Three Rivers (A Gateway to Love Novel)

by Barlow, Chloe T.

  "Yes, I can."

  "How can you know about my guilt, my loss? How can you even try to understand? You've never lost everything, have you?"

  He gripped her body so tightly she was sure he would leave her with bruises. "I know, dammit," he grunted out. She gasped at his passion and he breathed slowly, clearly trying to regain his own control. He rested his forehead against hers and they both stayed that way for so long she was worried Johnny would wake up soon.

  "How?" she looked up at him, honestly curious. "How do you know?"

  He softly said, "Althea, I know about guilt, just trust me, I do. And I know how your heart broke. That's because I feel that way, too. I lost a lot when Jack died, too. I know how you felt even more now because if something happened to you, I'd be lost."

  "Really?" she whispered.

  He looked down at her again and she felt the emotion as he choked out, "Totally lost, Althea. Christ, I can't even think about going up to New York in a couple of days without my whole heart turning over. I'm not ready for this to end between us. I'm not sure if I ever will be."

  That reality tore through Althea, making her chest actually hurt. "I don't know, Griffen."

  "Give me another baby step. Please," he said and held her tight.

  "That's a lot of baby steps, Griffen. More than I think I can handle. I'm so sorry."

  "Are you saying no?"

  She looked up and stroked his cheek. "Not no, just I need some time. Let me think about it, okay?"

  "Okay," he gritted his teeth and she reached up and replaced her hand with her lips on his cheek.

  "I'll see you at Johnny's game later and then I promise I'll have an answer tonight."

  Griffen clutched her even more tightly, until every part of her was touching some part of him. He kissed her eyelids, then peppered tiny kisses down her cheeks, licking across the seam of her lips. When she gasped he claimed her mouth with his, nibbling on her lower lip and then tangling his tongue with hers.

  "Althea, please say yes. Please."

  "You're persuasive, but just give me the hours, okay?"

  "Okay, I promise to be patient today, but I don't have to like it."

  "Thank you. I have to get dressed. I'll see you tonight?"

  "Okay," he whispered and she walked out of the room — fear and hope fighting with each other at every step.

  CHAPTER SEVENTEEN

  Griffen was crawling out of his skin after leaving Althea's place. This was the first time in his life he'd asked a woman to commit to him and it hadn't gone exactly well. Instead of going crazy for her answer, he drove his car to CMU. He knew if he wanted to have something real with Althea he had to have this investigation resolved. It was bad enough he'd kept it from her this long. So he unclenched his teeth and refocused on figuring out what had happened to Jack, or — God forbid — find out what Jack had done.

  He stepped out of his car and walked across the manicured grass of CMU's campus. Just a quick shot up a hill from Pitt, it felt like another world. Pitt was every bit a school in a city, with crowds and noise and urban skyscrapers, while CMU was a quiet refuge dotted with open spaces, traditional architecture, and quiet understated beauty. It was a sunny, pleasant day, attracting numerous students to picnic, read, and play Frisbee throughout the entire quad.

  The school was especially known for its programs in high-tech business, robotics and theater — and it was easy to peg the students running past him to their respective departments. He ignored the few beautiful people trying to be the next Matt Bomer or Joe Manganiello and instead grabbed a skinny, geeky looking guy with a homemade Yoda T-shirt on that said, "Longer Last Taking a Picture of Me Will."

  Oh yeah, this power-nerd knows where to find the robotics department.

  "Hey man, I'm here to meet someone in the robotics graduate department. Can you tell me where that is?"

  "Uh sure," he looked up at Griffen and seemed more than a little intimidated. He gave him directions and hurried off, his backpack smacking his slight form with each step.

  Griffen headed to his meeting with an associate professor from Jack's days in the department. He figured talking to David made more sense, but the guy bothered him, it was probably just because he clearly had feelings for Althea. That also made him more likely to spill the beans to Althea about Griffen's poking around. Either way, he needed to find another way to get information.

  Jack had always had a lot of friends and here at CMU was no different. He'd delicately asked Carol about who he'd hung around with and she'd been accommodating, believing he was simply working out his grief.

  He knocked on the door that said Alvin Pendergraft. Seriously? This guy never had a chance of being cool. The door opened to reveal a chubby ginger haired guy who would've barely seemed old enough to be a student if Griffen didn't know he was in his thirties. "Hi, I'm Griffen. We spoke on the phone."

  "Yeah, Jack's friend, right?"

  "Yep. I grew up here with Jack, but I left a long time ago and never made it back before, or after, he died. I'm here for a while and I just wanted to take the opportunity to reconnect with his memory, you know?" Griffen tried to make himself sound as nonthreatening as possible. No need to spook the guy.

  "Sure, come in. It was so awful when Jack died, I totally understand you wanting to know more. Not sure what I can tell you, though."

  "It will just be nice to talk to someone that knew a different side of him. His death was pretty sudden, huh?"

  "I'll say! One day he's here, then the next he's gone, just like that."

  "I would like to collect mementos from around his death. Did you guys have any memorial activities for him?"

  "No, I hate to say it but it was crazy around here. We had a, um, a lot going on around here around the time of his death so he didn't get the attention he deserved. It was a real shame."

  "A lot going on?" Griffen chose to play dumb on this one. "I thought you guys just built cool robots and taught class and stuff?" The engineer was viewing him with obvious condescension. Arrogant and a big mouth. Perfect.

  "Well, that may have been true for Jack and David. Have you talked to David yet? He and Jack were really close, he knew everything Jack did."

  "I'll be sure to catch up with him. What did Jack work on?"

  "I forget his project, I think it was that map one that we did. That's right, because David finished it on his own. And Jack was also the go-to guy to fix our servers and any other glitches that came up. We're all computer guys, of course, and the school has people — but man, he could fix anything, so everybody just always called him when there was an issue."

  "What other stuff was going on here that he was working on?"

  "Oh yeah, well we definitely work on some crazy sensitive stuff here. Cade Jackson type shit," he winked.

  "A fan? How great."

  Yeah, seriously, how great, he thought sarcastically.

  "I'm definitely a big fan. Could you..."

  "I'll mail you a couple signed copies after I get back to New York."

  "Great!"

  "So what was the crazy sensitive shit?"

  "We'd scored some government grants to do work for the military. It was a huge deal. David and Jack didn't work on it, but a bunch of us were all wrapped up in it. Couldn't focus on anything else."

  "Did you need security clearances?"

  "We did." He looked nervous for a second. "This wasn't public but there was actually a scare there was a breach right around when Jack died," he lowered his voice to a whisper. "But nothing came of it, so it just blew over."

  "And you've wrapped up that project?"

  "Yeah, got a couple new ones. You should set a book here!"

  Griffen stood and reached out his hand. "I just may do that. Thanks man."

  Griffen left Alvin's office and stalked across the quad, his heart heavy with the added weight of evidence against Jack. He grabbed his phone to call Trey.

  "Hey, Griffen, what's
up?"

  "I'm at CMU. I confirmed Jack didn't work on the military robotics projects, but he did help out with working on their tech issues and servers. Could that have given him access to information on another project?"

  "Hard to know without looking at the servers, but yeah, it should have. It's not the only way to get the materials, but it would work."

  "Shit. And Althea said he was working in the office after hours."

  "Yeah that matches up with the timing of when he saved the documents — when no one would have been around. I'm sorry but it doesn't look good, man."

  "Any word on the rest of the files or your other searches?"

  "I should have the files, bank account information, and phone records sorted out soon."

  "Thanks, Trey."

  "No problem."

  Griffen hung up and tried to ignore the tight fist squeezing around his heart.

  CHAPTER EIGHTEEN

  "What do you think Tea?"

  Dammit. She'd been preoccupied all day, not with preparations for the upcoming Crenshaw Mining case depositions. Nope. Griffen had occupied her brain all day, ever since he'd dropped his bomb of an offer.

  After lamely participating for twenty more minutes, Althea finally hung up on her conference call and tried to focus. She stood and walked to her office window and its view of the Monongahela River.

  She watched the river rush beneath a bridge and caught sight of a log snagged on a red buoy. The river was swollen and the current quick from last night's storm and the powerful water rushed around the log, paying it no heed. Its plight reminded Althea of her life after Jack's death.

  The river was so high and dark today — but for this one buoy, time had simply stopped. For so many years she too had remained still while these damn rivers kept flowing, the only movement in a life halted by the swift hand of loss and death.

  After Jack died, barges continued to trudge along delivering goods like they had for hundreds of years in this murky water highway. People had met, fallen in love, worked, gone to school. All unaware of the snagged log of a woman holding still while the world rolled, buffeted, and moved right alongside of her. Nothing changing for her but the date and the growth of her beautiful son, the only connection to a love long ago lost. She clutched onto Johnny and her memories with all the strength she had as the currents of life rushed powerfully past her.

  Althea was honest enough with herself to recognize what she had wasn't really a "life." It was more like an "existence." It was getting by. It was one breath...then another.

  She wondered if she hadn't had Johnny if she would've chosen no breaths. She knew it sounded crazy, but often she wondered if Jack was trying to protect her even after death, sending Johnny to her so that she could make it through — giving her a reason to keep moving forward.

  The only thing to free a snagged log is to break it from its tethered point. What if she did that? Cut herself free of the guilt and loss and let herself float along with the world to her future?

  But what about the memories and love? She couldn't let the guilt go and keep those too, could she?

  Then again, logs can't stay snagged forever. Eventually, change comes.

  The log breaks free or the current simply tears it apart and pulls it under.

  Althea knew something had to change but had been so scared of that for so long. Yet somehow this thing with Griffen, whatever it was, felt like a good change. Felt like something different that she needed to follow through with. The only alternative was to continue being swept away and eventually sink under.

  Maybe she shouldn't fight her feelings for him anymore? What if she cut the snag and simply let herself flow with the current? What if it took her somewhere close to happiness?

  But for every bold thought Althea had, a much stronger jolt of fear took her.

  What if this didn't work and she was more brokenhearted than before? Look how twisted up she was after a matter of barely two weeks — wouldn't more time with Griffen just leave her more exposed to hurt?

  Then there was the guilt — the feeling of betrayal for wanting a future with another man. After she'd failed Jack so terribly, how could she be so selfish?

  And just like that the snag yanked her back and Althea felt the waters rushing by her and life passing her by again. Disgusted with her own indecision she grabbed her purse to leave and pick up Johnny.

  "Mommy, come on! We're late and I see Uncle Gwiff over with the team!"

  She trotted after him, chuckling at him in his tiny football uniform, helmet and eye black under his eyes. Ever since Griffen started working with him and his team Johnny was showing real improvement in his game, and he clearly loved spending the time with him.

  Johnny barreled into Griffen who threw himself back dramatically, "Great tackle man! Everybody huddle up." Griffen looked back at Althea. She waved and felt her stomach turn over at his intense gaze. He was smiling but she could see the concern behind his eyes — the worry over her.

  Althea pulled her folded deck chair from its canvas bag and sat with the other mothers — who she noticed were far more numerous in number and interest level since Griffen started helping out with the team. She questioned whether some of them even had a kid in the game, or if they were just there to watch the hot celebrity writer and his muscles grace the sideline.

  Several greeted her and she smiled and waved, but as with everything since Griffen entered her life, all she heard was noise. He was the only thing she could see as he coached them, the whistle bouncing against his firm chest, his strong biceps bulging out of his polo shirt, his kind eyes as he cheered up Chris after he fumbled the ball.

  How could I ever let this guy go?

  Althea breathed a sigh of relief when the game finally ended. Johnny's team had won and they were all ecstatic. Griffen walked over to her with Johnny, his large hand resting on Johnny’s small shoulder.

  "Hi," she squeaked out and looked up at him. "You did great with Johnny — with all of them."

  "Thanks. Johnny means a lot to me you know. Just like his mother. This has been amazing. Coaching, being around the game without all the anger, fear, and resentment from my dad. And it's good to know what an awesome coach I can be," he smirked.

  "You and that ego again," she laughed nervously.

  "It's a gift." He looked down seriously at her. "Can I walk you to your car?"

  "I would like that." They walked side by side silently as Johnny rattled on about the game. She reached her car and bent over to put Johnny in.

  "Here, let me help," Griffen said. He picked Johnny up and secured him for her in the backseat. He turned to her after closing the door, his back blocking Johnny's view.

  "I'll see you later and you'll let me know what you decided?"

  "Yes. Let me drop Johnny off at the girls' house first. He wanted a sleepover there tonight. Then I'll come by and we'll talk."

  "Okay."

  He moved to kiss her and slowed, remembering they were in public. Althea saw the hurt in his eyes that he had to stop. That was her rule and she felt like shit about it, especially after leaving him hanging all day like this.

  Althea reached up, placed her hand on his cheek and kissed him lightly just for a moment and pulled away. He smiled — a great big beautiful smile with both dimples showing, making her wonder why she was hesitating at all. Griffen pulled away, first turning to look at Johnny. "Take care big guy," then he looked back at her, running his hand down her cheek, "drive safely, gorgeous. I'll see you soon," he said, walking away.

  Althea used her key to open the door to Jenna and Aubrey's apartment with one constricted hand. Johnny had worn himself out during the game and was pretty much sacked out in her arms. She struggled through the door and laid him down in the bedroom Jenna and Aubrey had designated for him, then quickly deposited her own tired body in their kitchen. After pouring herself a glass of wine she sat alone in the kitchen, no closer to resolution. It had been about twenty minutes o
f quiet when she heard their keys jingling and voices rising as they approached her.

  "Althea, are you in here?" Jenna called.

  "Back here guys," she answered with a loud whisper. They walked in and she pointed to Johnny's bedroom, placing a finger to her lips.

  "Oh sorry, we'll keep it down. It's good he rests up, Johnny always has fun at Auntie Brey and Auntie Jenna's place," Aubrey smirked, probably imagining whether he was old enough to have his hair dyed blue or something.

  "How'd it go last night?" Aubrey asked eagerly.

  "It went well, Curt is nice."

  "Forget Curt," Aubrey said. "Jenna told me Griffen came running after you at the restaurant and went all ending of a rom-com guy on you. It was even raining!"

  "Yeah, he did. It was pretty intense."

  "So, did Griffen spend the night?" Aubrey demanded.

  "Yes," she said, his name sparking her anxiety all over again.

  "How'd it go?" Aubrey asked.

  Althea leaned back in her chair and looked back and forth at each of them, not sure of what to say. "He wants to stay in Pittsburgh."

  "How long?" Aubrey gasped out.

  "As long as I'll let him."

  "What did you say?" Jenna asked.

  "I told him I was scared but I'd think about it. I haven't told him anything yet, but I think I'm going to say no."

  "Well, that's one way to go," Aubrey snorted at her.

  "Jeez, back off Brey. I mean the whole point was an end date and I've already let myself get too close to him."

  "There doesn't have to be a point. You like being with him. That's the point," Aubrey said to her slowly as though she was explaining something to a child that just wouldn't listen.

  "That's great for Johnny, too, if he stays," Jenna pointed out. "Growing up with three chattering sorority sisters and his grandma as his only role models won't be enough for him forever."