by Jahquel J
Me, being the head of a cartel. I was born and raised to be the head of this cartel. It was in the cards for me since I’ve been in the womb. I couldn’t let my grandmother down, and I had to step up and do what I needed to do, even if my heart told me that I didn’t want to do it. Running my businesses and finding love was all on my list. Then, I had to think of my daughter. She was being born into a life I didn’t want for her. Yashleigh was to go to college and become a lawyer, doctor or whatever the hell she wanted to become, not be the heiress to a throne. Even though women weren’t allowed, I’d be damn if my daughter didn’t sit on the same throne as her father. Besides, Pit and Baru would be buried and gone by then. I got comfortable in the bed and closed my eyes. At once, all my thoughts consumed my mind, and I sorted them from the comforts of my bed.
10
Golden
“Mom, can I please go and play the game?” Gyan asked soon as we got out of the town car from Lego Land. It wasn’t enough he had me pay over a hundred dollars for some small Lego figurine, but he just had to play the game tonight too.
“I thought we were hanging tonight?” My feelings were hurt that he would rather go and play that stupid game than hang with me.
We spent the entire day together and had some many pictures and laughs. It was one of those memories he would remember forever. Hell, I know I would. If I never saw another Lego in my life, I would be good. Being around hyper kids all day had me tired, and I just wanted some wine and a bubble bath. For the entire day, I didn’t think about the situation that happened with Yolani the night before. The more I thought about it, the more I got upset all over again. How could she set me up like that? What I thought would be a nice night out with Yoshon’s sister turned into me being on an episode of Power. It wasn’t like I was stupid and didn’t know what Yoshon did. He kept that away from me and I respected him for it. He didn’t include me in it, and I never heard him talking about it either. Grand was the opposite. I could walk in the house from a long day, and he would have coke scattered all over the kitchen table.
Gyan still had perfect memory of that, and I had to tell him it was baby powder and daddy was bottling it up, so we could have some in the closet. He believed me and never spoke about it again, but every once in a while, he would reminisce and ask me about it like my answer would change. Of course, when he was older, he would know that the baby powder was in fact coke. Yolani didn’t know me like that to pull some shit like that. Then when I yelled at her, she chuckled like the shit was funny, and she did this shit for fun. I didn’t want to see or speak to her ass because if I did, I might punch her in the face. The shit she pulled was something I couldn’t forget nor forgive. My son was my entire world and the thought of me being snatched away from him scared the shit out of me. With the amount of coke she had on her, I could have easily been booked for trying to distribute it. While she thought this was funny, this was my life.
“We’re back!” I sang as we walked through the double doors of our suite. It was quiet and I didn’t hear anything.
“I knew I heard some yelling.” Pit Pat came from her room. Her eyes were red as if she had been crying.
“You alright?” I mouthed, and she nodded her head with a weak smile forced upon her lips. She reached down and ruffled Gyan’s hair.
“How was the amusement park, boy?”
“It was fun. I wished you could have been there.” He hugged her around her waist. Gyan wasn’t that much shorter than Pit Pat.
I loved their bond. Gyan had one grandmother that was alive, and she didn’t reach out too much. He had never got to experience how it was having a grandmother. I had been blessed to be raised by my grandmother, and I took that for advantage. Pit Pat wasn’t his grandmother, yet she acted like she was, and Gyan respected her as if she was his grandmother.
“I’m too old to be out there running like a ‘youngin. Long as you had fun, that’s all that matters.”
“I did.”
“Okay. Go ahead and get a bath ran and come eat when you’re done.” She kissed the top of his head and he ran off to their room.
Pit Pat’s slippers shuffled to the kitchen and she went to warm up the food room service must have brought while we were gone. “Are you alright? You’re always there for me, and I just want to be there for you.”
“My granddaughter is addicted to drugs and her brother hates her. I didn’t raise these two like this.” She heated up the chicken with the rice.
“Yoshon could never hate his sister, no matter how hard he tried. He’s upset with her and just wants her to do right. Pit, you did good with the both of them. I don’t know Lani too much, but she just needs to find he—”
“Keep it like what you said. You don’t fucking know me,” Yolani’s raspy voice sounded from behind me. “You fucking my brother, so you think you can speak on me? Nah.” She walked into the kitchen.
“Lani, watch your mouth,” Pit Pat sternly warned her.
“You sitting here and letting her run her mouth about me. She don’t know shit about me and never will. I’m just meeting you and you trying to form your opinions about me.”
“You’re right. I don’t know you, and with the route, you’re going I don’t want to know you.”
“Bitch, if I allowed you, you would be trying to get with me.”
“I like ribeye, not fish,” I replied and stepped back. She was getting to close for comfort and I eyed the knife. If I had to, I would stick this shit right into her damn eye.
“Yeah, you fronting. The fuck you using my brother for? Do you even love the nigga? Yoshon always had a thing for women in need. Ashleigh was in need, and now your homeless ass,” Her words cut me like a damn knife, still, I didn’t drop one tear.
“Alright now. Get the hell out of this suite!” Pit Pat hollered. “After all we spoke about today, and you’re sitting up in my damn face, high as ever. Get the hell on!” she hollered even louder than the first.
“Don’t worry about it. I’ll leave.” I touched Pit Pat’s arm and left the suite. I wanted to; no, I needed to leave. If I didn’t, I was going to hurt Yolani’s feelings horribly. She was upset with the way her life was going so she wanted to hurt someone. It wasn’t that I was with her brother, she wanted what her brother had. Yoshon had been blessed to find two women who cared for him immensely.
He didn’t have to act like something he wasn’t. Yoshon was rough and would fuck a nigga up in a heartbeat, still, he was soft and had a sensitive side to him. He moved his way and to the beat of his own drum. I loved that he didn’t give a fuck how he looked to people. He showed he had feelings and emotions and didn’t try to hide them. In fact, he made me upset because he always wanted to talk about them. With all his feelings and emotions, it didn’t take away that he was a thug. Yolani was trying to be this heartless thug and it wasn’t working out for her. Hazel wasn’t with her when she arrived, and she spent the entire night at the club talking about how many bitches she fucked. Yolani was so focused on quantity and not quality. She would rather have seven bad bitches, instead of one real woman that could probably change her entire life.
“Where you heading?” I heard Yoshon’s voice behind me. He had to be in the room sleep because his voice was always the deepest when he woke up.
“To go clear my mind. Your sister is tripping for real.”
“I’ll come with you,” he told me and walked beside me. I didn’t want him to feel like he had to choose between me or his sister. In the end, we were both grown, and he didn’t need to choose anyone of us. Yoshon could have relationships with the both of us.
“You were sleep?”
“Yeah. Pit talked about some shit today and I needed a minute to collect my thoughts without actually thinking about them.”
“Want to talk about it?”
“Nah. Not yet. Wanna talk about something?”
“Your sister is a piece of work.” I shook my head. “What is wrong with her?”
“She’s so busy trying to be a Brown
sville Bully, that she’s not realizing that she’s pushing her family away. I told her if she wanted to keep fucking with that shit, she could stay the fuck away from me. Pit Pat is always going to check up on her, but I’m not doing that shit with her. As far as she’s concerned, she can go start her own shit.”
“How do you sleep at night, babe?”
“What you mean?”
“You supply drugs and guns into the community. You’re a good man, love God, and you take care of your family. Why do you do this?”
“This is the family’s business,” he sighed. “You think I feel good about the shit I do? The shit fucks with me every day. Each time I open a newspaper or look at the news, I hear about a gun I know I supplied that took the life of another person.”
“Paying for funerals and helping families isn’t going to clear your guilty conscious,” I reminded him. “Do you want your daughter to know that her father is the man behind all the killings in the hood?”
“Goldie, if they don’t get it from me, they gonna get it from someone else.”
“So? That’s that man’s karma, not yours. You own so many businesses, Yoshon. You don’t need to be doing this anymore, so why are you?”
“Because it’s the family’s business. I was born into this shit, and even if I wanted to leave it all at the table, I can’t,” he revealed.
“You can. You have a choice.”
“Nah. You have a choice. Some people don’t have choices and have to do what their family wants. I have the choice to help out the communities that I destroy, or help out the families with financial shit. Stepping away? I don’t have that choice.”
I wasn’t understanding what he meant by he didn’t have the option of stepping away. Last I checked, this was a free country, and everyone had the right to say no to something. From his body language, I could tell he didn’t want to speak any further on this subject. Long as he knew how I felt about it, that’s all that mattered. I wasn’t telling him what he should do, but I was reminding him that he could pay for a million funerals and help the whole community out. Still, he was the same man that was destroying the community. It didn’t matter that he tried to help his mental by appointing his heartless sister to handle operations. At the end of the day, he was the puppet master pulling the strings. He could cut the strings and go on to live a good life if he wanted.
“You know I’m here for you if you need anything. Even though I’m homeless,” I giggled to lighten the mood.
What Yolani said to me hurt my feelings and made me feel a way, but I wasn’t going to allow her to hurt me. I was a good person, and I was down on my luck now, but that wouldn’t be forever. She was someone that was hurt and taking it out on everybody. What she needed was to go to church and seek the Lord to get her through whatever demons she was currently battling. Pit Pat was beating herself up and thinking this was somehow her fault and it wasn’t. She did all she could as a grandmother and this was something that Yolani was battling. She was the only person that could help herself in the end. If she needed someone to talk to, despite all the foul shit she said to me; I would be there without a doubt. Everyone deserved the option to change, and if she wanted to change, then I would be open to having a relationship with her. If she didn’t, then she could stay as far away from me, because I would beat her ass.
“I know and I appreciate you for that.” He swooped me in a hug and kissed me on top of my head. This just felt right. Any time he touched, kissed or hugged me, everything felt like this was what was supposed to happen. For once, I had gotten it right with a man, and I didn’t want anything to go wrong. I glanced down at my phone and sighed when I saw Grand’s number. Ignoring the call, I slipped my phone back into my pocket and continued to walk alongside Yoshon.
11
Hazel
Las Vegas, Nevada
Shaking, I stared at the six-carat ring that was on my finger along with the wedding band. It was a little loose, but it was the best he could do on such last-minute terms. We stood in front of his two brothers and said, ‘I do.’ I cried a few times because my parents or Mo weren’t there, but I was married. Denim had his lawyer fly out to get the papers, so he could file them for real. I was so nervous about being someone’s wife. We didn’t talk about finances, all we did was jump right into it. When you know, you know, and I knew I wanted to be with Denim. I was just too scared to take a leap so far. What if it didn’t work out? What if he did me the same way that Yolani did? It was things like that, that constantly consumed my thoughts. Then, I thought about his child I was carrying and how loving he was toward me, and it all went away.
“How you feeling, Mrs. Debix?” He smirked and squeezed my hand as walked into a restaurant. We were meeting his lawyer and his wife for dinner.
“I feel like someone isn’t going to pinch me from this dream any minute.” I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face even if I tried to.
Denim snatched me to the side and hemmed me up against the glass of the restaurant and kissed me on the lips. “Then you better get used to this every damn day.” He kissed me on the lips and I accepted it.
“Do you think we did the right thing by not including our parents? I’m worried about what my parents will think, and your mother too.”
“Babe, stop worrying about all of the stuff that don’t matter. We did it the way we wanted to, and they’ll have to get out of their feelings. We don’t need to be worried about that; we’re on a honeymoon.”
“Eventually, we’ll have to worry about that, Dem. What about where we’ll live?” All this stuff that didn’t bother me the entire flight here was all coming up at once, and I was panicking.
“You’ll move into my apartment. It’s two bedrooms and enough for all three of us. When Tailor comes to visit, she can share a room with her brother.”
“Brother, huh? You just know you’re getting your boy this time.”
“God wouldn’t surround me with so many women,” he chuckled and kissed me on the nose. “Boy or girl, I’m satisfied.”
“Look at you two lovebirds. Can’t even make it into the restaurant. I just overnighted your papers to my assistant and look at ‘yous.” His Italian lawyer walked up with his wife on his arm. She was a beautiful, mocha colored woman. I didn’t take his lawyer for being married to a black woman.
“Congratulations, you two. I love, love,” she smiled and hugged both me and Denim. “And thank you for the free trip. Dinner is on us, and I refuse for you to state otherwise.” She pecked him on the cheek and giggled.
We all walked into the restaurant and was seated immediately. Denim held my chair out and pushed me in, just like Lucci did for his wife. I stared down at my ring again and couldn’t believe I had married Denim. When I said it in his apartment, it felt so right. I couldn’t lose him. Denim meant a lot to me, and by me playing games, I almost lost him for good.
“How are you loving the Venetian?” she asked me about the hotel.
“I’ve never stayed here. It’s so beautiful.”
“We live in California so it isn’t a long flight. Me and Lucci get away from the kids twice a week and lay low here,” she smiled.
“Kids? How old and how many?”
“We have two sets of twins. Our boys are six, and our daughter and son are four.”
“House full, huh? I see why you’re getting away.”
“Yes, it’s important to have time for mommy and daddy.” She accepted the flute of champagne from her husband. “Do you have any kids?”
“I’m carrying one now,” I smiled. For the first time, I felt so proud and excited to announce that I was pregnant. Then, to be pregnant by the man I married today was everything and more.
“Well, you’re going to have to head to California when it’s time to do the nursery. I have a beautiful boutique that has the best upscale baby furniture, and you need to let us furnish your nursery,” she boasted about her company. With the way she bragged about getting away with her husband, I didn’t think she had a business
.
“I’ll be sure to give you a call when it’s time for that.” I smiled.
When she said the word upscale, I knew it wasn’t a store I was going to be shopping in. This child was going to know a budget. Just because my shop made good money didn’t mean that I was going to be buying expensive things. His parents owned businesses, so that meant one month we could be up and the next, we could be down. I refused to raise my child thinking that the luxurious life was a life he was going to live. Now, he would get things and nine times out of ten, I would spoil him, but paying over five thousand dollars for a baby crib and some chester was outrageous.
“How’s business been in New York?” Lucci questioned Denim.
“Man, it’s been booming. I don’t want to count my eggs yet, but in a year, I’ll probably be opening another store. This store gets crazy traffic and I had to hire three security guards.”
“Amazing. When you pitched this idea years ago, I knew it would be brilliant. The store on the west coast has been doing amazing too. I drive past there on my way to the office and it’s busy as usual. What’s next? A baby, a wife… man, you are blessed.”
“I am. I’m just gonna get used to being someone’s husband and get ready for this baby. Tailor is going to be here soon to visit. Her mother is going out of town with her boyfriend.”
“Oh, you allow her to have a boyfriend?” he laughed, and I didn’t know what he meant by that. What did he mean that Denim allowed her to have a boyfriend? Last I checked, she was grown and they had a co-parenting relationship.
“Man, it wasn’t something I wanted. She claims she in love and she’s tired of being lonely,” he downplayed it.
“How do you think she’s going to take it that you told her she couldn’t have a boyfriend and you have a whole life?” he laughed.
