Visions of Hope

by Candace Murrow

  Libby gave her a carefree shrug.

  "I can tell a lot from that little gesture. That wasn't a not-interested shrug. That was a don't-look-now-but-I'm-falling-for-him shrug."

  "Oh, Ellen..."

  "So, how are we going to get you two together?"

  "I've only known him a month or so."

  "Hey, I only knew Charlie a week, and we've already done the nasty."

  "Kipp's got responsibilities right now...and Tanya."

  "I'd like to meet that woman. She sounds like a real winner, a real mother-of-the-year type."

  "She's still Kelly's mother."

  "If she wasn't in the picture, would you consider dating Kipp?"

  "Maybe."

  "At least that's not a negative. We're definitely making progress."

  * * *

  CHAPTER 34

  The date was Friday, September 14th, a week after Kipp and Kelly visited Libby, and Kipp was sitting at his desk, jotting down ideas for the article he planned to write about the polygamist cult. Kelly sat on the floor next to him, drawing pictures.

  Earlier in the day a call had come in from Special Agent Watcomb, who gave Kipp an update on the couple who had taken his daughter. From interviews the FBI discovered they had fled to Canada shortly after leaving Kelly in Grand. The FBI told him they would be working with the Canadian authorities to locate the couple, and they would be in touch with Kipp as soon as they had more information.

  Kipp moved to the floor beside Kelly and asked her about the picture she was drawing. She pointed to the stick figures of men and women and explained to him that she had daddies and mommies. She pointed to a figure of a woman off to the side and asked him how to spell Libby's name. At that moment Kipp decided to write his article without mentioning Kelly's rescue, without mentioning her at all. She had suffered enough trauma already, and he didn't want to expose her to any media attention.

  He hugged her to him. "It's almost time for bed, baby bear. Why don't you get your nightgown, and I'll run you a bath." When Kipp rose, he heard voices outside.

  Tanya came through the doorway. "Hello, sweetheart." She dropped her bags and gave Kipp a hug.

  He moved out of her embrace. "I didn't know you were coming home tonight."

  "I couldn't wait to see my little girl." She smoothed Kelly's hair and glanced at the drawings. "Who's in the picture, honey?"

  "All my mommies and daddies."

  "And who is this?" Tanya pointed to the lone figure set apart from the others.

  "That's Libby."

  "Who is Libby, Kelly?"

  "You don't have to talk about her," Kipp said.

  "Yes, you do, honey. Mommy wants to know all about Libby."

  "Tanya, leave it be."

  "She's nice," Kelly said. "We went to her house and had cookies."

  "Did you." Tanya was looking at Kipp, annoyed.

  "Chocolate chip cookies."

  "Go get your nightgown, Kelly," Kipp said.

  Kelly ran off, returned with her nightgown, and handed it to Kipp.

  "Let's get you a bath."

  Tanya tossed her purse on the couch. "Let me give her a bath and put her to bed."

  Kipp gripped Kelly's hand and moved around Tanya.

  "Let me do it, please." Her expression was soft, almost sad.

  Maybe she was ready to be a mother to Kelly. Kipp knelt beside his daughter. "Your mommy wants to put you to bed tonight. Is that okay with you?"

  Kelly peered up at her mother, smiling, and Kipp gave Kelly a squeeze. While Tanya and Kelly were in the bathroom, he read the evening paper. After her bath, Kelly gave him a kiss and went off to bed.

  Kipp continued reading, but kept an ear out for Kelly's voice. It was hard for him to relinquish his role as the person responsible for tucking his daughter in bed. He missed reading her a story, but he didn't want to discourage Tanya's attempt at mothering. He had worn two hats, both father and mother, the first four years of her life before she was kidnapped, and he had to admit he didn't relish sharing those duties with Tanya.

  He kept checking his watch, and finally Tanya tiptoed into the room. "She's asleep. I don't know how you do it. She asks to be read the same passages over and over. It's so exasperating." She settled next to him and ran her fingers up and down his arm.

  He laid the paper aside and picked up her luggage. "It's getting late."

  She followed him to the bedroom and closed the door. "I want to talk to you."

  "About what? Oh, let me guess."

  "Why are you taking Kelly to see this Libby woman?"

  He pulled his pajamas from the closet shelf and grabbed his robe.

  "She's not Kelly's mother, Kipp. I am. And I don't think you should be confusing Kelly like this."

  "She's a friend, Tanya. Can't Kelly have a friend?"

  "Not when I'm around."

  "Well, you weren't around, were you?"

  "I have a job, Kipp, and if you remember, before Kelly was taken away, I was paying child support."

  "Laying down cash doesn't make you a good mother."

  "That's not fair at all."

  "What is?"

  "What about me? I want to be your wife again, and Kelly's mother."

  He stared at her in disbelief. "It's too late for us, Tanya. One too many affairs too late, or have you forgotten?" He turned away and gathered his slippers.

  Backing against the door, she blocked his exit. "Why can't you give me another chance?"

  "Move out of my way."

  Her golden hair glistened in the light, and he was so close to her he could smell her lemony perfume. He stood solid, staring at her, until she slid away from the door.

  "Kipp, don't do this," she yelled after him as he strode down the hallway.

  * * *

  On Monday morning, after Tanya heard Kipp moving about, she got out of bed and did her Yoga routine: the Sun Salutation. When she heard water running in the bathroom, she slipped into the kitchen and put on a pot of coffee. Barefoot, she had on Kipp's tee shirt from yesterday over her undies. Having the shirt touch her skin made her feel closer to him.

  She sipped her coffee, and while she idly skimmed the stray papers on the counter, a business card caught her eye. She didn't recognize the company's name—New Horizons—but when she turned it over, Libby's name and address were written in Kipp's handwriting. She copied down the information and stuck it in her purse just as Kipp wandered out of the bathroom in sweatpants and no shirt.

  He walked past her in search of his glasses, and she jumped at the chance to block his path and pull him into an embrace. The feel of his bare chest gave her chills. She wanted him. She kissed him while rubbing her hand over his chest. His hands went to her waist. She sensed a hesitation in him, as if he might be having second thoughts about loving her, but instead he gave her a slight push.

  "Kipp, why can't you let yourself go and give in to your feelings?" She followed him into the kitchen.

  "You don't know anything about my feelings."

  "I want to. You almost kissed me back. You had to be feeling something then." She tried for another embrace, but he turned his back to her and poured himself a cup of coffee. "I need more than this."

  "Your being here isn't about you, Tanya. It's about Kelly." He took his cup to the living room.

  She waited until he was seated at his desk. "I'm going shopping in Seattle today. I didn't bring enough clothes with me. Do you need the car?"

  "Take it." He draped an arm over the back of his chair. "Why don't you take Kelly? She needs clothes, too."

  "She'd be bored in the big department stores. I might be all day. She'll just get tired. Besides, I want to leave soon." She left the room before he could argue with her. The scowl on his face was bad enough.

  By the time she'd showered and dressed, Kelly was in the kitchen eating cereal. Tanya gave her a quick hug and kiss.

  Kelly scooted off the stool and scurried to the door after her mother. "Where you going, Mommy?"

  "
I'm going to the city for a long day of shopping. It's not for little girls. But I'll be back before you go to bed."

  Once she was outside, Tanya took in a deep breath, filling her lungs with the cool, fresh air. The day was gray and depressing, but not as depressing as Kipp's house or his miserable attitude. This whole situation was stifling. She needed this time alone, free to do whatever she pleased. And what she wished more than anything was to find this Libby person and set her straight: Kipp was her man and Kelly was her daughter. She was not going to stand by and let them be lured away by another woman.

  She took the freeway south instead of north to Seattle. At the first Harbordale exit, she stopped at a gas station, asked for directions, and drove on in search of Libby's house.

  Kipp hadn't said it in so many words, but she could sense there was something between him and Libby. The joyful look on Kelly's face every time Libby's name was mentioned hadn't escaped her. She wasn't sure what she would say to this woman, but she had to get a look at her, size her up, make her understand that Kelly had a mother and Kipp had a wife, an ex-wife, yes, but Tanya planned to change that status.

  In the past she'd made mistakes, but that part of her life was over. Being so close to Kipp again, in the physical sense, brought back the feelings she'd had for him when they first met. Many men had breezed through her life in the last six years--photographers, professional athletes, businessmen--but none compared to Kipp. It had taken her so long to realize what a prize he was. She wanted him back. Having Kelly home again was the perfect inroad, and she intended to use the opportunity to her advantage.

  She turned into Libby's driveway. The house--a simple rambler--was unexceptional, and Tanya was relieved to know she didn't have to compete in that area. The property was lush and wild, and she couldn't comprehend why a person would choose to live in the dense, dark woods. Kipp's location was secluded enough, and she planned to convince him to move back east.

  Tanya relaxed when a chunky woman in sweatpants and tee shirt answered the door. If this was Libby, her trip to Harbordale had been pointless.

  "Can I help you?"

  "I'm Tanya Reed, Kipp Reed's wife."

  "I've seen you in the magazine ads." She folded her arms. "I'm Ellen. If you're looking for Libby, she's away, teaching a workshop in Minneapolis. She won't be back for a couple of days."

  "Then I'll come back another time."

  "Since you've come all this way, why don't you come in for a minute? I'll make you some tea, and we can talk."

  "Why not?" At least she could check out Libby's house.

  While she waited for Ellen to bring the tea, she inspected the room and tried to get a sense of the woman she was beginning to suspect held Kipp's heart. The furnishings were modest, nothing expensive, but a lovely blend of muted colors. There were pottery pieces tucked into various corners, and everything fit in with the natural scheme of things. Soft-toned paintings of flowers and birds graced the walls. Though not Tanya's style, the décor was pleasant enough.

  She hoped to find photos on the walls, but there were none. Disappointed, she checked the coffee table for other clues to Libby's personality. The magazines were nature-oriented, not one had anything to do with fashion or entertainment. When she riffled through the National Geographic, a photo fell out of a woman in jeans with long, straight hair sitting on a rock overlooking ocean waters. Upon Ellen's sudden return, Tanya dropped the picture.

  Ellen set a teacup on the coffee table. "That's Libby, taken about six years ago. She's a knockout, isn't she?"

  "I suppose."

  "Her hair's shorter now, and it makes her even more beautiful. So, why did you come to see her?"

  "Can I ask you a question first?"

  "Shoot."

  "Are you Libby's sister?"

  "We're best friends."

  "Well, my business is with Libby."

  "I didn't know she had any business with you. She didn't mention it."

  "I came on a whim."

  "What for?"

  "It's between her and me." This woman was getting on Tanya's nerves.

  "So, how's Kelly?"

  Tanya moved toward the foyer. "I really should go."

  "Is Kelly getting used to you? I heard she's struggling a little."

  "Just who told you that?"

  "Kipp mentioned it to Libby."

  "He shouldn't have because we're doing just fine. All three of us."

  "That's not what Kipp implied."

  The muscles in Tanya's neck tensed.

  "You should have seen Kipp and Libby and Kelly. They looked so natural together. You should be happy for your ex-family."

  The emphasis on the ex made Tanya livid. This woman had no right to make those observations. "Kipp and Kelly are my family, get it? And you might as well relay that message to your friend. In fact, you can tell her to stay out of our lives." She swung the door open and glared at Ellen. "And you know what else? I don't want her to talk to Kipp ever again. You can tell her that, too." She slammed the door on her way out.

  That Libby woman was not going to have Kipp if she had anything to do with it. Tanya mulled the situation over and over. At the end of Slater Road, she spotted the Harbordale Mall. It wasn't Seattle, but it would have to do.

  * * *

  By the time Tanya arrived back in Port Anderson, it was getting dark, and she struggled to open the door to the house with an armload of packages. Kipp and Kelly were sitting on the floor with their backs against the couch, watching TV. Kelly was dressed for bed, and an empty pizza box lay open on the coffee table.

  "Hi, you two." She set the packages on Kipp's desk. "I see you ate dinner."

  Kelly stared at her mother in silence.

  "Are you hungry?" Kipp said.

  "I picked something up in town."

  "How was Seattle?"

  "Busy. The traffic was horrendous. Wait until you see what I bought you, Kelly." Tanya rummaged through a shopping bag and held up a pair of white pants and a hot pink top. "Just like Mommy's. Do you like it?"

  Kelly scrambled to her feet and grabbed for the pants.

  Tanya jerked them out of her reach. "No, no, don't touch. You'll get them dirty. Look, honey, look what else I bought you." From another bag she pulled out a teddy bear. "You can throw that old dirty one away."

  Kelly's frown deepened. "I don't want that bear. I want my bear." She dashed out of the room, crying.

  Kipp leaped up, but Tanya motioned for him to stay put. "Let me handle this." She noticed the astonished look on his face before she hurried after Kelly.

  A few minutes later she came out of Kelly's room. "I told her I'd get rid of the new bear, but she still wanted to go to bed. There's no pleasing her."

  Kipp sighed in disgust and left the room to kiss his daughter goodnight. Tanya slipped off her shoes and sat on the couch with her legs curled under. Nothing she did seemed to please him either. This was so hard.

  When he returned to the living room, he said, "I think we need to talk about how things are going."

  "I have something to discuss with you, too."

  "I want to know what your plans are, Tanya?"

  "What do you mean?"

  "Are you going back to New York, or are you planning to stay here?"

  "That's what I wanted to talk to you about," she said. "You know my work is in New York, and I have to get back there soon. I haven't changed my mind. I still want you and Kelly to move back to Connecticut."

  "Kelly and I are staying here."

  "You know I have to go back to work."

  "Then you should go."

  "I want us to be a family again, Kipp. Kelly needs me."

  "From what I've observed, I think she would do better if you weren't here."

  "Are you trying to hurt me? Because if you are, you're doing a good job."

  "I thought it would be good to have her mother here, but she never knew you before she was kidnapped. She's been on edge ever since you got here. She needs time to adjust to the way t
hings were, and let's face it, you weren't in her life."

  "God, Kipp, twist the knife why don't you."

  "I'm not saying this to hurt you, Tanya. I'm thinking of Kelly and what's best for her. She barely knew you back then, and she needs time to adjust back to how it used to be when it was just her and me."

  "If we're placing the blame here, I think you should share some of it. Maybe if you had thought about your wife a little more, things would be different now. Ever since Kelly was born, it's been all about Kelly." From the look on Kipp's face, she wished she hadn't said those words, and this wasn't the direction she wanted the discussion to go. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean that. I want to get to know her better. I want to start over, Kipp, with Kelly and you."

  "That's not going to happen."

  "Let me try, please. I've made mistakes in the past. I know that. But I want to change. I still love you."

  Kipp sat down and removed his glasses. He leaned forward and rubbed his eyes.

  "Please, Kipp."

  He looked at her. "When was the last time you were with a man?"

  "I don't know."

  "Come on, Tanya, was it in Australia?"

  "Maybe."

  "Last week?"

  "What difference does that make? I needed someone to love me. You wouldn't. I've given it some thought, and I'm willing to put that in the past. Besides, you've had your flings."

  "I haven't been with anyone in a long time and certainly not one after the other."

  "What about Libby? I'm sure you've slept with her."

  "She and I are just friends."

  "Who's lying now? You know, I don't like you and Kelly spending time with her, like you were a family."

  "Is that what Ellen told you?"

  Tanya's face heated. She hated getting caught. That Ellen was a hag.

  "She called me after you left."

  "That figures," she said. "I don't care, Kipp. I wanted to see the person who is stealing my family. I had a right to."

  "There's no use talking to you. I'm going to turn in." Kipp went into the bathroom and shut the door.