Frankie Fish and the Sister Shemozzle

by Helliar Peter

  Frankie glared at her. ‘That’s because you are one! You only do stuff like that so that you end up looking better than me.’

  Lou’s expression rapidly changed from upset to angry. Not just a little bit angry, either. She looked angrier than a hornet with a headache at a bongo festival.

  ‘You don’t know me at all, Frankie Fish!’ Lou snapped. ‘And I bet you did do the flour prank – because you know how much I love the library and you wanted to upset me!’

  Frankie gaped at his sister. He’d never heard her speak like this before. Suddenly, the library was even quieter than it usually was, which is truly saying something because Miss Davis was very strict on silent reading time. Two of the Mosley triplets had once been thrown out because their tummies were rumbling. At least, Miss Davis had hoped it was their tummies.

  Lou pulled the Sonic Suitcase from the mound of flour it had landed in. Her face was dark with fury.

  ‘Would you like me to take that?’ Frankie offered, in his best attempt at chivalry. He had the feeling he’d pushed his saintly sister a bit too far.

  ‘No, I’ll take care of it,’ replied Saint Lou curtly as she headed for the exit. ‘I’m sorry, but you’ve left me no choice.’

  Frankie didn’t know what to say. He could tell Lou was really out of sorts because she wasn’t cleaning up the flour in her usual saintly manner, but the words to fix the situation just wouldn’t come to him. All he could muster was, ‘I’ll see you tonight at Nanna’s for dinner, yeah? Four-thirty sharp.’

  (Nanna’s dinners were getting earlier and earlier. Frankie was convinced her dinner and lunch would cross over soon, and if she had breakfast any earlier than she already did, it would be more like a midnight snack.)

  ‘Yes, of course I’ll be there,’ Lou answered through gritted teeth before adding, ‘a goody-two-shoes wouldn’t go back on a promise, would she?’ Then she left the library, slamming the door behind her.

  Drew looked at Frankie in concern. ‘What do you think she meant,’ said Drew slowly, ‘by you’ve left me no choice?’

  ‘I don’t know,’ admitted Frankie. ‘But this is Saint Lou we’re talking about. She wouldn’t do anything too terrible, would she?’

  Still, a nervous feeling planted itself inside Frankie’s chest.

  The rest of the school day went like most others, but with one big difference: for once, everyone was talking about the library. Rumours of what had led to Miss Davis’s surprise quitting swirled across St Monica’s like leaves chased by a leaf blower.

  Within an hour, absolutely EVERYONE had heard about the flour-on-the-library-fan prank. Including the former groundskeeper, Old Man Harris, and he’d been retired for months.

  ‘It was definitely Fish Guts and Bird Brain who did it,’ declared Lisa Chadwick, the teacher’s pet. ‘It’s exactly the sort of dumb stunt they love to pull.’

  This particular rumour quickly gathered power after the boys were called into Principal Dawson’s office for questioning. Frankie wasn’t worried, though. He was absolutely certain Principal Dawson would agree that everybody is innocent until proven guilty.

  Frankie was wrong.

  ‘Why? Why did you do this?!’ the fuming principal screamed, before Frankie's and Drew’s butts had even touched the office chairs.

  ‘It wasn’t us!’ protested Drew.

  ‘Of course it was you!’ Principal Dawson shouted. ‘This has Fish and Bird written all over it. You still have flour behind your ears, for Pete’s sake!’

  ‘Well, we were in the library shortly after it happened –’ admitted Drew.

  ‘But we swear we didn’t do it!’ Frankie pleaded.

  ‘Then who did?’ asked Principal Dawson, folding his arms and leaning back in his chair. As far as he was concerned, the case was closed.

  ‘It’s obvious, isn’t it?’ Drew asked. ‘The Mosley triplets. They’re always doing pranks around here!’

  ‘That’s right!’ agreed Frankie. ‘And one of them, I don’t know which one, was kicked out of the library last week for burping into all the Twilight books. He was probably out for revenge.’

  It felt a bit mean to pass the blame onto the Mosley triplets, but the explanation did make perfect sense. Frankie and Drew sat back in their seats with relief, before sneaking a little fist bump. But their relief was short-lived.

  ‘Nice try, but they have watertight alibis,’ Principal Dawson shot back. ‘They were picking up litter for Miss Merryweather after disrupting her class with vulgar noises from their armpits … at least we hope it was from their armpits.’

  ‘But – but –’

  Frankie and Drew’s defence had been dealt a cruel blow. Because who, besides the Mosley triplets, would be capable of pulling off a trick like that?

  ‘Speaking of alibis,’ continued Principal Dawson, ‘what are yours? It’s a bit of a coincidence that you arrived at the library moments after the incident, isn’t it? Where were you before that?’

  Frankie looked at Drew in dismay. It wasn’t like they could say, ‘Well, we were time-travelling in the Cretaceous era when Drew hit a T-Rex with his hacky sack.’

  So Frankie blurted out the only thing he could think of. ‘Um … I forget?’

  Principal Dawson shook his head smugly. ‘Nice try,’ he said. ‘Get back to class now, boys. You’ll find out your punishment first thing tomorrow.’

  As Frankie closed the office door behind him, Principal Dawson added, ‘Oh, and Frankie, please tell your sister I hope she is feeling better. Miss Davis’s resignation has really shaken her up. It’s the first time she has EVER left school early.’

  Frankie gulped and nodded. Inside, he felt wobblier than half-set jelly on a roller-coaster.

  On the way back to their classroom, Frankie said, ‘Do you have the same bad feeling about this that I do, Drew?’

  ‘Yep,’ Drew nodded. ‘Your sister looked really mad when she grabbed the Sonic Suitcase. And now we find out she’s gone home sick. You don’t think she’s planning to destroy the suitcase, do you?’

  Frankie really wasn’t sure. Lou had been a great addition to the Sonic Suitcase team, but he’d never been completely convinced that she approved of the whole time-travel operation. There was always the risk that things would go wrong and they would end up altering history.

  Frankie half-thought that the only reason Lou was involved at all was to keep an eye on him … and spoil his fun whenever possible. As for all the gadgets she’d invented, well – that was probably just so she could prove how much smarter she was than anyone else.

  One thing was clear: Lou was up to something NOT good. After all, the last time Frankie had heard someone say ‘you’ve left me no choice’ was just before his dad gave their entire frisbee collection to the Red Cross.

  Still, Frankie shook his head. ‘Don’t worry,’ he said. ‘Lou won’t do anything to the suitcase. She hates destruction. It takes her about an hour to unwrap a present because she doesn’t want to wreck the paper.’

  As the boys turned a corner, they were met by Lisa Chadwick. Lisa was still pretty sore about losing the Halloween Parade contest to Frankie. She appeared to be enjoying the downfall of St Monica’s infamous prank kings the way rats enjoy a janitors’ strike on Pizza Day.

  ‘I always knew this day would come!’ she gloated, doing her famous ponytail swish. ‘Fish Guts and Bird Brain busted at last – this time hopefully for good.’

  Usually, Frankie would think of a witty remark to counter Lisa Chadwick’s overbearing passive-aggression (which was becoming less passive and more aggressive by the day), but right now he had bigger problems on his mind.

  As Lisa flounced away down the hall, Frankie turned to his best mate. ‘We’ve got to figure out who pulled that prank, Drew,’ he fumed. ‘Or else we’re in BIG trouble!’

  CHAPTER 3

  A DiNNER DATE WiTH DESTINY

  When Nanna Fish gave Drew Bird an open invitation to visit anytime he wanted, she could not have predicted just how many times he wou
ld drop in. He only ever came with Frankie, of course, and claimed it was because he enjoyed Nanna’s company, but Frankie suspected there was another reason for all his visits.

  ‘I wonder what your nanna has cooked today?’ said Drew excitedly as he and Frankie neared Nanna and Grandad’s house. ‘Brownies? Pavlova? Ooh! Maybe cheesecake!’

  But as soon as the boys set foot in the driveway, Drew stopped and frowned. ‘Something’s wrong. Normally I can smell your nanna’s cakes baking from here. But today – nothing!’

  ‘You’re right!’ exclaimed Frankie, instantly forgetting all the other things on his mind. The two boys ran up to the front door and pounded on it. ‘Nanna? Grandad? Anyone there?’

  The door opened and an extremely grumpy old man with a hook for a right hand looked out. ‘What are ye lads trying to do?’ Grandad growled. ‘Knock the door off its hinges?’

  ‘Where’s Nanna?’ demanded Frankie. ‘There are no baking smells.’

  Grandad frowned. ‘Yer nanna does other things besides cook, ye know. She’s recently taken a pottery course, as it happens. I set up a studio for her in the spare room. She’s been in there all afternoon.’

  ‘But who’s going to cook dinner?’ said Drew, appalled.

  ‘I am,’ said Grandad proudly, leading them into the kitchen. ‘I was considered quite the chef back in me bachelor days. All the ladies said that –’

  ‘What’s that smell?’ interrupted Frankie as a terrible aroma assailed his nostrils. Drew looked like he was about to pass out.

  ‘That’s our dinner,’ said Grandad. ‘I’m cooking up one of me mam’s specialities from when I was a wee lad in Scotland. Tripe, followed by steak-and-kidney pie, heavy on the kidneys.’ ‘Tripe?’ repeated Frankie, frowning. ‘Isn’t that …’

  ‘The delicious, chewy lining of a cow’s stomach!’ finished Grandad, grinning with glee. ‘I can’t wait!’

  ‘I can definitely wait,’ muttered Drew.

  The boys hurried into the spare room (sorry, pottery studio) and, sure enough, there was Nanna. Her hands were covered in clay and there was a white smudge on her nose. She was sitting with a tray resting on her knees, working on a sculpture.

  ‘Oh, hello, you’re here already,’ she said, beaming at them. ‘What do you think of my artwork?’

  ‘That’s the best sculpture of a sick budgie I’ve ever seen, Nanna!’ exclaimed Frankie. ‘You can really feel its pain.’

  ‘It’s not a sick budgie,’ said Nanna, looking a little hurt. ‘It’s Lou, reading a book. Can’t you tell?’

  Drew bent over and examined the clay carefully. ‘Oh, yeah! I can see that!’ he said in a very high voice, which meant he was lying, Frankie knew. ‘It’s, wow … it’s very original, Nanna Fish. But perhaps you could have made it out of cookie dough,’ Drew added sincerely.

  ‘Oh, Drew, you’re so funny,’ beamed Nanna, completely missing Drew’s serious voice. ‘I wanted to be an artist when I was young, but my parents thought nursing was a better career choice.’

  ‘Speaking of Lou,’ said Frankie, suddenly remembering his concerns about what his sister might be up to. ‘Is she here yet?’

  ‘Yes,’ said Nanna. ‘She went straight to your grandad’s shed. She said there was something she needed to do to the Sonic Suitcase – a repair, I suppose.’

  Frankie and Drew exchanged a look and then broke into a run. They dashed through the house, out the back door and across the yard. ‘I bet she’s altering it so we can only go to educational places,’ fretted Frankie as they ran. ‘Or, like, you have to take a test after you come back.’

  ‘Maybe she’s gone time-travelling?’ suggested Drew.

  ‘No way!’ scoffed Frankie. ‘She’s not interested, for one thing. And for another, she just made up that new rule that none of us can go time-travelling alone, remember? She’d never break her own rule.’

  Just as they arrived at the Forbidden Shed, they heard Lou’s voice float out.

  ‘Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. I’m just tidying up in here and I’ll be out in a moment.’

  ‘OK!’ Frankie called back, skidding to a stop. It sounded like Lou had forgiven him and Drew and was back to her old, helpful self.

  ‘You sure the suitcase is OK?’ Drew said under his breath. ‘She was pretty mad before.’

  ‘Yeah,’ Frankie said confidently. ‘She’s probably just adding a calculator to it or something. Let’s go back inside and see if we can talk Grandad into ordering pizzas for dinner.’

  But as the boys were walking away, Lou’s voice floated out from the shed once more.

  ‘Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. I’m just tidying up in here and I’ll be out in a moment.’

  The boys froze. ‘Did Lou just say EXACTLY the same thing she said before?’ whispered Drew.

  Frankie held up a hand. Wait …

  A minute later, Lou repeated the same message again. With dread, Frankie and Drew raced back to the Forbidden Shed and burst through the door.

  There was no sign of Lou. And there was no sign of the suitcase either! Sitting on the bench was Lou’s mobile phone, open to the voice-recording app.

  Once again, Lou’s voice filled the air, and this time it was quite obvious that it was coming from the phone.

  ‘Don’t worry. Everything’s fine. I’m just tidying up in here and I’ll be out in a moment.’

  ‘Um, did your sister just play a prank on us?’ asked Drew, half impressed.

  ‘No,’ replied Frankie grimly. ‘This is not a prank. It’s a smokescreen.’

  CHAPTER 4

  ONE FiSH, TWO FiSH, RED FiSH, LOU FiSH

  It seemed very much as if Lou Fish had gone time-travelling alone. Frankie couldn’t believe it. Not only was that breaking the very rule Lou herself had set, but it appeared she’d hijacked the Sonic Suitcase just because she was angry at him – over a prank he and Drew hadn’t even done!

  Drew started rushing around the shed, looking behind planks of wood and into boxes.

  ‘Don’t bother, Drew,’ said Frankie flatly. ‘It’s not like Lou and the suitcase are just going to magically reappear.’ But even as he spoke, that’s EXACTLY what happened.

  Well, it half happened. There was still no sign of Lou, but the real Sonic Suitcase suddenly returned to the Charging Bench. And not just a hologram, either.

  Frankie frowned. ‘Something very weird is happening here …’

  Just then, the shed door burst open and Grandad hurried in, puffing loudly. ‘Ye boys move too quick for an old man,’ he complained. ‘What’s all the panic?’

  ‘Lou’s disappeared!’ said Frankie. ‘I thought maybe she’d gone time-travelling, because the Sonic Suitcase wasn’t there. But it’s just returned by itself!’

  ‘Oh no,’ Grandad muttered, turning pale. ‘That’s bad. Very bad!’

  ‘Why?’ asked Drew and Frankie together.

  ‘Because if the suitcase returns alone to the Charging Bench,’ explained Grandad, frowning, ‘it means that whoever used it to time-travel hasn’t touched it for forty-eight hours.’

  Frankie was confused. ‘But Grandad, I saw Lou just this afternoon –’

  ‘Time is relative, Frankie!’ retorted Grandad. ‘Ye should know that by now. Sometimes it travels faster, sometimes slower. I meant that Lou has most definitely gone time-travelling, and that forty-eight hours have passed in the point in history where Lou is right now.’

  ‘Ah, right! And, of course, that means …’ Frankie said, hoping Grandad would fill in the answer without realising Frankie had no idea what point he was trying to make.

  ‘It means that either yer sister has been separated from the suitcase for two days, or she deliberately didn’t touch it so that she wouldn’t come back here. If we don’t go and find her, she’ll be stuck wherever she is FOREVER.’

  ‘Whoa!’ said Drew, who had started searching through a pile of books stacked neatly in a corner. ‘That’s an extreme form of running away!’

  ‘Well, I say good riddance
,’ said Frankie huffily, thinking of the flour prank. ‘She always blames me for everything.’

  ‘This is yer sister we’re talking about, Frankie!’ growled Grandad. ‘I brought Lou onto the time-travel team to try to make ye two closer. Clearly that hasn’t worked!’

  Frankie was about to argue that he’d rather get closer to a steamroller than Lou when something terrible occurred to him. How on earth would he explain Lou’s disappearance to his parents? He had a feeling they wouldn’t see it as the golden opportunity that he did. In fact, they would probably blame HIM for it!

  ‘OK, OK, I’ll help find her,’ he said grumpily.

  ‘Right,’ said Grandad. ‘Firstly, we need to work out where Lou might’ve gone. What are her interests, Frankie? That might give us a hint.’

  Frankie’s mind went blank. He vaguely remembered Lou liking unicorns, but he had a feeling that was a long time ago. What was she into now? Studying for exams? Tidying her room?

  ‘She likes office supplies …’ Frankie said weakly.

  ‘Hey, I found a note!’ said Drew triumphantly, pulling out a piece of paper from a book about astrophysics. ‘It was in Lou’s favourite book.’

  ‘How did you know that was her favourite?’ asked Frankie, surprised.

  ‘She’s only been reading it every time we come in here,’ said Drew, rolling his eyes. ‘It says: I’ve gone to where people like to talk about big things. Don’t bother looking for me.’

  Everyone stared at each other. ‘Where do people talk about “big things”?’ wondered Grandad.

  ‘The Big Pineapple?’ Frankie asked, before immediately regretting it.

  ‘Maybe a mountaineering club?’ suggested Drew.

  ‘Or a dinosaur museum?’ said Frankie. But it seemed unlikely. This was so frustrating! Why couldn’t he think of even one period in history where Lou might go?

  There was a knock on the door, and Nanna walked in with a tray of cool drinks. Then she looked around, puzzled. ‘Where’s Lou?’