by Jen Meyers
I mean, he’d moved without telling me. Maybe he’d hoped to disappear from my life forever.
And he’d completely ignored my texts tonight.
Come on, Will. You’re smart enough to read the signs.
The message was clear, and I don’t know why I’d ignored it.
I’d lost him. For good.
twenty-six
My heart plummeted, taking the rest of me with it. I crashed to my knees, unable to hold myself up, unable to breathe anymore. This crushing pain in my chest was oh-so-familiar, but oh-so-much-worse than what I’d ever felt before. Losing Dr. Heartworm was nothing compared to what it felt like to really and truly lose Josh.
I couldn’t believe I’d done this. That I’d actually found a good guy—after all the guys I’d dated and written about, after all the faults I’d found in everyone else, I’d actually had the Perfect Guy in my life this whole time. Making himself indispensable, irreplaceable.
Numb, I got to my feet, stumbled down the few steps, and walked home.
I was no longer in a rush to get anywhere, to BE anywhere. As much as I’d wanted to see Josh, I could not stand the thought of being alone in my apartment.
Pulling my phone out, I was poised to text The Girls, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it. I couldn’t stand them knowing that I’d failed so spectacularly. Besides, they’d find out soon enough.
I didn’t want to be by myself, but I didn’t want to be with anyone else.
Except Josh. All I wanted was Josh.
And that was the one thing I apparently couldn’t have.
When I finally got back to my building an hour later, I stood on the landing and just stared at his door.
Why hadn’t I recognized what he was before? Why did I have to be so fucking stupid when it came to love? I would have given everything I had to go back in time and do it all over. Do it all BETTER.
But life doesn’t give you do-overs.
Not when someone dies. Not when someone leaves you behind.
Turning away, I unlocked my door, then stood in the entryway feeling the emptiness of my life get exponentially deeper when combined with the emptiness of my apartment.
I was alone. I was always going to be alone. My father was dead. My mother would be next, and that would leave me totally on my own. There were no brothers or sisters—just some distant cousins who I hadn’t seen in decades and wouldn’t know who I was if I passed them on the street.
The Girls were there for me…but who knew how things might change. One by one they were bound to fall in love and get married. Ever already had. And once there were children, they’d each have whole other lives. It was inevitable that we’d drift apart, not see each other very often.
If at all.
They’d have these full lives that I would know nothing about and have no place in. I’d be a dried up old spinster with a shelf full of romance novels I’d written—laughable because after all the happy endings I will have written, I never will have had one of my own.
God. I was going to have to get cats, and that thought alone was enough to make my eyes tear up.
I hated cats. Almost as much as I hated worms.
Well, I’d done this to myself. I’d gotten EXACTLY what I’d wanted all along—to be alone.
Well done, Will.
Yanking the collar of my shirt away from my neck, I dropped my bag, turned, and headed right back out the door.
The roof. I needed to get up on the roof where I could breathe. Where the world felt large and wondrous, and my problems didn’t seem as soul-crushingly awful as they actually were. I had to let all these feelings float away into the night. I couldn’t contain them anymore.
But as soon as I opened the roof door, instead of feeling better, I felt a thousand times worse.
Candles.
There were candles everywhere. Clearly someone was having a fantastically romantic time up here and I’d just walked right into it. Probably my new neighbors. I hated the idea of someone else using this space—probably because in all the time I’d lived here the only other person I’d ever seen up on the roof had been Josh. It had come to feel like my space. Our space.
And I didn’t want to share.
My heart clenched.
A hundred votives ran along the edge of the roof, casting warm light, making shadows dance, transforming it from a plain, tar-covered space to a magical land. It was exactly the kind of thing I would have written into a book. Perfect in every way. A happy fucking ending.
Why did I have to live next door to a young, happy couple? Why couldn’t I have gotten a crotchety old man instead?
Tears filled my eyes. My heart ached to the point where I had to press my palm to my chest to try to lessen it or stop it completely, if I could. My loss only felt bigger and bigger with every breath I took.
The lump of Harmony’s crystal under my hand felt warm. With all that I was, I wished this stone could draw love to me, as Harmony had said.
Specifically, Josh’s love.
You know, if the rock was going to give me a choice. Which it should.
Oh, god. I was actually hoping this rock had special powers. What was wrong with me?
Shaking my head, I turned to go back through the door, back to the emotional black hole of my apartment, when something red on the roof caught my eye.
A plaid blanket.
Shit, I had to get out of here now in case they were going at it on the roof, and I was branded a creeper.
But then I saw the pint of ice cream. And the bottles of Sam Adams. Two of them.
And it felt like all the blood drained from my body.
It couldn’t be. I wasn’t sure I could stand it if—
“Will.”
Chills shivered down my back as he stepped out of the shadows, and I couldn’t move. All feeling had left my body and I was rendered completely immobile.
He walked toward me slowly, and I couldn’t tell if he was savoring the moment or worried he might scare me away. When he paused in front of me, he took both of my hands in his, then gently pulled me toward the blanket.
Then he stopped and got down on one knee.
Tears filled my eyes again, spilling down my cheeks, and I opened my mouth to tell him everything, but he pressed one finger to my lips.
“Willow Truly,” he said. “I have been waiting for you to be ready for me for a very long time, and it seems you finally are. So I’m not wasting another moment.” He grinned up at me. “We’ve known each other for years, and you’re the best friend I’ve ever had. You’re the one I want to sit on the roof with every night, the one I want to wake up next to every morning. The one I want to spend my life with.” I opened my mouth again but he pressed on. “My life is so much better when you’re in it—I never want you out of it again. I know you don’t need me…but I need you.”
I shook my head because he was wrong. I’d been wrong.
“No,” I said. “I do need you. I don’t want to, but I do.” He laughed, and I did too because that sounded all kinds of wrong, but it was the truth. “I need you, and I love you, Josh, and I’m scared out of my mind that I’ll lose you…”
“You’ll never lose me, Will. I’m yours forever. Will you have me?”
I stared into his clear blue eyes, at the love overflowing from them. He was everything I never thought I’d have, I never knew I needed. Candlelight flickered across his face, and moonlight gave his messy hair a slight glow.
I nodded. “Well,” I said, “you are pretty irresistible in the moonlight.”
“See?” he said. “This is what I’ve been telling you.” His fingers entwined with mine. “But just wait until you see me in my tool belt…”
Then he was pulling me down to him, sliding his fingers into my hair, and bringing my lips to his.
Just before they touched, he said, “I am yours. Truly.”
twenty-seven
Lucky was holding her hand out, a ridiculously smug look on her face, as she wove her way through the
tables to where we sat. We’d tried to wait for her, but had gone ahead and ordered, all of us too hungry to cope if she’d gotten stuck in traffic or on the phone.
“Let me see the ring,” she said with an I-told-you-so tone. “Come on, Will. Show me the money.”
“I already tried that,” Ever said. “There isn’t one.”
Clutching her chest as she swooped into the only remaining seat in front of her usual egg white omelet and whole wheat bagel, Lucky gasped. “What? How can there not be a ring? If there’s an engagement, there’s a RING.”
“Unless,” Harmony said, “the engagee doesn’t want one. Not all of us are as materialistic as…” Lucky raised an eyebrow at her and Harmony paused for just a second before she said, “…some.”
I shrugged. “I hate diamonds.”
“How—What—?” Lucky sputtered. “That’s not even possible. Everyone loves diamonds. They’re gorgeous. They’re sparkly.” She looked totally perplexed, like she couldn’t believe she actually had to convince anyone of these facts. “They’re a girl’s best friend.”
“Outside of us, you mean. Right?” Bliss peeked at Lucky from behind her camera, clicked without looking through the viewfinder again, then put her camera back down on the table. She and Summer had flown in for the weekend after they’d heard the news.
“Oh, come on,” Lucky said. “You guys are BEYOND best friends. Way, far beyond. You’re family.” She looked at me. “But you really are engaged, right?”
I couldn’t hide my smile. “I am. Can’t quite believe it myself.”
“You and me, both,” Lucky said, and Ever smacked her arm. “What? You can’t tell me that the rest of you weren’t thinking the same thing.”
“I think it’s WONDERFUL,” Ever said, “and I’m not surprised at all.”
“Me, neither,” Harmony said. “You can’t keep soul mates apart.”
I still wasn’t buying into this whole soul-mate thing, but I was finally willing to admit that Josh was perfect for me. The thing about really being with him now, was it made me realize that while I had been perfectly happy on my own, Josh made my life infinitely happier. He made it glow.
I still didn’t need a man to feel good or whole. I had those covered on my own.
Always had, always would.
But, just like I needed The Girls, I needed Josh, too.
Being with him simply made everything better.
It also, ironically, created a huge problem—life wasn’t suddenly all hearts and flowers, with little birds winding ribbons together to make me a ball gown. At the moment, it was a bit of a mess.
“You guys,” I said slowly, a serious look on my face. “This engagement isn’t working wi—”
“What!?” They cut me off, their mouths hanging open.
“Will, you can’t end it now,” Bliss said. “I mean, let me at least take engagement pictures first. We need photographic evidence that hell really HAS frozen over.”
“HA HA.” I smirked. “I’m not ending it. That’s not the problem.”
“Then what is?” Ever said.
“My column.”
They stared at me for a moment, then all said, “Ohhhhhh”.
“Yeah, you can’t really go out on dates anymore, huh?” Harmony said. “Maybe you could write about finding your True Love instead.”
Bliss snorted. “BOR-ing. No one’s going to be entertained by THAT.” She ripped off a piece of her croissant and threw it at Harmony. Summer shot out a hand and caught it, popped it in her mouth.
“Don’t waste good food,” she said, then snatched the pastry off Bliss’s plate. “And if you’re not going to eat it, I will.”
Bliss waved at her to have at it. “How you eat everything and never gain an ounce, I have no idea. I’m going to have to go for a run later just to counteract the few bites I did eat.” She speared a ball of melon with her fork and waved it at Summer. “It’s not fair.”
Summer took a big bite and just grinned at her, bits of croissant clenched in her straight, white teeth. Then she turned to me. “Why don’t you write about us?” she said, then looked around the table. “Like our dating trials and tribulations.” She pointed at herself, Bliss, Harmony, and Lucky. “We’ve got PLENTY of material to keep you going for years. PLUS,” she said, “you know everything that’s already happened.”
“Would you guys be okay with that?” I eyed them hopefully. “I can change your names so no one would know it was you.”
“Sure.” Bliss shrugged and her hand migrated to the shell around her neck. This secretive little smile spread across her face as she fingered it. No one else seemed to notice.
But I did, and my story radar gave a faint bleep.
“Would we get to read it first? Maybe say no?” Harmony’s face was scrunched up warily.
“Absolutely. I wouldn’t ever want to publish anything that would embarrass or upset you.”
“Fine,” Lucky said with a wave of her hand. “Whatever. I don’t expect you’ll have much to write about me, anyway, since I’m never dating again and will die a spinster.”
“Riiiiiiigggghhhhht.” Bliss laughed, her necklace still twined in her fingers. “I’ll believe THAT when I see it. Stop being such a drama queen. We ALL know you’ll be dating someone by next week.”
“You’ll find someone, honey,” Ever said, putting her arm around Lucky. “I know you will.”
“That makes one of us.” Lucky sighed, poking at her omelet with her fork.
Summer shook her head. “No, that makes five of us. We all know it’ll happen, Lucky. You, more than anyone else here, are destined to get married. You simply haven’t found the right guy yet.”
“But you will,” Harmony added.
As The Girls rallied around Lucky, my eyes stayed on Bliss. Something had happened with her, I was sure of it. I’d been so caught up in my own good news, I hadn’t even taken the time to ask what was new with everyone else…but there was something definitely new with Bliss. Someone new, I’d bet my life on it.
My radar bleeped a little louder.
“So.” I leaned close to Bliss so the others wouldn’t hear. “Tell me about the guy.”
“What?!” Her eyes went wide and flew to the others, but they were too busy discussing what Lucky’s Perfect Guy would be like. Though, it didn’t look like all of the suggestions were serious since Lucky was rolling her eyes as Summer cackled. “What guy?”
“Your guy.” I pointed at the necklace her fingers still held onto.
She bit her lip, looking equal parts guilty and unsure. “I don’t even know where to start,” she said quietly. “I’m not sure there’s anything to talk about. It’s a fucking mess, Will. I hate his life. How can I get involved with someone when I want no part in the life he lives?”
I stared at her for a moment, slightly stunned at her intensity. “This sounds like it could be serious.”
But she was already shaking her head. “It’s not. It’s not anything yet. I mean, we’re not dating. Not that he hasn’t asked.” She blew her bangs out of her face as she pulled her long blonde hair back into a ponytail. “And his publicist keeps making sure I’m hired for photo shoots. In fact, he won’t work with any other photographer right now.”
“Wow.” I took a sip of my coffee. “And…how do you feel about that?”
“Honestly?” Bliss said, and I nodded. “I am so fucking attracted to this guy it’s unreal. And I love seeing him, spending time together.” She got this look on her face of complete, filled-to-overflowing happiness. “But it feels like we’re doing this big dance, spinning around and around each other. And I just…” She sighed. “…I don’t know. I guess I just don’t see how it can ever work out, so why even bother, you know?”
“I DO know.”
“He’s going to break my heart, Will. I can feel it.” She nodded, staring off into space. “If I start something, I just know he’s going to break my heart.”
“Holy shit, this IS serious,” I said. Bliss had le
ft a trail of broken hearts in her romantic wake. Seriously. In fact, I know her heart had been bruised before, but broken? I’m not sure it ever had been.
“But, god, is he something.” And her face lit up with what I could only describe as bliss…Total Bliss!
My radar was going off so loud and fast in my head now, it was like one long, high-pitched scream of literary inspiration.
I sat back in my chair and drank the last of my coffee as Bliss stared dreamily off into space. Ideas were bubbling up in my mind. I reached for my phone to tap out my thoughts before they disappeared.
There was a great story on the horizon—I could feel it. My radar was never wrong. A light, giddy feeling spread through me—the same feeling I used to get when I had a fantabulous column in mind.
Writing about my friends was going to be brilliant.
I couldn’t wait to get started.
A Note from Jen
Hey! Thanks for reading Yours Truly. If you enjoyed this book, please help me spread the word by telling your friends about it and posting a review online wherever you bought it. Your review will help other readers figure out whether they’d like this book, too.
Thanks! You're the best.
Warmly,
jen
Coming Summer 2016
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