by Minkman, Jen
When Josh drove away, he left her in Wahweap with a myriad of unanswered questions.
10.
The trip to Rainbow Bridge and her terrifying visions had prompted Hannah to take a sleeping pill that night. Whenever she took a soporific, she never dreamed.
She never really felt good after a pill-induced sleep, either. With a foggy, still half-sedated head, she stepped into the kitchen the next morning.
“Hey,” Ben greeted her, just closing one of his textbooks. “I’m heading out to get some camping gear with Josh. Will you be all right?”
“Yeah, I’m going to grab lunch with Emily.” Hannah hesitated. “Say hello to Josh, okay?” she added.
“Will do.” Ben put his thumb up. “Have fun with Em. And drop by the police station when you have the time.”
Hannah nodded, plodding to the fridge to get some juice. Just when she’d poured herself a glass, she heard her cell phone beep in her room. Still groggy, she walked back and read the text message. ‘hi han! can u make it @ 2? nick will b there 2. xoxo em.’
She texted back, feeling a dull headache coming on. It seemed she was left with only two choices – having night terrors or feeling like a wreck all day. Maybe she should cut back on the sleeping pills next time. Half a dose would probably work as well.
Hannah sat down at the table outside, staring out over the lake. A glance at her phone told her it was already quarter to twelve. She actually still needed to drive to Page and contact the police again – after all, she’d promised Ben – but she’d changed her mind about the whole thing. Victim service was there for victims, and nothing had really happened to her. Police Officer Curry was a nice guy, but hopelessly unqualified to deal with strange visions, looming shadows, or dreams about coyotes and murderous Mexicans.
At quarter past one, Hannah packed up to go to Grassroots and meet Emily. She stepped inside and spotted her friend sitting at the same table as before.
“Hey Em! Nick’s not here yet?” Hannah pulled out a chair and sat down.
“He’s running late. He just texted me.”
“Oh, no worries. In fact, we need some private time, my girl. I officially want to blame you for holding out on me. You’re the worst BFF ever.”
“Huh? Why?” Emily raised her eyebrows.
“Like, couldn’t you have told me that Josh has been calling me ‘sunbeam’ for the past few days?!”
Emily gave her a baffled look. “Oh, I thought he’d tell you himself at some point. Or you’d ask him what it meant. Cute nickname, right?”
“Uh, no. I thought he was calling me his older sister.”
“Why the hell would he? Isn’t it glaringly obvious that he likes you?”
Hannah stopped short, her face flushing red. “You – you really think so?”
Emily sighed theatrically. “Yes. I really think so. And so do you. Come on, admit it. Even a blindfolded mole can see he’s interested in you, you nutcase. I had no idea you’d misunderstood him or I would have told you, of course.”
Hannah bit her lip. “Okay, I hope you’re right. He was suddenly being so distant yesterday. Weird things have been going down at Rainbow Bridge.”
“Oh?” Emily grabbed her hand. “Actually, I’ve been meaning to ask you. Last night Amber was grilling me about people without auras, and she went all secretive on me and told me I should ask you if I wanted to know more? So here I am, asking you, wanting to know more.”
Hannah felt a grin spread across her face. “Hold on, Em. When, exactly, did you meet Amber?”
Emily suddenly turned a bit red herself. “Just, late last night,” she mumbled evasively. “After work. I met her – we met at the beach.”
Hannah sucked in a mock scandalized breath. “You truly are the worst BFF ever! You don’t share things with me anymore, not even going on a private date with my neighbor girl.”
Emily cleared her throat and shook her head. “Let’s skip that for now, okay?” she deflected. “First, I want to know about the strange things you just mentioned.”
Talk about changing the subject. Now she had to fess up to being stark-raving mad – there was no way around it. Hannah looked around furtively, letting out a sigh when the door swung open and Nick stepped into the café. “Let’s wait till we’re all properly sitting down,” she stalled.
“My dissertation is well under way,” Nick beamed, sitting down at their table. “It should be, too. I’m off on that trek through the rez with Ben and Josh. We’ll take three days, they said. And how are you doing? Seriously, you look like a car hit you.” He shot Hannah a questioning look.
She shrugged, staring at the palms of her hands as if the answer was written there. “I’m just so tired. I didn’t sleep well. Yesterday, at Rainbow Bridge, I heard this coyote howl in the distance. Josh heard it too, and he looked at me in this – this anxious way, as if he was in a panic and wanted to protect me. But he didn’t. He stayed away from me. Yazzie thought he was acting weird, too. After that incident, Josh kept his distance all afternoon.”
“Coyotes?” Nick’s eyebrows furrowed. “Didn’t we see coyotes at your cabin too, before we went to the rodeo? Or were they just dogs?”
Hannah breathed in and out, trying to suppress her feelings of terror. In her mind, she relived the moment the shadow from her vision turned into a coyote. “I don’t know,” she blew out defeatedly. “I just don’t know. Do you guys think I’m getting some kind of supernatural warning?”
Emily arched an eyebrow. “Why supernatural?”
“Well, I sort of zoned out at Rainbow Bridge. There’s no other way to describe it. One moment I was relaxing in the sun, and the next I had a vision of a wintry landscape and three creepy, shadowy figures watching me. One of them shapeshifted. He morphed into a coyote.”
“You were in a trance?” Nick asked in surprise.
“Something like that, yeah.”
“It happens during vision quests as well,” he said, leafing through his notebook. “Images of the past are experienced as if they’re happening in the present,” he read out loud from his notes.
Hannah swallowed. Slowly, it began to dawn on her. The dreams and the terrible vision seemed to come from the same time period – from the past. Josh had looked the same, as if he was about thirty years old. Could she actually be seeing things that had happened in the past?
“But – what have I ever done to see those images? I keep dreaming about things I’ve never seen before, but they seem so real, so I don’t think my mind is fabricating them. What should I...”
Her words locked in her throat when the waitress put the quiche they’d ordered on the table. Great. She sounded like the village idiot, babbling about supernatural warnings and apparitions in the middle of a café.
Emily put a reassuring hand on Hannah’s arm. “You know what? I need to be in Naabi’aani today and tomorrow morning, but I can come straight to your place tomorrow afternoon. I’ll stay with you for a few nights when Ben is away. And we’ll figure this out. We can make a list of everything you’ve seen and experienced and try to make sense of it. Don’t think you’re losing it – spirituality is a constant in our culture, so at least you blend right in with us Native Americans.”
Nick put his arm around her shoulders. “And I’ll try to sound Josh out about what happened at Rainbow Bridge during our hiking trip. Maybe he’s overly sensitive to spiritual things, being a medicine man and all. I can tell you one thing, though – he likes you. I don’t need crystal ball-gazing or Tarot to tell you that.”
Hannah blushed. So Nick saw it, too. Was she the only one walking around with blinkers on? “Thanks, guys. You’re the best friends ever.”
In the meantime, a thunderstorm had erupted outside. After lunch, Hannah walked back in the summer rain, glad it was freshening up her foggy head. Her heart sped up as she neared the log cabin. Maybe Ben would be back, together with Josh.
Her face fell when she saw the empty driveway, but she forced herself not to feel disappointed. Wh
istling a tune, she made a shopping list and got into her Datsun to drive to the big supermarket in Page. Luckily, she found a parking spot close to the entrance.
Still humming to herself, Hannah pushed her cart through the aisles and decided to stock up on burgers from the frozen food section. Maybe Ben wanted to organize a barbecue again after getting back from their hike.
When she emerged from the store with two bulging bags in her shopping cart, the sky had cleared and it was bright and sunny. Next to her stall, another car was waiting, with the top down, its indicator lights blinking.
“You leaving?” the young guy behind the wheel asked. Next to him was another guy who looked exactly like him, and an older man who was clearly their dad was in the back seat. For some reason, they were all giving her the once-over.
Hannah nodded. “I am. I just need to put my groceries in the trunk.”
The guy smiled. His eyes bored into hers, and Hannah blinked uncomfortably. Why was he staring at her like that? In fact, why were they all staring at her?
She whipped around and opened the trunk to put away her stuff. She could feel the guy in the driver’s seat watching her. A tingling feeling between her shoulder blades told her that she was being observed. When Hannah furtively looked over her shoulder, she saw the guy’s twin brother and dad were also still staring at her with the same piercing look. Six cold eyes were trained on her.
Her heart tapped anxiously against her ribs. Quickly stuffing the last pack of frozen burgers into one of the boxes in the trunk, she mumbled: “I’ll be right back,” before pushing the cart back to the store entrance with her best attempt at a stony face.
This was nuts. Why was she being so paranoid? Those people had scared her. But why? There was nothing wrong. That family was just waiting for her to leave. They just wanted her to hurry up. Hannah wiped off her sweaty palms on her pants, cursing inwardly.
After putting the cart away, she deliberately strolled back at a leisurely pace to catch her breath. By the time she got back to the Datsun, the twins and their dad had disappeared. Probably moved on to greener pastures. She hadn’t been quick enough for them. Well, so much the better. She was glad to be rid of the trio with their creepy, staring eyes. There’d been something deeply unsettling about them.
During the drive back, it started to lightly rain again. Halfway through, she had to put the roof back up. When Hannah parked the car on the driveway, Ben still wasn’t back.
“I’ll be home after dinner,” a text message on her cell said. She’d left the thing on the kitchen table.
Determined not to feel empty and neglected, Hannah went out to get the groceries from the car and then sat down to a nice cup of tea, cupcakes and a documentary on National Geographic. It was the first time this vacation she’d turned on the TV – it was time for some mindless distraction.
Over the course of the evening, the sky cleared again. By the time it turned dark and Hannah went out to sit on the front porch with a pizza and a can of beer, some stars were already visible. In the west, she saw the planet Venus twinkling on the horizon. It brought back memories of stargazing with Josh. He’d told her about the constellations in the sky. He’d whispered to her that he had closed off from deep communication with his family. Funny how that story about the distance between him and his parents had brought her and Josh closer together in that moment.
Just after nine o’clock, Ben’s Chevy finally appeared around the corner. He honked at Hannah sitting outside, waving cheerfully.
“I see you had dinner by yourself?” he asked with a tilt of his head toward the pizza leftovers on her plate.
“You haven’t eaten yet?” Hannah said in surprise. “I thought you were still in Naabi’aani, having dinner with Josh.”
Ben shook his head. “No, Josh had to leave for Tuba City in the afternoon to get some registration forms for college, and I’d promised him to drop by Yazzie’s in Wahweap to arrange for a permit. You know, to hike on the rez. He can get us a discount. Josh wanted to have some sort of official consent from the tourist board, because he’s taking both me and Nick for three days. We don’t want to steal jobs from the official guides and not pay anyone anything.”
“Well, you want me to make you a pizza?”
“That’d be awesome. I want to do some more cramming tonight, so I could use some fuel.” He tilted his head at the pile of textbooks on the table.
“Wow. Who are you and what have you done with my brother?” Hannah chuckled.
Ben smiled sheepishly. “Yeah, Josh kind of inspired me. He is so dead serious about college, you know. We talked a lot about the education system in Navajo Nation. Josh wants to set up some sort of program to stimulate young people to get a proper education and be more prepared for the world out there. So they won’t touch drugs, join a gang, or be hit by continuous unemployment. He says the country needs more schools. His latest idea is to found a college in Kayenta with some other people when he’s older.”
“Wow. He sure is passionate about this whole thing.”
“Yeah, that seems like the right word for it.” Ben dumped his shoulder bag on the floor and rummaged through it. “Oh, before I forget – Josh gave me this. He said it’s for you.”
Hannah smiled in surprise when her brother handed her a brown paper bag. “Really? What is it?”
“He said there’s things in it to make a dreamcatcher. He’s going to help you make one after we come back from the rez.”
Hannah blushed. “Cool. Thank him for me when you see him tomorrow, okay?”
She curiously opened the bag. Inside, she found a ring of intertwined twigs, a brown leather cord, a reel of strong, thin yarn, feathers, silver thread and red beads. The whole collection already looked pretty now. Josh would undoubtedly turn this into an awesome dreamcatcher.
After changing into her pajamas and crawling into bed, Hannah indecisively eyed the strip of sleeping pills. That road would lead to another throbbing headache in the morning, for sure. Maybe she should give the night a try without medication.
After all, how bad could it possibly be?
Pretty bad, it turned out.
That morning, she woke up screaming, sitting bolt upright in bed. Bewildered, Hannah stared up into Ben’s anxious face. Her brother was sitting on the edge of the bed, his hands around her shoulders.
“What’s the matter?” Her voice cracked in her throat. Her mouth was so dry she started to cough. Ben handed her the glass of water on her bedside table – the water she hadn’t used last night to take her pill. She gulped it down eagerly.
“You were dreaming,” he replied, wiping the sweat off her brow with one hand. Only now, Hannah felt how clammy her pajamas were, sticking to her back.
“Why are you here?” she asked, confused.
“You were screaming like crazy.” Ben shook his head in disbelief. “I swear, it sounded like someone was murdering you. I half expected to find somebody in the room with you.”
“Was I screaming for help?” Hannah whispered, throwing the blankets off. She was still feeling way too hot.
“No, you kept yelling ‘Go away!’ and you were crying.” He rubbed his face and sighed, his gaze drifting to the pills on her bedside table. “Did you use those?”
“Not last evening.”
Ben fell silent. “I’m really worried about you,” he said at last, pulling Hannah into an embrace. “I heard you screaming a few nights ago, too, but it wasn’t nearly as bad as it was now. It all started after you were stranded at the lakeside.”
“I’m worried too,” she said timidly. “It’s like I’m losing my mind. I mean, really, what is the big deal? Some drunk lowlives threaten me and I chase them away with a gun that’s not even loaded. Why should I still freak out about that?”
Ben sighed. “I wish you could just wake yourself up from a nightmare. I usually do that when I have a really nasty dream.”
“Wake yourself up? How?”
He laughed. “Well, you can do it on one condition �
�� you have to be aware you might be dreaming. If you want to check if that’s the case, you just watch your own hands in the dream.”
Hannah frowned. “Why?”
“Because you can never count the fingers of your own hand in a dream. The minute you try and you fail, you wake up.”
“Wow.” She shook her head. “Interesting. Unfortunately, I’m never aware I might be dreaming. I always think it’s real.”
He stroked her head. “And you don’t remember what you dreamed about now?”
“Nope. Not a clue,” she blew out.
Ben got up. “Look, I have to go. Nick’s waiting for me. But I’ll talk to you later. We’ll be back here before going to the rez to meet up with Josh.”
“Thanks, Ben,” Hannah said quietly. “For everything.”
“Emily is coming over, right? Just talk to her about it. Take those stupid sleeping pills, even if you don’t like them. Drop by the police station – and once Josh makes you a dreamcatcher, you hang that next to your bed, okay?”
Hannah nodded, waving feebly at Ben as he walked out the door. God, her entire body was covered in sweat. She had to get out of bed and take a shower. That’d make her feel better.
When the hot jet of water hit her sticky back and she closed her eyes, Hannah suddenly remembered her nightmare.
She’d been standing on a hilltop in a storm. It had been near that familiar precipice, looking out over a canyon that looked a lot like Canyon de Chelly on the reservation. A long time ago, she’d visited the place with Ben and her mother, but she still knew what it looked like. In the dream, dark clouds had drifted across the sky, and those three sinister shadows had been right in front of her. They’d looked so terrifying that just the memory of seeing them made her gasp for breath again. Pure evil radiated from their faces.
In her nightmare, the three creatures had driven her back toward the edge of the precipice, their red eyes aglow and teeth bared. Her arms had crawled with insects, all of a sudden. She could feel them walking on her skin, under her hair, her feet.
