As I rushed upstairs to my room and fell onto the covers, I pressed my face into the pillow and within seconds it was wet with tears. I chokingly stifled my sobs for fear of being heard. I’d never felt so unhappy.
The Cyber Bully…
“WHAT?” I screamed when Millie told me the news on Monday morning. “Oh no! What am I going to do?” I was absolutely mortified. I just couldn’t believe what I was hearing. When was this nightmare ever going to end?
“I couldn’t believe it either!” cried Millie. “I quickly checked Facebook this morning before I left for school and there it was staring at me…Julia Jones desperately wants a boyfriend. Anyone interested?... And there were already 15 likes and 3 comments. But you don’t want to know what they were!”
Could things honestly get any worse? The idea that Sara would post something like that about me on Facebook was beyond comprehension. “Why is she doing this?” Millie asked. “I mean, seriously! What is her problem?”
I felt ill. I wasn’t allowed to have Facebook and would have had no idea about this latest turn of events. But some of the kids at school used Facebook regularly and word spread pretty quickly. Already I was getting strange looks from both girls and boys who obviously had already seen it for themselves or heard all about it.
“You have to tell Mrs. Jackson!” Millie demanded. “If you don’t tell her, then I will!” I knew in my heart that she was right. Someone had to be told. This had gone too far. But a voice inside my head was warning me. “Don’t do it – it’ll make things even worse!”
Then, before I had a chance to consider further the consequences of what I was about to do, Millie dragged me over to the teacher’s desk where Mrs. Jackson was sitting. “Mrs. Jackson,” she said forcefully, “Julia has something to tell you!”
As we later waited outside the principal’s office, the looks that Sara was giving me were nothing less than frightening. I didn’t dare glance her way and the nauseating feeling in the pit of my stomach only contributed to the anxious thoughts rushing through my mind. I was filled completely with dread.
But why was I feeling this way? I had done nothing wrong. For some reason I felt guilt ridden, as if it were all my fault. How could I let her have so much power over me?
“Do you know that this sort of thing is considered cyber bullying, Sara?” Mrs. Harding, the principal asked when we had been seated in her office.
“Oh, Mrs. Harding, I’m so sorry,” cried Sara innocently. “I didn’t mean to upset Julia at all. She’s been jealous of me since the day I came to this school and I simply felt sorry for her. I’ve been getting so much attention from all the girls and boys in our class and Julia just hasn’t coped. So, I thought that I might be able to help her feel more popular. I just want her to know that I care about her and there’s absolutely no reason to feel jealous of me! All I want to do is to be her friend.”
I could not believe the words I was hearing, nor the convincing spiel that was coming from Sara’s mouth. The sweet, little girl act that I was witnessing was deserving of an award, it was so good. And the big problem was that I could see she already had Mrs. Harding fooled.
“That’s not true,” I cried. “She’s been horrible to me almost since the day she arrived. I’ve done nothing to her whatsoever but she’s always doing and saying mean things to upset me. I HATE HER!”
“Julia! That’s a terrible thing to say. Control yourself young lady!” Mrs. Harding’s response was the last straw. What hope did I have?
“Sara, I’d like you to delete that post off Facebook and please take more care with how you use that site in future. I’m sure you didn’t mean to offend Julia, but sometimes words can be misunderstood.”
“Yes, of course, Mrs. Harding,” Sara replied. “I’m so sorry to have caused any trouble and I’m so sorry Julia. All I want is for us to be friends!”
The look of total innocence on Sara’s face made my skin crawl and I could barely stand to look at her. I was the first to leave that office. I couldn’t get out of there quickly enough. But Sara soon caught up with me. “You have no idea what I’m capable of! Dob on me again and you’re dead!
The cruel twisted snarl of her mouth made her meaning perfectly clear and the spine tingling shiver I felt, as I headed back to class, filled me with fear.
“What’s going on, Julia?” Mom demanded as I walked in the front door later that afternoon. “This morning I got a phone call from your school principal and it certainly wasn’t to tell me how wonderful you’ve been, that’s for sure! Isn’t Sara Hamilton the new girl who started earlier this year? I thought you were good friends with her.”
“Yeah, right!” I replied sarcastically. “That’ll be the day!”
“Well with that attitude, no wonder there are problems! Now, you know that I do not agree with young girls having access to Facebook but according to Mrs. Harding, Sara was just trying to be nice to you!”
“And that’s not all,” she continued, frowning at the look of utter disgust that had obviously appeared on my face. “Apparently there have been problems with your behavior in class as well. Mrs. Jackson has reported that you’ve been sullen and very distant, not wanting to join in at all with the other girls. And even your grades have dropped! Is something going on that I don’t know about?”
“There’s nothing going on,” I replied. “Everything is fine!” I was almost tempted to tell her… “Sara is a bully! I hate her!! I never want to go back to school ever again!”
But I knew that it was no use. Mom would go straight to the principal’s office and demand an explanation. Then I’d really be in trouble. The menacing and piercing look in Sara’s eyes today, when she threatened me on our way back to class, was still fresh in my mind and there was no way I was going to tell anyone. And besides that, Mom just wouldn’t understand.
I sighed and headed silently off up to my room. “Mrs. Harding is suggesting that you see the school counselor, Julia!” Mom’s stern retort rang in my ears. “I think that I’m going to arrange an appointment. I don’t know what’s wrong with you these days. Your attitude is a disgrace!”
I quietly closed my bedroom door and sank down miserably onto the bed. My childhood teddy bear caught my eye and I reached over and drew him close. As I hugged him tightly, tears of despair fell silently onto his threadbare coat of brown matted fur. He’d been given to me for a first birthday present by some close family friends and from that day on we’d been inseparable. These days though, he was left to sit quietly alone on my cupboard shelf, almost forgotten.
“How can things have become so bad?” I asked him. And he stared silently back at me. I laid down clutching him tightly and soon fell into a deep and troubled sleep.
Do I want to go to camp?...
Everyone was abuzz at school the next day, eager with anticipation about the camp that was scheduled for the following week. We’d been asked to form ourselves into small groups and were going to be assigned a cabin each to sleep in. There was lots of excitement about the camp as it involved several very cool activities including horse riding, archery, whip cracking and a big campfire each night. These were things that most of us had never experienced before so it sounded like it was going to be awesome.
I had really been looking forward to it, but now I wasn’t so sure. “What if Sara starts picking on me?” I thought. “Maybe I should make up some excuse and not go.”
“But you HAVE to go to camp, Julia!” cried Millie when I told her that I was having second thoughts. “I’m not going without you and that’s that! You can’t miss out on camp. It’s the highlight of the whole year. And besides, Sara will be too busy to be bothering with you. We’ll just make sure that Mrs. Jackson puts us in different activity groups to Sara and then we’ll have nothing to do with her!”
“Okay,” I hesitatingly relented. “If we’re in separate groups for everything and she’s in a different cabin as well, it should be fine, I guess.”
I also knew with absolute certainty that my pare
nts would not let me drop out now, especially after everything had been confirmed and paid for.
But I soon discovered that it was a relief to take my mind off Sara. And as Millie and I organized ourselves into a group with some really nice girls from the other class, I too started to feel the excitement that had the whole grade buzzing.
While discussing camp arrangements with the others, an eerie feeling made me turn quickly around and I had a strange sensation that someone was watching me.
As I glanced towards the back of the room, I realized that Blake Jansen was staring in my direction. “What’s his problem?” I wondered. “Hasn’t he humiliated me enough already? Go and find another girl whose feelings you can crush,” I thought to myself and abruptly turned my back on him.
Later that day, we all went off to dance class where Miss Brown announced that she would be holding a dance competition during the last week of term. The idea was for groups of dancers to compete against each other in a dance off and the rest of the school would vote to decide on the winning group. This was to be part of a fun activity day that was planned for the entire school and the prize for the winners was a $200 voucher for the group to spend at the local shopping center.
This was one of several prizes that had been donated to the Arts department and Miss Brown had decided that it would be a great way to promote dancing in the school, amongst both the girls and the boys. Each group could choose to perform whatever style of dance that they preferred and the idea was met with immediate approval from just about everyone.
Instantly, groups of kids started rushing towards each other, keen to form dance groups with their friends. Some of the boys in our grade are awesome at hip hop and I saw them gather quickly into a group, Blake Jansen included.
To my utter surprise, several girls also approached me, asking if they could please be in my group. I felt shocked as this was totally unexpected. I had thought for sure, everyone would want to be with Sara because she is so popular and obviously a very good dancer.
It felt really good to be involved in something that I love so much and actually be surrounded by girls who were keen to be with me. Maybe things were changing for the better! We arranged to get together at lunch time on Monday so we could begin to rehearse. I promised to spend the weekend choreographing some moves and everyone agreed that I should lead the group. For the first time in ages, I really had something to look forward to and I couldn’t wait to get home so I could start putting a dance together.
As I turned to leave, Sara brushed roughly past me. “Don’t get your hopes up, Julia! My group is obviously going to win. You don’t have a hope!” And with a flick of her long hair, she strode haughtily out the door.
“Just ignore her,” Millie whispered in my ear. “We’re going to blitz this. You wait and see!”
“If only I had your confidence,” I thought to myself. Then the familiar anxious feeling started to form in the pit of my stomach and quickly take over.
With my head down, I headed for the bus stop, deep in thought about the hip hop moves that I could incorporate into our dance. With so many girls counting on me, I knew I could not let them down. But I didn’t know if I was up to the task. Would we actually be able to outperform Sara and her group? I was not convinced that it was possible.
As I lay in bed later that night, the day’s events rushed through my mind. First and foremost was the moment when I had returned the stolen blue skirt. The memory of walking into the clothing shop after school that day was one I will never forget. A look of recognition had crossed the face of the sales assistant as I strode hesitantly towards her, squeamish with anxiety and guilt. It had been such a daunting prospect and I had come really close to backing down. But the feeling of relief now that it was all over was very intense, and I knew that I would never attempt anything as stupid and dishonest again.
To my complete surprise though, the young woman had actually been very good about the whole incident. The look of shock that had first appeared on her face quickly disappeared when I explained that I had made a terrible mistake and was dreadfully sorry. She even thanked me for returning the skirt, saying that she was pleased I had the courage to do the right thing.
When I finally managed to close my eyes, thoughts of blue skirts and dance moves flashed through my mind and I tossed and turned for what seemed quite a long time before eventually falling asleep.
Things are getting worse…
Monday dawned bright and clear and I raced to school armed with my iPod and a range of dance moves that I had managed to choreograph over the weekend. I’d spent most of the time, in my room, searching You Tube for new ideas and practicing the moves that I had come across.
I was feeling fairly confident until I walked past the classroom window where I spied Sara and her group already rehearsing. They had obviously arrived at school very early and asked Mrs. Jackson for permission to use the classroom to practice.
What I saw stripped every bit of confidence I had previously been feeling, right from my mind. It was still early days but it was clear that what Sara had put together was extremely good.
“She is very creative!” I thought to myself. “I have to give her credit for that!” And then a smirk appeared on her sun tanned face as she turned towards the window and spotted me walking past.
“Can’t you come up with moves of your own?” she snarled nastily at me. “Is your dance so hopeless that you have to come spying on us?”
I just put my head down and kept walking; desperately trying to hide the red blush that I knew was creeping up my cheeks and covering my entire face.
“Why do I let her get to me?” I moaned. Deep down I knew that was part of her power over me. She loved to make me squirm and the more I reacted, the more she attacked, thriving on every minute of my discomfort.
The words Mom called out to me as I raced out the door, rushing to make the bus that morning, suddenly sprang to mind. “I really think that you should see that counselor, Julia. If you are having problems at school, then you should let someone know and if you won’t talk to me, you might feel more comfortable speaking with her.”
“I wonder if I should try talking to the counselor?” I asked myself. Tracey Watson who is in my class, had a few sessions with her last year and she had said that it really helped. Apparently the counselor is very nice and she’s fairly young as well. Maybe she would understand and give me some advice. I’d have to swear her to secrecy though. There’s no way I want Sara finding out!
The thoughts that were racing through my head quickly disappeared when I bumped into Millie who was bouncing around with excitement at the thought of us all leaving for camp the following day.
“All the girls in our dance group are sharing our cabin as well,” she reminded me. “So we may even get a chance at camp to have some rehearsals!”
“That would be really cool,” I agreed. “The more practice we have the better because I can see that we’re definitely going to need it!”
At lunch time, we ran through all the moves that I had choreographed and the girls were very impressed. We had decided on a hip hop dance as all of us love this style the best and it’s what we’re all good at. I started to feel my confidence return. So far, our dance was coming along well and really was looking good. We promised each other that we’d practice at home and continue to meet up each lunch time the following week after returning from camp. I began to believe that we really might have a chance at winning, after all!
Camp…
There was a huge gathering of kids at school early the next morning all armed with sleeping bags, pillows and other essential gear that was required for the next 3 days at camp. As we lined up ready to board the bus, Millie must have sensed my apprehension. “Don’t worry about Sara! It’s all going to be fine and we’re going to have a really great time,” she exclaimed in a reassuring voice.
“You must be a mind reader!” I replied and managed a small smile.
As we climbed onto the bus, an uneasy
feeling came over me and the involuntary shiver that passed down my spine made the hairs on my arms stand on end. I really hoped that Millie’s words would ring true, but the little voice inside my head said otherwise.
After being briefed by the camp leaders, we were directed towards our cabins and told to unpack so we could get started on our first activity. Our group was scheduled to do archery and when we lined up to wait for our instructor, I saw Blake Jansen heading towards us with a group of other boys.
“What do they want?” I wondered crossly as I briefly made eye contact with Blake and then quickly looked the other way.
“Hey girls,” called a boisterous kid named Jack Donaldson. “Guess what! We’ve been asked to join your group. Pretty cool, hey?”
“Great!” I replied sarcastically, as I rolled my eyes at him, “That’s really made my day.”
“I thought it might,” he said smugly. “We can even show you a thing or two about archery. You girls probably don’t have a clue how to use a bow and arrow.”
That was all I needed, Jack Donaldson and Blake Jansen in our group for the entire camp. Seriously! What had I done to deserve this?
Once we got started though, I found that archery was actually really fun and it was so cool. I managed to hit a bull’s eye.
“You’re pretty good at this!” commented Blake as he stood back watching while I had my turn.
I ignored his comment and focused on the target, determined to prove that I could be just as good if not better than any of the boys and was secretly pleased when the arrow I shot hit the bull’s eye once more.
“Nice shooting!” exclaimed the instructor. “You’re a natural at this.”
“Thanks!” I replied and couldn’t keep the smile from my face especially when Jack’s arrows never even managed to hit the target at all, not one of them.
I soon started to relax and enjoy myself. The weather was sunny and warm and our next activity was canoeing in the river, which we were all looking forward to. Perhaps Millie was right. This camp really was going to be awesome and I began to feel genuinely happy to be there.
Julia Jones' Diary - Boxed Set - Books 2 to 6 Page 3
