As much as I don’t want Sienna to come face to face with those men, I won’t be able to look at myself if I don’t fight for what she wants. If I don’t convince the man I’m in hot water with as it is, that no matter what, Sienna has a choice, a voice and by God, he needs to back the fuck off and let her prove to herself that she can face her fear in the eye and stand tall while doing it.
Memories of Sienna and I flood into my mind as I glance into the rearview mirror and lose sight of my house when I turn the corner. From the first day I met her, the woman was like a torpedo aimed straight for my heart. She destroyed it for any other. I have that fiery woman back, and that’s the way it’s going to stay.
I hated leaving her curled up in a sleeping ball with those flaming locks a wild tangled mess spread around her from going to bed with it wet. What I hated most was standing over her while she held onto her phone.
She looked so small, so caged, clinging to the only lifeline she has.
For the time being, Seth is with her. His promise not to leave her side when I’m not around is as far as my conversation got with him, Rocco, and Gabe last night at Logan and Ellie’s before I couldn’t take hearing Sienna cry and scream anymore. I snatched her off the floor, with Lorenzo climbing my back for getting in his way and took her home without having words with him. Without knowing what the hell is going on with those men.
All of that plus a hell of a lot more brings me to now as I park my SUV and stare at a very pissed off Lorenzo through my windshield.
“Lane, you saved me a trip from coming to you. It’s long past time I put you in your place. Inside now.” He greets with zero impatience as I climb out with a smirk and face him.
His mouth sets into a firm line. Matteo is behind him with his arms crossed, jaw flexing tight. Eyes are likely shooting bullets into my head behind his sunglasses. I don’t have to see his for him to be aware I’ll drop him in a second flat. All he has to do is keep on looking into mine.
“For a man who continues to try and put me in my place when it comes to Sienna, I’d think the first thing out of your mouth would be asking how she is.” I follow them into the house, shutting the door behind me. I know where my place is, and it sure as hell isn’t to take orders from him or to be frightened by his bodyguard who never talks. If I’d hadn’t heard him speak before, I’d think someone cut out his tongue.
“You wouldn’t be here if she’d have lost her mind. I sure as hell wouldn’t have allowed you to take her if I thought she had.” He grunts and shakes his head.
Lorenzo turns around, narrows his eyes at me, slanting his head to the side as if he’s expecting me to apologize for my behavior. He knows me by now, that’ll never happen.
“At least we agree on something.” I chose not to argue over his last sentence. It’s a lie, he knows it. I know it. I would have plowed right through him to get her home.
Sienna is handling the news better than I thought. She’s emotionally and mentally stronger. That doesn’t mean she won’t snap at any second. I’m here to avoid that.
“I’m not all that pleased you thought you could come to my house and hand my ass to me in front of Sienna. You got a problem with me, well here I am. Let’s hash it out now.” I grit my teeth when he looks me up and down, eyes set to dismiss me at any time. “Think you’ve handed both our asses in front of others to last a lifetime.”
I’m not leaving until I’ve accomplished what I came here to do. To set him straight and for him to admit to himself, there’s not a thing wrong with letting the right people see your fear. I see his more evident in the early morning light. The man needs someone to push him the way Logan did me.
Lorenzo is holding the weight of the world on his shoulders. All the while trying to remain tough as nails when it’s okay for the roughest to crumble. That’s the direction I need to push him in.
To drive him to the edge.
“You’re playing with fire, Lane,” he states in a cold and disconnected manner, not looking me in the eye. That’s all the sign I need to prove my theory is right. Lorenzo never takes his eyes off from another when he speaks. He’s ridden with guilt, buried in shame, and it’s smothering him.
I hate that feeling. It strips you raw, dissolving your common sense, and that is what it’s done to Lorenzo. He can’t think straight.
“I’ve been walking in it since I did the love of my life wrong. I’m burning in it right along with you. Let’s cut the bullshit and get down to this talk.” A voice inside warns me to bite my tongue. Under normal circumstances, I would, the same as I would never have gone off on him the times that I have. There’s nothing ordinary about the situation we’re in at all. Everyone is stressed. But Lorenzo needs to be pushed just a little further to see he needs to step off his throne and do what’s right.
He needs to trust me when it comes to Sienna and let her stand up for herself. It’s a lesson learned the hard way, and fuck does it hurt like a punch to my gut to be the one teaching him when the man has taught me more than he realizes.
“Sienna will never be the woman she’s trying to be if you don’t let her make choices on her own. She wants to see those men. She wants to work, and by God, you’re going to let her. That woman has had enough of overpowering men to last her a lifetime.” I might be one when we’re between the sheets, but that’s entirely different than uncalled-for-intimidation.
I shake my head when he goes to speak. “You think I’m power playing you when it comes to Sienna. That is the furthest thing from the truth.”
He steps forward, shoves a finger in my chest, his eyes signaling he’s on the brink of tears, while still holding some of the blistering anger inside of him. His self-control is slipping.
One step closer to the edge.
“No, you aren’t trying to out-maneuver me. That’s not the man you are. What you’ve done is overruled my decisions toward Sienna’s mental state, you’ve derailed every one. If she’s going to work, then you better be damn sure whoever is watching out for her is willing to take a bullet. The other demand, no way in hell. I suggest you shut your goddamn mouth and take it no further.”
Her mental state? He’s not giving her a chance to prove she can think on her own, and I get it. Whether he thinks I don’t or not, I do. I would not want to fill his shoes. I hope I never have to. That isn’t a bridge I’m crossing at the moment. I’m trying to convince a man who can’t see past his grief that his daughter is fighting for her freedom to find out who she is.
“The hell if I’ll shut up. You want to hand my ass to me, then go right ahead. While I appreciate you bending a little, you need to bend a little farther. No one, and that includes you, will tell Sienna what she can and can’t do ever again. She doesn’t deserve your wrath. She deserves to be treated as an equal.” I toss her words in his face and keep right on shoving.
“Even if you were the king of the world, you will show my woman the same respect you show the men in your crime syndicate. I don’t care if you bring ten men in here to tie me down, kick me in the teeth, beat me until I can’t move, I won’t stand for it. And don’t throw; ‘she’s my daughter’ in my face, and you know what’s best for her. I know she is just as much as I know you love her. I love her too, Lorenzo. I’ve disrespected you for her. I’ve done you wrong for her.” My irritation with him rages like an inferno. He’s like a mule who doesn’t take kindly to being pushed.
Well, too bad for him, I know what buttons to slam my hand down on. I’ll hold it there until he gives in and budges.
“That attitude toward me is exactly why I was on my way to you. I don’t want to have to force you to shut your goddamn mouth,” he spits. For the briefest of seconds, I see so much bleeding emotion if we were alone, I would call him out on it.
My gaze lifts to Matteo, doing nothing to hide the stiffness threatening to crack my jaw.
“You lay one finger on me, and I’ll blow your brains out.” If Lorenzo thinks he can threaten me, then my attitude will take it out by pounding Matteo
into the carpet.
Matteo’s jaw tics, I can practically see the fury roll off his back as his chest heaves. I rough my hands through my hair, trying to compose myself.
“I’ve had enough of Sienna’s opinions not mattering, Lorenzo. If we are going to talk about this anymore, we do it alone.” Exhaling slowly, our glares spin into a tight ball. He can’t read my mind as well as I can his. He’s so close to the dam inside of him collapsing. I respect Lorenzo enough not to have him fall apart in front of anyone who will characterize it as a sign of weakness when to me, it’s a man who loves his daughter and grandson so much he’s slowly dying inside.
Lorenzo lost his wife. He’s lived for years with the guilt that she took bullets meant for him. To this day, they never found out who it was. I can’t imagine what that’s been like for him. A slow dying death I’d assume and not knowing where Luca is has put a crack in his armor.
In front of our family, he needs to take that shield of steel off.
With a shake of his head, a slight smirk on his face, Matteo walks away without waiting for the nodding command. I could give a shit if I earned his respect, but something tells me I did.
“Perhaps I should have schooled you on my rules. I have a list of them that maybe you don’t quite understand. The first being you do not disrespect me.”
“You’re right, I don’t. I don’t care about your rules. I care about you. I care about Sienna. I care about getting my son back. I’ve never disrespected you in public. I’m not about to start now.”
“You just did in front of Matteo.” Although his sharp tone rubs me wrong, he’s right. I won’t blow smoke up his ass and tell him I’m sorry. Matteo knows him better than most. I’ve no doubt he recognizes Lorenzo’s change. He might not speak unless he’s told, but the guy isn’t stupid. He would have never walked out on his own if he didn’t understand exactly what I’m trying to do.
“I warned you, Lane, and yet you keep on. I don’t owe you or anyone an explanation of why I do things the way I do. I don’t answer to anyone.”
That is where he is wrong.
“You owe it to Sienna. You owe it to yourself. You answer to her when it comes to what she wants. You let her fight back the way she chooses. The way you taught her. She wouldn’t have made it through what she has if it weren’t for the strength that you raised her to have. She stayed with a man to protect her own because you taught her it’s what she should do, not because you couldn’t uphold your duty as her father. You alone raised that woman to become who she is. A damn good one.”
His facial expression switches into unrecognizable.
Fuck.
With him and his hundreds of poker faces, it’s hard to tell if I’m doing the right thing or not.
“Those men could have come to you on their own to talk about giving Luca back. They chose to retaliate instead. Now their time has come to pay for their sins. You will let Sienna have her say before they die, or she will live in a cesspool of guilt for the rest of her life. Is that where you want her? You want her trying to stay afloat like you? Those girls are not here to stand up for themselves. Sienna is, she’s earned it. You will let her speak for herself and those girls.” If she chooses to bring up Luca, then that is on her. I’ll deal with getting her back on her feet if she falls.
“I don’t want those men getting in her head. They are lethal. They will fuck with her mind with just an uncaring glare.” His voice thunders, the vein in his neck is bulging, his jaw quivers, and when he finally meets my eyes, they are glossy with unshed tears.
Finally.
I feel like an asshole for pushing him. I promise, as a man of my word, I will hold on to his weathered hand. Him shattering, blowing that box of overloaded fuses, will never leave this room.
“I will cut out their eyes if they try.”
“Goddamn you, Lane, you don’t know what you are asking of me.” He shakes his head again, clearly trying to keep himself in check.
“She can handle it, Lorenzo. I wouldn’t bring it up if I didn’t believe it. It’s you who can’t.”
“You don’t know what I can and can’t handle. That is enough.” His voice is a low growl through the agony of his guilty conscience clogging his throat, but it’s earsplitting to me.
“You don’t get to tell me when it’s enough. Your heart is weeping, you don’t think I see it, but I do, Lorenzo. You believe yourself weak if you cry. There’s no shame in unmasking your fear when you feel like you’ve failed to protect the people you vowed to your entire life. What happened is not your fault. It’s mine.” A lump forms in my throat. It never gets easier, admitting that I did Sienna wrong.
“That’s bullshit. I’m the one who placed Sienna’s hand in Joseph’s.”
I’ve almost got him.
“I’m the one who hurt her. I’m the one who was too weak to choose her. I said I’m walking through fire with you, Lorenzo, I meant it. Neither of us will be the men she needs us to be if we don’t let go of our regret. You and me, we need to lean on each other in the roughest of times. Trust me when I tell you that once you succumb to weakness, you’ll find you’re stronger because of it. Don’t grasp for straws. Not with me.”
The pride in his eyes stills me. I hope it’s due to his faith in me and the choice I see he’s about to make.
“You are a piece of work. A good man, but I won’t lose it in front of you, Lane. That time is for me and me alone. No matter how old your child or children are, you want to shelter them from pain. That is something you can understand. You are a good father. A man I admire. A man I knew cared about Sienna the second you stood in my office and spoke for her. She can have her say because no man would stand up to me the way you have if they didn’t love with their whole heart. No man would survive the punishment I would rain down on them if I didn’t trust them the way I do you. The next time you step out of line, the consequences will cost you. Do I make myself clear?”
The disappointment I’ve had in him fades. I could stand here and argue, and it wouldn’t do me a bit of good. My job is so close to being done here. However, I won’t tuck my tail between my legs and succumb to his every command. Not without one condition.
“Yes and no. You won’t keep Sienna in the dark when it comes to our son ever again. She is the first person to know right after you. You promise me that, and you have my respect. You have my word that I’ll shut my mouth. Otherwise, Sienna is in the middle. I’d walk away from her again before I’d come between her and you.” I wouldn’t, and that’s something he knows just as well as I’ll stand by her side when she meets those sick assholes.
With a twitch to his lips, he sticks out his hand to which I take.
“And I love her enough that I’d do the same to see her with a man that loves her the way a father wants his daughter to be loved.”
Now that is something I believe he’d do.
Luckily, neither of us will have to find out.
Chapter Nineteen
Sienna
When I first walked into my house in New York after being discharged from the hospital, the unquenchable heartache surrounded me as I laid in Luca’s bed, crying on Victoria’s shoulder, and begging my father to do everything he could to find Luca.
For weeks I couldn’t get a grip on succumbing to the mercy of my emotions. They owned me. In a way, no matter if it’s years from now, when Luca returns, they always will.
I was the mom who smelled her child’s pillow, seized hold of his video game controller because I knew it was likely the last thing he held in his hand.
I felt the hurt of Luca gone in my heart until I wanted to die.
I was lifeless.
A part of me still feels empty, and every day I want to wake up and scream at God for allowing this to happen, but after two-hundred and seven days of not hearing his voice, looking into his eyes, telling him I love him and watching him learn something new every day, I don’t feel as if I’m comatose anymore.
I don’t know if it’s because I’m inf
uriated that life can be beyond cruel to a child. Or the piece of my heart belonging to Luca has strengthened. But I’ve changed for the better and worse.
The devastating blow to my heart was different then. I was grieving the loss of the only person who kept me going. I’m still mourning. Little did I know that months later, my life would be different in the ways I’d dreamed it could be.
That I wasn’t alone anymore, and the man I’ve loved most of my life was back just as abruptly as when I lost him.
Exhaling, I look up at Lane as he moves from my side to step in front of me when we enter the building blocking my view of Zackery and Yves. The remaining members of XYZ.
His hands go to my shoulders, and I tilt my head upward to meet his eyes.
“You good?” he asks, not an ounce of doubt in his tone. He’s pledging his faith in me.
“Yes.” My voice is steady, but I know once I stare into their eyes, it’ll carry every octave from low to high to in between.
“You have a handful of men at your back, you say the word, and we go home.” Lifting my hands, he kisses my knuckles. All I can do is nod because right now, all I can think about is how in less than twenty-four hours, my heart has braced itself for a brutal attack I know is coming after years of it being bruised and battered and torn and ripped and stomped on. It’s a mystery how the stubborn organ refused to stop thumping when it should have died the day I woke to find my son was taken from me.
But it hasn’t.
Maybe it’s because I’m stuck in a giant bubble my prick of a husband has placed me in, and every day I’ve fought with the love I have for Luca not to give up. Waking every morning, knowing I have a choice to let the oxygen deplete from my lungs or to continue fighting against the emotions that want me to lay down and give up.
Maybe it’s due to falling asleep cocooned in the arms of the man who restored my faith in myself only to force my lazy eyes open to another morning of no word from Joseph or Luca. The devastating weight of what I learned last night charging through my mind like a bull seeing red.
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