Through Her Eyes

by Ava Harrison

  “Thanks for making me whole again,” I whisper into his bare chest. I place a small kiss over his heart.

  “I didn’t do anything. You did it all by yourself.” He runs his fingers through my locks. The caress is soft, and I wonder if I imagine it. My stomach growls silently, but I don’t want him to stop touching me.

  I want him to touch me everywhere. The pressure of his body underneath me lights me on fire. I’m drowning in emotions for this man, but this time I’m not afraid. These feelings are completely unique to anything I’ve ever felt before. I’ve never felt so close to anyone. I feel as if his soul has melded to mine.

  Throwing my leg over his, I straddle his naked body. His gaze travels over me and searches my eyes. I’m stripped bare emotionally in front of him. Chase’s large hand takes hold of my face and lightly strokes my cheek. He traces the contours, then slides further down to my collarbone. His hand continues its exploration until his grip tightens around my waist. Then he brings them around back, trailing soft touches up and down my spine. The man treats me as if I’m a priceless masterpiece. I align myself above him, teasing him.

  “I need to grab—” he starts, but I cut him off. I don’t want anything between us. I just want to feel him.

  “I’m safe. I want to feel all of you,” I say. I continue to stroke him against my heat until I can’t take much more. He nods in approval, and I lower myself. My body molds to him as his fills mine to completion. Once he’s all the way seated inside me, I begin to rock up and down on his thick length. He meets me stroke for stroke. Our rhythm growing more frantic the closer we get. A moan of ecstasy slips through my lips as I climb higher than I think possible. I shatter into a million pieces and then he pulls me toward him, putting me back together with one single kiss.

  “We should head back to Positano. I was thinking this time we could go all the way up to the ‘Path of the Gods.’ It’s really the best view of the Amalfi Coast.” He reclaims my lips, and then pulls away. “I’m going to hop in the shower.”

  “Want some company?” I slip my hand up his arm, trying to bring him back to me.

  “As much as I want to say yes, I fear if you join me, we’ll never leave.”

  “And that’s a problem because?” I playfully drag my fingertips down to reach his hand, but he laughs and shakes me off.

  “Because believe it or not, I’m here for work.” He pulls out of my grasp and walks to the ottoman sitting at the foot of the bed. He starts to rummage through his backpack on top of it.

  “Aw yes, I did almost forget that.”

  He pulls his camera from his backpack, and then grabs my hand to position me directly in front of the window beside the bed. Gathering a black sheet, he secures it to the wall behind me, hanging it from the edge of the painting fastened to the wall.

  “Place your hand under your chin,” he directs.

  “What are you doing?

  “Trust me, will you? The effect will be incredible.”

  I place my fingers under my chin, allowing them to curl up over my lip. “Do I just sit here like this?”

  “Stop talking. This will come out amazing.”

  My life isn’t amazing, nor is it extraordinary. There’s nothing particularly special about me, but when I’m with Chase, he makes me feel special—as if I’m so much more. I believe him when he says it will be amazing.

  The click of the camera has become a calming sound for me. I’ve grown so used to Chase snapping shots of me it’s now just a soft hum.

  After Chase is done getting the perfect shot, he lays the camera on the bedside table and then heads to the bathroom to get ready. Not even a minute passes before I hear his voice over the running water.

  “Hey, Princess. Will you grab me a razor? It’s in my bag by the wall.” I move across the room to open his small carry-on suitcase that for some reason is in this cabin. Somewhere between Capri and Positano, Luciano decided to move things along and have us bunk together. I laughed so hard yesterday when we returned to find his bag placed on my bed. I unzip it and rummage through, but come up empty-handed.

  “It’s not in there,” I shout through the half-open door.

  “Oh. It might be in my backpack.”

  I move back to the ottoman, open the zippered top and start digging around. After an extensive search, my fingers finally find the razor. As I grab it, I come in contact with something that feels a lot like a postcard. Pulling it out to have a better look, everything around me stops. What the hell? The words on the paper begin to waver from staring at it so intently. My heart starts to hammer in my chest.

  Thump, Thump

  Thump, Thump

  The sounds around me become a hum as the room begins to spin. My erratic breathing makes me dizzy as the anger rises. The emotions I feel are palpable, like a crimson haze coursing through me. I attempt to calm my body by taking a deep breath. Chase’s footsteps echo in the small space.

  “Why do you have this?” My eyes still won’t leave the card. The words I’ve written are barely legible through the tears teasing at my lids. I peer up and find Chase staring at me, and his mouth opens and then closes.

  “Why the fuck do you have this?” My voice rises with each word that erupts from my mouth.

  “I—”

  “You what? Fucking speak!”

  “I can explain.”

  “You can explain this? I sent this to my friend Parker. How do you have this postcard?”

  Tension radiates off Chase as I hold the postcard in my hand. The postcard of the Brooklyn Bridge. The postcard I sent to Parkers apartment the day I left New York. The postcard he shouldn’t have. His blue eyes focus on the nondescript piece of paper that an unobservant onlooker would never know was so important. His brows draw together. A small frown line creases between them.

  “Please, Ari. Please let me explain.” The nickname slips out, and he clasps his hand over his mouth. Ari, Ari, Ari. The name only Parker calls me.

  “Don’t call me that. Ever!” I say though clenched teeth.

  “Please, Aria.”

  “Who the fuck are you?”

  “I can explain, Princess.”

  “You lost the right to call me Princess when you left a small fact out. Explain. Explain how you have this! Fucking explain! Because I don’t understand how you can have this in your possession. How the fuck do you have this, Chase? Who the fuck are you?” I clench my stomach as tears roll from my eyes. I lurch forward, dry heaving. “Who the fuck are you?” I scream as my breathing becomes more erratic.

  “Shh, calm down.” Sobs wrack my body. “Stay in the present,” he says, and Parker’s words rush through me. Memories become so vivid I can’t push them away as my world crashes around me. Thoughts once lost in my subconscious infiltrate my mind—and that’s when I know. I know exactly who he is.

  The words he’d spoken so many times finally come into focus, and I realize why they sounded so familiar. Why he always seemed so familiar.

  “Ari, as my friend Everest always says . . . Stay in the present. Don’t live in the past. Be strong. Be you.”

  My eyes meet his, and realization dawns on him. He knows that I know.

  “Let me explain.” His eyes slide down and lock on the ground at his feet. His hands reach to his temples, and he begins to scrub at them. I’ve never seen him look this way. But it doesn’t matter. He lied. Everything was a lie. He’s a lie.

  “You’re him?”

  “I—”

  “Are. You. Him?”

  “Yes.”

  “How could you? I opened up to you. I told you about my parents. Oh my God. I told you about Parker!” I dry heave again, and then his phone goes off. The sound of the vibrating burns at my ears. When he reaches for it I want to smash it, scream, ‘How dare you check it! How dare you find me of so little importance that you would dare look!’

  Then I notice the look in his eyes, and I realize something is seriously wrong. A shiver runs through me. Chase stands taller, gathering his composu
re. The change in his voice is evident.

  “You need to go home.”

  “Shut up, I don’t need to listen to anything you say. You’ve been lying to me this whole time. You knew who I was.” My rage starts to ignite like a fire burning within me.

  “But—”

  “But nothing . . . Everest. You lied. There’s nothing you can say now that’s going to change the fact that you knew exactly who I was when we met.” With brisk steps he makes his way to me, reaching out his hand to touch me. I swat it away.

  “Do. Not. Touch. Me.” I grit out. “Don’t come anywhere near me. I never want to see you again.”

  “Just listen to me, Aria. You need to go home.”

  “No.” I start to turn but his hand stops me, grabbing my forearm to halt my progress.

  “Look!” he exclaims as he flips the phone to my face. His expression says my life will forever be changed yet again. My visions blurs as I see the letters that form words that make me finally understand. Tears swell up in my eyes and I shake my head back and forth.

  “No! Oh God, NO!”

  It’s time to stop running. It’s time to go. My chest constricts as I choke on my own breath to stifle back a sob. With my head down, I move away from Chase and grab my suitcase and throw it on the bed. The sound echoes in the silence as I continue to bite back the agonizing howl that teeters on the brink of eruption. My shoulder shake from the restraint I’m placing on my body to hold back my emotions. But I refuse to break down in front of him. From my peripheral vision, I see him walk closer to me.

  “Please just let me expl—” Tears start to stream down my face as he speaks, but I whip them away. Exhaling, I try my best to place a mask of indifference on my face as I meet his eyes.

  “No! You, Chase Porter had a chance to explain the day you tricked me. You’re a coward and a liar.” Whatever the reason for his lie, whatever the explanation will be, it won’t come now. I welcome that disconnect, because I’m not ready to hear it. I’m not ready to deal with any of it. I’m so lost. I’m so confused. I’m so angry with Chase, but I won’t let him see any of that. I won’t let him comfort me. He lost that right.

  “Aria, please- I want to be there for you. Please give me a —”

  “No, this is all your fault. I can never trust you again. The Chase I thought I knew is a complete stranger.”

  “You can trust me, Aria. I know you’re upset with me, but if you need—”

  “Need? The only thing I need from you . . . is for you to leave me the fuck alone.” My voice is laced with disgust, my anger palpable. I turn on my heel, pick up my clothes and start tossing the clothes in the suitcase. “Get the hell out of my room. I never ever want to see you again.”

  NOW I’M ON MY way back.

  Back on a plane. Back on the run.

  But this time I’m running home.

  Running away from Chase Porter. Running away from Everest.

  I can’t even fathom what went down in Positano. My brain can’t wrap itself around everything I now know and everything I thought I knew. All the lies built on lies. All the false truths spun.

  It was hard to breathe in those first few seconds after understanding flooded my senses. I felt as if my arteries had been severed the moment the truth descended upon me. As if the lifeline that held me together was slowly unraveling, and I was bleeding.

  Funny how little had actually changed in the last fifteen days. Fifteen days ago, I left New York hiding from my truth, and now I’m hiding from Chase’s truth. Chase—I can’t even call him that. Who is he? Is he my Chase or is he Parker’s Everest, the Everest I resented. The somewhat mythical creature Parker made him out to be over the years. The Everest whom I always believed was the hindrance in our relationship. He’d always been there hovering over us, the bane of my existence by the time I graduated from college. The friend of my best friend, a person I’d never met, had never seen, and had such strong feelings of animosity for. Then there was the look in his eyes that seemed so familiar that first day in Tuscany . . .

  It was as if my soul had known his before we’d ever met, an instant connection brought on by our mutual love of Parker Stone. But then the truth came out, and maybe I could have forgiven the lies, but only if he didn’t know how I felt about him. But he knew, and still he withheld his identity.

  After everything unraveled, I was relieved when he told me to leave, and I did just that. I left. I climbed above deck and told Luciano to steer the boat to port. I never turned back, and Chase never tried to stop me. A part of me would like to pretend it’s because he knows this is what I need, but how the fuck could he know me when everything we had was based on a lie? Fifteen days have passed, and my heart is empty yet again.

  I turn my phone on the moment my feet hit ground and text after text comes through in a wave.

  A decision has been made.

  You need to come home.

  Where the hell are you?

  Get your ass home.

  The look in Chase’s eyes still haunts me, even though I want to hate him. And God, do I want to, but he took a girl with no hope, lifted her up, and taught her to fly. Anger creeps into my blood. He might have taught me to fly, but then he cut my wings. He destroyed me. I made quick work of getting out of Italy, only briefly answering Sophie’s text and informing her I’d find a flight home. I called the airlines and booked myself on the first flight out from Naples. A complete fog hung over me. I’m even unsure how I managed to find a cab, how I managed to grab my belongings—how I managed to get away.

  I take the lone available seat on the plane, it’s definitely not the fancy cocoon that comforted me on the arrival here. This time I’m next to an elderly lady with short wisps of white hair. Small bifocals rest on her weathered and wrinkled face.

  “Would you like a peppermint?” I turn to her, perplexed as to whom she’s speaking.

  “Yes, you, sweetie. Would you like a peppermint?” My eyes mist. This complete stranger is the final catalyst to my breakdown. She doesn’t know me, she doesn’t know what I need, but the kind nature of her face is enough to bring me to my knees. “What’s the matter, sweetie?” There’s no questioning the concern and sincerity in her voice. Tears stream down my face, and I notice her prune-like hands reach into her purse and pull out a tissue. I’m coming undone thirty-nine thousand feet in the air.

  “Whatever it is, it can’t be that bad,” she says, but she has no way of knowing what awaits me when I arrive home. “Would you like to talk about it?” Then just like that, the floodgates burst. All of it.

  Everything I’ve done pours out. Everything I’ve said. It all comes out in heavy tears and choked sobs. As if I’m purging the memory of a bad dream. A nightmare. One that’s far from over. As I cry, the memory playing through my brain paralyzes me. It grips my throat until I can no longer breathe. White spots dance in my vision as it completely engulfs me.

  “Hey, baby girl, what are you doing?” Parker rounded the corner into my bedroom. Frustrated, I stared blankly at a pile of clothes on my bed.

  “I have nothing to wear.” My hands ran through my hair as my eyes glared at the mountain of my belongings.

  “Funny, because it looks like you have a shit ton of choices.”

  “Nothing in this pile works,” I huffed as I tossed more clothes onto the bed. Parker lifted a black lace top. He arched an eyebrow.

  “How about this?”

  I snatched the top from his hand. “You are absolutely no help, Parker,” I barked, throwing it in the hamper.

  “What are you freaking out about anyway?” He pushed the clothes out of the way and sat on the edge of the bed.

  I waved my hands in the air. “You’re making a mess! Don’t you have somewhere else to be? Off playing with Everest somewhere?” I grit out as I bent over and picked up the blouses that had fallen to the floor.

  “Ari, this whole fucking bed is a mess. And no, he’s somewhere between China and Pakistan right now, climbing K2.” A boyish grin grew on hi
s face. “So why don’t you breathe and tell me what’s really got you so hot and bothered.”

  “Work, Park, work! I’m supposed to start tomorrow.”

  “Then don’t.”

  “That’s not really an option.”

  “Who says it’s not? Seriously, Ari.” Parker reached for my hand, and I pulled my gaze away from his. “Who says you need to start tomorrow? Is this even what you want? Do you even know what you want?”

  “I want this,” I barely whispered. I didn’t know whether I was trying to convince him or myself. I pulled my hand away and stood. “It’s all I’ve ever wanted.” But saying those words made my chest feel as if it was caving in.

  “Since when? Or is this something you think you want? What would you be doing if Owen were still here?” The mention of my brother’s name made it hard to breathe. Instantly, I felt as if my room was closing in on me. “What did you want to be before he died? Before you went on this ridiculous quest to live the life intended for him?”

  I stared out the window, and the first tear dripped down my cheek. I heard Parker stand behind me, but I didn’t turn to look at him. Instead, I peered downward at the pile of clothes in my hands. Suffocating clothes. My chest tightened further until my lungs were desperate for air.

  “Ari.” Parker paused and rested his hands on my shoulders. His voice was soothing. “I remember the girl who wanted to travel. The girl who pretended to be a princess. Who wanted to see the world with me. The one who came over every day and stuck yellow pins into the map pinned to my wall. Do you remember that girl?”

  I shook my head, my vision blurry from unshed tears. “I—I don’t,” I finally cried. I didn’t remember that girl anymore. She died a long time ago.