Souls Unfractured

by Tillie Cole

  Mae glanced to her husband, then walked into the room. “Maddie. You cannot. Flame… Flame is not well right now. He could hurt you.”

  “He will not hurt me,” I bit back with complete conviction.

  “He’s fucking tapped out, Madds. He ain’t the Flame you know.” I heard Ky, but I shook my head. It was then that Viking stepped beside me. I flinched at his proximity, but refused to be swayed from what I was determined to do.

  “She’s right,” Viking rasped, my attention shot straight to his face. Viking was talking directly to Styx. “Right now I reckon he’d murder any cunt in his path, AK and myself included. But this little one,” Viking said, pointing at me. “I don’t know. Even as fucked and gone as he is right now, she may be our only fucking hope.”

  “No!” Mae shouted, when Styx began to sign something to the brothers. My heart pounded as loud as a storm’s heavy rain hitting a window. I did not know what was being said, and from out of nowhere, a surge of anger inflamed my very soul.

  The brothers began arguing with each other. Mae was pleading with Styx to refuse my request. And I shook with white-hot anger, incandescent at being ignored. I had been ignored enough in my life, pushed aside, thought of as weak and unimportant.

  Not now. Not today.

  “Stop!” I shrilled over the volume of frantic voices, my voice strong and unyielding. Suddenly, the room fell to into stunned silence. All eyes focused on me.

  I fixed my eyes on Styx. “I do not need your permission. I am a grown woman, and I will not be discussed as if I were a child.”

  “Maddie—” Mae tried to soothe, but I stepped away from her open arms and shook my head.

  “Enough!” Mae reared back in shock. “I am doing this.”

  “But, Sister, he is dangerous,” Lilah nervously spoke.

  “We have been in greater danger than this in our lives, Lilah. And Flame saved me. Twice. If it is my turn to be his savior, then I will happily step into the fire.”

  I looked up at Viking and ordered, “Take me to Flame.”

  Viking did not even look at Styx for permission, he simply led me out of the door. As I passed Mae, she looked at Styx. “I am going with her.” I closed my eyes fighting back my anger. But as Mae fell in step at my side, I found her presence reassuring.

  I turned to Lilah who was standing to the side of the room, the tip of her thumb in her mouth. I quickly walked over and quietly said, “I will be okay.”

  Lilah’s blue eyes lowered. Taking my hand, she whispered, “Please, reconsider this, Maddie. Leave it to the brothers. The thought of you being hurt, of being hurt by the only man you have never feared fills me with dread.”

  Squeezing Lilah’s hand, I said, “That is the beauty of freewill, Lilah. We choose our own actions. Unlike in commune, here we get to be the masters of our fate. I will go to Flame. Whatever transpires, transpires.”

  “Maddie, I have heard things over the past two days about Flame. And from what I have heard described, he sounds possessed. I fear he has evil running through his veins. The way he behaves, the way he cuts himself. The darkness of his soul.”

  I huffed incredulously. “And for years, sister, we—you, Mae, Bella and I—were viewed as inherently evil because of our looks. We believed it. We never doubted the scripture that affirmed it was so. I think perhaps, if you are told something often enough, you end up believing it. But maybe, just maybe, someone comes into your life and makes you question yourself. Makes you believe you are worth something.”

  Lilah glanced away, then sighed in defeat. “Like Ky did with me?”

  I nodded and added, “Like Flame does with me.”

  Lilah gasped at my confession, then said, “But you have barely spoken to him. How can you think that way?”

  I smiled, remembering his wish to touch me on my face. Of his shaking hand hovering in the air, and replied, “What are words? Sometimes the flick of a pair of eyes or the flush of skin reveals everything you need to know. Words can wound. Silence can heal.”

  A tear fell from Lilah’s eye. Her grip tightened. “Madd—”

  “He needs me, Lilah. He saved me from Moses, from all of the men that had… had…”

  “Shh…” Lilah soothed. Trying to rid our days in commune from my mind, I said, “I would no longer be alive without him. Now it is my turn to repay in kind.”

  Acquiescing to my unwavering resolve, Lilah pulled me into her chest. When she released me, Ky was by our side. Lilah turned to Ky and placed her hand on his arm. Ky nodded without Lilah saying a word. “I’m going with her, baby. Don’t worry.”

  As Lilah pressed a kiss to Ky’s lips, I left the house. Mae, Styx and an anxious Viking, were waiting for me outside. Ky then ran out of the door and joined our little party.

  Viking looked at me. “You sure about this, Little One?”

  A crippling nervousness suddenly possessed me, but I hid it as best I could. “Yes.”

  Mae walked beside me, holding tight onto Styx’s hand. I could see the worry haunting her beautiful face. When Styx released her hand and wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her close to his chest, I felt guilty.

  “I will be fine, Mae,” I said, as we broke through the line of trees and descended the grassy embankment.

  Mae was quiet, then she simply replied, “I know. You are you, Maddie. You are the bravest person I know.”

  This unexpected compliment almost made me falter in my steps. I found myself staring up at Mae. She smiled. Her confidence in me made me feel ten feet tall.

  Viking led us down the trail toward Flame, AK and Viking’s cluster of cabins. Agonized screams suddenly erupted. My blood ran cold at the pained cries and tortured bellows coming from the cabins at the bottom of the hill.

  As soon as Viking heard the screams, he picked up speed and hurried ahead.

  “Is that him?” Ky questioned in disbelief, as we tried to follow.

  Viking ran his hand through his hair. “Yeah. Shit!” he replied. The closer we got, the louder the screams became. This time genuine fear seized my breath. I would have been sure, before this night, that mankind was not capable of sounding so feral. But I was in no doubt that the Flame that I knew was not the man uttering these sounds. This Flame was undone. This Flame was in agonized pain.

  “My Lord,” I heard Mae murmur under her breath, but I kept my focus on the cabin. I forced my feet to move. If I stopped, I was unsure if I could muster the courage to continue.

  We broke through into the clearing with the three small cabins. Outside the cabin at the back, sitting on its own, was AK. The man with long brown hair hunched over a table with his hands in his hair. His clothes were heavily soiled with blood.

  “AK,” Viking called. AK lifted his head. His dark eyes were bloodshot and his face was deathly pale.

  “He’s getting worse,” AK agonized, as he looked at his friend. “Every time I go in, he gets worse. Fuck, man. I think this is it. I think we’ve fucking lost him to his fucked up head.”

  AK’s graveled voice betrayed the depth of his sadness and grief. When a chilling yell came slamming out of the front door of his cabin, AK got to his feet and put a hand on Viking’s huge arm. Viking stilled, and with glassy eyes, AK nodded resolutely at Viking. Viking’s head dropped in defeat.

  Their exchange scared me more than anything had in my life. They had not spoken words. But something meaningful had passed between them. Something in their taut bodies and pained expressions was about to tear their worlds apart.

  AK looked to Styx and Styx’s jaw clenched. He wrapped Mae into his chest tighter and kissed her on her head. His eyes were closed, and his breathing sounded labored as it blew into Mae’s hair.

  I watched each man in great detail, and I could feel the shift in them, feel the thick tension fill this open clearing.

  “I gotta see him,” Ky said, and stepped forward. Styx released Mae.

  Reluctantly, Viking and AK stepped aside. Styx and Ky proceeded into the cabin. I flinched when the
volume of Flame’s anguish reached a deafening level.

  Suddenly, Mae’s hand slipped through mine. I raised my eyes to see Mae intently watching the cabin door.

  Styx.

  She was terrified for the wellbeing of her fiancé.

  I wanted to say something. I wanted to reassure her that he would be okay. But the venomous cries of Flame rendered me devoid of speech.

  “Why’s she here, Vike?” AK said. I saw him nudge his chin at me.

  Viking sighed. “Thought he may respond to her. It was her idea. Not mine.”

  AK’s focus drifted deep into the woods. He shook his head. “Won’t work, brother. Nothing will. The way he feels about the bitch ain’t gonna bring him back from this.”

  My heart plummeted.

  The cabin door opened. Styx and Ky slipped out. Their faces wore expressions of deep anguish as they walked straight to Viking and AK. My eyes stayed glued to the men and their discussion. I edged a little closer, Mae following behind.

  “Fuck, I… I have fuck all to say to that shit in there,” Ky said, gruffly.

  Styx signed something to AK and Viking. AK shook his head. “Not even then, Prez. He was in a bad way, real fucked up from that fucking institution, but he wasn’t like this. Fuck, I served in the Middle East and never saw anyone get lost in their head like this.”

  Viking slumped into a chair. Ky put a hand on his shoulder. “Shit,” Viking rasped. “He asked us to stop him, yeah, AK? This is what he wanted, right?”

  AK crossed his arms over his broad chest and nodded. “Yeah, brother. He didn’t ever wanna live like this. You know what he said to do if he ever went nuclear. If at any point he never came back out of his fucked up head.”

  Viking threw his head back and released a loud roar. His head forward fell again.

  “I’ll do it,” AK announced.

  My breathing paused and my hand immediately broke away from Mae’s. No, I thought to myself, my heart racing with a darkness of dread. They could not be speaking of what I thought they were…

  “Brother, he’s your best friend,” Ky said.

  AK never lifted his haunted eyes from the ground. “That’s why I gotta do it. He trusted me. After everything we’ve been through…” AK shook his head when he could no longer speak. “I found him. I found him as a teen. I fucking got him out of that loony bin, the brother strapped down to that bed with so much shit being pumped into his veins he was the fucking Walking Dead. He’s fucking been beside me ever since. Nah, VP. I gotta do it. We started this shit together, I gotta be the one to end it.”

  Sheer terror took over. I felt a hand on my arm as I stared at the cabin door, as I listened to the screams behind the wood. “Maddie,” Mae whispered, sadness etched in her voice.

  All I could see in my mind was Flame’s eyes watching me. And if… if… A sob hitched in my throat when I thought of those eyes, drained of life. When I thought of them no longer standing guard beneath my window. No longer watching my every move, whenever I was near.

  No, AK could not take him from me. My soul would rip in two.

  I needed him.

  He needed me.

  Clasping my lips together to silence a hurt cry, energy surged through my body. From the corner of my eye I saw AK start to walk toward his own cabin to retrieve something. Mae had already joined Styx and Ky next to Viking. Viking had buried his face in his hands.

  But I was still near Flame’s cabin door.

  The cabin door Styx and Ky had left closed but unlocked.

  Instantly, I knew what I had to do.

  Giving myself no time to change my mind, I lifted my long dress and sprinted to the door. My labored breathing echoed in my ears as I ran. I reached the cabin door just as Mae’s voice screamed my name. But I did not stop. I had to get inside.

  Wrenching the cabin door open, I rushed inside, slamming it shut. With trembling hands, I snapped the locks shut. I grabbed a nearby chair and jammed it under the doorknob.

  “Maddie!” Mae shouted. “Open the door!”

  Loud male voices followed suit, demanding to be let in. Resting my palms to the wood, as if reinforcing the door, I shouted, “I will not let you hurt him. Please… just let me calm him down. Let me calm his rage.”

  As if on cue, Flame screamed out from behind me. My skin crawled in sympathy with the pain in the sound. I closed my eyes. I took a deep breath.

  I turned round.

  My breathing was rough as I stood still, knowing I was facing the man I thought of constantly. Then I flinched as another roar left his throat. I counted to three, then forced myself to open my eyes.

  My back hit the door as I did so. My legs lost strength, and scalding tears sprung to my eyes. As I slumped to the floor, a pair of tortured black eyes seared through mine, and I whispered, “Flame… no…”

  Chapter Eight

  Flame

  I couldn’t stop the flames.

  Men had tied me down.

  I couldn’t get to my blades.

  And he was in here with me. Even with my eyes open, I could see him. I could see him in my mind's eye. I could hear his voice in my mind's ear. I couldn’t silence his voice. He called me sinner, cussing about the evil in my blood. But I didn’t know what he wanted from me. Didn’t want to remember that face when he shouted at me. Didn’t want to remember that cold dark place. Didn’t want to remember his belt lashing my skin. But I couldn’t get to my blades to stop the memories... to stop the memories fucking with my brain…

  “He’s a fucking retard, Mary. He sits all day in his room, playing with that fucking Lego set. Building and building, never showing happiness or joy or any-fucking-thing! He doesn’t speak, doesn’t respond to anything I say. He doesn’t cry or laugh. Where's the fucking emotion?”

  I cowered in the corner of the room, watching him scream at my mama. Her eyes were sad as she stared at me. But she didn’t cry. My mama never laughed or screamed or cried anymore.

  “Michael,” she begged. “Please, just leave him alone. He’s just not like other kids. But he’s ours… he’s mine. I know he’s special. I can see it in how he thinks and behaves, but—”

  “Special? He’s a damn retard!”

  He was talking about me. He was angry with me, again. But I didn’t understand what I’d done to make him so mad? I tried. I always tried to make him happy. But it never worked. He just got madder. He just hurt me more and more. And I felt his disappoint deep inside me. I couldn't sleep, and all the worry made my hands shake. I… I was so confused. I didn’t mean to make him mad. I tried… I really, really tried.

  He moved to the table where my mama was preparing food. He swiped out his arm and all the dishes crashed to the floor. I put my hands over my ears when my baby brother began to cry. I rocked on the floor, humming under my breath to block out the sounds. I hated the sound of screaming. It hurt my ears. It made my chest hurt and my stomach feel bad.

  But my hands covering my ears couldn’t block out the sounds—the crashes, my baby brother’s screaming, his booming voice.

  “I’ve spoken to Pastor Hughes. He believes the boy could have evil in his body. Hell’s flames could be flowing in his veins. That’s why he acts like that. Why he acts retarded.”

  I stopped rocking and held out my arms. I turned them over to inspect my veins. But I couldn’t see any flames. My mind started to race. Evil? I had evil inside me? Flames ran in my veins?

  Not wanting them inside me, I scratched at the veins in my wrist. I didn’t want flames inside me. Maybe by taking the flames out of my blood, he would like me? Maybe I’d get to know what he wanted from me?

  Hearing the floorboard creak, I looked up. He had stepped forward. I stared at his face.

  His skin had gotten paler. He and mama were both staring at me. Their eyes had gotten bigger. Mama’s hand had lifted to her mouth. But his face was red, his mouth was tight. Something was wrong, but I didn’t know what.

  Without taking his eyes off me, he said, “You see, Mary? You see h
ow he feels the fire under his skin? See how he claws to get the flames out? The Pastor has warned us all of this in church. He’s told us about the signs of evil in our kin.”

  My fingers froze on my skin. I looked down and there was blood trickling from the vein. I felt my chest relax knowing that I’d let some of the flames escape. I lifted up my wrist to show him. To show him that the evil flames were leaving my body, just like he wanted.

  But he stepped back, his mouth no longer tight. Instead his lips had parted. He turned to my mama. “I’m calling Pastor Hughes. I’m taking him straight to church.”

  My hands stopped moving when he mentioned church. I didn’t like that place. I didn’t like the Pastor. I didn’t like the snakes they held. I didn’t like the drink that made their bodies thrash on the floor.

  Mama ran forward and took hold of his arm. “Please, Michael. Leave him be. Or,” my mama took a deep breath, “or maybe we should take him to a doctor? Maybe this is more than we can understand? Maybe this time we should get a real doctor to help us… to help him.”

  He stopped dead, and his eyes narrowed on my mama’s arm. “A doctor? You know our faith, Mary. You know we shun medical care. If we pray hard enough, if we’re pure and humble, God will heal… if not…” He pushed my mama back until she hit the table in the room. Mama cried out in pain, and my stomach rolled. He pointed in my face. “Then you end up like this. Riddled with sin and evil and retardation!”

  I flinched and curled down on the floor. He scared me.

  I watched him reach for the car keys. Then he walked toward me.

  But I didn’t want to go. I shuffled as far back into the corner as I could, all the time holding out my arms.

  He grabbed my wrists. He began pulling me from the corner, but I fought back. I kicked out my legs, I hit out with my arms. He only squeezed my arms tighter. It hurt, but I kept on fighting to get free.

  “No! Please!” My mama cried from beside me. “He’s not evil. He’s not—”