Love In No Man's Land

by Duo Ji Zhuo Ga

  As he rounded a bend, Gongzha saw Sega playing with her whip, leaning on a rock and smiling easily.

  ‘Like I said, Kaguo is in this area. But you can only hunt her at night, once all the lights in the valley have gone out. During the day you’ll have to stay hidden, otherwise the shadow hunters will know you’re here, you’ll be trapped, they’ll find you, and there’ll be trouble for me, too.’

  Gongzha nodded. ‘Thank you.’

  ‘I’ll bring you some food, don’t worry. There’s a spring on the mountain behind us – I’ve seen Kaguo drink there many times.’ Sega smiled. She was still leaning against the rock and seemed to be laughing even when she wasn’t.

  ‘After I left, was Yongxi okay?’ Gongzha asked.

  ‘Oh, you care a lot about her,’ Sega said with a crooked smile. ‘Don’t worry, Jijia might look like a leopard, but as soon as he gets anywhere near Yongxi, he turns into a sheep.’

  Gongzha thought back to that moonlit night when Jijia had assumed he’d slept with Yongxi and brought his men to attack him. He gave a bitter laugh.

  Sega stood up but didn’t look at him again. ‘There’s a cave round the side of this boulder; you can stay in there. I’ll find time to come and visit you. Remember, don’t let anyone down there see you.’

  Gongzha nodded.

  Sega laughed, then turned and went down the mountain.

  Gongzha walked around the boulder and found that there was indeed a cave. He bent down to go in and saw a thick wool blanket at the back and a bucket full of spring water beside it, together with a little bag of tsampa and some dried meat.

  With such a safe and warm spot to stay in, Gongzha fell to dreaming almost immediately.

  *

  Sega returned to the encampment singing and carrying a large bunch of wild onions. She ran into Yangji coming out of a tent with a plateful of delicious-smelling fried buckwheat bread. When Yangji saw Sega, she smiled. ‘Where have you been, Sega? You’re so late back, and the boss has been looking all over for you.’

  Sega stopped and handed the onions to Yangji. Then she took a piece of bread from Yangji’s plate. ‘Why have you made this? Has the wolf stopped eating meat and become vegetarian?’

  ‘Oh, that mouth of yours! When the boss hears you, you’ll be in for it again,’ Yangji said smiling.

  ‘What does the boss want me for?’ Sega asked through a mouthful of bread.

  ‘Haven’t you heard? Jijia went out this morning and came back with his and Yongxi’s child. When the boy couldn’t find his mother, he started crying and making a fuss, so Jijia told me to make some fried bread for him. As the child’s only ever eaten meat, he thought the bread might calm him down.’

  ‘He stole the child?’

  ‘He’s the child’s father – how can you say “stole”? Although it’s true he didn’t get his mother’s permission.’

  Yangji continued on to Jijia’s tent and Sega followed her. Even from a distance they could hear the child’s heartbroken cries. ‘Ama! I want Ama! Ama…!’

  ‘Tajiapu, darling, don’t cry, be good. Aba has asked someone to make you something delicious, alright? Don’t cry. Your ama went to look for some yaks; she’ll be here in a few days. Be good, okay?’

  Yangji and Sega opened the tent flap to find Jijia trying to keep hold of the child, who was squirming and flapping his hands and feet non-stop.

  Dawacuo came in with them, carrying a small fox. ‘Tajiapu,’ she said, ‘do you want some dried apricot? I’ll make the fox play with you, would you like that?’ She took the boy from Jijia and put him on the wide cushion, then set the fox down in front of him. ‘Look, isn’t it fun? I raised the fox myself. It’s very smart. It can catch mice. Wait a bit and I’ll take you out to play, alright? There are lots of people picking fruit.’

  The little boy’s eyes were glistening with tears, but when he saw the fox, he stopped crying and stretched out his hand to grab it. The fox was so scared, it dived right back into Dawacuo’s chuba. Dawacuo grimaced at Sega and Yangji. She pulled the fox back out and put it on the cushion again, then lay down looking at Tajiapu. She picked up his little hand. ‘Is that fun? Come on, you can pet it. That’s right, pet it like this. It won’t bite.’

  Tajiapu started to focus on the fox and giggled as he grabbed its bushy tail.

  Just then, Jijia, who had snuck out of the tent, put his head back in. As soon as the child saw him, he opened his mouth wide and began to wail. ‘Ama! I want Ama…!’

  ‘Go on, Brother, go and have a drink with the others. As soon as this little boy sees you, you child-stealer, he starts thinking of his mother.’ Sega walked over and pushed Jijia’s head out of the tent. She closed the flap and turned back. ‘It’s alright, the thief has gone. Darling, do you like the little fox?’

  The child continued to cry, but nodded.

  ‘If you stop crying, I’ll get someone to catch one for you – how about that?’ Sega bent down and smiled, scrunching up her face.

  Tajiapu was in the middle of howling ‘I want…’ but when he heard that, he kept ‘… Ama’ inside and instead turned his tear-streaked face hopefully towards Sega.

  ‘That’s better.’ Sega sat down, picked him up and wiggled his nose. ‘Let’s wash your face and eat the bread, and then we’ll go and catch a baby fox, okay?’

  The little boy nodded.

  Dawacuo raced out, smiling, and returned quickly with a bowl of water. She used a wet cloth to clean the little boy’s face. ‘He really looks like Uncle Jijia, Ama,’ she said to Yangji as she watched the freshly cleaned child obediently eat his buckwheat bread.

  Once he was done, Dawacuo took him by the hand and led him outside, carrying the fox.

  Sega walked to the tent doorway, lifted the flap and scanned the area. There was no one in sight. The glare of the sunlight hitting the sand hurt her eyes a little.

  She dropped the flap, looked at Yangji and said, ‘I saw Gongzha.’

  ‘What?’ Yangji stared at her, thinking she’d misheard.

  ‘Keep your voice down,’ Sega said quietly and gestured outside. ‘Yes, Gongzha… The Gongzha from your home encampment. Your friend Cuomu’s man.’

  ‘Whe… where?’

  ‘The first time was at Yongxi’s. The boss thought Gongzha had visited Yongxi’s tent and he wanted to kill him. Later I heard Yongxi say that your friend Cuomu was mauled to death by a bear and that Gongzha has been trying to get his revenge ever since.’

  ‘Cuomu was mauled to death by a bear?’ Yangji muttered, leaning on the small table and staring at Sega. As she thought about her childhood playmate, she couldn’t stop two streaks of tears from running down her face.

  *

  Sega and Dawacuo walked along the lake shore. Dawacuo was holding Tajiapu’s hand and Sega was carrying her gun. A flock of wild ducks had recently come to the lake and as Sega hadn’t touched her gun in a long time, she was keen to satisfy her urge to shoot something.

  Jijia stood at the entrance to the big tent watching the three figures with a contented smile. He turned back inside, bottle in hand, poured himself a drink, then knocked it back.

  Sega made Dawacuo take the little boy off to play. She set up the forked stand for her gun, lay down and squinted at the ducks on the sand. As the gunshot rang out, one duck fell and the others squawked and flew away. She laughed, then raced over to collect it.

  ‘Dawacuo, get your mother to fry this tonight.’

  ‘Okay. Your aim is getting better and better, Auntie!’ Dawacuo took the wild duck and giggled.

  ‘There’s nothing else to do all day in this wretched place but practise. But I’m still not as good a shot as you – in fact, there’s probably not even two men who can match your skills. You’re lucky, having your Uncle Jijia as a teacher.’

  Sega picked up the gun, walked to the edge of the lake, set up the stand again, lay down and fired a second time. She hit another duck and the water slowly became stained with blood. It wasn’t that she wanted to eat wild duck, she w
as just bored and looking for something to do.

  ‘My mother says women shouldn’t play with guns. She says if we get too wild, we won’t find a man, so recently she hasn’t let me shoot anything.’ Dawacuo pursed her lips.

  ‘Your mother is dead wrong. We women of the wilderness, we don’t spend our days planting barley or weaving blankets – we spend our time fighting off wolves. If we didn’t know how to use a gun, what would happen when the wolves came?’ Sega fired another shot. This time she didn’t hit anything.

  By the time there were five dead ducks floating on the dark blue surface of the lake, Sega had lost interest. She put down the gun and glanced up at the mountain where Gongzha was hiding, a smile hovering on her lips.

  Gongzha. The first time she heard that name was from Yangji. All Yangji had said was that he was her good friend Cuomu’s man. He was in the army, he had never visited another woman’s tent and he treated his woman like a precious treasure. When Yangji talked about Gongzha and Cuomu, there were traces of envy in her voice: any woman who found such a faithful man would not have lived in vain, she said.

  Later, when Yongxi was about to give birth, she had a sudden fit of rage and kicked Jijia out of the tent. He couldn’t get near her, so he sent Sega to be with her at the birth. Sega remembered that night well. Yongxi had taken herself out onto the plain, to a spot out of the wind. Sega squatted by her side and wiped the large drops of sweat off her forehead. According to grassland legend, children could not be born in the tent, otherwise a bloody disaster would follow. As she lay there racked by labour pains, Yongxi had repeated the unfamiliar name: Gongzha. He was the most important man in her heart, she said, but they were not meant to be together. His heart belonged to Cuomu and there was no room for another woman.

  Ever since that night, Sega had longed to meet Gongzha and be the one to take up residence in his heart.

  She returned her gaze now to the shimmering lake.

  The first time she’d seen him for herself was outside Yongxi’s tent, when he’d stood there in front of the raging Jijia. Gongzha had been calm, unfazed by the undeniable danger of the situation. That cool head, that ability to stay detached, and that air of melancholy – in a flash, Sega had fallen for him. After they’d got back to the encampment, she’d taken Jijia’s black horse and without a word to anyone had sped off in the direction she thought Gongzha might have gone in.

  Luckily, Kaguo had come to their area. Luckily, she’d found Gongzha.

  As she pictured that bearded face and those sad eyes, a smile drifted up to Sega’s lips again. She would convince him; she would make him forget that woman who’d already gone to Shambhala. Then, in the depths of the wilderness, they would build a tent and a family together, hunting and herding for the rest of their lives.

  Sega sat there until the sun had set, then carried Tajiapu back to the tent. That night she couldn’t sleep. She feared hearing a gunshot, feared that Gongzha would kill Kaguo and leave, feared that when he killed Kaguo, Jijia would find him. She lay there tortured by her fears until daybreak.

  *

  While she was busy looking after Tajiapu, Sega couldn’t get away to see Gongzha. Even though she’d left Gongzha enough meat for two days, she was still worried about him.

  When she saw that the child was playing happily with Dawacuo, Sega went to the kitchen tent pretending to look for something to eat. She waited for the two other women to leave, then called Yangji over and said quietly, ‘Gongzha is on the mountain!’

  Yangji’s hand flew to her mouth in astonishment and she stared at Sega with wide eyes. Then she collected herself, walked swiftly to the tent flap and scanned the outside to make sure there was no one within earshot. ‘When did he get here?’

  ‘Two days ago. I brought him here. He wants to find Kaguo and get his revenge.’

  ‘Are you crazy? Surely you know that Jijia’s got men looking for him everywhere. He says Gongzha visited Yongxi’s tent.’

  ‘He’s wrong. Gongzha and Yongxi haven’t done anything.’

  ‘I know that. Gongzha’s heart still belongs to Cuomu, otherwise he wouldn’t be searching for Kaguo like that. But you shouldn’t have brought him here – it’s too dangerous.’

  ‘Don’t worry, he’s fine. I hid him in a cave. Dawacuo knows which one; she’s been there with me before. I can’t leave the encampment right now, so you and Dawacuo will have to think of a way to take him something to eat.’

  Yangji nodded.

  ‘Tell him that he cannot go outside under any circumstances, but I’ll find a way to visit him,’ Sega said. She heard Tajiapu crying and hurried out to him.

  Yangji watched Sega’s departing figure and sighed. She emptied the wild onions out of the basket and threw them all into the stove. After she’d watched them burn, she prodded them with a stick a few times and threw some yak pats on top to cover them. Then she scooped up some stewed and dried meat, wrapped it in a handkerchief and put it in her chuba. She went out of the tent and in a deliberately loud voice shouted for her daughter. ‘Dawacuo! Dawacuo…!’

  Dawacuo came running over, the little fox perched on her shoulder. ‘What is it, Ama?’

  ‘We’re out of onions. Come with me up the mountain and help me dig some.’

  ‘Yes, Ama.’ Dawacuo followed behind her mother. When she saw Sega watching them with Tajiapu in her arms, Dawacuo gave her a sly wink and Sega smiled back.

  *

  Gongzha sat near the mouth of the cave, occasionally sticking his head out for a quick look around. He’d spent the previous night prowling round the mountain, but Kaguo hadn’t emerged either to hunt or to drink. Gongzha was confident Sega wouldn’t have brought him to the mountain under false pretences – she had no reason to trick him – and anyway he’d found quite a few traces of Kaguo’s presence. He just needed to be patient; Kaguo would appear eventually. Every experienced hunter knew that patience was essential. It was simply a question of whiling away the time and wearing down your prey; as long as the hunter’s patience was greater than that of his target, there was every chance of success.

  So Gongzha was in no hurry. Whenever he felt tired during the daytime, he slept, and after he woke he sat by the mouth of the cave, watching the tents below and daydreaming. He knew that when he did finally see Kaguo, he wouldn’t be able to resist firing at her, and he also knew that his gunshot would alert Jijia, the man who thought Gongzha had visited his woman and who longed to have Gongzha in his crosshairs. Gongzha wasn’t afraid of fighting it out with Jijia, nor was he afraid of Jijia himself; he just didn’t see the point of it. Jijia’s hands were dark with the blood of illegally killed Tibetan antelopes and the government would deal with him.

  When he heard two sets of footsteps approaching, he drew his head back inside the cave and picked up his gun from where it had been leaning against the cave wall.

  ‘Is this it, Dawacuo?’

  ‘Yes, Ama. Auntie and I often come here. There’s a woollen blanket inside that I stole off Uncle Jijia.’

  A woman stuck her face inside the cave and called softly, ‘Gongzha! Gongzha…!’

  Gongzha put down his gun and poked his head round the rock wall that he’d been hiding behind. ‘You are…?’

  ‘I’m Yangji! Don’t you recognise me?’ Yangji came in smiling.

  ‘Yangji?’ Gongzha stared at her, not quite believing his eyes. ‘You weren’t eaten by wolves?’

  ‘Who said I was eaten by wolves?’

  ‘That’s what everyone on the grassland thinks. They found your headscarf all bloodied.’

  ‘I did run into some wolves, but I wasn’t eaten; they rescued me,’ Yangji said with a smile. She pulled out the meat from her chuba and set it down on a nearby rock.

  ‘Why didn’t you go back to Cuoe Grassland?’

  ‘What would I have gone back for? The skies are the same blue wherever we are.’ Yangji pulled over her daughter. ‘Dawacuo, this is your Uncle Gongzha.’

  Dawacuo smiled shyly at him. ‘Hello, Uncl
e Gongzha.’

  ‘Lovely young lady, why do you have a fox with you?’ Gongzha asked.

  ‘I raised him,’ she said with a smile. ‘His mother was killed and he was very sad. I fed him yak’s milk and meat. Uncle Gongzha, Auntie Sega says you’ve come to take revenge on Kaguo. When you do, can you please not kill her cubs but give them to me to raise instead?’

  ‘You know Kaguo too?’

  ‘Of course. I often see her. She has two cubs and they’re exactly like her, with the same white rings on their foreheads.’

  ‘Alright.’ Gongzha laughed. ‘Uncle will spare the cubs and give them to you.’

  ‘It’s a deal!’ Dawacuo was very excited, and she slapped her palm against Gongzha’s. ‘I promise to take good care of them and I won’t let them bite anyone.’

  ‘Dawacuo, go outside and gather some wild onions,’ Yangji said. ‘Ama has things to discuss with Uncle.’

  Dawacuo did as she was asked.

  Yangji sat down and began filling Gongzha in on everything that had happened to her. She asked him about life back on Cuoe Grassland. He told her that her mother had cried every day after she’d disappeared and that she’d blamed Yangji’s father, who eventually got so fed up with her mother that he vanished too. Yangji wept when she heard that.

  Gongzha didn’t know how to comfort her. Thinking about their childhood, remembering how they’d all collected yak pats and played in the lake together, remembering those who’d died and those who’d left, he felt sad too.

  After quite a while, Yangji wiped away her tears and looked up. ‘Look at me! I’ve been gone more than ten years and my child is almost grown. I never thought I’d see anyone from home again.’

  ‘Dawacuo is Shida’s daughter?’

  ‘Yes. I left the grassland because I thought there was no future for me there. I didn’t expect that I’d be rescued or that I’d deliver her. Shida… his children must also be nearly grown-up by now?’

  ‘Shida went to college and stayed on in the city to work. Last I heard, he’s coming back to the grassland to get a divorce.’