Soul Search: A Zackie Story

by Reyna Favis

  “I’m okay. It healed really well.” I started backing away to get out of his reach, but my eyes strayed along the contours of his features. He gazed at me steadily, unaware how much I wanted to touch the slight stubble of beard on his cheek. He wore his hair loose and if I ran my fingers through it, it would feel soft and silky.

  “How’s Cam doing?” I turned my head as Hannah spoke, but my eyes were unfocused and I stared stupidly at her for a moment. “Cam. How is Cam?” Her brow wrinkled as she tried to get me to understand her. Hannah had her arms wrapped around Zackie, who was stretched out on the bed at her side. If animals could smirk, that’s what she was doing.

  I blinked a few times and put my brain back into gear. “Cam is doing well. He went to North Carolina today to visit some friends.”

  “How’s his arm doing?” Lucas moved to Hannah’s other side as he spoke and sat on the edge of the bed. I placed myself at the foot of the bed, so he wouldn’t have to crane his neck.

  “Well, um, he took a bus rather than drive. But he…that is…that seems to be his only concession to his injury. So, um, it doesn’t appear to be causing him a lot of pain, but I’ll bet it’s still… uncomfortable.” Just as Cam predicted, I also felt distinctly uncomfortable. I was trying hard to hold up my end of the conversation, but I found Lucas to be a distraction and it was difficult to keep my train of thought for these simple questions. I could feel Hannah watching me as I gazed at her husband, so I forced my eyes to look at her instead. “And how are you feeling today?”

  Her eyes were hard as she answered me. “About the same, but at least I’m not falling asleep every few minutes.” She sat up a little taller in the bed and Zackie readjusted her body so it pressed more fully against Hannah. “I like to stay aware of what’s going on.” Her eyes bore into mine and her lips compressed into a hard line. Obviously caught in the act, I unknowingly did my best deer-caught-in-the-headlights imitation.

  “Would you like me to run to the lobby and bring you some newspapers?” Lucas shifted, ready on her word to run this errand.

  Hannah’s eyes softened as she looked at him. “No thanks, sweetie. I meant it in the larger sense.” Her hand reached to gently touch his cheek.

  Kissing her hand, Lucas stood. “Okay, if you don’t need anything, I’ll go back to work.” Turning to me, he smiled. “Thanks for bringing Zackie for a visit.”

  As he left the room, Hannah turned her acid gaze back in my direction. “You’re lusting after my husband.”

  “I—”

  “Don’t. Just don’t.” Hannah let her eyes drift away and she hugged Zackie tightly to her. “I don’t have time for bullshit.”

  I released a deep breath, relieved that I no longer had to dissemble. “Okay. No bullshit.” I was glad that she was looking elsewhere as I continued. “I am attracted to Lucas.” Her eyes shot back to me and an angry retort formed on her lips. Before she could start in on me, I interrupted. “But he’s your husband and I promise you, I will not make a move on him.”

  She tilted her head and studied me, but said nothing for a while. After she let me squirm for a full minute, she finally spoke her mind. “I play a game sometimes. I add the words ‘while Hannah’s alive’ to a lot of the stuff I hear.” She exhaled strongly and closed her eyes. “Once I’m dead, things will go on as if I were never here. Everything will change.”

  “The world has never stopped for anyone’s passing and I don’t think it will make an exception for you.” This sounded harsh even to my own ears, but I was playing by her ground rules. I sat down in a chair near the bed and continued. “But you’re not really worried about things in ‘the larger sense.’ You’re worried about what Lucas will do when you die.” Hannah nodded her head once, her eyes still shut. “He doesn’t really notice me, if you haven’t noticed. I notice the hell out him, but he has no idea.” I waited for her to open her eyes, but she lay there stubbornly and did not look at me. Exasperated, I finally asked, “Am I lying?”

  “No, you’re not lying.” She sighed and opened her eyes. “He wouldn’t touch you in front of me if it meant anything.” I nodded and she continued. “He’s kind of oblivious to a lot of things. He thinks the treatments are helping and that I’m not dying.”

  “Do you want to continue the treatments?” I leaned forward to watch her face closely as she responded.

  “There’s nothing really to continue. I have one last round remaining and nothing’s going to change, but it will make him happy if he thinks there’s still hope.” She gave a small shrug.

  “Have you talked to him about dying?”

  “I want him to have his hope for a little while longer.” She smiled a little. “He still talks to me about the future sometimes.” Her smile faded as she thought. “I’ll discuss reality with him after the last treatment. Don’t say anything, okay?”

  “Promise.” I stared at Zackie. She looked positively blissful. “Can I ask you a question?”

  “You can ask. I might not answer. I don’t like you, after all.”

  “All right…” At least we were being honest. I thought for a moment how to phrase the question. “What does Zackie do for you? You always seem glad to see her.”

  Hannah stroked Zackie’s flank in a repetitive, soothing motion. “When she’s around, it doesn’t hurt as much and I feel more peaceful about what’s going to happen. It’s one thing to be able to admit that I’m going to die, but it’s whole other thing to actually go through with it.” I nodded, but didn’t say anything, waiting for her to continue. “I want you to promise me one more thing.”

  I tilted my head and scrunched my eyebrows. “I thought you didn’t like me. Why are you asking me for favors?”

  “I’m pulling the cancer girl card. Is that all right with you?” I raised my eyebrows for her to continue. “Make sure Zackie is there when I die.” Her eyes were large and pleading and she swallowed hard as she waited for my answer.

  “I’ll do my best. Just don’t go suddenly, okay? Give us time to get here.” Hannah visibly relaxed. She must have known on some subconscious level what Zackie was and that, in the presence of such a being, she would be ensured an end without fear and without pain.

  Contrary to Hannah’s claim that she did not fall asleep every few minutes, her eyes grew heavy. “Okay… That’s good,” she murmured. In seconds, she was fast asleep, worn out by the effort of hating me.

  CHAPTER 14

  My hair dripped on to the classifieds, smearing the ad for full time and casual qualified truck drivers. I luxuriated in the feeling of my clean hair and tried not to focus too hard on the fact that there weren’t any suitable job openings. I did not have a teaching certificate, and so was unqualified to be a part-time math teacher for an elementary school. I would not be able to maintain conveyors and PLCs (whatever those were) for a local dairy. I never poured concrete. Sighing, I flipped the newspaper closed. I had spent the afternoon filing for unemployment and then driving around to restaurants, diners and retail establishments, filling out job applications and trying to make a good impression. On the few occasions where I was able to submit the application to a manager, they had stared at the gloves as I handed over the paperwork. My guess is that they found it off-putting and I would not hear back from them.

  To improve my hiring potential, I pulled out the mortuary makeup and spread out the contents of the kit on the card table where I ate my meals. Zackie made herself comfortable under the table. According to the label, the makeup was non-thermogenic. A Google search informed me that thermogenic makeup was for use on ‘live’ skin. Body heat causes it to break down, so it can be applied uniformly. The same makeup used on ‘dead’ skin just blotches. Airbrushing was probably the best way to apply makeup to the skin of the deceased, but I did not have the resources at the moment to invest in this. The rub-on makeup would have to do. Working on the hand was probably going to be harder than working on a corpse, since with a corpse, all you had to do was choose a becoming shade of foundation for the subject and
go with it. With the hand, I had to match the complexion of my good hand. Just as I was about to try and figure out how to do this, the phone rang and the caller ID announced Cam.

  “Cam! How y’all doin’ down South?”

  “Peachy. Negotiations have stalled, so I think it’s going to take another day or two to convince them to come.”

  “Really? What do they want?”

  “They want to not leave the mountains. They don’t trust us city folk and our city ways.”

  “Can you offer them some kind of inducement?”

  “Working on that. I’m feeling them out at the moment, since I’m not sure what they’d go for.”

  “Cam, can you hold on for a second? I have another call coming through.”

  “No. I have to go. They’ve just come back. I’ll talk to you later.” With this, he hung up and I went to the other call.

  “Hello?”

  “Fia? This is Lucas.”

  The first word that came to my mind was ‘crap.’ Instead of blurting this out, I reverted to social niceties. “Lucas! How nice of you to call. Is everything all right with Hannah?”

  “Hannah is fine. We’re eating dinner in her room.” A muffled few words sounded faintly in the background. “She says to bring Zackie back when you have a chance.”

  I rolled my eyes toward the ceiling and then glanced at Zackie. That girl was becoming an addict. “Will do.”

  “Listen, the reason I’m calling is that my producers want more footage. The last segment we filmed got a huge viewer response. They want more. I couldn’t get through to Cam, so I left a message. I thought I’d call to see if you guys felt up to it and if you knew anything more about scheduling.”

  “Cam said he should be back in another few days.” Since everything was not aligned with Lummie’s kin, I needed to stall. “But I don’t think we’d be ready to film anything at the Changewater house right away. How long do you think the producers would be willing to wait?”

  Lucas groaned. “I don’t know…they’re impatient.” There was a scraping noise as he adjusted the phone and then faintly, “No, finish your vegetables…” After some muffled words of complaint, there was another scraping sound. “Sorry…what was I saying? Oh, yeah… I’ll try to convince them that we need to build the suspense, maybe do a little more historical background stuff, but I don’t know if that will fly.”

  “Well, give it a shot. I’ll try to come up with a plan B, just in case.”

  “Okay. Let me know as soon as you know something. I’ll talk to the producers tomorrow.”

  After hanging up, I rubbed my lower lip with my good hand and considered our predicament. Lucas must be under a huge amount of pressure from his bosses. He would not have tried to call us in so soon to do more filming if it were just up to him. Neither Cam nor I were ready for another showdown at the Changewater house, but I could really use another paycheck from the production company right now. Preserve life and limb or keep a roof over my head and food in my belly? Maybe I could land another job before things became too desperate.

  Sighing, I turned my attention back to the makeup, since this was something I could probably solve. I sorted the various shades of foundation from lightest to darkest and then started with the primer to create a base on my good hand. This would prevent the makeup from rubbing off on everything I touched and even though I didn’t need that now, I figured it might distort the foundation colors, so I needed to test it in combination with these colors. I next applied a streak of each of the foundations to my good hand over the layer of primer. None of them were the perfect shade. The makeup had to disappear on my good hand to be a good match to my natural coloring and all the foundation shades stood out pretty starkly.

  While I considered how to mix the foundation colors to match my skin tone, my mind wandered back to Lummie’s kin. Maybe Cam would be able to convince them to help. I had only the vaguest notion as to what they brought to the table, but I figured reinforcements could only be a good thing in our present state. Choosing the lightest and darkest foundation shades that were closest to my natural coloring, I used a blank region of my good hand to blend the colors. Better. A two to one ratio of light to dark might fit the bill. Frowning, I cleaned the hand with a makeup removing wipe and thought about what it would take to get those folks down from the mountain. Warren County New Jersey had large tracts of land devoted to farming and wilderness, so maybe they would feel more at home if they knew this. But what if this distrust of city life was just a ruse? What if they took one look at Cam’s broken arm and thought better about this venture?

  I replaced the primer and started my color mix again using the new ratio. Eureka! This was blending nicely with the rest of my good hand. I began repeating the process on the other hand while I thought about a way to reassure Lummie’s kin that we were capable. They knew Cam, but they had no idea about me and whether I could stand my ground if push came to shove. I sure hoped Cam could convince them, because I so wanted my re-match with the entity. Hold a grudge much? The little voice in my head interrupted my beautician’s zen and I stopped blending for a moment. Hell, yes, I thought to myself. That entity was abusing innocents. Cam should use that as an argument for Lummie’s kin. If they were decent people, they would respond to this. I finished my blending and checked my work, holding the two hands up next to each other. Except for the nails, the two hands looked fairly matched. Grabbing the nail polish, I completed my new look and decided to call it an early night once my nails dried.

  # # #

  “What do you mean I have to go there?” I was on the phone again with Cam. I had just finished delivering newspapers and was about to shower.

  Cam exhaled roughly. “Parmelia and Bodean want to cement a mutual assistance agreement with some aid in their neck of the woods.”

  “Sounds like a test to me.”

  “Call it whatever you want. You need to come down here.”

  Thinking quickly, I saw an opportunity for Lucas and for some income. “What do you think of Lucas and his crew coming down to film whatever it is we’re getting into? Would they have a problem with that?”

  There was more blowing on Cam’s end. “I don’t know. I’ll see what they say about it. Is it important?”

  “I spoke to Lucas yesterday. Did you get his message? I think he’s under a lot of pressure from the higher ups to get more footage for the show. Obviously, we’re not ready to do more on the Changewater house and frankly, I need some positive cash flow.”

  “I haven’t checked my messages. I’ll do that after this call. But filming down here might be a good compromise, if everyone here is agreeable.” Voices sounded in the background followed by a door slamming. “Let me take a survey and I’ll call you back as soon as we come to a consensus.”

  I ended the call and immediately dialed the newspaper people to let them know they’d have to cover my route next week. I had officially become a problem employee and I knew it. First, there was time off for medical issues and now I’d be gone a week. It was no surprise when they announced my services were no longer needed and that I’d lost my route. Chewing the cuticles on my good hand, I decided I better start packing. No matter the outcome of Cam’s discussion, I’d still be going down there. My stomach was roiling as I dove under the bed to find the old suitcase I used when I moved here. It might be good to have it on hand, since I might be moving again when I could no longer afford the rent. I threw a week’s worth of clothes into the suitcase and then laid out some clothes to wear today. I was about to finally take that shower when the phone rang again.

  Cam launched in without preamble. “They’re huge fans of the show and they can’t wait to meet Lucas. I think our stock just went up just from being associated with him.”

  “You’re kidding!” I let out the breath I didn’t know I was holding. “That’s great news. Let me call Lucas and let him know. I’ll start driving down with Zackie right after we have some breakfast.”

  Cam provided directions and warned
that there would be dirt roads towards the end of the trip and to tell Lucas to plan his convoy accordingly. My vehicle was used to searches in wilderness areas, so I had no qualms about negotiating the more rustic environments. I rang off and called Lucas. Surprisingly, he answered on the first ring.

  “You’re awake. I thought I’d be leaving a message.” His voices sounded husky and extremely sexy at this early hour and a frisson trailed from my earlobe down my neck.

  “Hold on a sec. Let me get into the hall, so I don’t wake Hannah.” Of course. He’d stayed the night in her room. I listened to him breathe while he had made his way to some place where he could talk without disturbing the other patients. “Okay. What’s up?”

  I explained the new game plan. Lucas was ecstatic, but then immediately sobered when he realized that he would be away from Hannah. “Do you have a rough feel for how long this project will take to complete?”

  “Honestly, I don’t even know what they have planned for us. I have no idea how long it might take.” I started butter melting in a pan and grabbed the eggs and cheese from the refrigerator. “Maybe you can just get things running and then leave it to the crew?”

  “That’s a possibility… I’ll have to feel this out once I’m on site.” Lucas yawned expansively. “Excuse me…. Where did you say we were going?”

  Balancing the phone against my shoulder, I filled a bowl with dog food and placed it on the floor near Zackie. “The closest major city is Asheville. We’ll be going into a sparsely populated area in the Blue Ridge Mountains.”

  “That’s what? A six or seven hour drive from here?”

  “I guess.” I cracked some eggs into a bowl and whisked them with a fork before pouring them into the pan.

  “Okay. That’s not so bad. I can turn this into a day trip if I can get away with just editing the footage with some voice-overs.” Lucas’ good mood was restored and the smile returned to warm his voice. Irresistible…