Yours Truly

by Jen Meyers

  I was already nodding before she finished. “Yeah, it’s just his…uh… SISTER. I think.” I slid my chair back and dropped my napkin on the table. “You know what? I’ll just go check on them. I’ll be right back.” I backed away from the table, banging into a cabinet and nearly tripping over the garbage can on my way to the door.

  Out in the hall, the blonde from the other night was practically sobbing in Josh’s arms. She had on cute little pink shorts with a matching sleeveless shirt, and her sculpted arms were even more enviable up close. They made me want to slink back into my apartment and throw on something with long sleeves.

  “Is she okay?” I said quietly, not sure whether to venture any closer.

  Josh nodded as she wailed “Nooooooooo.”

  He mouthed Sorry over her head, and tried to lead her toward the stairs, but she just cried louder.

  “I can’t believe she’s gonnnne!” Her words came out in spurts between sobs.

  “Oh, my god,” I took a couple steps toward them, looking at Josh. “Did someone die? If you have to go, that’s totally fine. Don’t worry about—”

  “No. Her best friend got married.”

  “And she moved to Jersey!” Her voice rose in dismay. “Now I’ll never see her.”

  “Uh…Jersey’s on the other side of the river.” I pointed west. “You can see it from here.”

  This only made her wail louder and I looked at Josh, unsure what to do.

  The door behind me opened, and my parents stood there.

  “Willow?”

  “Wait, are you Will?” The girl lifted her head, and looked at me. Mascara ran over high cheekbones and down her face in black rivulets. I glanced at Josh’s light blue shirt—two black splotches were smeared on one shoulder. “Oh my god, I’ve heard so much about you. I’m Stacie. Josh’s—”

  “WOW!” I yelled the word, making Stacie jump a little and choke on the word girlfriend. I sent up a little prayer that my parents hadn’t heard her. “I’m SO glad to finally meet you, Stacie!”

  Smiling crazy-bright and talking too loud, I tried desperately to think of a way to get rid of her before she said anything else.

  “Well, isn’t this wonderful?” my dad said. “Not only are we meeting Josh today but also you.” He strode over to shake her hand while she looked at him in confusion.

  “We’re having dinner right now,” my mom said, holding my door open. “Won’t you join us, Stacie dear?”

  Her face lit up, making her look like some manic clown. “Oh, I’d love to. Thank you.”

  “Of course, dear.” My mother ushered her into my apartment and murmured something about Stacie needing to go freshen up, while Josh and I stood out on the landing with my dad.

  “Well, this is good fortune, isn’t it?” Dad said, clapping his hands together. “Perhaps it bodes well for tomorrow, too.” Then he followed them back inside, leaving us alone for a moment.

  God, if the luck of having Stacie show up was any indication of what was to come at his appointment, then tomorrow was going to royally suck.

  I was shaking my head, my mind going a thousand miles a minute trying to spin this in some way, trying to figure out if there was going to be ANY possible way to keep up the pretense that Josh and I were together when his ACTUAL girlfriend was having dinner with us.

  My excessively creative mind was drawing a blank.

  And panic was rising.

  I couldn’t break my parents’ hearts. Not today. Not right now when my dad’s health was worrying them.

  My breaths were coming short and quick the longer I stood there stuck in indecision. Josh’s hands slid onto my shoulders, warm and strong.

  “I’ll get rid of her as fast as I can,” he said. “I’m so sorry about this, Will. But don’t worry. Now that she’s calmed down, it’ll be easier to get her to leave.”

  “She’s in my freaking apartment. With my parents.” I pressed a hand to my chest. “Oh my god. They’re going to know I’ve been lying this whole time. I’m going to be their greatest disappointment EVER.”

  He came around in front of me, cupped my face in his hands, and said, “No, you are not. You could never be a disappointment to anyone. Those two people love you more than you can possibly imagine. I saw it on their faces the moment I walked in tonight.” He leaned his forehead against mine. “It’s fine. I’ll fix it. She’ll be gone soon. I promise.” Then he stood back up. “Have I ever let you down, Will?”

  “No,” I said. Outside of my dad, he was the only man who hadn’t.

  “Then trust me.”

  Trust him? That was almost asking the impossible of me. I had a lifetime of let-downs telling me that men couldn’t be trusted. At least where my heart was concerned.

  Though we weren’t really talking about my heart here. I mean, in many ways my parents were my heart, but this was a different kind of risk. And, looking at Josh’s clear blue eyes, I knew he was a good bet.

  “Let’s go.”

  Inside, my mom was setting another place at the table while my dad went searching for a chair.

  “At my desk, Dad,” I called out. My apartment wasn’t exactly big enough for hosting dinner parties, and we’d already maxed out the dining chairs tonight. I glanced at Josh, who was hanging out near the bathroom, waiting for Stacie to emerge, and sent up a little prayer that somehow we’d get through this evening with all my lies still intact.

  But why would any god worth believing in answer prayers about lying?

  Shit. I was so screwed.

  The bathroom door opened and Stacie slipped past Josh before he could stop her, heading straight for the table. She sat right down at the new place setting next to my dad, then looked expectantly at first Josh, then me.

  “Uh…Stacie?” Josh said. “Could I talk to you for just a minute?”

  Shaking her head, she said, “No,” and started loading her plate with food. “This looks amazing, and I’m starving.” She looked at my dad. “Josh was supposed to take me out to dinner tonight, but he canceled.”

  “Oh no, Josh,” my mom said as she tucked her napkin back into her lap. “You didn’t have to change your plans for us. I’m sorry, dear,” she said to Stacie. “Are you two close?”

  Stacie was chewing with her eyes closed, looking like she was tasting just a little bit of heaven. “Mmmhmmm,” she said. “Very close. Aren’t we, Joshy?”

  “Not for much longer we aren’t,” he muttered under his breath as he reluctantly sat back down at the table.

  “Joshy?” I couldn’t hide my grin, and Josh shot me a dark look. Stacie pouted a little that he wasn’t sitting next to her, and I braced for her to say something but she didn’t.

  “So, Will,” Stacie speared some salad on her fork then waved it at me, “Josh got me hooked on your books.” She leaned close and lowered her voice as if no one else could hear her. “Have you ever written about him? I mean, you two MUST have dat—”

  “WINE!” I stood up suddenly, shouting the word so loudly it startled my parents. Stacie stared at me with wide eyes like she was thinking I might be unbalanced.

  Frankly, I was thinking the same thing.

  “Willow?” My dad had this look on his face like he wanted to ask me a question but wasn’t quite sure how to phrase it.

  Pushing my chair back, I was already heading for the glasses. “I didn’t offer you any wine, Stacie. How un-hostly of me.” I grabbed a goblet and turned around. “Or would you prefer beer?”

  Josh was shaking his head no, like this was the WORST idea possible. And now that I thought about it, loosening her tongue with alcohol was perhaps the stupidest thing I could do given the circumstances, but it was the only thing I could think of at the time.

  Thinking on the fly? NOT my strong suit. I do so much better when I have time to plan things out. Which made me good at writing, but not so much at Life-ing.

  “Wine would be great,” Stacie said. “Thank you. You are so sweet. Not at all what I expected.”

  As I was
trying to figure out the appropriate response to that, my mom said, “So you two hadn’t met?” Her forehead furrowed in confusion. “Are you visiting, then?” she said to Stacie.

  “Visiting? Well, I came by to see Josh.” Stacie smiled coquettishly at him and then suggestively swirled her tongue around a cherry tomato and popped it into her mouth.

  “STACIE.” Josh shot to his feet, his chair clattering to the floor behind him. “I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO YOU OUT IN THE HALL RIGHT NOW.” He walked around the table, gently but firmly took her arm and led her toward the door. As he was opening it, he turned back and said, “I’ll be right back.”

  Stacie said, “I will, t—”

  But Josh yanked her out the door before she could finish her sentence.

  My parents were silent for a few moments. And I didn’t have a clue what to say.

  “Well,” my mom said, smoothing her hands over her lap, “that was…”

  “I’m sorry,” I said, the words rushing out of my mouth. “This is all my fault, and I…I never should have…god, I’ve messed this all up. It’s just that you worry about me and I don’t want you to worry, and I’m sorry. Josh and I—”

  The door opened and Josh came back in. Alone.

  My mouth hung open in mid-sentence, but nothing more came out.

  “Josh and you what, Willowbee?” my dad said, a crease in his forehead. “What were you going to say?”

  Josh slid into his seat next to me and nudged me with his arm. “We’re just so glad you’re here,” he said, turning to my parents. “Especially me. It’s really great to finally meet you.”

  I let out a deep and slightly shaky breath, my eyes stinging a little. If I believed in knights in shining armor, Josh would definitely be one.

  “So, Josh,” my mom said, picking up from where we’d left off, as if Stacie had never even been here, “tell us how you proposed to our Willow.”

  “Oh…” I said, panic prickling my skin, “it’s not that interesting—he got down on one knee, and I said yes. You don’t want to hear it.”

  “Of course I do.” She leaned her elbows on the table and waited expectantly.

  I turned to Josh, my mind racing to come up with some story so he wouldn’t have to, but under the table he just calmly placed a hand on my knee and squeezed.

  “Well,” he started, and my parents both leaned closer, ready to be enraptured again. “After that first night we met, we bumped into each other several more times up on the roof, then started making regular dates to meet there. It became our place even before we were dating. It still is.” He took a sip of wine amidst complete silence—my parents hung on his every word and I was too anxious to know what he would say to breathe, let alone speak. “So, on The Night, I lit up the roof with candles all around the edge, had two bottles of her favorite Sam Adams—Octoberfest—and a pint of her favorite salted caramel and bittersweet chocolate ice cream.” He paused, turning his smile on me.

  They were my favorites, and I could hardly believe he knew that. I mean, we’d been good friends for three years, but I guess I never realized how well he knew me.

  “When she arrived, I gave her this speech about how long we’ve known each other, how she was the only person I always wanted more time with no matter how much time we spent together, and how I never wanted to be without her.” He swung his arm over the back of my chair, squeezed my shoulder, and pulled me into him. “And since she realized she didn’t want a life without me either, she said yes.”

  I nodded, mesmerized. “Well, who wouldn’t?” I took a deep breath, sucked in by his story. “That is the most perfect proposal I’ve ever heard. Wow.”

  “And you said it wasn’t a good story, Will,” my dad said, clucking his tongue.

  Crap.

  “Well…I just hadn’t ever heard Josh tell it before.” It wasn’t a lie, thank goodness, but even so my cheeks were tingling and I could feel my face grow warm. “He tells it REALLY well.”

  Part of me almost wished it were true because it was possibly THE most romantic proposal I’d ever heard. Lucky had been proposed to ad nauseam, but not one of them had even come close to this. And while Austin’s proposal to Ever had been all swoony and adorable…the whole public proposal thing? Nope. I wasn’t into flashy or anything that required the kind of coordination it took to put on a Broadway show.

  Not that those weren’t fun—they totally were. They just weren’t me. Simple and personal, what he had just described, was my idea of perfection.

  Damn. Josh was going to make some girl REALLY happy one day.

  That thought should have made me feel good for him and his future wife, but it actually left me unsettled. Slightly out of sorts. I shook it off, though, ignoring the little pang in my gut, and filed this moment away to use in one of my books.

  Because SERIOUSLY. I was swooning here.

  I leaned back, grabbed a pen and a sticky pad off the counter behind me, and scribbled proposal on it so I’d remember.

  When I looked up, my mom had tears in her eyes and she was reaching for Josh’s hand. “We are so thrilled that you found each other. George and I feel so much better about Willow being in the city, knowing that she’s not alone.”

  “She’s not alone,” Josh said, his arm still around me, his hand warm on my shoulder. “Not as long as I’m around.”

  I smiled at him, but this knot of emptiness and longing formed in my gut at his words…because they were not true. I was alone.

  I wanted to be alone.

  I was happy being alone.

  So why was I suddenly feeling like my life plan had a gigantic man-shaped hole in it, one that could not be filled one hot night after another?

  Looking across the table at my parents, they were saturated with each other—happier together than they were apart. It felt so good sitting here with them, Josh by my side. I was surrounded by love.

  And I started to wonder if maybe—just maybe—I’d gotten it all wrong.

  Maybe being alone wasn’t what I really wanted after all.

  eight

  “So why are you going to a doc in New York instead of Boston?” I said the next morning as I locked my door and led my parents out to the street. “I mean, there have got to be plenty of great cardiologists there, Dad.”

  “Well, you remember the Martins?” my mom said. “They were in New York when Abe started having trouble breathing. He went to the hospital and, long story short, was treated by this doctor your father is going to see. Turns out he had heart failure, just like Dad, and she put in a special pacemaker. I know we could go to someone in Boston, but we know she’s good, so why bother?”

  “And New York-Presbyterian is a better cardiac hospital,” my dad said. He raised his arm to hail a cab.

  “We want the best for your father.” My mom slipped her arm around my waist and pulled me close. “Plus we get to see our favorite girl and her fiancé. It was a great excuse to come visit.”

  “Mom, you don’t need an excuse. You could come any time.”

  “I know, sweetheart. Still. This’ll work out. Your father gets his heart fixed up right, and we get to see you.”

  The ride uptown was quiet. My parents sat close together, holding hands. For all their carefree talk, worry rolled off them in waves, and I wondered if maybe another reason they came here was so I could be there with them. That maybe they needed me, too.

  I reached over and put my hand on top of theirs, squeezing. My dad placed his other hand on mine, and the three of us rode the rest of the way like that. Part of me wanted to point out the sights as we went by, but it didn’t feel like the right time. They were nervous, but focused. I didn’t want to intrude. I just wanted to be with them.

  When we got to the hospital, my dad checked in, then we were ushered into a doctor’s office. Sitting in front of an imposing desk, I looked around the room at the books, models of hearts, and finally the degrees hanging on the walls.

  Daniel Schwartz, M.D.

  Goosebumps rose on m
y skin at the sight of the name.

  “Who did you say you had an appointment with?” I said, my voice sounding tight and panicked to my ears. “I thought you said the doctor was a woman.”

  It couldn’t be the same Dan I’d known in college. The one who’d broken my heart when he left to go do his residency in Minnesota. The one who’d planned to become a cardiologist.

  The one The Girls had dubbed Dr. Heartworm.

  “Dr. Stidham, but they said we’d been seen by Dr. Schwartz today. Some sort of screening process, I think.”

  I could feel the color draining from my face.

  It couldn’t be him. This had to be a DIFFERENT cardiologist named Dan Schwartz. That was a common name, right?

  There was a REALLY good chance it was someone else…and not my ex with the dark, wavy hair and deep brown eyes who’d just walked into the room and was closing the door behind him. Why had I thought it was a good idea to tag along to this appointment? My parents could have come by themselves. Why, also, was there no place to hide or just melt into the background in a doctor’s office?

  I ducked my head down, staring at my hands in my lap, wishing fervently that I could disappear.

  Breathe, Will.

  “Good morning, Mr. Truly. I’m Dr. Schwartz, and I work with Dr. Stidham.” The sound of Dan’s voice made me cringe. It really, really was him. Shit. Shit. Shit. Papers rustled and he came around the edge of his desk to sit down across from us. I lowered my head further, belatedly realizing the futility—between the last name and my flaming red hair…god, fuck me. Almost to himself, he said, “What an unusual last name…I used to know—”

  He must have looked up and seen me because his words cut off sharply. I didn’t have the guts to look up.

  “Hello, Willow,” he said, a distinct chill in his voice.

  Face burning, I finally met his eyes, gave a half-hearted smile and a wave. “Hi, Dr. Heartw—D-D-Dan. It’s…uh…been a while.”

  His eyes hardened and his jaw set.

  Clearly he wasn’t entirely over it yet.

  Okay, look. When Dan had dumped me cold, I hadn’t reacted WELL. After nine blissful months together and absolutely NO sign from him that we weren’t going to continue on together, get married, have babies, and live happily ever after (see? Once upon a time I’d wanted all those things, too), he’d gotten his residency acceptance, rented an apartment in Minnesota, and then, at the last minute, announced that I was not invited along. That it had been fun while it lasted, but he’d spent the night with another doctor-in-training on a visit to the Mayo Clinic, and he wanted to go there free from all prior commitments so he could explore his options.