Her Not-So-Secret Diary

by Anne Oliver

  ‘Yes. No.’ She shook her head. ‘I don’t know. How the hell should I know?’

  ‘So…it was a fantasy or a daydream?’ he ventured aloud. ‘Or a real dream?’

  Heat streamed up Sophie’s neck. ‘Of course it was a real dream! Why on earth would I fantasise about you? I don’t even know you.’

  Those amused eyes twinkled down at her. ‘We seemed to know each other fairly well.’ He smiled. Sophie squirmed. Thank you so much for pointing that out. ‘I’ve been recording my dreams for years,’ she struggled on. She didn’t tell him about her counselling sessions. None of his business. ‘They bring forward stuff from our unconscious, help us understand ourselves better. It was nothing to do with you, per se.’

  He tilted his head and his voice was low when he said, ‘What do you think it meant, then?’

  She’d done some of her own research. Dream theorists might say she wasn’t getting enough love in her life. And they’d be right. That eating in dreams, particularly fruits, like luscious juicy blackberries for instance, were associated with sexuality.

  Yep, sexual frustration. Right again. And she was hardly going to tell Mr Sanderson any of that. Nor was she about to tell him she’d never had a dream quite like it. ‘I’m at a complete loss,’ she said tightly.

  ‘Erotic dream or not, that’s some attraction we’ve got going here. You feel it too. Come on, Sophie, admit it. I’m not letting you out of this lift until you do.’

  ‘Okay. I feel it. It was…good. But it was just a momentary indulgence.’

  ‘Momentary?’ When she didn’t answer, he said, ‘I want to see you again. Away from the office. And believe me, it won’t be momentary.’

  Her heart battered against her ribcage and the hot flush already invading her body intensified. Oh, the way he said that, the desire in his eyes—for her. But she had to think of practicalities. Nothing was going to persuade her from the goals she’d set for herself. Not even Jared Sanderson. Especially Jared Sanderson because she had a feeling he could change those goalposts to suit himself. ‘I’m going overseas, I don’t want to start something—’

  ‘Honey, it’s already started.’

  ‘That doesn’t—’

  Her phone’s cheerful jangle cut her off. Salvation. She pulled the offending item from her bag and answered, turning away from Jared as she did so.

  ‘Sophie, it’s Pam. I’m glad I caught you. Can you cover for me for a few more days?’

  ‘Sure.’ Uh-oh. Definitely unsure, but she couldn’t tell Pam that right now. She’d need to find a replacement herself. ‘You’re still not well? Have you seen a doctor?’

  ‘You’ll never guess, I’ve got chicken pox.’

  ‘No way.’

  ‘Discovered the spots a few hours ago, the doctor confirmed it.’

  ‘You poor thing. I’ll call in on my way home. Is there anything I can get you?’

  ‘Thanks, but there’s no need. I’m going to switch off my phone and sleep. Oh, and I tried phoning Jared before I called you but his mobile’s not answering.’

  Of course it wasn’t. Pam sounded perplexed about that, as if it was completely out of character. And it probably was if he was as dedicated to his work as Pam said.

  ‘Don’t worry, I’ll let him know.’ She rubbed at her temple. ‘I’ll talk to you tomorrow. Ring me if you need anything, no matter what time. Day or night.’

  Sophie disconnected but remained facing the back of the lift. She didn’t want the sight of Jared distracting her any more than she wanted to be the one who’d distracted him. The memory of the past few minutes burned in her blood. Her lips still tingled with his taste. Her entire body felt as if it were smouldering. How could she possibly cover for Pam now? But that extra income would have come in so handy.

  Hearing the tightness in her voice as she disconnected, Jared touched Sophie’s shoulder. ‘What’s wrong? Anything I can do?’ None of his business, but he had to ask. He knew what it was like to deal with family crises.

  ‘That was Pam.’ Slipping the phone in her bag, she turned, her expression taut, shoulders rigid.

  ‘And…?’ he prompted when she just stared at him as if he’d turned into some kind of monster.

  ‘She’s got chicken pox.’

  ‘Chicken pox? Do adults even catch chicken pox?’

  ‘They can. Sometimes.’

  Before he’d finished saying, ‘That’s unfortunate,’ his mind was already leaping ahead. Sophie. At his beck and call for a week…but not in his bed as he’d anticipated. He didn’t fool around with his staff.

  ‘Pam tried to contact you just now,’ she continued in a voice devoid of that husky passion he’d heard earlier. ‘I told her I’d let you know.’ She hesitated before saying, ‘Under the circumstances I’ll arrange for someone to cover for her.’

  ‘No. I want you.’ His body, already pumped, hardened further. He fought it down. Hang on a damn minute. They were talking business hours here. ‘I need a PA and you need the work.’ When she didn’t reply he pressed on. ‘Couldn’t you use the extra spending money?’

  ‘Yes, but—’

  ‘So I’ll see you here bright and early in the morning. Sophie, you’re a professional, you can do it. Think of London. That side trip to Paris.’

  ‘I wasn’t planning a side trip to Paris.’

  ‘Everyone plans a side trip to Paris.’

  ‘Not me.’ She chewed her lip a moment. ‘I want to see Rome. And maybe Florence.’ Stepping sideways, she stabbed the elevator button…and this time he let her.

  The quiet click of gears was the only sound in the rapidly descending lift but the residual crackle of sexual energy sparking off the walls was deafening.

  ‘Okay…’ she murmured finally. ‘We’ll give it a try.’

  He watched her refusing to look at him. It wouldn’t work if they didn’t talk about it. ‘You don’t want to resolve this unfinished business first?’

  ‘There’s nothing to resolve,’ she said, tight-lipped. ‘As for unfinished, as of now, what just happened here didn’t happen. And I’d like my hair clasp back, please.’

  He withdrew the tortoiseshell clasp from his pocket, handed it to her. ‘Your idea’s not going to work, you know.’

  She shot him a look while she twisted her hair into a rope, jammed it haphazardly into the clasp. ‘It will. I’m your employee. Everything changes. We’ve acknowledged…the whatever it is. Now we can ignore it and—’

  ‘It’ll go away?’

  ‘Exactly.’

  They exited the lift. The front doors opened and they stepped out into a muggy evening swamped with humidity and the brzzz of night insects.

  ‘You really think so?’

  ‘I know so.’

  ‘I like your optimism.’

  She turned left and headed for her car, her heels clicking a brisk rhythm on the pavement. ‘What’s more, I have every confidence in your ability to do the same.’ She keyed the remote and a dark-coloured hatch’s lights winked. ‘We’re both professionals.’

  Professional. With the star-spattered sky stretched over a calm ocean and a woman he’d just been enjoying getting up close and personal with beside him, professional was as far from Jared’s mind as that distant Pacific horizon.

  She came to an abrupt stop beside her car, yanked open the door and tossed her bag across the seat all in rapid succession. ‘Goodnight.’

  Strands of hair she hadn’t managed to contain in her clasp moved in the breeze. She still had that just kissed look. Plump lips, overbright eyes, breathing a little too fast.

  The salty tropical evening was made for loving and for once he didn’t want professional. If she’d been a date, he’d have been working that top buttonhole in her blouse right now. Hell no, he’d have had her naked already and moaning for more—after all, he knew what she liked, didn’t he?

  He fisted his hands in his pockets. Cool it. ‘Okay. We’ll try it your way.’ He schooled his voice to neutral. ‘So goodnight, Sophie, and thanks f
or working back, I appreciate it. Is that friendly-formal enough for you?’

  She nodded once. It amused him to note that she actually looked disappointed he hadn’t pushed his luck and kissed her again. Not that she’d want him to know he’d noticed. Her slim dark brows pulled down as she climbed into the car. ‘You’re welcome. Goodnight.’

  ‘See you in the morning.’ He shut her car door and watched till she pulled out of the car park. He let her go because she was still stinging with the knowledge that he’d read her dream. But he didn’t care how determined she was to deny their attraction, tomorrow after hours they were going to talk about it. And then he’d inform her that his business plans for Noosa next week were already set and they included his PA.

  Sophie checked the rear-vision mirror to ensure Jared wasn’t following her, then pulled over to the side of the road. She switched off the ignition, let her head fall back on the seat and closed her eyes. Oh. My. God.

  She blew out a shuddering breath. She’d managed to keep it together, but now that she could fall apart in private her whole body trembled. Darts of what felt like electric shocks tingled through her limbs and over her skin.

  He’d made love to her hands exactly the way she’d told him to in her dream. The only difference with tonight’s scenario was that they hadn’t used her Secret Sensation moisturiser or done it naked and horizontal on some fluffy mat that didn’t exist—at least it didn’t in her house.

  And he’d know that too.

  She slammed her palms over and over against her temples. He’d read her diary entry. He’d known, damn him, and he’d said nothing all day. He’d probably watched her when she wasn’t looking and imagined all the things she’d written… She could quite easily kill him and with no conscience at all. In fact, when she pulled herself together again she still might.

  He kissed like a dream.

  And, oh, that was so-o-o not funny. She sighed, remembering the luscious feel of his lips on hers, how she’d lost all willpower, wound her arms around his neck and practically sucked his face off.

  He’d let her make a complete fool of herself. No, she’d done that on her own by sending the wrong email. She should have come clean with him first thing this morning and got it out of the way. Instead of hoping he hadn’t read it. Of course he’d have read it. What normal red-blooded guy in his sexual prime would stop at the first couple of lines?

  Since he’d asked her to stay on and she’d agreed, changing her mind and phoning the office in the morning wasn’t an option. Her pride wouldn’t allow it and an extra week’s pay would be more than welcome. She considered herself a responsible employee. She didn’t let people down, particularly Pam, the one person who’d been there for Sophie when she’d needed support.

  But this thing with Pam’s boss couldn’t continue. It would affect their working relationship and her ability to do her job. Tomorrow she’d inform Jared she’d do her best to cover for Pam but that outside office hours she wanted nothing whatsoever to do with him.

  After a practically sleepless but mercifully dream-free night of trying not to think of the mess her life had become, Sophie spent the morning filing and typing up reports that had been accumulating in Pam’s inbox. She’d beaten Jared to the office by ten minutes, organised his agenda for the day and greeted him all cool, smooth politeness on his arrival. He’d been no less courteous, with hardly more than a flicker in his eye to remind her of last night.

  But that single flicker was the killer.

  It was more than hot enough to set her cheeks aglow and remind her that beyond these walls she wasn’t going to get involved with him. She’d needed to excuse herself and make a dash to the bathroom to pat cold water on her face with a tissue and think calming thoughts.

  Jared was in the town centre somewhere busy with appointments all morning and this afternoon he was driving into the Gold Coast Hinterland. Good. He hadn’t asked her to come with him. Even better. Instead, he’d left her with a further list of proposals and phone calls to follow up. Those she could manage.

  Then just before midday the helium balloons arrived. A dozen heart-shaped pink foil balloons tied to a small pink and white striped box.

  ‘This can’t be right,’ Sophie told the uniformed delivery girl who was touting the arrangement in front of her desk.

  ‘I was told to bring them over here.’ She glanced in Mimi’s direction, shrugged, then set them on Sophie’s desk with a smile. ‘Have a nice day.’

  ‘And you.’ Sophie’s smile felt brittle and, inside, her anger built like a tropical storm. Ignoring the attached envelope, she picked up the whole thing, carried it into Jared’s office and dumped it in front of his computer screen.

  She scowled, its pretty, cheerful presence only infuriating her further. After his assurance to the contrary, how dare he bring their attraction and what had happened between them last night into office hours? And so publicly. She couldn’t believe it.

  And yet…something deep down, something she’d almost forgotten how to feel, let alone respond to, fluttered around the region of her heart.

  She shoved it down deeper. A solitary lunch in the fresh air would be a timely and welcome distraction so she took her sandwiches to the beach, a few minutes’ walk away.

  She’d been back at her desk twenty minutes when she heard Jared’s voice. He was too far away for her to hear what he was saying but the relaxed delivery in those deep sexy tones sent her pulse into overdrive.

  Suddenly she wished she hadn’t been so hasty with the balloons and, since she’d not read the note, she didn’t know what to accuse him of… She pushed out of her chair. If she could just duck back into his office and undo…

  She swore inwardly. Too late, he was coming this way. With his sister. Her heart pounding, she grabbed a file she’d set aside to take down to Accounting on the floor below. Now seemed like a good time…

  ‘Sophie.’ He slowed as he passed her desk on his way to his office. ‘Any problems this morning?’ The expression in his eyes told her he wasn’t only referring to computer glitches and client complaints.

  ‘No.’

  The denial sounded like a sharpened icicle, and he blinked in surprise. So she smiled—for Melissa’s benefit. ‘Everything’s fine.’

  Jared paused, then must have decided whatever he was going to say could wait, nodded and kept walking.

  Sophie turned to his sister, glad of an excuse to look away. ‘Hello, Melissa.’

  ‘Hi. You must think I have nothing better to do than hang around my brother.’ She grinned. ‘I assure you nothing’s further from the truth. But he’s giving me a lift back to uni after we’ve been to the hospital.’

  ‘Right, let’s go.’ Jared reappeared, briefcase in one hand, balloons in the other.

  ‘Oh, they’re gorgeous, she’ll love them.’ Melissa reached out and ran a hand over the foil ribbons.

  Sophie stared. Uh-huh. R-i-g-h-t… The balloons were for the new arrival. How stupid and naïve of her to presume and she’d presumed so wrongly. She wished they’d leave now so that she could have her third—or was it her fourth?—hysterical breakdown.

  But Melissa was in no hurry. ‘I want to show Sophie the baby bracelet first. We’re going to put it in the little box with the balloons.’

  Jared’s phone buzzed. He muttered, ‘Liss, Sophie looks like she’s busy,’ as he pulled it from his pocket.

  ‘It’ll only take a minute.’ Melissa pulled a little packet from her bag, opened it and poured the contents into Sophie’s palm. ‘Isn’t it precious?’

  Sophie stared at the delicate gold links, the tiny heart clasp with Arabella’s name engraved on it. Beautiful. But not nearly as precious as the tiny new life it was named for.

  ‘It’s the sweetest thing,’ she agreed, forcing a smile and returning the bracelet to Melissa. ‘Crystal will love it and so will Arabella when she’s old enough.’

  Jared was still talking as he walked back into his office and closed the door. Sophie grabbed the oppor
tunity to escape further face-to-face contact and waved her folder. ‘If you’ll excuse me, I was just on my way down to Accounts…enjoy your visit to the hospital.’

  She walked swiftly towards the elevators, then changed her mind and veered towards the stairs. She didn’t want to have to wait for the lift and risk sharing it with them, especially with last night’s memories still steaming up the walls.

  In Accounts she took her time delivering the folder. Introducing herself to George, the balding fifty-something head honcho. Waiting while he fumbled through the mess on his desk for a report to take upstairs to Jared. Long enough to give Jared and Melissa time to leave the building. But in case they hadn’t, she decided returning the way she’d come was the safest option.

  CHAPTER SIX

  TEN minutes later Jared disconnected and exited his office to find Lissa balanced on the corner of Sophie’s desk, fiddling with the balloon ties. Sophie was nowhere to be seen.

  He must have frowned because Lissa smiled as if she knew something she shouldn’t and said, ‘She went downstairs,’ then glanced at her watch. ‘We need to—’

  ‘Did she say anything to you?’ he demanded before he could rein in his impatience. Professional communication with his PA was key and Sophie was avoiding him.

  Lissa raised her brows. ‘Like what? Come to think of it, she did look kind of flustered. Did you upset her?’

  ‘No. Wait in the car.’ He tossed her the keys and headed for the elevator.

  ‘She took the stairs,’ he heard Lissa call behind him. ‘Don’t be long, I’ve got a class…’

  The smell of cool musty concrete invaded his nostrils as he yanked open the door to the stairwell. It swung shut with a hollow boom, cutting off Lissa’s voice.

  He started down, taking the steps two at a time. He needed an assistant who could put personal issues aside during office hours and work with him. He didn’t have time for this game of denial she seemed to be playing.

  He heard the door on the floor below open, close. Peering over the railing, he saw Sophie starting up. Slowly, as if she didn’t have an afternoon’s work awaiting her.