by Mia Miller
“Nah,” he slurred. “Why don’t you make me coffee right here?” he said just as Amaya appeared from her bedroom.
“Daniel, so help me, I will Taser your ass and call campus security if you aren’t out that door in the next five seconds. Then after they arrest you, I’ll call campus news. I’m sure they would love the story.”
Okay. I hadn’t expected all that, but I didn’t say a word.
Something about the campus news must have penetrated through Daniel’s alcohol-induced haze because he made a strange gargling noise in his throat, half-laugh, half-catching his breath. The campus news went out to all the students as well as the alumni, which meant his dad would likely get ahold of a copy. He wouldn’t dare do anything to upset his daddy. He righted himself and walked out of our apartment, leaving the door open behind him.
Amaya went and locked it and then gave me a hug.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah … I am okay, hon.”
“Any idea why he’s acting like that all of a sudden? Do you think it’s drugs?”
“No, don’t be ridiculous. Daniel wouldn’t be that stupid. I don’t know what’s going on with him, but I’ll figure it out. Don’t worry. The only time I’ve ever seen Daniel act even close to this was when I dated some guy in high school,” I started and Amaya raised a brow. I wrapped my arms around myself and went on. “I haven’t mentioned it to anyone, really, because I didn’t think about it for a long time. But his behavior tonight just triggered it.”
“Which guy, babe, what is this about?” Amaya asked, touching my leg and cuddling closer to me.
“I dated Sam, very briefly, toward the end of high school, after Daniel.”
“Yeah.”
“It was just for a few weeks, and I kind of liked him. He asked me to prom, and I said yes, but about a week later, I saw him and Daniel in a very close, somewhat heated discussion.”
“What were they talking about?”
“He never clarified. Instead, he broke up with me via text that day. As you can imagine, I never talked to him afterwards.”
I’d never considered seeing this beyond my teen bruised ego.
“Who did you go to prom with then?” Amaya asked.
“Daniel.”
Amaya scrunched her nose, as if she smelled something rotten. Indeed, I couldn’t believe how naïve I’d been either.
“How did Daniel react when he saw you out with what’s his face from sophomore year?”
I thought about it for a minute. “I don’t think he ever saw us out together.”
“So you think he just assumed you have been single this whole time?”
“I don’t know.” I raked a hand through my hair in frustration. This whole situation was bizarre. “Listen, thank you for rescuing me, but I’m exhausted. I’m going to sleep.”
“I would Taser him just to do it if you asked me to.” She flashed me a wide, toothy grin as she held up the Taser.
“I’ll keep that in mind.” Laughing and completely worn out, I headed down the short hallway and collapsed onto my bed.
Only, I couldn’t find sleep because my mind kept drifting to one place, over and over again.
Him. I needed him.
I dialed TDL, and he answered on the second ring.
“Hey, Sweetness.”
“Hey yourself …”
“What’s wrong?” he asked before he paused whatever music was in the background or went to a quieter place so he could hear me better. He was giving me space. And his ear. Sweet.
“Why do you think something is wrong?”
“Never heard your voice so hoarse. You sound … I don’t know. Raw.”
“I got scared …”
“Scared?”
“My ex? The one I texted you about earlier? He got even more drunk and came to our studio—”
“What?” His tone was alarmed and intense.
“It’s fine … I’m fine. He left. My roommate threatened to Taser him.”
“Did he hurt you?”
“Only my ego. I’ve tried to stay friends with him, but after tonight, I don’t know … he was so angry.”
God, I really was hoarse.
“Want me to kick his ass?” he asked in response.
His rumble was doing unbelievable things to my body. My heart seemed to be galloping for a whole new reason, warmth spreading through my limbs with each word he spoke.
“Ha. No, I don’t think we’re quite in the realm of violence yet.”
“Sweetness, I disagree. By the sound of it, he’s already there. If you don’t want me to do it, I can at least pay a bodyguard to look after you.”
Pay a bodyguard? We hadn’t even met in person … we didn’t even know each other’s names, and he was offering me protection. I didn’t know what to think of that. And what kind of a twenty-one-year-old could afford a bodyguard?
I checked that fleeting thought into the ask-later-when-I-have-time-for-this box.
“Why does drinking turn people into such jerks? I think it’s the most disgusting habit in the world.”
I remembered his dad drank and this was probably not his favorite subject. Foot in mouth, Leonie.
“It is disgusting, you are right,” he said, resolute. “Maybe top five most disgusting habits in the world. But never mind that now, I am worried about you.”
“Really … I’m fine. I promise. Can we change the subject?”
He was quiet for a while.
“What are you thinking?” I asked him, needing to hear him.
“I’m thinking maybe you don’t know that a guy isn’t supposed to walk in on a woman and scare her. That a guy isn’t supposed to get drunk and make a girl so freaked out she is barely recognizable. And, I’m sure as fuck thinking that no one has the right to do that to you.”
“Why?” I breathed.
“You’re sweet. You don’t mix sweet with sour and bitter, baby. Not ever.”
I murmured deep from my chest, and I heard his breath catch on the other end.
“Why are you being so nice to me?”
“Think I just explained, Sweetness.”
From anyone else, that would have been demeaning. From him, the guy who’d never even seen me, who seemed to always be there, at the ready for me to take and take whenever I needed comfort, it was kind of sweet.
“I called you because I needed calming down. And you did it. Again. Thank you.”
“You’re welcome.”
“I’m gonna let you go now. I have to think about how to set him straight tomorrow.”
“Just … meet him in a public place and let me know how you are, okay?”
I smiled and let out a long breath.
“You got it.”
“And remember that I am here and ready to fight for your honor,” he added. “Sweet dreams, Sweetness.”
I let his voice envelop me in a hug I could almost—almost—feel.
“Nighty-night,” I wished him with a smile that I was sure he could sense in my voice.
Seven
“Thinking of You.”
LEONIE
I was at work, dreading my meeting with Daniel already. The closer that the end of my shift got, the antsier I became. If I were being honest, I hadn’t ever truly confronted Daniel. We’d decided in high school that we’d be just friends without much fuss around the event. I’d never missed being physical with him, and he’d taken advantage of his freedom to be physical with countless people.
Then, in our freshman year, we hooked back up. It was over Christmas break, but when we went back to school, that was that. It was over. Back then, I had thought the line was clear, and I didn’t know what changed to make him think he had some claim on me, but apparently, I needed to draw the line. I was just nonplussed about how to steer him away.
A man clearing his throat pulled me out of my thought cloud, and I looked down.
“I think I’m clean enough,” he said, smiling as he flicked his eyes up toward his hair.
I raised my eyebrows and smiled back before shutting the water off and grabbing a towel.
“Sorry about that. Please go have a seat.”
I hadn’t offered the nickname Scissors out of thin air or without a reason. I was a hairdresser at Stanford Hair. This was mostly a barbershop. It was run by a very stylish couple who loved everything vintage. Thus, they’d invested a fortune during the remodel and installed modern electric salon chairs that resembled their antique brethren and had black leather upholstery. The barber stations were dark wood and all the fixtures were chrome. There was even a red-white-and-blue revolving pole at the door. The place looked like a man cave frozen in time. We had affordable prices and were always full of customers, which made the shifts seem to fly by. It was easy work too.
After finishing my customer’s cut, I started cleaning up around my workstation, and while I was sweeping, I saw Daniel out of the corner of my eye, pacing back and forth on the sidewalk in front of the shop.
My co-worker Tania, who I’d warned about my possible abrupt departure, came over and relieved me of my apron and broom.
“Good luck,” she whispered.
I walked out of the barbershop and looked up at Daniel.
“Hello, Daniel. Why the frowny face?” I still hoped the tension between us would magically dissipate.
“You know I don’t approve with you doing that,” he answered snottily.
That was Daniel. Hot package and shallow content. His world was money-colored and his decisions were directed by who held the power. He saw ranks and lineage everywhere he looked.
“And I realize you don’t know, but I don’t give a crap about what you approve of.”
His eyes went wide over my declaration. Frankly, so did mine, but I raised my chin and changed the subject, wanting this over with.
“Let’s grab that coffee. I need to go home and study.”
We walked in silence to a coffee shop nearby, ordered our coffees, and then found two seats.
“So why did you need to talk about us?” he asked, meeting my eyes for a moment before dropping them back to his phone.
“I feel like there shouldn’t be a need for me to explain why. After what happened last night, I would think it would be obvious,” I said in a flat tone. “And, Daniel,” I said, raising my voice just a bit, to ensure I had his eyes, “there is no us.”
“Is there a particular reason you are being prissy?” He looked at me as if he were a kid who’d been punished but didn’t want to give in and admit he was in the wrong. He merely wanted the punishment withdrawn.
I lost it then and started laughing.
“D … look”—I held out my hands—“we’ve been friends for a long time. I would like us to stay friends in the years to come. But there are boundaries that need to be drawn.” This finally got his attention, and he put his phone down so he could scowl at me.
“Such as?” he said, again snottily, and I noted how their voices were perfect illustrations of how different Daniel and TDL were. Where Daniel’s had always sounded smooth but turned dodgy and scratchy when he was angry, TDL’s was deep, coating me in the comfort of its velvet no matter what his mood was. Daniel’s annoyed the hell out of me, but TDL’s made my girl parts wet.
“Such as how we speak with each other, in public or in private. How we shouldn’t interrupt each other’s dates. Stuff like that,” I explained and he glanced at his phone.
I was in front of Daniel, but I felt like he barely saw me, whereas when talking on the phone with TDL, he saw all of me without ever having met me. The biggest difference between them—the difference that made me pause for a long time while I tried to sweeten my Americano the best I could—was how easy it all was with my mysterious phone man. I wanted to hear him and know how his week was going. I liked that he was generous with his laughter and that I brought it out of him, and I really liked that he understood the difference between keeping women at a distance and disrespecting them altogether. By contrast, everything with Daniel felt forced. I wasn’t interested in what he had to say, and frankly, he barely ever said anything new.
I realized he was speaking again and I’d tuned him out completely.
“ … but you’re so stubborn.”
“I’m sorry?”
“Leonie. You’re a perfect partner for me. Pretty and with a tragic socio-economical background. You will appeal to the masses.”
I snorted and, unluckily for Daniel, choked on my coffee, unintentionally spraying it all over the table and Daniel’s suit and tie.
Who wore a suit and tie on a campus?
It dawned on me that my making light of his “good-girl” remarks was a mistake. Once we broke up, I assumed he knew that was a nonstarter. Again, apparently, I had been very, very wrong.
“Daniel, we stopped being a couple years ago. So, whatever idea you have about us needs to be changed. We are friends. That’s it.”
“Munchkin—”
“No! Please, stop calling me by pet names you think are cute because I’m short. I hate that. I know how tall I am; I do not need you to remind me. While we’re at it, please stop telling people we are together. We aren’t. If you can’t be my friend, just say it now so we don’t waste each other’s time.”
“Are you seeing anyone?” he asked, as if I hadn’t even spoken.
I rolled my eyes so hard it hurt a little.
“It’s like you don’t even hear the words that are coming out of my mouth. How do you plan on being a successful politician if you don’t pay attention? You know, in debates you’re supposed to listen to what the other person is saying if you ever plan to win them.”
“Just what do you want from me, Leonie?”
“I want you to say hello when we pass each other on campus, and I want you to accept you and I aren’t together. What you did last night? Bursting into the bar and causing a scene like you did? It isn’t okay, Daniel.”
“Do you want us to go on double dates too?”
The man could not be believed. I was about to ask him if he had a mental disorder, but his phone rang at the same second as a text vibrated my phone.
“I’m taking this call, it’s my dad,” he said, already not looking at me anymore.
“That’s all right, Daniel. We’ll see each other in class. I’ll walk myself home.”
I got up, grabbed my coffee, and scoffed. He didn’t even try to protest, but I wasn’t sure why I was even slightly surprised. He had never risen to see me out.
Without looking back at Daniel, I headed to the door and pulled my phone out.
TDL: Thinking of you, Sweetness.
That was it. So simple, yet so effective. The man really understood the female psyche. We didn’t need that much to be happy. Just the proverbial sign of life, which he seemed to be a master of.
On my way home, every person I passed seemed to be happy. Smiling and laughing and walking as if they were on cloud nine. It was just when I caught a glimpse of my face in the hallway mirror in our studio that I realized they were merely reciprocating my exulting expression.
Eight
“I’m Addicted.”
LEONIE
It had taken a while, but Amaya had finally convinced me to give up thirty minutes of study time in favor of a running session with her.
“You don’t want to die of a heart attack at thirty-five while you do translations for boring humanitarian causes, do you?”
To be frank, I had hopes that I would be past the step of interpreting by the time I was thirty-five, but I didn’t fight her on that. No need to jinx it. Besides, Amaya was right—I had to start some healthy habits before my metabolism packed her bags and ran away.
I made it about halfway before I had to slow to power walk, and she slowed to a jog so I wasn’t left in the dust.
“So, tell me, why are you not asking him to meet with you? You obviously like him.”
“For … dozens … of … reasons,” I said, between bursts of breath.
“Name one,” my friend
pushed. I slowed to a walk and waited until I could speak without panting like an overheated dog.
“We both agreed … to the rules …”
“Rules are meant to be broken,” Amaya sing-sang.
I stopped and patted her on the back. She started running on the spot, pulling her knees high with each jump.
“Look at you, not breaking a sweat …” I said with a bit of envy on her discipline.
“Don’t change the subject on me. Is that all you got? Your little rules?”
“Well, what if we don’t get along that well when we are face-to-face?”
“Doesn’t hurt trying!” Amaya said stubbornly.
“What if we aren’t attracted to each other?” I asked.
“Babe, that’s what pictures and names and social media are here for. Ask him for a picture,” Amaya said, and I knew she was right.
“I’m just postponing the inevitable, right?”
“Right.” She punctuated the word with a brisk nod. “What if he isn’t hot?”
I laughed it off.
“I doubt the hotness level is an issue.”
“Whoa! How do you know that?” Amaya asked.
“His voice is hot,” I admitted.
“Girl, don’t you know that radio show hosts have the best voices and the worst bods in the world?”
“It isn’t even that. It’s that I like-like him, and what if he doesn’t like me back? What if I think he is sincere when he says stuff, and then I find out he has only been saying it because it was some kind of game?”
“In all the years, I’ve never known you to care about stuff like that.” She tugged on my elbow and led me to a bench so she could stretch her legs.
“Because I haven’t been,” I said as I propped my foot next to hers and stretched as well.
“Then why now?”
“I don’t know. It’s as if the stakes are higher. I just woke up one night and he was in my life and he hasn’t left since. Before I knew it, it started to suck when I didn’t hear back from him soon enough.”
Amaya straightened and gazed at me as if she wanted to see something beneath my skin.
