Love In No Man's Land

by Duo Ji Zhuo Ga

  He clearly remembered her expression the first time he held her hand. She who feared nothing that earth or heaven could throw at her was suddenly overcome with shyness: two rosy clouds rushed to her cheeks, her gaze dropped to the ground and her thick eyelashes fluttered.

  How could those days have changed so quickly? How could she have become another man’s bride in a single night?

  The night she was married, he was walking along a path high up the mountain and he heard her heartrending cries from all the way down at the foot of the slopes. He longed to steal her away, to carry her off to the interior of the country, to flee the place that could never make her happy and protect her for the rest of his days. If he hadn’t been wearing a green soldier’s uniform, if the army hadn’t had rules of iron, he might have actually done it.

  From that day since, her tears had lain on his heart and never dried.

  Cuomu and Zhou Mai crossed a ridge and a valley deep with snow appeared before them. There was not a speck of dirt on the pristine snow; it was if the ground had been covered with a layer of soft white sugar. It was so quiet in this snow-white world that apart from their breathing, they could hear no other form of life.

  Such valleys were a common sight in Tibet – they nestled within every one of those mountains ranges. And yet they were also Tibet’s least common sight, because they lay beyond the Changtang Plateau. These mountains were the support beams of the roof the world. But the support beams were not that stable. No one knew when the beams would tremble, shaking the piled-up snow and causing it to tumble down with a roar and redraw the landscape of the place.

  ‘Is that Chanaluo?’ Zhuo Mai said with awe, looking at the peak.

  ‘Yes, Chanaluo. I see it every day, but this is the first time I’ve got this close. It’s truly beautiful, isn’t it?’

  ‘Like a celestial maiden.’

  ‘She was a celestial maiden once. Uncle said that in her previous life Chanaluo was the faithful handmaiden to King Gesar’s daughter and looked after some of the princess’s treasure. When she reincarnated, she lost her way and became a herder.’

  ‘She was in charge of the treasure? No wonder the mountain’s so beautiful. It’s like an enormous diamond, flashing light in all directions.’ Zhuo Mai withdrew his gaze and glanced at Cuomu, his eyes half closed as if he was thinking of something else.

  The lined robe Cuomu was wearing was black, and curly white lambswool showed around the edge of the collar. The chuba was fastened with an intricately wrought silver belt. Dozens of long plaits held by silver bindings hung to her waist and swung when she walked. In the middle of her shiny forehead, above her sad eyes, lay a red carnelian shaped like a droplet of water. It had been a present from her uncle the living Buddha to her mother on her marriage; when Cuomu turned thirteen, her mother gave it to her to celebrate her becoming an adult. In that silvery-white world and with her air of sadness, it was if Cuomo herself was the mountain’s celestial maiden.

  ‘Zhuo, what’s that?’ Cuomu stepped forward and pointed at the snow in front of them.

  ‘What?’ Zhuo Mai came over and looked in the direction she was pointing. A wiggly line of small holes stretched across the snow and disappeared into the distance.

  Cuomu went closer and examined them. ‘Bear tracks,’ she said, raising her head.

  ‘There are bears here?’ Zhuo Mai was a little surprised and instinctively reached for his hunting gun. ‘We’ve run into bears?’

  ‘Not yet. These tracks must be several days old. Look, some of them have begun to blur. Zhuo, you were the one who wanted to come! Are you afraid now?’ Cuomu stood up, brushed off the snow on her hands and laughed as she looked at him.

  Zhuo Mai also laughed. ‘Afraid? I’m not afraid of bears. I’m more afraid of what Gongzha would do to me if something happened to you! He’d kill me!’ He deliberately straightened his back. After all, he was a border defence soldier protecting his country – how could he show fear in front of a woman?

  ‘Zhuo, how’s your aim?’

  ‘I’m a PLA soldier, Cuomu!’ Zhuo Mai retorted.

  ‘A PLA soldier maybe, but a doctor first, no? You’re good with a knife, but what about with a gun – not quite so good?’

  ‘I wouldn’t say that. Back when the wolves came, I shot a good number. Don’t worry, bears are bigger than wolves – I can definitely hit one.’ Even as he said it, Zhuo Mai was not at all confident that he could kill a bear.

  ‘Could you definitely kill a big one?’ Cuomu looked at him and started to regret having been so hasty. Was rushing into this bears’ den with a scalpel-wielding doctor anything other than a death mission? ‘You know, Zhuo, I think we should just go back.’

  ‘No, no, no. Didn’t you say these tracks are from several days ago? We might not run into them. Let’s go a bit further, and then if it’s really too much, we’ll go back – alright?’ Zhuo Mai waggled his head and looked at Cuomu reassuringly, keen for her to stay positive.

  ‘Weren’t you the one who didn’t want me to come? Now you know that I have my strong points.’ Cuomu laughed, pleased with herself. ‘Let’s go, Vet Zhuo.’

  ‘It’s Dr Zhuo.’ Laughing, he shouldered his gun and on they went.

  They followed the bear tracks through the snow. Eagles hovered, sometimes swooping down from the peak, sometimes flying slowly by, as if gliding. After they’d walked for a short time, they found there were two more lines of tracks on the ground and they were very muddled.

  ‘How can there be three bears?’ Zhuo Mai said, looking at the messy tracks.

  ‘It looks like two bears came down from up there. You can see those tracks are a little smaller. Maybe they’re this one’s cubs. We should go a different way – a bear with cubs is ferocious, we need to avoid running into it.’

  ‘Alright.’ The two of them left the bear prints and took a different route up the mountain.

  In that silver-white world, it was impossible to know what lay under all that snow, where to step or where to avoid. They had to trust their instincts. Cuomu led the way. She sometimes turned to laugh, encouraging Zhuo Mai or pulling him along. The two rarely spoke, and when they did, they talked very quietly. They understood in their hearts that in that pure, unsullied world, the slightest sound could cause a disastrous avalanche.

  Before night fell, they dug out a snow hole beneath a large boulder, using layers of snow to build walls on three sides. They ate a little dried meat and snow and wrapped their sheepskin chubas tightly around themselves. Leaning against the boulder, they did not find it cold.

  ‘Will we be able to get to the peak tomorrow?’ Zhuo Mai asked quietly.

  ‘Yes!’ Cuomu said.

  ‘Will we be able to find the medical book tomorrow?’

  ‘Yes!’

  ‘Will we really?’ Zhuo Mai stuck his head out of his sheepskin chuba and looked at Cuomu doubtfully.

  ‘I don’t know. Is that book really so important to you, Zhuo?’

  ‘Of course. I’m interested in anything that will help my profession. Your uncle spent his whole life studying the Four Medical Tantras, and from what he said, he kept detailed records of every treatment he gave as well as the patients’ responses. With those notes, it will be as if I’ve gained your uncle’s decades of experience. Do you see?’

  Cuomu nodded. ‘I understand. Before I was born, Uncle was the best doctor around. It’s a pity he was made into a cow-ghost snake-spirit.’

  ‘No matter what other people thought of him, he will always be the best teacher I ever had,’ Zhuo Mai said earnestly, looking out at the still-light day.

  ‘I know why Uncle liked you so much, Zhuo. You and he are so much alike – you’re both honourable, and whatever you do, you do it well.’

  ‘And the same also goes for Gongzha. Your uncle must have held him in great esteem, otherwise he wouldn’t have left him with such an important task.’

  ‘Important task – what do you mean?’

  ‘The rebuilding of Cuoe Temple. Your
uncle hoped that one day Gongzha will rebuild the temple!’

  ‘Rebuild Cuoe Temple? Zhuo, you are joking?’ Cuomu tilted her head and shot him an incredulous look.

  ‘The grassland won’t always be like this, Cuomu. It’s like the waters of Cuoe Lake: when it rains, the water’s choppy, and when it’s fine, the water’s clear. When I came out here this time, I heard the regimental commander say that this revolution won’t last long – the central government has already started rethinking it. Perhaps not long from now, people’s lives will go back to being peaceful.’

  ‘Go back to being peaceful? Do you mean herding for a lord again?’

  ‘No, it won’t ever be like that again. It’ll never go back to how it was before the Liberation, when the government called this region the Black Land, made out that there were ghosts all over the place and wouldn’t let the herders come here to pasture. When there was no electricity and local herders had nothing to eat or drink and wore clothes that were ragged like a beggar’s. Isn’t life better now? It’s just that the Revolution stirred people up into going around and making trouble. I’ve heard – and it is only a rumour at the moment – that the government might divide up the livestock for people to herd themselves, and maybe build you roads and electricity stations.’

  ‘Divide it up for us to herd ourselves? And build roads and electricity stations?’ Cuomu looked at him with disbelief. ‘If that happens, won’t our lives be the same as the people in town?’

  ‘It’s just what I’ve heard – I don’t know if it’s true or not,’ Zhuo Mai said, laughing. He drew his head back inside his sheepskin chuba.

  Cuomu glanced outside, then drew her head into her chuba too. The two did not speak again.

  *

  In the middle of the night, a bear roared and frightened Cuomu and Zhou Mai awake at the same moment. Zhuo Mai felt for his gun and crawled softly to the front of their snow hole. Looking down into the snowy valley below, under the clear bright light of the moon, he saw seven bears. They were stretching their necks and turning around on the spot. He had no idea what they were doing.

  Cuomu squeezed in beside him and craned her neck to look outside.

  ‘What are they doing?’ Zhuo Mai asked lightly.

  Cuomu stared down at them. ‘Look at that shape in the snow – it’s a circle with lines radiating from each corner, isn’t it?’ Her eyes sparkled with excitement and her voice shook a little.

  Zhuo Mai glanced at her, wondering why she was so excited. It was a troop of bears; if the bears were to discover them, would they have any hope of surviving? ‘Er, yes, it is. Strange, what are bears doing here in the middle of the night?’

  ‘Don’t talk, look carefully!’ Cuomu said and continued to stare, unblinking, at the bears.

  Sometimes, two bears lumbered forward together; at other times, they walked separately, taking different sides. But they always kept to the lines of the image in the snow; they never missed a step. It was if their task was to tamp the lines of the image deeper and tighter. Eventually, a large bear gave a low roar. The six other bears retreated to its side and stood in a line, lifting their necks and howling towards the peak in a loud, clear chorus.

  Cuomu signalled Zhuo Mai to look at the leading bear on the right.

  Zhuo Mai saw that its forehead had a white circular marking with lines off it in four directions. ‘Is it Kaguo?’

  ‘It seems so.’ Cuomu nodded, then shook her head. ‘But I wouldn’t want to say for sure.’

  The bears finished howling before the dawn sun broke through the clouds. They formed a line and raced off to the valley on the right, disappearing into the vast mountain in a flash.

  The sun slowly sent out its first rays, and the valley fell silent.

  Zhuo Mai and Cuomu scrambled out of their snow hole and stood on the slope. Looking down from above, they had a clear view of the wide valley. The snow around the lines was soft and undisturbed; apart from the tracks the bears had made when they’d arrived and left, there was only the strange motif the animals had trodden out. The image of the ¤ was like an enormous seal stamped onto the pure white snow.

  ‘It’s the same pattern as the marking on that bear’s forehead. Was it really Kaguo?’

  ‘I don’t know. I’ve never seen Kaguo up close. I’ve heard Gongzha say she has a white circle on her forehead, but I’ve never seen her clearly.’

  ‘They seemed to be worshipping something. Strange!’

  At that moment, the sun burst through the clouds and a wash of golden light fell over the valley. The vast snowy land turned orange and the unusual ¤ emitted an eerie glow.

  *

  Behind the encampment there was a low hill covered in thorny scrub. Dressed in an old sheepskin chuba and a leather hat, Gongzha sat cross-legged on its brow, his mind lost in the rolling clouds on the horizon, his dog sitting by his side.

  ‘Gongzha! Gongzha!’ Shida came scrambling into view. ‘Cuomu… Cuomu and Brother Zhuo went to Chanaluo Snow Mountain yesterday and they haven’t come back. Danzeng and the others are worried sick and want to go and find her.’

  ‘Why did they go to Chanaluo?’ Gongzha stared at its distant peak, only partially visible, and his tanned face darkened.

  ‘Brother Zhuo wanted to go and pick herbs. He said that if he could find Kaguo, he’d be able to locate the herbs he needed – whatever that means. He asked me to go with him, but I didn’t dare. How could I know Cuomu would go with him?’ Shida added nervously as he glanced at Gongzha.

  ‘He’s crazy. Going to Chanaluo at this time of year, with so many avalanches – he’s playing with his life.’ Gongzha got to his feet and began striding irritably back down the hill. Shida hurried along behind him.

  Gongzha returned to his tent and told his brother Gongzan that he needed to go somewhere and might be away for two or three days. He instructed Gongzan to take care of their mother and to continue steeping herbs for her to drink. Then, taking his old gun, he led his horse out of the encampment. He stopped at Danzeng’s tent on the way and called him outside.

  ‘Uncle, I’m going to find her.’

  Danzeng looked at him and nodded slightly. ‘Will you be alright?’

  ‘Mmm,’ Gongzha affirmed, and mounted his horse.

  ‘Wait.’ Danzeng turned, went into his tent and came back out with his own leather chuba, which he laid on the back of Gongzha’s horse’s. ‘It’s cold on the mountain. You and Cuomu come back soon.’

  ‘Alright.’ Gongzha looked at Danzeng’s worried face; he wanted to say something comforting but stopped himself.

  As Danzeng watched Gongzha ride off, his eyes were full of trust. Was it possible to hold a grudge in the face of such tremendous kindness?

  Gongzha couldn’t return his gaze; he feared his tears would fall. He whipped his horse and rode off into the distance in a whirl of dust.

  Danzeng stood on the plain for a long time, staring after him.

  *

  When the sun came out, earth and sky slowly warmed.

  Chanaluo’s early mornings were lively. The little animals began to emerge from their holes, and on the ground were all kinds of prints: bear, fox, rabbit and eagle. Those that could fly and those that could not began to dart out of their safe hideaways, starting the new day in their own way.

  Zhuo Mai and Cuomu ate a little dried meat and washed their faces with snow. Cuomu melted some butter in her palm and gave half to Zhuo Mai, then they rubbed it on their cheeks. The glare of the sun’s rays as it reflected off the snow was very strong and it was easy for skin to burn. Butter was an excellent protection against that and the herders always took some with them when they went out.

  ‘Let’s go!’ Cuomu took off her leather chuba, revealing the red silk dress she was wearing underneath. She tied the two sleeves around her waist and took the lead up the mountain.

  The slope got steeper and the deep snow meant they couldn’t always go straight up but sometimes had to make wide detours. They only had one goal, though: to climb
to the ledge just below the summit. They wanted to see if there really was a chain left there by unknown people from an unknown time. As for the Four Medical Tantras, if they searched that vast snowy wilderness randomly and without purpose, they would never find them. True, Zhaduo had said they were in a cave, but he hadn’t specified whether the cave was large or small, or where on the mountain the cave was.

  They were finally climbing Chanaluo’s highest peak. On the other side was the vast deep blue of Cuoe Lake. Rippling under the blue sky and white clouds, the sacred lake was so beautiful, it didn’t seem real. Tired, the two sat on the snow.

  ‘It’s gorgeous, isn’t it? Our grassland, our Cuoe Lake!’ Cuomu said, almost to herself, as she stared at it.

  ‘Beautiful!’ Zhuo Mai said, gazing at Cuomu sitting there in the snow. She’d taken off her hair net so that her long thin plaits fell like a fishing net around her shoulders. Her cheeks were lightly dusted with red from the high altitude, and her eyes were round and bright, glittering with colour like the stars in the grassland’s night sky.

  ‘Zhuo…’ Cuomu turned her head with a gentle laugh. He often stared at her like that. No wonder Shida joked that he liked her. If she hadn’t known that Zhuo had someone else in his heart, a look like that could have been misinterpreted. ‘Should I… go and find him?’

  ‘Yes, I think you should. I’ve seen Gongzha staring at your tent many times – sometimes he stands there for a whole night.’

  Cuomu took a deep breath and laughed. ‘Alright. If we make it down the mountain safely, I’ll go and find him.’

  ‘Why wouldn’t we make it safely down the mountain?’ Zhuo Mai asked in surprise. ‘We’ll climb up to that ledge and have a look around, and if we can’t find the cave, we’ll just forget about it. I’ll come another time.’