The Royal Rake (Royal Romances Book 3)

by Molly Jameson

  “I hardly think this is appropriate dinner conversation for dear Eugenie’s celebration,” Inga said, “Perhaps we might discuss our upcoming ski holiday.”

  “Oh yes, I do so look forward to these family trips. Which of you will be able to attend?” Astrid said, “Evie, our families vacation together each year at my father’s chalet in Salen. You must join us this year.”

  “Thank you, but I have a business to run. It was very kind of you to offer, though.”

  “I can’t leave my physio course,” Lizzy said, “and Parliament will be in session in January, so Phillip’s right out as well.”

  “As if I’d go without you,” Phillip said, “and leave you to waste away from loneliness at Pembroke. You’d mope round the kitchen nipping Frazzles from poor Mrs. Chambers’ secret stash.”

  “I’ve, er, got obligations with the refugee charity that week. I’ve only just taken it on, and it wouldn’t do to miss the event,” Bea said.

  “What about you, Carrie? Edward?” Astrid said.

  “Well, I’ve never been snow skiing, and I think it sounds like fun, but my husband the budding fiber arts impresario has us booked for, of all things, a yarn convention the week before that and there’s a time overlap. I can’t be gone from both shops two weeks in a row.”

  “It is not a yarn convention. It is an exposition of the newest blends and varieties of crafting fibers and a demonstration of which techniques best suit each innovation.” Edward said.

  “Like I said, yarn convention. He gave up chasing Jamie around and morphed into the free world’s premiere dilettante yarn expert.”

  “I suspect that fascination runs in the bloodline since my wife takes every opportunity to list the principle breeds of sheep raised in the Cotswolds and beyond,” Phillip said.

  “Don’t ruin me with false advertising, Phillip. You’ll have Evelyn here believing that I know far more about livestock than is accurate. I assure you that I know far more about pissed fisherman who don’t know how to operate their life vests than I do about sheep, goats or cows.”

  “Well, you are a national hero after saving that moron who pitched his tent right on the edge of a cliff,” Evie said, “when I saw the video footage I don’t mind telling you I freaked out.”

  “We were all quite distressed by Leopold’s little debacle,” King Victor said, “if he’d kept himself in the Navy where he belonged, he’d be a decorated officer by now. But nothing would please him apart from dangling off a helicopter in the wind and rain.”

  “I think it’s very noble of him. When we first met, I gave him some static about joining the least prestigious branch of the military when I’m sure he could’ve had his pick of commissions. But he explained to me why it was important to him and how he was using his talents to help others, and I actually apologized and admitted I was wrong, which I’m not really big on personally. So his brand of heroism made a big impression on me. I think what he’s done with his abilities is really amazing,” she said.

  “With my abilities? You make me sound as if I had cognitive impairment. As in, how heroic that the lad learnt how to button his own shirt,” Leo whispered to her and she rolled her eyes at him.

  “Should I have mentioned testicles?” she whispered back, and he shook his head, suppressing a laugh.

  “You obviously take a rosy view of him. While that’s all very sweet, you’re American and have different standards of success. Leopold was born into a prominent family with a distinguished history of military service. That he chose to avoid the more high-profile assignments in favor of playing what amounts to a high-stakes fishing game—“ King Victor said.

  “Fishing game?” Edward said, “While I agree that Leo’s been something of an underachiever, what he did in that storm was no sport. It was real and dangerous. It may not be as impressive as battling ISIS in the forefront of an international force; it’s nothing to belittle either, Father.”

  “He’s not an underachiever compared to me! I never did anything but change my hair color and save that llama until Phillip got hold of me!” Lizzy said.

  “I thought it was an antelope?” Phillip said, “At any rate, you’re accomplishing something now with the hippotherapy, so let Leo have his moment under the microscope, will you?”

  “Lot of patriarchal rubbish if you ask me. The man has to wield a sword or an assault rifle to meet the traditional standards of masculinity in the ruling family. Why not outfit him in plate armor and give him a lance?” Bea said.

  “Bloody hell, Bea, you don’t have to fill the gap just because Gigi isn’t here to stir up trouble, “ King Victor said, red-faced with fury. Eugenie laid her hand on his arm, concern showing in the lines around her mouth.

  “Bea!” Eugenie said reprovingly. Inga whispered to Astrid, and they excused themselves.

  “Magnificent. Expose your neuroses to the guests. How I ever thought any of you could lead an empire…you cannot manage a civil dinner conversation! The lot of you will be diplomatic catastrophe for England!” Victor said, “You have ruined your mother’s birthday dinner. I hope you’re properly ashamed of yourselves.”

  “I’m sorry,” Bea said, and got up and left.

  “I don’t see why you came down so hard on Bea when it was Jamie stirring everyone up,” Leo said.

  “You just want to get me in trouble as you did when we were children. You were always a tattle-teller,” Jamie said. Carrie burst out laughing.

  “Ladies and gentleman, rise for our future king as he calls his little brother a tattletale. They’ll start sticking their tongues out at each other any minute now. Edward, do you have anything to add?”

  “Leopold was an inveterate tale-teller. He and Lizzy used to club together against James, and I’d have to take the blame. If Jamie had been punished for every infraction he committed, our Prince of Wales would have no bum left whatever after all those thrashings.”

  “It was right noble of you to take the rap for him. It’s a rather fine bum, and it would’ve been a great sacrifice to the nation if it were ruined,” Carrie said.

  “We’re married, woman,” Edward said, giving her a wry half-smile. Carrie leaned over and kissed him. Right at the royal table. The queen buried her face in her hands. Leo wasn’t sure if she meant to weep or merely conceal her profound embarrassment at her ill-behaved assortment of children. She shook her head, and he decided it was probably the latter.

  “It’s a shame Astrid missed all the talk about Jamie’s arse,” Leo said, “since I’m such a tattletale, perhaps I should report it to her.”

  “I regret to say she seems to have little interest in my eldest son and his arse. Neither the one he makes of himself quite frequently or the one he sits upon,” Queen Eugenie said. Everyone stopped, gaping at her. Edward’s mouth hung open a little. Leo had never heard his mother speak of anyone’s posterior before. He had a notion that it was against her aristocratic sensibilities. Although his grandmother Pemmy had a rather salty tongue as he remembered it, so his mother must have got her prim tendencies someplace besides her noble bloodline. The queen had just referred directly to the backside of her eldest son, in relation to the princess she wished him to marry. They all sat back and looked at her, even the king.

  “Are you feeling quite well?” the king said.

  “Not as such, no. I feel that my children make sport of me by making cheeky remarks at dinner before my dearest friend and her daughter. I think no pudding for any of them, in fact.”

  “But, Mother! It’s your birthday. There’s sure to be a brilliant sponge with raspberry filling!” Leo said. Evie rather obviously bit her lip to stop from laughing at him.

  “Nonsense. As the birthday celebrant, I am the only person entitled to cake. The remainder of you may be on your way. Never have I seen such behavior from our offspring, not even as teenagers. You grow worse with age, it seems. You may take your leave now, beginning with the eldest,” Eugenie said.

  “You heard your mot
her, James. Off with you,” Victor said.

  “I reckon you’re the eldest one here, Father. I think she meant you as well,” Jamie said.

  “She did not include me in that pronouncement. Be on your way,” Victor said.

  “Actually, you made at least as many inflammatory remarks as your children did. To your study with you, then. I shall have my cake and coffee in peace.”

  “I note how at first you referred to them as your children, then ours, and finally as my children when you want to distance yourself from their conduct. Very well. I’ll retire, and you can enjoy your entire cake alone,” the king said. He pushed back from the table and left the room. Jamie bent and kissed his mother’s cheek before departing, followed by Edward and Carrie—to whom Eugenie thawed a bit and was almost gracious, then Lizzy and Phillip escaped, leaving Leo and Evie.

  “It was—an honor to meet you. I hope your birthday gets better, and you have a nice evening, ma’am,” Evie said to the queen, managing a curtsey. Leo kissed his mother’s cheek and told her to relax and use some of the oils from Thermae Spa later on.

  “I had rather you didn’t speak of such personal things. Though I doubt it matters to you,” she said rather fretfully.

  “It does matter to me, Mother. What you think always has mattered, and Father, too. Forgive me if I made your evening worse. I had so hoped to bring Evelyn to a pleasant family gathering, to introduce her and make her think we were just like everyone else, only we use more forks. I’ve failed at that, I fear, and I reckon she won’t want much to do with me after this episode. But I do wish your evening might get better. Enjoy your cake and tell Inga I apologize for being irreverent at table.”

  “You’ve always been irreverent at table. Your nurse promised me you’d outgrow the tendency. Stupid woman,” Eugenie said briskly, “and, Evelyn, I’m certain that you’ve dined with relatives before and seen civility disintegrate.”

  “Actually, I haven’t, ma’am. I was raised by just my mother. Frankly, her parents disowned her when she got pregnant with me, so I’ve never had any sort of family dinner with more than two people in attendance.”

  “Your grandparents disowned you two?” Leo said. He couldn’t imagine his own parents disowning one of their children over one supposed disgrace. Despite all Victor’s bluster and threats to the contrary, he’d never disowned Lizzy over the nude photos nor Jamie over his conquests nor Gigi over her outright anti-royalist opinions. Because no matter how loudly the king and queen lamented their seven children’s behavior and choices, they loved their offspring faults and all. Leo had a moment of being utterly speechless, humbled by the fact that his greatest advantage in an admittedly privileged existence might be the steadfast love of his parents.

  “I’m afraid so. I didn’t mean to announce it to the Queen of England, but you know how I am once I get to talking. Forgive me if I’ve said something inappropriate, ma’am. I was overwhelmed by tonight—by everyone talking at once and all the inside jokes, all the things that everyone else seemed to understand but me. It was kind of you to include me, and everyone was really nice. I just—I think I’ll stop talking and go now,” Evie said.

  Leo took her hand and tucked it into his elbow, his hand covering hers protectively. He led her out the imposing entry hall and ushered her into the car that awaited them. In the dark of the back seat, Leo wrapped his good arm around her and drew her against him. He kissed the top of her head, breathing in the pineapple shampoo smell of her hair and feeling the softness of it against his lips. He felt oddly like he’d put her through something difficult. Originally he had thought he was doing her a great honor by inviting her to a family dinner at the palace. He hadn’t stopped to think about how they all were, the tensions and expectations and the tendency to get a bit riotous in their disagreements, the lot of them jockeying for the king’s attention. Now he figured that he ought to apologize to her, but he didn’t know where to start.

  “Evie, I—I reckon I have to ask you to forgive me again. For that circus in there. I hadn’t thought we’d have a row in front of Inga and Astrid and yourself. We’re usually a bit better behaved than that before guests. Not a great deal, but a bit. Anyhow, I know you were made uncomfortable by it, and I hadn’t the smallest idea that you never had great noisy suppers with grandparents and cousins and the like. I assumed you had, without asking,” he dipped his head a little, and she reached up and smoothed back a lock of his hair.

  “It’s just not what I’m used to. Not the big loud family, not the seventeen silver forks and spoons, not the imposing flags and banners and statues in the dining room—my mom and I always ate at the kitchen table in our apartment. We never even knew anyone with a dining room, really. So it’s a shock, not just being up close to this group of people I’ve seen in magazines all my life, but being in a family setting like that. It’s all unfamiliar and when you warned me, I thought the media was the worst of it, or just being intimidated that I’d act like some backwoods dumbass, but it’s way more than that. It’s—size matters, Leo.”

  “I beg your pardon?” he said.

  “You have a big life, part of a huge family with a royal bloodline and all these diplomatic obligations and influence, and you’re always going to be important. Not just on gossip sites, I mean you’ll be important with maritime policy or wounded soldiers’ programs and things. You’ll influence the way society thinks and does things. I won’t. I have a small life, where I run my little tea room and take care of my cats and---the name of the place is exactly just right for me because my whole life could fit in a thimble! There’s too much disparity between us. I’m not even on the same scale as you. From an objective standpoint, I’m basically invisible by comparison,” she said, and he heard tears in her voice.

  “Shit, Evie. That’s a lot of bollocks, and you know it. You’ve got half the first world scrambling to order your scones, and you have a social media following that would make Justin Bieber jealous now.”

  “I can’t believe you even know who that is.”

  “I speed-read a gossip magazine at Waitrose, so I could talk with you,” he said, “I also know who Taylor Swift is, and I can name two of the Kardashians.”

  “Two?”

  “That’s plenty. There are about twenty of them and all with big fake lips! I still can’t determine what they do exactly apart from taking photos of themselves.”

  “No one really knows, Leo. But that’s beside the point. The point is, your life is way more like theirs than it is like mine. What I do could never fit into your universe.”

  “Untrue. You just said your life was tiny, which I disagree with, but if it is so tiny, it would fit anywhere.”

  “I like what I do and where I’m at, and I was really happy until you walked in on the Tea for Two and made me spectacularly unhappy with my life. Because I was only worried about my bottom line on the balance sheet, everything else was great. And now the balance sheet looks fantastic but all I worry about is when I can see you and if you’re thinking about me the way I think about you and I went from being totally in charge of my life to being this pathetic girl who’s mooning over a prince, of all stupid things! It’s like those mortal girls who got involved with Zeus—“

  “Excuse me, but I’m Zeus now? I think you’re mistaken. I think Jamie is Zeus, and I’m one of the younger, inconsequential fuck-up gods.”

  “Zeus was the youngest. Poseidon, Hades, then Zeus.”

  “Hades is older. My classical education cost more than yours so we can assume I’m right. Regardless, maybe Cronus had some bastard with a milkmaid years later, and he was cute, but an all-round wanker and that would be me.”

  “What in hell are we talking about?”

  “I’ve no idea, except you’re mixing metaphors about why you’re too small to be with me or something and I’m not sure where you got that idea, but I’m fairly certain you’ve insulted my manhood.”

  “This has much more to do with your princehood than your manh
ood. So don’t get all offended. I thought you were more secure than this, considering your ability to eat egg mayonnaise tea sandwiches. My point is, it was nice to visit your world, but I don’t belong there. So, I’m going to have to finish with you and be done with it.”

  “I don’t like that solution. Between us we can devise a better one,” he said.

  “No. I want to go home to my shop and Toby and Gandy and never think of this again.”

  “Was it the fennel? Because fennel is truly hideous, I know,” he quipped as they got out at the townhouse and he fumbled with the keys.

  “It wasn’t the fennel. It was your family. They want so much more for you than some American, who sells scones with your picture. You should be with some top human rights lawyer or a former Miss Universe or something. Not someone like me,” she said, trailing after him into the entryway and just stopping there in the hall. She was looking down at her shoes very studiously. He saw that she wasn’t following him, that a midnight picnic in bed was not in their immediate future. He took her hand and held it.

  “Evie, I don’t think you get it. They can want anything they like. It has nothing to do with me. I’m not Jamie. I don’t have to give in eventually and do what they want. It’s the only real advantage to being fourth. I get to do what I like within reason. And what I like is this very talkative, overemotional baker from Bath, who’s forever on about Halle Berry and testicles, but she makes the best lemon curd I’ve ever had, and she took me in and rescued me on the worst day of my entire life once. And it seems like I love her.”

  “God, Leo, you have no idea how much I wish that were true,” she said.

  “I bet Jamie never has this sort of trouble with girls,” he said.

  “Dammit, Leo! Jamie again? Is that why you run your hands through your hair all the time?”

  “What?”

  “At first, I thought it was a nervous habit, but when you do it, you always look sideways at me, and it’s a signature Casual Prince Jamie move. I’ve watched him on TV do that in interviews and at polo matches, and it’s endearing as hell,” she said.