The Adventures of Splot, the Floating Pink Blob

by David Cathrine

  ****

  After several hours of floating over the same rough terrain as he floated over on his journey to the forest, which (again) had absolutely no effect on our current hero, Splot, he eventually arrived at what seemed like a herb garden, with a wise sage waving at him.

  ‘Sow,’ Sage-ittarius said while waving at Splot, ‘I gather that it all went well, then?’

  ‘Yes, indeed it, um, did!’ Splot said while floating over to the wise sage with his treasure.

  ‘Would you like to celebrate with tea and biscuits?’ the wise sage asked Splot.

  ‘Sure!’ Splot replied with a smile. ‘And then I can go, um, shopping!’

  ‘That sounds like a most splendid idea!’ Sage-ittarius agreed. ‘But for now, lettuce celebrate!’

  ‘Yippee!’ Splot said with joy as he began to munch on a biscuit.

  With that, Sage-ittarius and Splot celebrated the rest of the day away.

  ****

  Splot, the Floating Pink Birthday Lover

  ‘When am I going to have my cake, Clint?’ a blue-shelled clam with pink ribbons on the top of her shell and who was wearing a white sailor’s hat with a decorative yellow star on it impatiently asked a grey-shelled clam with blue glasses and a beard, and who was also wearing a white sailor’s hat with a decorative yellow star on it.

  ‘Now, now, there is no need to get all clammy, young Claire,’ Clint responded in a serious tone of voice. ‘You will be getting it soon enough.’

  ‘But I could be an extra year older by the time I get it!’ Claire proclaimed, getting even more impatient. ‘In fact, I predict that I will be an extra year older!’

  It was a few hours before Claire the Clamvoyant Clam’s big birthday party. She gets it at the time of the day that she was born every year. This year, the party was to be held in the nice restaurant with the typical blue roof and yellow shell patterns that most of the restaurants had on them in Claire’s hometown, Clamville.

  ****

  Meanwhile, in a herb garden somewhere that was filled with lush greenery and other things one would expect to find in a herb garden, a certain wise sage with a grey moustache and a brown walking stick, and who certainly looked like he was showing his age, was reading a letter from one of the clams from Clamville. However, this was not fan mail or a “thank you” letter, or anything like that. This was more like a “Help! We’re in danger!” kind of letter.

  ‘I seed, I seed,’ the sage mused in his usual odd dialect as he read the letter for possibly the third time. ‘This is rather seedious. Young Splot, come hither! There seems to be a dilemma in Clamville!’

  ‘Dilemma?’ Splot, the Floating Pink Blob asked in a curious tone of voice as he floated towards the wise sage. ‘What’s up, um, Sage-ttarius?’

  ‘One of the clams from Clamville has just sent word about a possible thievery in one of their posh restaurants. The thief is rumoured to be quite the pincher! Please could you go and check it out, young Splot?’

  ‘Um, okay!’ Splot acknowledged as he began to leave for Clamville.

  ****

  After several hours of floating over some pretty rough terrain, which had absolutely no effect on our current hero, Splot, he eventually arrived at what seemed like a town, which was filled with clams, buildings which all had blue roofs with decorative yellow shells on them, flashy signs and other things.

  ‘Um,’ Splot mused as he gazed around the town, ‘I wonder where that restaurant is...’

  All of a sudden, Splot noticed a clam with a blue shell wearing a red tie with decorative shells on it and who had a white sailor’s hat with a decorative yellow star on it coming over to him.

  ‘Got any banknotes, young pink blobby thing?’ the clam queried Splot. ‘Clamville costs money to get in, you see?’

  ‘I was, um, beckoned here by a certain clam,’ Splot responded in a slightly nervous tone of voice.

  ‘…’ the clam clammed up.

  ‘What’s wrong?’ Splot asked the clam in a worried tone of voice.

  ‘You must be the hero Sage-ittarius sent to help us out,’ the clam finally proclaimed. ‘I am Clive, the Tour Guide Clam! Pleased to meet you, um…?’

  ‘Yay, you said my, um, phrase!’ Splot suddenly shouted out with glee. ‘I say “um” all the time, too! We should be friends!’

  ‘That was a one off,’ Clive replied with a sigh. ‘So, do you have a name?’

  ‘I sure do! I’m Splot, the Floating Pink Blob!’

  ‘Now that that’s over with, it’s time to explain to you the situation in more detail. You see, a weird red crab with a yellow shell with blue circular patterns on it came rushing in, very shellfishly if I do say so myself and just ran into the restaurant where we were meant to be holding a party for Claire the Clamvoyant Clam. Though, if you ask me, if she was so “clamvoyant”, then how did she not predict this?’

  ‘What’s, um, clamvoyant?’ Splot asked Clive in a curious tone of voice.

  ‘Clamvoyant is like clairvoyant, which means that one can predict the future.’

  ‘Yay!’ Splot yelled with joy. ‘I want to be clamvoyant, too!’

  ‘I’m sorry, but you would have to be born that way. Although you might be able to get taught how to be clamvoyant. You see, I’m not clamvoyant either. Oh, and you’d just be clairvoyant, because you’re not a clam. It’s the same thing, basically. Anyway, allow me to show you to the restaurant!’

  ‘Oh yeah, the dilemma!’ Splot suddenly uttered in an anxious tone of voice. ‘I hope we’re not too late!’

  ****

  Meanwhile, back in Claire’s clamvoyant tent…

  ‘Hey, sis!’ a clam with a blue shell and who was wearing a white sailor’s hat with a decorative yellow star on it suddenly yelled in a panic as he drifted into Claire’s tent. ‘I predict that your birthday cake will be stolen a few minutes ago!’

  ‘Nooooooooooooooooooooooooo!!!’ Claire screamed in a sorrowful tone of voice as she heard the news. ‘My birthday’s ruined! I predict that my life is over!’

  ‘Aww, sis! It’s not all that bad! We can make you a new cake!’

  ‘But that will take longer! I want my cake now! In fact, I’m going to go straight to that restaurant to see who stole my cake! Come on, Clarence!’

  ‘But I just drifted here,’ Claire’s bro. responded as he began to follow her to the restaurant.

  ****

  Later, after Clive had successfully guided Splot to the restaurant…

  ‘Is he the wise sage you requested?’ a waiter questioned Clive as he and Splot arrived at the door of the restaurant. ‘Sure doesn’t look like a sage to me…’

  ‘He’s his apprentice, and his name is Splot,’ Clive responded in a serious tone of voice.

  ‘Ah, I guess the wise sage is quite restricted in his movements at his old age,’ the waiter responded. ‘Well, guess I should give both of you your blue birthday hats, then. This is so that the other clams won’t think that you are crashing the party. Speaking of which, the pincher is here, and we’re all pretty helpless against him. Splot, we’re sorry to ask this favour of you, but can you stop this thief for us, please? If you succeed, then you will most definitely be given a free meal. Come, I shall escort you to the crab.’

  ****

  Once the waiter had successfully escorted Splot to the crab…

  ‘This cake…’ the crab mused while gazing at the huge red and white cake with cherries on top in front of him, ‘is most pleasing to the eye! I must pinch it!’

  ‘Stop, um, pincher!’ Splot ordered as he, Clive and the waiter went rushing towards the crab. ‘We will not allow you to, um, continue with your shellfish acts anymore!’

  ‘Please, at least have the dignity to call me by my actual name!’ the crab proclaimed in a serious tone of voice. ‘I am Herman the Hooligan Hermit Crab from the Crab Nebula! Ashley N. Darkness has instructed me to…No, wait…Why would he want me to eat a cake…? Well, maybe I am shellfish, but are you
clams honestly willing to tell me that you are not?’

  ‘He got us there,’ the waiter stated as he looked at Clive. ‘But still, a little female clam wants to eat her cake! Her birthday only comes once a year, I think, and she needs to be happy. Trust me, if you knew her, you’d see why.’

  Immediately after the waiter had finished his sentence, a pink clam drifted into the restaurant with her pink party hat on, again, just to prove she wasn’t crashing her own party.

  ‘I hate you!’ Claire yelled in a furious tone of voice as she went over to Herman. ‘Give me my cake back, you pincher!’

  ‘Hmmm…she is quite scary,’ Herman thought. ‘You want my honest answer? Heh! Of course I won’t give it back!’

  ‘I predict that you will give it back!’ Claire, uh, predicted. ‘Clarence, do something about this crab, right now!’

  ‘Um,’ Clarence hesitated as he stared at Herman with an expression of sheer terror on his face. ‘You’d better give it back, or else!’

  ‘Or else what?’ Herman asked in a curious tone of voice while smiling. ‘You’ll use all your strength to ram into me?’

  ‘Hmmm…’ Clarence pondered, ‘that could work, actually. Everybody…Charge!’

  ‘Now you’re talking!’ Clive shouted with joy as he turned to face the other clams. ‘The guided tour will cost…’

  ‘I meant ram the foe,’ Clarence sighed as he stared at Clive.

  ‘Oh, right, yeah,’ Clive responded with a slight look of sorrow in his eyes. ‘I guess I can do that, too.’

  ‘I shall stay standing!’ Herman yelled in a proud tone of voice as he anchored himself.

  ****

  A few hits later…

  ‘Oooofff!!!’ Herman yelled in pain as he toppled over.

  ‘Now’s your chance, Splot!’ Clive advised as he and the other clams tried to keep Herman down while making sure that the cake was safe.

  ‘The cake must be protected at all costs!’ Claire ordered as she helped to keep Herman from getting up.

  ‘This chair ought to do the trick!’ Splot mused as he floated across to Herman while holding a chair that he had taken from nearby.

  ‘Noooooo!!!’ Herman yelled in terror as he witnessed Splot throwing the chair. ‘Not the chair!’

  ‘Yes!’ Clive shouted with happiness as the chair hit Herman hard. ‘You sure decked him good, Splot!’

  ‘Fine, keep your stupid cake!’ Herman shouted in an enraged tone of voice as he began to leave the restaurant. ‘I have more important things to do, anyway.’

  ‘Thank you for helping us to protect my cake,’ Claire thanked Splot as she drifted over to him. ‘I guess that I’ll let you have some of my cake. Although I’m known to be shellfish, I can be nice sometimes.’

  ‘Yay!’ Splot screamed with delight. ‘I love cake!’

  ‘And we mustn’t forget that a free meal is also in order!’ the waiter stated as he went rushing to the chef’s kitchen.

  ****

  After Splot and company had finished eating their meals…

  ‘Well, I guess I have to get back to, um, Sage-ittarius now,’ Splot uttered in a disappointed tone of voice. ‘It’s been nice, um, meeting you all.’

  ‘I predict that you will have a very safe journey home!’ Claire stated as they waved to Splot (clam style) as he began to float away.

  ****

  After several hours of floating over the same rough terrain as he floated over on his journey to Clamville, which (again) had absolutely no effect on our current hero, Splot, he eventually arrived at what seemed like a herb garden, with a wise sage waving at him.

  ‘Sow, how did it go?’ Sage-ittarius questioned Splot as he floated over to him.

  ‘We managed to stop the crab from completely ruining Claire’s birthday!’ Splot answered with glee.

  ‘I seed, I seed,’ Sage-ittarius uttered as he tried to figure out who Claire was. ‘I guess she was the birthday girl? It would have been very herbful if the clam had mentioned that in the letter, but anyway, lettuce celebrate your success with tea and biscuits!’

  ‘Yay!’ Splot screamed with delight as he and Sage-ittarius began to celebrate the rest of the day away.

  ****

  Splot, the Floating Pink Captain

  A certain wise sage with a grey moustache and a brown walking stick, and who certainly looked like he was showing his age was busy reading a letter he had received from an unknown source while drinking his herbal tea.

  ‘Young Splot, there appears to be a treasure hunt taking place in a pond near the town of Felinburg,’ the sage reported to a floating pink blob who was sitting nearby munching on a biscuit.

  ‘Yay, more, um, treasure!’ Splot responded as he continued to munch on his biscuit. ‘Should I start to, um, go now, Sage-ittarius?’

  ‘Yes, indeed you should,’ the wise sage replied. ‘Although, according to this letter, there are other participants who are also keen on the hunt.’

  ‘I’ll do my best, oh wise one!’ Splot responded as he began to float off.

  ‘Trees, be careful,’ Sage-ittarius warned Splot in his usual dialect.

  With that, the young Splot began his journey to the pond…

  ****

  After several hours of floating over some pretty rough terrain, which had absolutely no effect on our current hero Splot, he eventually arrived at what looked like a pond that seemed to have a green frog holding a brown flute standing nearby.

  ‘Oh why did I agree to this challenge when I knew that I hated swimming?’ the frog moaned as he gazed at the pond. ‘It was that stupid Octoboss’ fault! If he hadn’t threatened me with that “I’ll take your pond” malarkey, then I wouldn’t be in this mess!’

  ‘What’s the matter, oh, um, froggy one?’ a familiar blob asked the frog as he floated over to him.

  ‘Not like it’s any of your concern,’ the frog started to say as he began to fold his arms and close his eyes, ‘but there just so happens to be a treasure hunt taking place in a hidden cavern down in that there pond. However, the problem is that that stupid Octoboss says if he finds it first, then he gets the pond all to himself! Wait a tick! If you were to take part in this challenge as well, then that would mean that Octoboss would have an even smaller chance of winning! You! What’s your name?’

  ‘I’m Splot, the Floating Pink, um, Blob!’ Splot responded with a smile on his face.

  ‘I see. Well, I am Florian the Flute Playing Frog. Basically, I play the flute, so that’s how I got my name. Pretty original, huh? Or not…Anyway, the thing is, I hate swimming, but I like the feeling of beating others, so I will go in the pond, I suppose. So, gonna come along?’

  ‘Sure! In I, um, plop!’ Splot answered as he began to dive into the pond.

  ‘Hold it!’ Florian commanded as he stuck out his flute to stop Splot from diving into the water. ‘You can’t just confront the Octoboss without wearing the appropriate attire.’

  ‘I, um, can’t?’ Splot asked Florian in a confused tone of voice.

  ‘You should put these on!’ Florian advised as he gave Splot a blue and black captain’s hat and a black eye patch. ‘This way, that Octoboss will treat you like a real contender!’

  ‘Yay!’ Splot said as he dived happily into the water.

  ‘I’m really starting to wonder if this “Splot” guy can really help me stop that Octoboss…’ Florian wondered as he began to jump into the water.

  ****

  After a while of swimming in the pond, the duo eventually discovered that at the other end of the hidden cavern, was none other than the Octoboss, who was green and had tentacles that were lighter green. He also wore a blue and black captain’s hat with a picture of himself on it. However, nearby stood a small island that seemed to have nothing on it but an open treasure chest and an abundance of lily pads surrounding it.

  ‘Ah, Florian, you have finally arrived!’ the Octoboss greeted as Florian and Splot emerged on the scene. ‘However, you are too l
ate, for you see I already have the treasure!’

  ‘Hey, you cheated!’ Florian yelled at the Octoboss in a furious tone of voice. ‘I demand my pond back! I will not accept this stupidity! I demand a battle!’

  ‘Uh-huh,’ the Octoboss acknowledged while staring at Florian and Splot. ‘Heh! Let me guess. Your ally in this match will be that thing?’

  ‘He’s a captain of a famous ship!’ Florian retorted as he began to look at Splot. ‘Help me out here, Splot!’

  ‘So his name is Splot?’ the Octoboss queried while trying not to snigger. ‘So, what’s the name of your “famous” ship, Splot?’

  ‘The, um, Royal Cake Splotannia?’ Splot answered.

  ‘Pictures coming to an imagination near you kids!’ Florian commented as he slapped his face with his hand.

  ‘Muwhahahaha!!!’ the Octoboss laughed so hard his eye patch nearly fell off. ‘Very well, then let us battle it out for this treasure and the pond! The rules will be…!’

  ‘I’ll make the rules for this battle!’ Florian shouted at the Octoboss in an enraged tone of voice. ‘We will conduct two one-on-one battles. The first one to hit their opponent thrice is the winner! The participants may use whatever they want for this particular battle. Wanna start with you and me, Mr. Octoboss?’

  ‘Whatever,’ the Octoboss responded. ‘I can beat you with eight tentacles tied behind my back! You’d better hop it!’

  ‘Nah,’ Florian retorted, ‘my flute will be more than enough to stop you!’

  ‘I ‘ink that you are forgetting that I am armed and dangerous!’ the Octoboss responded in a serious tone of voice. ‘Ink sac attack, commence!’

  ‘I guess that means we’ve started,’ Florian proclaimed as he began to hop away to dodge the ink that the Octoboss fired. ‘I’ve got to think of a way to get passed all that ink…Aha! I’ve got it! I will confuse him by hopping around in circles and taunting him! Hey, Mr. Octoboss, you are such a sucker!’

  ‘How dare you insult me like that!’ the Octoboss responded in a booming tone of voice as he began to fire ink more rapidly. ‘Take this!’

  ‘Darn it, I failed!’ Florian moaned as he got hit by the Octoboss’ ink. ‘Now you’ve made me hopping mad! Now it’s time for my boomerang flute attack! Take some of this!’