Leap of Faith

by Tanya Stowe

  This time Zack was certain about her tone. “I thought you said you had no resentment.”

  She sighed. “I didn’t when I was younger. Not until I got older. My dad couldn’t quite forgive me for not buying into his dream world.”

  “You didn’t like living in communes?”

  “Cooperatives. My dad preferred the word cooperatives. It wasn’t bad. For the most part, I loved it. I had lots of friends. I learned how to work with others, and I always saw the fruits of my work. I didn’t reject the lifestyle so much as my dad’s single-minded pursuit of personal freedom. He refused to see how much it hurt others, especially my mother and me.”

  “Sounds like he was pretty selfish.”

  “I started to question our lifestyle. I loved the concept of serving others, living in peace with our surroundings, but I knew there was more than what I was seeing.”

  “Is that when you started sensing God’s presence?”

  She glanced at him, a surprised look on her face. She smiled and Zack wondered how such a simple thing could light up his world.

  “Yes, it was. When I finally put a name to my feelings and realized that God is our Creator, I started going to a little chapel down the street with some of my friends. We walked almost a mile and never missed a Sunday or a Wednesday meeting. When I learned how much God loved us and sacrificed for us, I knew I’d found the truth…real love and total freedom. God was the reality my father had been seeking all his life. I couldn’t wait to share my faith with him. I thought he’d be so excited.”

  She fiddled with her french fries. “Instead, he lost his temper. He called me naïve and foolish and railed against God and the restrictions of religion. He told me if I continued to go to church I’d have to leave.”

  “All I had felt from God was love,” she said, shaking her head, “That’s when I knew my father’s search had just been an excuse for self-indulgence.”

  “What about your mother? How did she feel?”

  A half-smile flitted over her lips but she didn’t raise her gaze to meet Zack’s. “My mother adored my father.”

  There was much more emotion behind those simple words. He could feel it. “She loved him more than she loved you?”

  “My mother gave up everything to follow my father, even her family. I think she’d followed him for so long she didn’t know how to step out on her own.”

  Her simple statement said it all.

  “What did you do?”

  She eased back in her chair. “One of the benefits of living in a cooperative is you have lots of extended family. I moved in with friends a few doors down. They were going to church with me. After I earned my high school diploma, I left. I’d learned how to do stained glass from someone in our community and made some money, so I just walked away. I can also garden and weave my own cloth, by the way.”

  Zack smiled. “You’re a true artist, Zoe. Stained glass is what you should be doing.”

  She hesitated. “How about you, Zack? What should you be doing?”

  He shifted uncomfortably. “I’m not sure what you mean.”

  She put her hamburger back on her plate and wiped her mouth with her paper napkin. “Yes, you do. You just aren’t listening.”

  He scrunched his own napkin in his hand. “What am I supposed to listen to?”

  “The silent promptings of your heart.”

  “My heart tells me I should have accepted the job a week ago.”

  “Then why haven’t you?”

  He released a heavy sigh. “OK. My mind tells me to accept. My heart says…”

  “What?”

  “It says wait.”

  “For what?” she asked with a tilt of her head.

  “I don’t know,” he said. “You tell me. You have all the answers.”

  “I’m not a fortune teller,” she said. “I don’t know the future, and I certainly don’t have the answers. I’m just a messenger. Saint Paul said we have to work out our salvation with fear and trembling.”

  “I’m trembling all right. If I listen to the promptings of my heart, I’d walk away from security and into the unknown in some third world country.”

  Zoe reached across the space to grasp his hand. “Zack, are you called to mission work?”

  He wasn’t even sure what Zoe meant. He only knew that her touch was warm and soft. He looked down. Her hand was delicate, with fragile, slender fingers and blunt nails. But the marks and scars on her tender skin told him she worked hard.

  As soon as she saw him looking, she released him and tucked her hand under the table where he couldn’t see it. That was the second time she’d tried to hide her hands, and he wondered if she was ashamed of them.

  “Zack,” she drew his attention off her hands and back to her sweet face. “When Mr. Hart told me I needed to come and see you, I had no idea what to say or do. All the way across the courtyard, I prayed. When I walked in, I still had no idea what to say. It wasn’t until I looked at your computer that the words came to me.”

  “And that’s supposed to encourage me in what way?” he said, deliberate skepticism heavy in his tone.

  She gave a little laugh. “To show you that God never fails us. He’s always there. Sometimes we just have to step out in faith.”

  “In my case it would be more like a leap rather than a step.”

  “I agree,” she said with another laugh. “It is a big first step. Maybe that’s why He sent me to you. He knew you’d need confirmation and support.”

  Zack agreed, all the while thinking he knew a thousand other reasons God might have sent her to him. Pink lips. Eyes he could get lost in. And he still wondered how her hair would look loosed and falling about her shoulders.

  “Zoe,” he murmured, “Why did you get so excited when you heard I might be interested in mission work?”

  She ducked her head. “Because it’s all I’ve ever wanted to do. In the cooperatives, everyone works. Right from the start, I chose to work in the nursery. I love children, and I’ve always had a heart for those who never knew their parents.”

  Her voice dropped off and once again. Zack was struck by the feeling that she had left something out, something important and somewhat troubling. The fact that she didn’t trust him enough to talk about it bothered him.

  He wanted that trust, wanted her to bare her soul as he’d done with her. But every instinct in his body told him she wasn’t ready.

  She took a deep breath. “I didn’t know where I wanted to work until the earthquake in Haiti.”

  “Haiti? It’s one of the most poverty stricken areas in the world.”

  “Unlike you, Zack,” she said with a small shake of her head, “I’ve never had much money, so doing without it won’t bother me quite so much. But still”—she looked away—“the orphanage needs help. I can’t just go down there and be another mouth to feed.”

  “You’ve already chosen a place?”

  “Of course,” she said. “I’ve always known where I belong.”

  “But what about marriage…children of your own?”

  She sighed. “I’ve known for a long time that wasn’t the plan for me. I’m always the odd one out, so I’m used to being alone and besides, relationships never work out for me.”

  Zack stared at her creamy skin, beautiful dark lashes and wondered if every man in her life had been blind. She was so vibrant, so full of life and unconditional love.

  “How could your relationships not work out?”

  Zoe shook her head with a wry smile. “Aren’t you the guy who pushed me out his door because our encounter was too weird?”

  Zack’s mouth fell open. “Well, yeah, but that was before—”

  “Before what?”

  He couldn’t come out and say what he thought. Their relationship was too new and way too wacky. He ran a hand through his hair. “Before you slipped a pill in the soda you brought me the other day and turned my world upside down.”

  Zoe burst out laughing. “Are you accusing me of drugging you?”r />
  “It’s the only plausible explanation. I just know that I see things differently now. I need time to understand and figure this out. Will you give me that time?”

  She stared at him. Her smile faded and a slight frown creased the space between her delicate brows. For one long minute, he thought she would say no. Then she gestured to his burger. “Finish up. I’m ready for dessert and they have the best peach pie in town.”

  7

  Zoe twisted one long, dangling strand of hair around her finger, held it tight then released it. She watched it fall straight, not holding a hint of curl. Just for once, she wished it would swirl on the ends…just a little. Normally, she didn’t give a thought to things like that. There was no time in her life for primping and vanity. But her hair was the one thing about her that could be called pretty. And just for today, she wanted to be pretty.

  Frustrated, Zoe closed her eyes. She didn’t need to be pretty. She needed to get control of herself and focus on what was important.

  Just because Zack Manning could look at her and make her feel like she was beautiful didn’t mean she was. And just because he was going to church with her today didn’t mean she was anything special to him.

  She was a friend, sent by God, to walk by his side on his new journey. The fact that he was going to church this morning was all the proof she needed of that fact.

  Sighing, Zoe turned off her bathroom light and walked away from the mirror. It was easy to think she was just a companion for his journey. Her mind accepted it, but she couldn’t quite seem to convince herself. Every time she heard his voice her heart skipped a beat

  It didn’t help that he was so good to look at. His brown hair, just a shade darker than hers, had no trouble with curl. It always fell in a wave over his forehead and was so shiny and silky, she longed to sweep it back and run her fingers through it.

  His lips were full and well-shaped, firm and strong. One side tilted up a little, especially when he looked at her. She loved the fact that every time he saw her, he was halfway to a smile.

  But his warm, rich eyes made her stomach flip. When he looked at her, she saw a servant’s heart, and his capacity to give showed in his concerned glances, not just for her, but for others. He tried to hide his nature with his cynical attitude, but Zoe could sense the truth deep down.

  She was in Zack’s life to help him know God. Zack needed to find God and align his true calling with his current path because, as far as Zoe could see, the real Zack had been suppressed for far too long.

  She needed to remember that.

  “Focus,” she murmured out loud as she hurried to answer the knock on the door. But as soon as she opened it, her attention waned.

  Zack stood in front of her in a light blue, long-sleeved shirt and a dark tie. He wore dark slacks and his suit jacket was thrown over his arm. His lip lifted in that curl she loved, but it turned into a full blown smile as his gaze swept down to her stocking-covered legs.

  Zoe’s stomach flipped and her head spun. She swirled in the deep cocoa of his gaze. She was, oh, so glad she’d resisted the urge to change from her belted, long-sleeved sweater dress into sensible slacks.

  “Am I late?” he asked, his voice low.

  “No…yes.” She shook her head slightly, trying to clear it. “Maybe just a little.”

  His smile broadened and all Zoe could see were white, even teeth. Taking her arm, he pulled her close.

  “Come on,” he said. “Let’s get you to church so you’re not tempted to fib anymore.”

  They arrived after services had started. As they slipped into a back pew, the worship team launched into another song. Standing beside Zack, Zoe was acutely aware of the females in the sanctuary turning in their direction. She couldn’t blame them. Who could resist one more glance at someone as handsome as Zack?

  She was tempted to lean into him, to rest her head there and lay a claim. The urge was so strong, she purposely stepped away to widen the gap between them.

  Fortunately, the songs the worship team chose to sing were some of her favorites. After a while, she was able to lose herself, singing, swaying and raising her hands in praise. When the songs finally ended, Zoe opened her eyes to see Zack watching her.

  “I’m sorry,” she murmured as the congregation shifted to their seats. “Did I make you uncomfortable?”

  That sweet smile Zack had just for her tilted his lips, and he shook his head. “Never,” he murmured. “I just wish I had the courage to let go like that.”

  They settled down in their seats. The pastor’s scripture quote seemed made to order for Zack. Zoe wasn’t at all surprised and should have been able to follow the pastor’s sermon with interest, but she couldn’t seem to forget Zack’s words. What held him back? Why was he never able to relax and let go in worship?

  The question plagued her throughout the service and even afterward as she introduced Zack to her pastor.

  “Welcome. I hope you two will stay for the pot luck,” Pastor Don said.

  Zoe’s lips parted. “Oh, I forgot that was today. I didn’t bring a dish to share.”

  Pastor Don smiled. “You know there’ll be more than enough food. Go on over.”

  They filled their plates and sat at a picnic table. The sun beat down on them with just the right temperature to make them toasty.

  Zack looked up and smiled. “Right now, my home town of Detroit is under four feet of snow. Makes me really glad I’m in Angel Falls.”

  “I agree.” Zoe remembered how just a week ago she’d thought the same thing. She studied Zack as he speared a bite of potato salad.

  “Zack.” She spoke quietly as she fiddled with her baked lasagna. “Why can’t you relax and worship?”

  He hesitated. “I guess it’s because my family’s not prone to expressions of emotion, especially faith expressions.”

  He stared beyond her, and she felt she might have pushed the boundaries. Just because she felt comfortable sharing her life didn’t mean Zack did. But God had a purpose to their meeting, and the reason didn’t center on keeping the relationship polite.

  Taking a deep breath, she pushed on. “But you did go to Sunday school.”

  “That was my grandmother’s doing. She made sure I went every Sunday until she passed. After that, I didn’t go back.”

  He paused again, his gaze fixed on a distant spot. “Don’t get me wrong, I missed it for a long time. But it was kind of tied up with Grandma. I missed her so much I couldn’t face it and my parents never went, so…”

  A smile flitted over his lips and Zoe caught her breath as she realized it was the same, tilted smile he had for her.

  “Grandma always used to tell me that if she was my age, she’d join the Peace Corps and make a difference. I think it was mainly because of her I even considered it.”

  “You thought about joining the Peace Corps?” This was the piece of information Zoe had been looking for, the missing link in the puzzle of Zack Manning.

  “I didn’t just think about it, I made plans. I went to community college, then I planned to head for Africa. I wanted to work two years before finishing my education.”

  He speared another bite of potato salad. “See, I knew that once I finished my degree, a job would be waiting for me, and I’d have to jump into the corporate race. I figured if I joined after two years of college, I could get the experience and then go on with my life.”

  “You really did have plans,” Zoe murmured. “So what changed your mind…your parents?”

  He ducked his head in a sheepish gesture. “A four-year free-ride scholarship to Wayne State University. An offer to good to turn down. But they tend to frown on scholarship recipients breaking up their college experience with trips to Africa.”

  Zoe laughed. “Yes, I imagine they do.”

  “My parents had feelings, too.” Zack’s smile faded. “But not for the reasons you might think. My father said it would be a shame to waste my gift for programming and my mom, well…Mom does social work. She’s the directo
r of a center that deals with families and child abuse.”

  “Ah,” Zoe said. Understanding filtered through her. “So she sees the worst of the worst.”

  “Exactly. She’s burned out, I guess, and she’s a mom. She wanted to protect me.” He ended his sentence with a shrug then laid his fork on his plate.

  “That’s why I get worried when I hear you talk about Haiti, Zoe. I know what that kind of work can do to you.”

  “It will defeat me,” she said with a nod of her head. “I’m only human.”

  He stared at her.

  Smiling, she reached across the table to touch his hand. “But when my humanity fails and I’m on my face, God will pick me up and carry me through. If this is truly the path He’s chosen for me, Zack, He’ll give me the strength I need.”

  “Such faith,” he murmured. “I hope you’re right. I really do. I don’t think I could stand to see you defeated.”

  He gripped her fingers and lifted her hand to his lips. As soon as Zoe saw what he intended, she pulled her hand away and tucked it beneath the table.

  “Well,” he said, trying to lighten the mood. “Enough serious talk. Let’s figure out how we can rest and relax for the rest of the day. Do you have plans?”

  She nodded. “I’m afraid I do. It’s a once-a-week date.”

  Zack’s features dropped. “A date?”

  Zoe giggled at the expression on Zack’s face. “Relax. It’s with the Bijou Theatre. Once a week they screen special movies, and I never miss it.”

  “I love the movies. Hint, hint,” he said and wiggled his eyebrows.

  “I bet you won’t like these. I never saw many movies growing up, so now I watch as many as I can. All of these are black and white.”

  “You’re kidding! The Bijou runs old movies once a week? How did I not know this? I’m a huge classic movie fan.”

  They walked toward the parking lot, and Zoe halted in her footsteps. “You’re just saying that.”