Black List

by Lynn Raye Harris

  She drew in a sharp breath. “Why? Why do you care, Jace? I’m nothing to you—”

  His grip on her tightened so much it cut off her words. “You’re not nothing, Maddy. You’re far more than that.”

  Her breath hitched in. “I don’t know what that means.”

  He let her go. Pushed her away suddenly but gently, as if she was too hot to touch. “It means I care about you.”

  She waited. He didn’t say anything else, and she backed away, her gaze blurring. “But not enough, apparently.”

  “Maddy,” he said, catching her arm when she turned away.

  She faced him again, letting her anger and despair spill over along with her tears. “If you aren’t willing to fight for me, Jace, then I’m not enough. You can’t have it both ways.”

  “It’s not that, baby. It’s me. It’s who I am.”

  She couldn’t stop herself from slapping her palms against his chest. Breaking his hold on her. “But I don’t know who you are because you won’t tell me! How fair is that? You know who I am—you know about Mimi and my dad, about my mother. And I know that you lost your family, that they moved you to Russia when you were a child, and you resent them for it.”

  “I can’t tell you more.” He stood there, looking so remote and untouchable, and her heart cracked in two.

  Maddy took a step backward, hooked her thumb over her shoulder. “I’m just going to go get my stuff together. Pretend last night didn’t happen.”

  “Maddy—”

  “Nope. No.” She held her hand up. “You don’t get to say that to me. You don’t get to tell me to be calm and reasonable because this is best. No, sir. You damned sure don’t.”

  He’d fucked that up. Royally. Jace stood in the kitchen long after she’d left him there and worked on calming the inner turmoil raging inside. Wasn’t he being noble? Letting Maddy go rather than endangering her because he was too selfish to say goodbye was the right damned thing to do.

  So why did it hurt so fucking much?

  His phone rang and he snatched it up. “Yeah?”

  “Good morning to you too, Sunshine,” Ian said. “You ready to turn over Dr. Cole’s security?”

  “Yes.”

  “I’ve got someone who can do the job of impersonating her. Jamie Hayes is similar in size and build. She’s a brunette though so she’ll be wearing a wig. She’ll meet you at the safe house and go back with you after she talks with Dr. Cole.”

  “Sounds like a plan.” Jace stared at the wall opposite, dying a little bit inside.

  “You okay?”

  “Fine.”

  “Man, don’t do that. Don’t impersonate every ex-girlfriend I’ve ever had.”

  Jace would have laughed if he weren’t so pissed at the world in general. “I don’t know what you want me to say, Ian. I’m going to execute the plan. I refuse to be happy about it.”

  “Yeah, I know. You’re doing the right thing though. We both know it.”

  “I know.” He put a hand on his neck, rubbed at the tension gathering there. “But I don’t want to do it. What’s that say about me?”

  “It says you’re human.”

  He could hear Maddy banging around in the bedroom. He wanted to go to her, strip her, and make love to her one more time. But she wasn’t going to let him. Not after he’d as much as told her this was goodbye. He remembered her telling him last night that she’d lost her family and how much it hurt. He hated to be one more person leaving her.

  “Maybe I’d rather be a robot then.”

  Ian didn’t say anything for a long moment. “No, I don’t think you do.”

  There was a world of meaning in those words, but Jace didn’t ask what the bossman meant. It was none of his business anyway.

  They ended the call and Jace went to check on Maddy. She glared at him as he entered the bedroom. She had a suitcase open on the bed and she’d thrown a bunch of stuff into it, none of it folded. “Are you really trying to tell me that you don’t date anyone? That your entire existence consists of one-night stands? That you don’t want connection with anyone?”

  “I want what’s best for you.”

  She threw her arms wide, clothes hanging from her hands. “Have you ever thought that maybe you’re what’s best for me? That I’m the one who gets to decide, not you?”

  He didn’t know what to say. He just stared at her. She dropped her arms to her sides, the fight leeching out of her.

  “You know what? It’s okay. What if we’d dated for a month and you broke up with me? Would I have the right to be crazy over it? Sure, but that wouldn’t be your problem. So this isn’t your problem either.” She started taking clothes out of the suitcase and folding them properly. Whatever had happened inside her head, she’d found her calm place.

  “Maddy—”

  “No,” she said firmly. “Don’t tell me you care, Jace. Don’t tell me you want to be with me but. It’s much better if you just treat it like it was a one-night stand, you got what you wanted, and I’m the idiot for thinking there was more between us. Because I am an idiot, that’s for sure. We’ve known each other for days. That’s it. I slept with you once—well, technically a few more times than that—but one night together. People don’t commit to each other after a single night. So I’m going to stop being the psycho who can’t take rejection and you’re going to act like you got what you wanted and we’re done.”

  He ground his teeth together. “If that’s what you want.”

  “Yep, it’s what I want.”

  “Soon as you’re ready, we’re leaving.”

  “Fine.” She flicked her fingers at him. “I don’t need help. Please go away.”

  Jace left without replying. If this is how she needed to deal with it, then he had no right to interfere.

  But holy hell, it hurt more than he expected it would.

  Maddy didn’t know what she’d expected a safe house to look like, but this one looked like a normal house. It was a small clapboard house on an acre of land on the Eastern Shore, tucked back inside some trees. There was a stream that ran behind it not too far away, and nothing but marshy wetlands beyond that.

  They weren’t far from the nearest town, but to look at the view, it felt like they were a million miles from civilization. Maddy frowned at the stream and marsh like she could make it turn into the streets of New York City if only she concentrated hard enough. Kitty was off exploring the house, and Jace was on the phone with someone.

  They’d driven her car out here, but he’d told her that her stand-in would be driving it back. He’d helped her unload everything and then called someone. Colt, from the sounds of it. A few minutes later, Jace had stopped talking and a car made its way up the long gravel drive. Two people got out—one was Colt and the other was a woman who walked like she dared anyone to give her any shit. They came up the steps and knocked on the door.

  Maddy started to open it, but Jace was there first. “I’ve got it.”

  She rolled her eyes. “It’s Colt and the woman I presume is my double.”

  “Doesn’t matter. Never answer the door, Maddy. Let me do it.”

  “You’re leaving, remember?”

  “Then let Colt do it.”

  She didn’t get to reply because Colt and the woman were stepping inside then. The woman’s gaze swept over her. Maddy automatically didn’t like her. She didn’t have a good reason for it. It was simply that this woman was driving out of here with Jace, pretending to be her, while Maddy wasn’t going to see him again.

  “Hi, I’m Jamie,” she said, coming over and holding out her hand.

  Maddy took it. “Hi.” She had a firm grip and a nice smile and Maddy felt like a jerk for not liking her on sight.

  “Maddy, we’ll need your clothes,” Jace said. “Like I told you.”

  “Yes, of course. I’ll just go and change.” Jace had explained that this woman would wear the clothing she was wearing right now back to her house. So it looked like Maddy had left for a while and returned.r />
  Maddy swallowed angry tears as she jerked her clothes off and put on a pair of jeans and a baggy hooded top. “Stop it,” she hissed to herself. “You aren’t upset with Jamie. You’re upset with Jace. She’s a perfectly lovely person and doesn’t deserve your anger.”

  Maddy sniffed and gathered her clothing, then returned to the living room with a smile on her face, determined to be pleasant to everyone. “Here you go,” she said to Jamie.

  “Thanks. I’ll just run into the bathroom and change.”

  Maddy drifted over to the back windows again while Jace and Colt talked quietly. A few minutes later and Jamie was back. Maddy’s clothes fit her just fine. With her hair, which was the same color as Maddy’s, she could be Maddy if you didn’t look closely enough. Unlike the woman in the airport photo, this one didn’t have the same facial features though.

  Jamie must have sensed something in the way Maddy looked at her because she smiled. “It’s a wig. My hair is brown, and a bit shorter than yours actually. But this is enough to fool anyone who doesn’t get face to face with me.”

  “It’s a little odd seeing you in my clothes, I have to admit.”

  “Hopefully it won’t last long, Dr. Cole.”

  “Maddy.”

  “Maddy. Do you mind if we talk for a few minutes? I’ve seen your file, but I need to know some particulars about your routine. I don’t want to do anything that would arouse suspicion.”

  “Of course.”

  They went out onto the back deck and Jamie asked her a few questions. Maddy only half paid attention. Her heart was throbbing and asking her how she’d gotten into this mess, and her gaze kept drifting over Jamie’s shoulder to where Jace stood with arms folded as he discussed something with Colt. They both looked intense, but only Jace made her blood sizzle.

  When Jamie was done talking, she went back inside. Maddy did not. She turned away and kept her gaze on the stream and a blue heron that picked its way along the edges, seeking a meal.

  It didn’t take long before she felt another person’s presence behind her. She didn’t need to turn around to know it was Jace. She could feel him in her bones. Her pulse quickened at his nearness, and arousal began to pool low in her belly.

  “We’re going now, Maddy.”

  “So go.”

  “I didn’t want to go without saying goodbye.”

  “I thought you already said it.”

  She felt a hand on her arm and then he turned her to face him. She jerked her arm away.

  “Look at me. Please.”

  She folded her arms. “I’m looking.”

  He huffed a breath. “I’m sorry if I’ve hurt you. I didn’t intend to. Last night…” He closed his eyes. Shook his head. “It meant a lot to me, Maddy. That’s all.”

  He turned and walked away and she stood there, not seeing anything, until Colt stepped out on the deck. “Hey, Maddy. It’s best if you come back inside. You don’t want to stand out here for too long. You’re a bit exposed.”

  “Right now, I don’t care if Calypso shoots me,” she muttered. “It can’t hurt any worse.”

  Chapter Twenty

  The hours with Colt passed a lot slower than the hours with Jace had. Maddy fired up her computer and did some paperwork. It’d been over a week since she’d left Russia and no assignment from Barrington’s yet. She had little doubt that Ian and Jace were responsible for that. Under Colt’s watchful eye, she made a call to her supervisor and asked when she could expect to be sent somewhere.

  He hemmed and hawed and told her soon, he was sure, but the business was slow right now. Even Leonid Sokolov was in no rush to continue the process. She’d finished the paperwork on his icons, thanks to Ian getting her computer back, and so Barrington’s had issued a policy for those pieces. The rest were already insured, though the appraised values weren’t current. Still, Sokolov was rich enough that it wasn’t going to kill him if he had a loss and didn’t get the full value for a piece.

  Maddy ended the call feeling more frustrated than ever. Colt had briefed her when she’d gone back inside about the things she could and couldn’t do. She could use her cellphone and her computer. He had technology to mask her location, so if by chance anyone was looking for her that way, they wouldn’t be able to track her.

  She couldn’t leave the house unless he went with her. Not even outside, unless she cleared it with him first and he told her it was safe. She couldn’t tell anyone where she was. There would be no visiting Mimi while she was under protection, either. That last had bothered her quite a bit, but she understood. She could only hope that Jace and his teammates found Calypso quickly so she could get back to her life.

  “Heating up a pizza, Maddy. You want some?” Colt called from the kitchen.

  Maddy closed her eyes. Why did it have to be pizza? Did these guys eat anything else? “Not hungry, thank you,” she called back.

  The day went much like that. Maddy frustrated and sad, Colt being nice and asking her if she needed anything. He was a decent guy, really. She learned that his name was Colton. His mom only called him by his full name and hated when friends shortened it to Colt. He said he didn’t mind it either way, but it sure did annoy his mother.

  He was as cagey with information as Jace, but she learned that he was prior military and had been with BDI for three years now. He was single, never been married—or at least she didn’t think he had—and if he wasn’t a freaking mercenary soldier/spy, he’d be perfect for Angie.

  Maddy had tried to call Angie but her friend’s voicemail came on. She hated that Angie was hiding, but she understood her friend’s desire to be alone. Angie was an introvert at her core, same as Maddy. She just did a better job of pretending to be an extrovert than Maddy did. So Maddy totally understood the craving for alone time. She just wished that Angie didn’t want that time now, after Tom Walls had attacked her. It made it hard for Maddy to know if it was just Angie being an introvert or Angie being more traumatized than she’d let on.

  Eventually, however, Angie called her back. It was dark by that time and Maddy was watching Chip and Joanna, wishing she could move to Waco and forget everything.

  “Hey, Mads,” Angie said.

  The hair on Maddy’s neck stood up. “Ang, what’s wrong?”

  “Wrong? Nothing’s wrong. Why would you ask that?”

  Maddy blinked. Colt was sitting nearby, reading something on his phone, but he’d lifted his head the instant he heard Angie’s name. His gaze sharpened as he watched her.

  “You sound upset. Is everything okay?”

  Angie sniffed. “Oh sure, everything’s fine. I just… Maddy, I don’t want to be alone right now. Can I come over?”

  Maddy closed her eyes. Fuck. “Honey, I’m not home. I’m, uh, staying somewhere.”

  Angie’s voice broke. “Oh, okay. It’s just… I don’t feel safe here. Tom called me… he says he’s not finished with me yet.”

  Maddy’s gut twisted. She saw red. “Angie, no. No way in hell is that bastard touching you again.” She glared at Colt, furious. Help me, she mouthed.

  He was frowning hard. “What do you want me to do?” he said in a low, angry voice.

  “Pick her up. Or let me tell her where I am.”

  “I can’t do that, Maddy.”

  “You damn well can, Colt,” she hissed, hand covering the mouthpiece.

  “I’ll go to a hotel,” Angie was saying. “I’ll be fine.”

  “No, honey. No. Do you feel like driving? I’m staying on the Eastern Shore—”

  Colt was waving his hands at her, his expression furious. She ignored him.

  “I can’t tell you exactly where, but I can tell you the town. Drive there and I’ll come get you.”

  “Okay,” Angie said, sniffing. “I love you, Mads. I hope you know that.”

  “Of course I do! I’ll see you soon, Angie. I won’t let anybody hurt you, swear to God.”

  “I know.”

  Despite Colt’s frowning and growling, Maddy told Angie to
drive to the grocery store on the main drag in town and to call her when she arrived. Then Angie ended the call and Maddy prepared for Colt’s fury.

  “You shouldn’t have done that, Maddy.”

  His expression should have made her cringe, but she was too worried for Angie. They’d been together through thick and thin. Angie was there for her when Mimi started slipping, and Angie had helped her make the decision to move Mimi to the Oaks. She’d even helped Maddy figure out how to afford it.

  “I couldn’t leave her. She’s scared. You saw her yesterday. You know how upset she was.”

  Colt shoved a hand through his hair. “Still. I know she’s your friend, but you can’t compromise your location. Once she gets here, she can’t leave. You realize that? She’s as stuck here as you are, and I don’t care how much she wants to go—or even if her work demands it. She’s stuck.”

  Maddy shot him a grin. “Oh hush. You like her, Colt. It’s not going to bother you to have her in the same house for a few days.”

  He growled. “Doesn’t matter. It’s risky.”

  “So call Ian or Jace and tell them I did it. But when she gets to that parking lot, I’m going to go get her. With or without you.”

  “I’ve got the car keys, Maddy. You think about that?”

  “Then I’ll walk—which I don’t think you’ll let happen. So we go together. You can check out her car and everything, then she can follow us back. Or if you don’t want her to do that, make her leave the car and ride with us.”

  Colt shoved a hand through his hair and swore. “Jace will kill me if anything happens to you. Do you realize that?”

  Frost encased her heart. “I think if he cared that much, he’d still be here.”

  Colt shook his head. “I guess you don’t know much about Jace if you believe that. He’s actively hunting for Calypso. For you, Maddy. Not for Ian or for BDI. For you. So you can go home again and forget you ever met us.”

  That last bit made her heart hurt. “What if I don’t want to forget?”