Sneaking Around

by St. Klaire, Stephanie

  Another buzz and ping got their attention.

  Do not turn around. Just sit there, remain calm, and DO NOT draw any attention to what is happening behind you.

  Seth immediately turned to see what was supposedly happening behind them, and said, “What’s happening behind…?”

  And another buzz and ping stopped him as they quickly looked to the next text message that arrived in rapid fire time.

  I said do not turn around! Look straight ahead, do not draw any attention. You’re almost done.

  Just as they finished reading, a subtle commotion of shuffling feet and whispers could be heard behind the vehicle. There was a slight sway of movement in the SUV that corresponded with crinkling and sliding sounds from behind them. Something was being loaded in the back of Seth’s SUV.

  “What the fuck?” Seth let out as he squinted into the rearview mirror to see what was happening, careful not to turn around and earn another scolding text.

  “Wha…what is it?” Concern began to fill Molly. This felt weird, and although she trusted Cady, this provoked every fear derived from late night scary movies of her past.

  “No clue. I only see…” Seth’s lips curved to a near smile, and his eyes twinkled with amusement as he looked at Molly. “I see a bunch of gray hair! It’s a bunch of gray-haired heads shifting around back there.”

  Cady’s ladies. No wonder it felt like an old mafia classic full of unknowns…the bitty brigade was involved. Of course it was dramatic — Cady and her posse had a knack for that. Before Seth and Molly knew it, they were back to a stifling silence until another buzz and ping alerted them of their latest instruction.

  Nearly finished. Stay in the car. Close your hatch and pull in front of S&S. Park. Wait five minutes, then meet us at the table in the far back. Do not speak to anyone.

  Another buzz and ping rang out before they could even process what they were to do next.

  P.S. this is still Cady.

  A quick giggle between Seth and Molly, and they followed the instruction given to a T. The annoyance was quickly being replaced with amusement — hidden cameras wouldn’t surprise them at this point. Parking in front of the Savory Sweets Bistro as requested, they hustled to the back table where Cady sat, ignoring the hello they received from Libby as they passed the check-out counter.

  Do not speak to anyone rang through their minds as she spoke. Molly would apologize to Libby later. She didn’t dare disobey Cady’s request right in front of her. Side by side, the couple sat across from the one who summonsed them. They grabbed each other’s hands under the table, each feeling nervous from such vague texts and the ominous mood lingering.

  “Cady, what’s going on? What did you guys put in the back of my rig?” Seth asked, breaking the silence and hoping to get to the bottom of whatever shenanigans these old broads had planned. He’d had enough of the old ladies of Pine Valley of late.

  On cue, the little gray-haired heads Seth saw in his mirror walked on either side of them, each flanking Cady’s left and right, dressed head to toe in black. Regina, Prissy, and Ginger — the gray-haired mob enforcers. Just like an Italian mob boss moment. There was definitely a trend building. Again, Cady was only missing a hairless feline to wickedly stroke and finalize her growing identity.

  Cady gave Seth a disappointing look and shake of her head. Before she could scold him for not following orders, Seth read the situation like a book and interrupted her.

  “I didn’t look. I happened to see their heads in my rearview mirror, okay?” Seth clarified.

  A subtle grin from the three ladies and a nod from Cady followed.

  “Toilet paper,” Cady deadpanned.

  Molly tilted her head, confused by the random statement. “Toilet paper?”

  “Toilet paper,” Regina and Prissy said excitedly in unison, followed by a menacing giggle.

  “We saw Facebook,” Ginger chided with disgust and a shake of her head.

  “We saw what that weasel Shirley posted from the vineyard yesterday. Such an intimate moment. She’s diabolical.”

  Molly stiffened at the thought of that post and what these ladies must have been thinking. “Cady, it’s not what it looks like. I can explain! You see, I dropped the grapes, and—”

  Cady raised her hand to silence Molly and gave her a sympathetic smile. “You clearly dropped the grapes and were snatching them up but lost your…balance. It was obvious to the trained eye.”

  “Wait, what?” Molly questioned. “That was obvious?”

  “Well, it was when I explained the whole thing,” Prissy started. “I was one row over when I stumbled upon your…romantic encounter.”

  “We saw Evelyn pop up and backed away before she saw us too,” Ginger said.

  “Well, that makes sense,” Seth said sarcastically.

  “Evelyn seems to keep getting the upper hand. The notebook we gave you didn’t seem to help despite the embarrassment it should have brought. Blasting the internet with details about the time she was caught running naked through a park should have sent her packing,” Cady said.

  “It should’ve, but maybe it didn’t do what you’d hoped because…” Molly cleared her throat, “I mean, she was…a…toddler…then.”

  “Nonetheless,” Cady went on, “you haven’t been able to crack her secret. This is plan B.”

  “How is toilet paper a plan anything?” a chuckling Seth asked.

  “She will be gone…Regional Garden Society meeting. She and I represent our chapter together and will be out of town, overnight, to attend,” Cady responded.

  “Okay, and the toilet paper?” Seth questioned, still not understanding where this was going.

  Prissy squirmed in her seat from excitement, and cheerfully answered, “It’s brilliant, really. We each took turns buying toilet paper each trip to the market to build the supply so no one will suspect a thing!”

  “It took us a few weeks,” Regina added, “and several extra trips for forgotten items just so we could grab more. But we did it, and no one was the wiser!”

  Molly’s headway with these ladies was as easy as herding drunk chickens. “Attention to what?”

  “They’ll never figure it out this way. One large TP buy would have tipped everyone off! I must say, this is one of your better plans, Cady!” Ginger applauded.

  A sense of pride could be seen as the ladies each praised their fearless geriatric ruler. She was clearly appreciating the pat on the back from her silvery senior associates. And as that moment of old ladies high fiving their leader commenced, sudden awareness of where this was going flooded Seth with a thundering sense of oh shit!

  “Wait…you want us to — TP Evelyn’s house?” Seth asked, whispering the last part so no one outside their corner could hear.

  Molly nearly choked on the spontaneous surprised laugh that jolted her as the ladies nodded in agreement. Yes, that was exactly what they wanted — a treacherous toilet paper storm raining over Evelyn Shirley’s house.

  Molly’s laugh faded to a humorless stare when she realized just how serious these ladies were. “Cady, we can’t…”

  “Yes, you can, dear. If you can’t beat them, join them, as they say. I also hear we’re supposed to get a little…rain tonight,” Cady reasoned with an uneven smirk, as if rain was the icing on the cake.

  Regina slowly shook her head and quietly said in awe, “It’s like it was meant to be.”

  “She oughtta have fun cleaning that crap up!” Ginger offered under her breath with an enthused snort, pleased with her choice of words.

  Seth was shocked and caught off guard by the joy these women shared. He disliked Evelyn and what she did to people, but didn’t think vandalism was the answer. “I think this is getting out of hand. We aren’t children anymore. TP’ing an old lady’s house? It’s…it’s…”

  “Sweet revenge!” Cady shouted, charging her fist in the air. “And watch how you use that phrase, boy. Old lady?”

  Prissy stuck her nose in the air with a huff. “We are mature
women!”

  “My apologies,” Seth offered. “Clearly you aren’t old — you’re organizing a TP party, after all.”

  “And, honey,” Cady turned to Molly and winked, “I know a real blow job when I see one. If that was your best, I can only imagine you were a pretty broke stripper!”

  Molly gasped. “But I wasn’t a stripper, and that wasn’t a—”

  Cady cut her off, watching the fury build. “I know, dear. I know.”

  And there it was, the not so subtle reminder of just how awful Evelyn Shirley had truly been. She had run Molly’s name through the mud and then spit all over it before using it as toilet paper. Something snapped, and a heated rage flooded Molly as she recalled all the ugliness tossed her way over the past months by the devil herself — Evelyn fucking Shirley.

  “I’m in!” Molly shouted, full of confidence and spite.

  Seth spun his head quicker than a host body at an exorcism. “You’re what!”

  Molly leaned in, squinting her eyes, and with gritted teeth, said, “I’m in! She has it coming. It’s time to play dirty! That’ll be the last time that woman makes it look like I give bad blow jobs…errr, whatever!”

  Seth paused on her words for a moment, then looked back and forth between Molly and Cady, knowing full well if Molly was in, that meant he was too.

  With an eyeroll and a deep sigh as he dropped his head, shaking it, Seth said, “Well played, Cady. Well played.”

  And Cady winked.

  CHAPTER 9

  “I can’t believe we are doing this!” Molly whispered to Seth as she pulled her dark beanie over her head. “Like, I really can’t believe it. I haven’t done this since I was a teenager,” she said nervously as she checked that her shoe laces weren’t only tied, but double knotted. No room for errors.

  “Neither can I! What happened to all that angry let’s get even momentum from earlier?” Seth teased. “Playing dirty I believe was the term used.”

  “Oooh, Cady got me going,” Molly admitted. “It was a good idea at the time!”

  Seth paused, looked Molly in the eye, and asked full of anticipation, “Are you ready?”

  “Ready as I’ll ever be!” she said with a shaky voice.

  “Okay,” he said, handing Molly a dark duffle bag with a long shoulder strap. “I put rolls in bags. Thought it would be easier and faster to get in and out this way.”

  Molly offered a silly grin and raised eyebrows. “Looks like I wasn’t the only one gung-ho on the idea. This appears to be a well thought out plan, Seth Spangler!”

  “So, I might have looked at that picture again and heard Cady playing over and over in my head,” he admitted. “I felt a little motivated.”

  “Where’s the rest of the toilet paper?” she asked, taking notice of how much her bag had. “I thought there was a lot more than this?”

  “There’s no way we were doing all of that and not getting caught,” Seth admitted. “I stashed the rest at the station. Nobody will notice. The supply closet is always full of the stuff.”

  “Good idea!” she praised.

  “All right…let’s do this!” Seth grabbed Molly’s hand, and they were quickly on their way.

  Emerging from Seth’s SUV down the street from Evelyn’s, they were each dressed head to toe in black with a decent sized duffle bag slung across their bodies. They ducked in the shadows and quietly made their way a block over to Evelyn’s, hiding among the bushes as they went. Detected only once by a motion sensing light, they pushed forward until they landed along the tall arborvitae along the side of Evelyn’s house.

  “It’s dark. No lights inside or out,” Seth assessed in a whisper.

  “Here goes nothing.” Molly quietly giggled while launching the first roll of toilet paper.

  Seth’s jaw dropped, in part from shock, but also surprised by her arm. She catapulted a roll through the highest tree, centered in Evelyn’s yard, the entire roll streaming from one side to the other.

  Impressed by her first toss, he said, “Nice shot!”

  “Softball, five years, I was a pitcher,” she said with a cocky shrug.

  “Impressive, but can you do this?” A roll in each hand from his bag, he tossed them both simultaneously in a crisscross motion, nailing the same tree with his ribbon like décor.

  Molly smacked his ass, startling him, and accepted the challenge. They each took turns cascading toilet paper throughout the yard, not missing a single bush, mailbox, planter, or tree along the way, impressing each other with their creativity, upping the ante with each fling of the wrist and tossed roll.

  “Molly,” Seth whispered, “your butt just lit up!”

  “My what?” she startled, turning in a circle, trying to see what he was seeing.

  “Your butt…it keeps lighting up…your pocket,” Seth said, pointing to her pocket and stuttering through his words, eyes on her fantastic ass.

  “Oh! My cellphone! It’s on silent!” she replied.

  “It keeps lighting up. As much as I like…looking…I wonder if you should check it out,” Seth admitted with a hard swallow. “Might be important if it goes off that often?”

  Molly reached for her phone and froze. Her face drained of what color could be seen under the moon lit sky.

  “Oh my God! Abort…” She looked at Seth in a panic, not sure what to do. “It says abort!”

  “What?” was all Seth got out before the light inside the house went on, followed by the porch light. “Run!”

  Grabbing Molly’s hand, he took off, pulling her along behind him. They retraced their steps through the grass, bushes, and trees, each tossing their remaining rolls of toilet paper along the way. They didn’t want to get caught with evidence. And damn it if that same motion light didn’t kick on as they rushed passed it just as they heard the familiar sound of Evelyn’s garage door opening.

  Seth scrambled for his keys to remotely unlock the doors from a distance. They jumped in and tore out of the neighborhood in the opposite direction of Evelyn’s house. They were not interested in crossing what was sure to be Evelyn’s angry, vengeful, Facebook posting path. After a few moments of silence and catching their breath, Molly began to take off her clothes.

  “Wha…what are you doing?” Seth asked in surprise, trying to keep his eyes on the road, but finding it quite hard.

  “Taking off my clothes — getting rid of the evidence!” She scrambled, grabbing at her clothes. “You should too, Seth.”

  “I should uh…wait, what? Why?” Seth was going to have to pull over and get a cold shower if she didn’t quit stripping in the passenger seat.

  “The text was from Cady. She tried calling too.” Molly looked his way, and finished, “Evelyn was a no-show at the meeting. Wonder where she was heading this late again that was so important she would miss a Garden Society meeting.”

  Seth swerved slightly, mouth agape as he caught himself still staring at Molly rather than the road. She pulled her black sweatshirt off, followed by her black pants, revealing a second set of clothes underneath — much to his relief and disappointment. Seth could now keep his eyes on the road, but was disappointed he had nothing to gawk at aside from the road.

  She reached for her large purse and pulled out a wheat-colored, oversized cardigan sweater that went over the white V-neck t-shirt and rich wine color leggings she still adorned.

  “Wow! You came prepared!” Seth said, impressed by her quick transformation from “toilet papering night ninja” to “just out on the town with this guy” outfit. “You really thought this thing out!”

  “I was so afraid of getting caught!” she admitted. “Hide the evidence. Saw it on a show once and remembered it from a book! You really should ditch the black jacket! I see a white t-shirt peeking out the top.”

  “It’s cold out, though.” Seth shrugged. “The sheriff will never buy it. I’ll look like I ditched my clothes.”

  “I know. That’s why I brought these,” Molly said, pulling more clothes from her bag. “It’s your flannel yo
u loaned me on one of our outtings. Toss it on real quick. It’s red and definitely not TP’ing attire.”

  Seth slid his arms in as she awkwardly held the garment for him so they could continue to put distance between them and the scene of the crime. Molly reached behind them, grabbed the black bags they had carried, and added the shed garments to the bags.

  “What are you doing?” Seth quizzed.

  “I’m creating an alibi — maybe it’s a backstory.” She shrugged. “I have your sweatshirt from the other night and some old oversized baggy sweats I like to lounge around in. Sorry, I didn’t think you were a leggings guy. The rest is just some of my stuff for my bag.”

  “You lost me,” Seth said with furrowed brows.

  “Now, if we get pulled over, they look like overnight bags.” Molly smiled. “You’re taking me back to your place and those are our fake overnight bags.”

  He tossed his head back and laughed. She was something special.

  Seth walked into the fire station bright and early the next morning to start his forty-eight-hour shift. His mind had been on Molly since dropping her off the night before, post toilet paper apocalypse. It seemed he learned something new about Molly every time they were together. She had an edgy side, one full of mischief that dabbled in danger. Messing with Evelyn screamed danger.

  Molly was fun and playful — lived in the moment. With every turn, she captured a little bit more of his heart, and he was pretty sure she’d finally captured every last piece. Seth was quickly rattled from his thoughts when Hunter called his name and asked him to join him in the office. This couldn’t be good. Nerves burning, he walked in to see Hunter’s brother, Sheriff Jasper, seated there as well.

  “Hey, Spangler, what have you been up to man?” Jasper asked, his question full of accusation and suspicion.

  Seth caught on to the tone and intention quickly, and immediately told himself to play it cool. “Not much, you?”

  “How about last night, kid?” Hunter jumped in, getting straight to the point with an added smirk for shits and giggles. “Anything…fun?”