When Gods Fail

by Nelson Lowhim

  What happened?

  You tell me.

  I did what I had to do.

  Did you? He ran at me with a shotgun and vanished. Big Lee appeared and ran after me; I ran as fast as I could, and when I turned he looked down on me. Then I was on him. Please... Don't.

  Don't what?

  You know.

  You were going to die anyways. You were trying to kill me.

  Please... Don't.

  I woke up and realized that Jenny wasn't next to me. Grabbed a kerosene lantern, lit it, and looked around the cave, but she wasn't in there. I walked outside and searched around. I couldn't see her, but by her smell I could tell she was near. I looked up and saw her on the peak above the cave. I ran. When I came to where she was, my lungs hurt from the exertion. She was standing on the edge of the cliff. The drop off was several hundred meters high. It spoke softly to me, to her.

  "Jenny, you scared me. What's wrong?" I asked and looked into her eyes. Cool, lifeless. My heart lurched into my guts.

  "I can't forget him. The man I killed."

  "You shouldn't think that way. You couldn't help it. Self defense." I tried to reach for her, but she avoided my grip.

  "I can't stop thinking about it. How can you do it?"

  "Do what?"

  "Kill like you did. So well," she said.

  I wasn't certain if the voice belonged to Jenny. Everything seemed like part of the previous dream. Only the cold air seemed real.

  "I don't do it well," I said.

  "You did. And I saw you with that boy. You enjoyed it, torturing him, watching him die."

  That wasn't fair. I hadn't. I only suppressed what was a weakness inside me. How could she think such a thing? I looked into her eyes and saw how much she hated me, was scared of me, saw nothing to love in me. The bottom of the cliff welcomed me. "I didn't..." Was all I could manage as a defense. "We had to do that. They didn't want peace."

  "I can't live like this."

  "But you have to. We're the only ones."

  "So what? What if we are the only ones? Why go on?"

  "Because we have to," I said again, more to convince myself than anything else. "We are all there is." I realized then that the reason I could see everything was that the stars and the moon were out. The overcast sky was gone. A sign of the better times to come? "See? The sky is clearing, soon things will improve."

  "And everyone we meet will try to kill us," she said and examined me with a sad face like I couldn't understand.

  I should have implored her that my love for her was real, but I couldn't. Something in me was still ashamed. "What about us?" I said.

  Her look turned to disdain, then to horror. She took a step and disappeared.

  ###

  Other Books by the Author (along with the sequel to this book!):

  When Gods Fail II

  The Struggle Trilogy

  Tree of Freedom

  Satan's Plea

  About the Author:

  Nelson Lowhim was born in Tanzania where he lived for the first decade of his life. He then lived in India for a year before finally settling in the U.S. in the state of Michigan. He spent some of his formative years hitchhiking and hiking around the great state of Alaska. From there he joined the Army and served for seven years as an Infantryman in 1st AD then as an Engineer in Fifth Group. After his time in the Military—which included many travels through Europe and the Middle East—he came to New York and earned an undergraduate degree from Columbia University. He currently lives with his girlfriend in the Bronx.

  Connect with me online (and tell me what you think):

  Smashwords: http://www.smashwords.com/profile/view/nlowhim

  My blog: http://nelsonlowhim.blogspot.com/

  Facebook: http://www.facebook.com/nlowhim