Chapter Seventeen
Sienna
The disgust, dread, and sheer panic I’d been shivering from amplifies before Lane stops his SUV in the garage. Each step I take to get into the house stimulates that fear I tried so hard to push away. It quickens through my veins.
Sickness claws at my skin. Mind spinning a mile a minute at how evil and vile some people in this world are.
The silence driving here didn’t come close to the maddening way my skin started to itch as soon as I found out what was going on. No, this time, I welcomed the quiet. It gave me time to think long and hard. To let my mother’s loving heart weep for my son. It will continue until I know he’s okay.
Visuals assault my brain—the downright terror of what Luca has to be experiencing churns the bile in my stomach.
Luca will never survive if he has to witness crimes so heartbreaking as to what those men do, but I’ll pour every ounce of my love for that boy into making him whole if he comes back to me confused and destroyed.
And I will sleep at night with a smile on my face when Joseph is found and killed.
Hate and horror. Belief and hope. I’ve never held onto any of them as tight as I do now, especially hope.
Filth, unlike the hundreds of times Joseph had taken me savagely edges beneath the surface of my skin. It only took a second after my father told me for my heart to feel like someone shoved a dagger through it and set it on fire.
I lived with a man I knew was deranged, but involved with those men that used to freeze my blood when I’d hear about another abduction, it fuels the bitter hatred I have for Joseph.
He has a vicious heart out to destruct, and I want it carved out of his chest.
Images of what those men do to young girls, crawl at a snail’s pace through my body. I never in a million years would have thought I’d end up married to a man that would do something beyond the realms of cruel to me, let alone rape others sadistically and with coldhearted intent.
I’ve never wished torture so severely as I do Joseph and those men. A bullet to the head would have been sufficient before. Now I want them to pay.
Scrambling through the house in the dark. I stumble into the bathroom, flip on the light, and fall to my knees in front of the toilet.
“Stay away from me,” I scream at Lane when he enters, kneels beside me and pulls my hair away from my face.
He says nothing as I vomit, expelling the contents of my stomach until there’s nothing left but an empty pit of revulsion. I dry heave until my throat burns.
Flushing, I push him away, turn on the shower, brush my teeth, and rinse the bitter taste from my mouth.
Tears spill over my cheeks as I strip out of my clothes, step into the shower, lean my head against the tiles, and I sob. I cry for my son, for those girls, their parents. For Lane, me, and every person in this world who endures this kind of excruciating pain.
My heart is broken. The pieces may never fit together the way they’re supposed to if Joseph allowed them to touch my boy. Worse, they will lay at my feet until the end of my days if he ends up being another victim never to be found.
So many emotions swirl with the steaming water as streaks of fire burn my cheeks—each one leaving a blazing trail of agony as I break out in tremors. Explosive anger blazes across my skin, and emptiness fills the void in my chest as the worst kind of thoughts pull and tug, trying to break that tightly woven thread holding me together at the seams. I can’t let fear beat me over this.
I can’t give up the belief Luca will come home.
I’ve come too far in such a short time to succumb to it.
I feel Lane behind me before the blazing heat of his hands take hold of mine and squeeze. Linking us together. Parents of a boy who is too young to understand any of this.
Worry.
“I’m sorry. I should have told someone what Joseph was doing to me.” My words choke on another sob. I won’t let it defeat me. Crying will not shove me in a corner full of pity.
“It’s not your fault. I’m not leaving you alone, Sienna. Talk to me. You and me together, remember? I got you, La Mia Vita. You, Lexi and Luca, are my life. Don’t lose sight of how far you’ve come, of how strong you are, how strong our son is. Let out those emotions. Cry until you can’t anymore, then tell me what you need, but blaming yourself will eat you alive if you let it. Trust me on that.” Lane’s warm breath hits my ear. His voice softer than usual, yet holding a sharp command.
“I don’t blame myself. I feel guilty. We agreed I have rights. There’s no erasing this horrific one, Lane. I feel like Joseph has left a disease across my flesh that no amount of soap and water will take away. I can’t begin to understand how people can do things like that to another.” My throat clogs with sorrow.
I don’t even care about my house or losing the things that can never be replaced. Not after hearing the double life Joseph led. There is nothing more valuable than those innocent victims’ lives. Everything else is worthless.
Innocence stolen when it’s a person’s choice to give it away.
“Those girls will never be the same. They will never be free. If they’re even alive.” My father told me Aidan thinks the last victims they kidnapped are with Joseph somewhere. The thought of him keeping them captive, continuing the sick and twisted things those men do while having my son makes me want to die.
Despite the hot water, a cold shiver runs through my body, wondering what tumbles through those girls’ heads. Is it wrong for me to wish them dead so they can breathe again?
Lane releases my hands, his comforting arms circling my waist, pulling me into a tight embrace. I turn into Lane, resting my head on his chest, letting the grief in my heart spill from my eyes.
More tears that I’d held back broke free. They streak down my cheeks in a rush.
Draining me dry.
If I’m going to make it through the seconds, minutes, hours, and days, I have to numb my brain. I’ll die a slow death if I don’t.
“We aren’t wired the way psychopaths are. You could beat yourself to death, trying to figure them out. Those men and Joseph aren’t worth it. Luca is. Getting him home safe is. Healing him with your loving touch is. You have one, you know. I’ve seen it many times with Lexi.”
Well, it doesn’t seem loving right now. It wants to hit something. To take out the charring adrenaline that has seeped into my veins like hot lava.
“I need to become fearless because nothing can be worse than this feeling of hopelessness. I’m going with you to see those men. I want them to look me in the eye when I ask where my son is. I won’t take no for an answer.” My father told me about Lane killing one of those men. I know they have the other two held hostage somewhere. Maybe if they see me, they’ll tell us where Joseph is.
Leaning his head back in the water, Lane releases a groan as rivulets cascade down his face and onto the corded veins in his neck, the ridged, bunched muscles at his neck and shoulders.
“I can’t let you do that, Sienna. We’ve pushed your father far enough. He allowed us to talk to him the way we did because of what we are going through. He’ll have someone drag you away, kicking and screaming before you take two steps through the door. Then I’d have to kill whoever touched you. Don’t put that burden on him. He’s hurting as much as you are, even if he did you wrong. If they know something, they will tell us before they die. You have to trust me on that.”
Trusting him is about the only thing I’m sure of these days.
I won’t ask Lane to help me reason with my father. I’ll do it myself. I’ll go behind his back. I’ll sneak, I’ll do whatever it takes to look those men in the eye.
“God help us all if we go against the wishes of Lorenzo Ricci.” My voice resonates with anger as the irritation toward my father owns every part of me.
My hands fist with the amount of fury coursing through me. I’m slowly dying thinking that those girls have endured physical pain, the profound agony that all you pray for is a miracle to drop out of the s
ky. To wish to die if no one will save you.
In an instant, my balled hands pound against Lane’s chest. The chaos inside my body spins. A tornado is wrapping me into its destructive frenzy.
To take my frustration out on the man I’m falling further in love with than before isn’t right, but it’s liberating at the same time. He stands there and takes it. Takes my brutal beating over that damn tattoo that shouldn’t be there. I slam my fists into him over and over, releasing those emotions that have dragged me down for years.
“I won’t let my father, or you make my choices for me. No one gets to do that for me anymore. I want them to die! I want to look them in the eye and tell them they will never hurt another again. I know what it feels like to live in hell, and it is worse than anyone can imagine. They stole those girls’ lives, raped them over and over. Joseph might have killed them, and their parents will never have closure. They didn’t get a choice. I don’t even know what to think when it comes to Luca. If I allow my thoughts to go to a dark place, I won’t have the strength to get out of bed. I have to win this battle inside of me. God, help us all! Please don’t let them have touched him. Please!” I’m rambling, and I don’t even care.
The next thing I know, Lane’s mouth is on mine, and he swallows my sobs. Our tongues tangle, our breaths mingle, his palms hold my face as if he wants to get closer, to inhale me. His cock hardens and presses against my stomach.
My body ignites like a match against the first strike.
“Sienna.” He grabs both my hands, brings them to his mouth and kisses across every knuckle. It calms me when he does that.
“We should talk about what your father said, the things he wants.”
“No. Talking isn’t going to bring Luca home. I need you. Right or wrong, I do.” I don’t care if it’s wrong to want Lane inside of me right now. I need to feel him.
He glances down at me, the unshed tears in his eyes, the desperation showing me he needs me as much as I do him.
“I don’t want you to regret me if I take you right now. I won’t be gentle. I don’t have it in me tonight.”
Both his hands smooth up my arms and wind gently around my neck. The man is trying so hard to maintain control. I want him to lose it. To get lost in me and me in him. There’s no shame in what my eyes plead for him to do.
“How can I ever regret anything when it comes to you?”
He opens his mouth to speak, but I grip his cheeks, push up on my toes, and kiss him with everything I have. He yanks me against his body, hooks one arm around my waist as he takes a handful of my hair with the other.
Tonight I don’t want his soft. I need his hard and demanding to make me feel alive.
“You wanted my voice, well, here’s the one thing I’ve waited a decade to say. I’m falling in love with you. There hasn’t been a day gone by where I haven’t loved you. We’re building. We’re grieving, hurting, we are a mess, but we’re those together.”
He groans, and the heat of his stare has me going to my knees. I don’t want him to say it back, not tonight. I said it because I mean it. I said it because I want him to know I’m not lost. I said it because our hearts have been linked since the day we met, our souls are now splayed wide open, and I will not let go of what we have.
I wrap my hand around his length and stroke. I lick across his head, both his hands palming the sides of my face.
“Jesus Christ, you don’t get to say that and not expect me… fuck.” He groans when I place my tongue on the underside of his cock and lick. “Fine, if this is what you want, then open that beautiful mouth and take all of it.” His gruff voice stokes the fire he’d already set to my body.
I submit and open as told, gagging as he hits the back of my throat. Reaching up, I grab hold of his balls and give them a gentle tug.
“Shit, Sienna.” He bucks his hips, losing control, gripping my hair tighter, and without pause, he fucks my mouth.
Possessively and relentless.
“Damn, that mouth feels good wrapped around my cock. Look at you on your knees, water spraying in your gorgeous face when it should be me on mine worshipping you. Touch yourself, make that pretty little cunt nice and wet for me.”
I’m not a fan of that word. Coming out of him, it doesn’t bother me at all. It’s the way he is. A dirty talker underneath the kindest man I’ve ever met.
I’m already wet, and it’s not from the water.
Reaching between my thighs, I slide my fingers through my folds and swirl my thumb across my clit as he continues to slam into my throat.
His mouth parts, those eyes staring down at me with so much love and adoration that I moan around him.
In a flash, he slides out of my mouth, lifts me to my feet, spins me around, places my hands on the slippery tiled wall, and bends me at the waist.
“You are so beautiful, so strong, so unforgettable. We are going to get through this. Don’t doubt it. I got you, Sienna. Do you hear me?”
“Yes,” I say around a gasp of pure pleasure when he slides the tip of a finger down my spine. Even though my heart feels empty except for him, I believe with everything in me that Lane Mitchell has me.
We will power this living, breathing nightmare together. When Luca does come home, we will be stronger than ever.
“We belong together, Sienna. I’m a goddamn weak man without you.”
Tears sting the back of my eyes. Not many men will admit something like that. It only makes me care more. He skims his hands down my spine, grips a hip with one, drags the other to squeeze a handful of my ass before dragging a finger down my crack, circling the puckered hole.
Mouth drawing apart, I let out a breath when a long finger sweeps through my wetness, curving up into me as his thumb rests against my asshole.
I thrash as his finger pumps inside of me, and his thumb pushes inside. “I won’t ever stop making you feel good. You want my cock, Sienna?” The rough grain of his voice skims along my spine, enhancing the need for him to fuck me. All I can feel is the tingle coursing through me; all I see are the sparks mixing with the water as he fingers me until I’m crying out his name.
“Fuck me, Lane, please.”
He hooks a finger beneath my chin, tipping my head back, eyes hooded and challenging.
“It’s going to be hard and rough. When we’re done, I’m washing this sweet skin, taking my time, marking every inch of it with my tongue. There won’t be a spot on you that I won’t brand as mine. By the time I get to your pussy, you’ll have forgotten your name, let alone the man who tried but failed to break my brave and beautiful woman.”
“Then do it.” I don’t recognize my voice. That’s what Lane does to me. He draws the raw and sensual need right out of me. No matter what’s going on around me, no matter how worried sick I am, he’s stroked this carnal side out of me that I missed as much as I’d lost me.
“Anything you want, La Mia Vita. I’m so hard for you.” His words bring a smile to my mouth, and I bite my bottom lip in anticipation.
My back bows, a loud desirable moan rips from my throat when he suddenly slams into me, pulls, and plows back in.
Big hands clamp down greedily on my hips as he drags my body back to meet him with each hard thrust.
He pulls and slams and fucks.
I smack my hand against the tile in pleasure and scream loud enough that he clamps his hand over my mouth.
“Beautiful. Every inch. You have no idea how stunning you are.” I can’t talk; I can barely breathe knowing after tonight I was never going to be the same.
We both need this to bring us full circle to hold each other up from the ugly I know with everything inside of me is yet to come.
“Come on, baby, give me that pleasure.”
His touch eliminates the pain of my past, and as the edges fringe closer and I let go, I grip onto the fact I’m not alone anymore. I have Lane back in my life, and he has me. Together we will carry the grief on our shoulders until the last people standing are him, our family, and our child
ren.
Chapter Eighteen
Lane
There were a few things I took from my mother turning her back on my brothers and me. To take care of those you love, and unless you are incapable of choosing on your own, you always have a choice.
Years ago, I did neither of those things when it came to Sienna. I lost her because of it.
I didn’t hold on to my word as a man. I wasn’t truthful, trustworthy, or reliable.
I was a coward, just like my mother.
My mother didn’t try to fight for the people she once loved. She chose to fall in love with drugs, random men, anything that would stop her from facing the greatest fear of her life—the choice to be a loving single parent on her own.
Being a parent is hard enough; doing it on your own is tougher. Plain and simple, there’s no tapping out. That’s one of the few things I have in common with Lorenzo and no matter Sienna’s age. He will always be a single parent to her. He’s the first man she loved, but if he doesn’t pull his head out of the well of regret he’s drowning in, he’s going to lose her. And no one recognizes that emotion better than me. It’s an unpredictable motherfucker. An unforgiving shadow that’ll sneak up any damn time it pleases. It’s every drag down feeling rolled into one.
A tight-fisted little bitch that you can choose to kick the fuck down. I never did. I’m not about to add to the vise grip it has on me when it comes to Sienna.
I want it flushed out of me, and it won’t be if I don’t stand up for what my woman wants along with clearing the air while pushing Lorenzo in the direction he needs to go.
I’m not comfortable with locking Sienna away and making her obey like she some battered woman who doesn’t have a say. She’s been there. That was her hell.
Lorenzo needs to wake the fuck up, drop his power, and give Sienna everything she needs.
Right now, she needs his support.
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