “I needed to be near you. I needed to know you were safe.”

  I watched Flame’s finger stroke along the edge of his blade, but his words circled my head and my heart bloomed.

  “I am happy you came,” I said in response. Drawing in a breath, I added, “I… I have missed you…” The confession was made on a whisper, my voice too nervous to be bold. Though I meant it with all my heart. I had missed him more than I ever thought possible.

  Flame’s sharp exhale slipped from his lips. “I can’t fucking stand that I was gone from you that long. It’s fucking with my head.”

  My attention slipped to the red scar at the side of his neck, his gauze now gone, and I asked, “Were you in pain?” My stomach turned. “I cannot bear the thought of you in pain because of me.”

  “No,” Flame said coldly. “There was no pain. I’m good with pain. But they fucking strapped me down. They strapped me down and I couldn’t fucking stand it. Then they drugged me. Drugged me so I couldn’t get to them. Couldn’t kill the men that strapped me down.”

  Flame was panting, his nostrils flaring. My head dropped. “It was my fault,” I whispered. “It was my fault you had to go through that.”

  “I had to protect you.” He then shifted in his seat and admitted, “When I woke up, when AK and Viking woke me up, you were the first person I thought of. And I had to see you. I just… I just had to fucking see you.”

  My lip hooked at the corner, his desperate need to see me igniting a flicker of happiness in my heart. But as I looked at his face, at the dark circles below his eyes, that smiled faded.

  “You appear tired,” I said quietly, and Flame briefly closed his eyes.

  “I don’t sleep. I can never fucking sleep.”

  Flame’s torso went rigid, his knuckles white as they gripped the blade and I whispered, “Why?”

  Flame’s head shook and his teeth gritted together. Then staring into the distance, replied, “I just fucking can’t.”

  Understanding he did not want to talk about it, I let it be. “I understand,” I soothed. “I do not sleep much either.” Brother Moses’ face flitted through my mind, and I explained, “I have too many memories that visit at night… memories I would rather not relive.”

  Flame sucked in a quick breath, but said nothing in response. Another sweep of cold wind whipped around the lawn, and I pulled the blanket up to my chin. Shifting in my seat, I turned to curl up in Flame’s direction.

  Flame’s head was resting against the high back of the chair. As I drank in his large frame, his dark hair and beard, his heavy covering of tattoos and his many piercings, I found myself feeling more at ease than I had in weeks.

  “I am happy you are back, Flame. I found myself at a loss without you.”

  “You did?”

  “Completely lost. You… you are the only person that ever makes me
feel safe. When you were gone…” I trailed off, unable to express how his absence made me feel.

  Flame groaned. “Maddie…”

  My heart beat hard at the desperate tone to his voice. “Flame,” I whispered back, his dark eyes trapped mine.

  The air was static between us, a thick fog shrouding where we sat. My heart beat erratically, and unsteady breaths slipped through my lips. Then a voice called from the side of the house, shattering the moment.

  “Maddie?”

  I looked behind me, only to see Lilah rushing into the clearing.

  My eyebrows pulled down. “Lilah?” I shifted forward in my seat. “Are you okay? It is the middle of the night. Why are you here?”

  Lilah approached, then her steps faltered when she saw Flame at my side. I blushed, fearing how this would be perceived. Finding her composure, she waved her hand. “You are needed. We all are. Ky has received a call from the compound. He has the truck to take us there.”

  I got to my feet, wondering why we could possibly be required, then I felt Flame standing behind me. Lilah glanced over my shoulder, and I sighed in relief when I heard, “I’m coming too.”

  Lilah turned on her heel and I followed suit, Flame shortly behind. As we came to the front of the house, Mae, Styx, and Ky were there. All eyes turned our way as we walked through. Ky looked to Flame and said, “Fuck, brother. Shouldn’t you be sleeping or some shit?”

  I heard Flame’s deep breathing, and he spat, “I’m coming with you.”

  Styx shook his head, and Mae watched me with narrowed eyes. Ky broke the awkward silence. “Let’s get the fuck to the clubhouse.”

  All of us got into the truck, Flame jumping in the bed at the back. And in silence, we set off onto the country road.

  When we exited the truck it was to meet a crowd, including Tank, Beauty, Tanner, Bull, Smiler and Letti. All of them turned our way when they heard us approach. I stayed close to Flame’s side. There were too many men. Too many people. They made me feel nervous.

  “Everyone clear the fuck out!” Ky ordered, seeming to understand. The rest of the men and women I did not know walked into the clubhouse.

  Beauty stepped forward. “She just turned up. We were all drinking in the bar when we heard her fucking screaming from outside. The young bitch is in a real fucking state, banging on the front gate, raising hell and all she keeps asking for are the three Cursed Sisters of The Order,” Beauty pointed at Lilah, Mae and I, “And that’ll be you fucking fine ladies.”

  “What?” Mae whispered in disbelief. Mae moved forward, Lilah following closely behind; she pushed past Tank and Bull. I heard her gasp, then say, “It is okay. We will not hurt you.”

  Beauty saw me stand back near Flame. She waved her hand for me to move closer. I hesitated, then Beauty insisted, “Come on, darlin’, she’s been asking for y’all personally.”

  I stepped forward and walked in front of Beauty to stand next to Mae. I abruptly stopped. Immediately, my heart tore itself into shreds. A young girl. Maybe fourteen or fifteen, dirtied, cut and bleeding, dressed in a ripped and soiled long gray dress. The staple gray dress from The Order. Her white headdress was half hanging off her head, her dark blond hair underneath pitted with mud. And her eyes, her deep blue eyes were glassy with fear. She had backed into the corner of the gate, her hands out, trying to keep people at bay.

  I saw her eyes flare when Lilah, Mae and I stood before her. On a pained sob, she fell to the ground, her hand covering her mouth. Lilah looked to me and I could see the panic on her face.

  Mae, however, just inched forward, her hands held out too. “Be calm,” Mae soothed. The girl froze. “My name is Mae,” Mae explained. She pointed behind at us. “This is Lilah and Maddie.”

  The young girl’s bloodied lip quivered and she asked, “Are you the Cursed Sisters of Eve?” My body jolted as she called us by that title, but Mae just nodded her head. “We used to be. I am Salome. This is Delilah. This is Magdalene,” Mae explained, pointing to Lilah and I once more.

  The girl released another sob, her frail shoulders hunched over. “I found you,” she whispered brokenly, through her tears. “I really found you.”

  Mae looked back, questions evident in her eyes. Lilah joined Mae, and crouched down to meet the young girl’s eyes. “Do you have a name?”

  The girl seemed to steady her breathing, and said quietly, “Sarai. My name is Sarai.”

  Lilah smiled gently. “Sarai, can you tell us what has happened. Where you have come from?”

  Sarai straightened, wincing as she moved her legs. Without her speaking a word, I knew she had been violated. I felt like screaming out loud. She was a child. That awful place had hurt another child.

  “I… I have come from New Zion. I managed to escape.” Sarai closed her eyes for the briefest of moments, then met Lilah’s eyes, and said, “They kept hurting us. They kept doing things to us. Bad things.” I fought back nausea as she spoke, knowing the feeling all too well. “Some of the girls had spoken about the Cursed Sisters that had escaped. Many of the girls talk of how you got away… and when… when… when they hurt me… hurt us tonight, we ran too.”

  Lilah swallowed and asked, “Who is we, Sarai?”

  Sarai’s face scrunched in pain and another sob escaped her throat. “My friends. But… but they got caught at the gate. They did not tell the guards I was there, in hiding. They helped me to get free. I have been travelling for hours. Someone helped bring me here. A stranger, someone that saw me lost on a road somewhere…” Sarai broke down again.

  Lilah got to her feet, and looked at Mae. “Mae?”

  But before Mae could speak, Ky said, “Are y’all believing this shit?”

  Lilah’s wide eyes went to her husband. “Ky! Please.” Sarai, at Ky’s harsh tone, curled into herself further, her scratched and swollen ankles appearing under her dress.

  “What? A bitch from the cult turns up in the middle of the fucking night and no one is thinking this could be a fucking set up? The cult that definitely wants us all fucking dead.” He turned to Styx. “Tell me I’m not alone in this, brother?”

  Styx signed something and Mae shook her head. “She is terrified, baby. I get what you are saying. I understand that you are wary, but look at her. Anyone can see she is petrified.”

  I followed Mae’s finger to Sarai who was huddled on the ground. Her pretty face was pale and her body shook with fear. Mae’s breathing hitched, and looking to Styx, she said, “That was me. I was this girl. I was this girl running to escape that hell.” Mae stepped to Styx and ran her finger down his face. “The girl you saved.” Mae shook her head and dropped her eyes. “We cannot leave her. She needs our help. I cannot send her away.”

  Styx tipped his head back, then staring at his wife, signed something back.

  Mae straightened her shoulders, and said, “We need to get her cleaned up. She needs food and a doctor. I think she has been raped.”

  “For fuck’s sake!” I heard Ky snap, but I could not take my eyes off the young girl. She was bruised, beaten and broken… I knew exactly how she felt.

  Styx signed something to Tank and he pulled out his cell. “Where do I get the doc to go?”

  Lilah lifted her hand. “Our cabin. She can stay with us.”

  “What?” Ky bit out, anger in his voice.

  Lilah faced Ky. “Maddie lives with Mae. There is no room. We have plenty, and…” Lilah’s words trailed off and she took a deep breath. “Ky you do not understand. You do not understand what life is like in that commune as a young girl. How brave she is to leave that life, and at her age. She—” Lilah’s words stopped as Ky pulled her to his chest.

  “Fuck, Li. Fine. She comes with us. Just don’t fucking do it to yourself. Don’t fucking go back to those thoughts.”

  “Thank you,” Lilah whispered, gripping tightly onto Ky’s cut.

  Lilah broke from Ky, and she and Mae approached Sarai, helping her to her feet. I did not move. And when she cried out from the pain between her leg
s, I thought my legs would give way.

  They had hurt her.

  Hurt her as they did us.

  Mae and Lilah walked Sarai back to Ky’s truck. I followed behind, Flame by my side. Flame and Styx jumped into the bed of the truck, and in minutes we were pulling into Lilah’s cabin.

  Mae and Lilah took Sarai straight inside, Styx and Ky following close behind. I exited the truck, and Flame was immediately behind me. Turning to face him, I said, “I had better go inside with my sisters.”

  Flame did not say anything in response.

  But just as I moved to walk inside, I stopped, and facing him, said, “I… I enjoyed talking with you tonight.” Flame’s nostrils flared. Fighting back nerves, I said, “Perhaps… If you would like to… we could talk more tomorrow?”

  Flame’s hand tightened on the blade in his hand, and he said, “Yeah.”

  My cheeks heated with excitement. Dropping my eyes, I said, “Then good night, Flame. I shall see you tomorrow.”

  I walked into the cabin, helping Mae and Lilah support the young beaten girl. But it was no surprise, that when I looked out of the window, Flame was standing below.

  Chapter Five

  Prophet Cain

  New Zion Commune

  “Cain, why are you out here?”

  I turned round at the sound of my brother Judah’s voice. He was walking toward me, his long brown hair tied back in a ponytail, and a frown firmly on his face; the face of my identical twin.

  I looked back across the gardens of our mansion, watching our people tending to the vast lawns. Judah’s consort, Phebe, was working in the herb garden. I had been out here for a couple of hours now and she had occupied most of my focus, as she silently overturned soil and planted seeds. During the last few weeks her bright personality had dimmed. She was still at Judah’s side, and still in his bed, but something in her demeanor had changed.

  Judah’s hand suddenly landed on my shoulder. He kept it there as he sat beside me on the steps leading down to the garden path.