The BBQ Burger Murder

by Rosie A. Point

  “Then why did you scream that extra thing?” Aggy asked.

  “For dramatic effect.” Missi sat down on a bar stool. “Ever heard of it, Dupin? I’d be happy to lend you my phone if you’d like to look it up on the World Wide Web.”

  “Nobody calls it the World Wide Web, sister.” Vee took a stool on my right. “You’re showing your age.”

  “As if I care.” Missi tugged on the wrinkled skin near her eye. “These babies do that for me.”

  Missi wore her hair in gray curls, and Vee had chosen a bluish hue for her locks today. For most people, it was the only way they could tell the twins apart. But their friends knew that Missi had a sharp tongue, and Vee a soothing presence. The chalk and cheese of twin sisters.

  “Wait a second.” I raised my hand. “You’re telling me that Mona Jonah, Gossip Queen of Sleepy Creek, is dead?”

  “Quite the opposite, Christie,” Vee replied.

  “The new editor has been murdered.” Missi waved at Jarvis, who disappeared from the kitchen window, fearing another bout of flirting, no doubt. Missi had a thing for him even though he was happily married and not interested. “Emma Carte.”

  “Emma Carte?” I frowned. “Sounds familiar.”

  “Oh, she would sound familiar. Very well connected young woman,” Vee said.

  “Very dead young woman,” Missi added in.

  “Really, sister?”

  Missi ignored Vee’s displeasure. “But here’s where it gets interesting… Emma Carte is the brand spanking new editor of the paper.”

  “But I thought Mona was the editor.” Aggy frowned.

  “She was. Until about a week ago.” Missi grinned. “And rumor has it that Mona “Ask Not For Whom The Bell Tolls” Jonah is the prime suspect in the case. Apparently, she got fired specifically because Emma went after her job.”

  “Emma was more qualified for the position,” Vee said. “She was an editor at the Harvard University Press back in her day.”

  “Mona didn’t take kindly to that.” Missi looked about ready to cackle. Mona was her enemy and always had been. The two women couldn’t be in the same room together without hissing and clawing. “I always knew this day would come.”

  “You did?” Grizzy asked, now fixing four milkshakes instead of just the two.

  “Of course,” Missi said. “You just have to look at the woman to know what she’s capable of. Always wearing those lurid, glittery pink glasses and leopard print pants. What woman in their right mind chooses an outfit like that?”

  “A bad outfit doesn’t equal murder.” I accepted my milkshake from Grizzy and ate the cherry off the top.

  Missi leaned in, lowering her voice. “Are you going to check it out, Watson? You know, if you find more evidence that puts Mona away for good, I’m all for it.”

  “What if she finds evidence that points toward Mona being innocent?” Grizzy asked.

  “Impossible. The woman emerged from the womb guilty,” Missi replied. “Assuming she was born and didn’t crawl out of a hole in the ground somewhere, fully grown.”

  Aggy stifled a giggle. She’d been spending too much time with Missi lately. Then again, it was good for my cousin. She’d fainted at the sight of a corpse when I’d first met her. Maybe prolonged exposure to Missi would stiffen her spine.

  “It’s possible that she’s a horrible person without being the murderer,” I said.

  “I don’t like where this is going, Watson.” Missi glared at me, chewing her cherry aggressively. “Mona’s got the motive, she’s got the means, she probably had access to the crime scene….”

  “Crime scene?” I asked.

  “At the newspaper’s offices,” Vee put in.

  “If it’s not her, I’ll eat Agatha’s ridiculous hat.” Missi flicked the rim of the sun hat drooping in front of Aggy’s eyes. Aggy flinched.

  “It’s a moot point until I’ve spoken to Liam about this,” I said. “I promised him I wouldn’t interfere unless he invited me to consult on a case.” And I didn’t want to annoy my handsome detective boyfriend.

  “When are you going to ask him?” Missi was insistent.

  “Tonight, most likely. We’ve got a date,” I replied. “Which reminds me, do you two ladies want to look after Agatha while I’m out tonight? She’s fully house-trained.”

  Agatha blushed. “Christie…”

  “Yes, fine.” Missi flapped her hand, as if having Agatha over was irrelevant and the last thing on her mind. “But I want updates on what’s going on in this case. It’s important to me.”

  “It’s bad to wish ill on someone,” Vee said, sagely. “You’re only drawing in bad karma.”

  “Not this again,” Missi and I said, in unison then shared an awkward glance.

  Between the moon and karma, we’d barely have the chance to think in Sleepy Creek. But I had one problem dealt with—Aggy would get a hot meal tonight at the twins’ apartment above the antique store.

  And if I could convince Liam to let me consult on this case, I might not have to shut down my business after all.

  3

  That evening…

  * * *

  Liam lived in a small, one bedroom house in the suburbs, with a living room and conjoined kitchen, a single bathroom, and a tiny backyard. The view from the porch at sunset was perfect. And this place was way better than my teensy apartment.

  I rocked myself back and forth with the tips of my toes on the porch swing, my gaze fixed on the horizon.

  Sunset had come, and the sky was streaked pink and orange, the smells of home cooking and suburban sounds—dogs barking, children playing, the odd slam of a screen door—kept me company.

  Liam emerged from the house carrying two cans of soda and took his place on the porch swing beside me. He popped the tabs and handed me a drink.

  “Thanks,” I said, and tipped my can against the side of his. “To a lovely evening.”

  “Is it?” Liam asked, studying me with those crystal blue eyes. He wore his hair dark, matching stubble along his strong jawline. He was as handsome as the day I’d met him. Nerves tickled in my belly.

  “What do you mean?”

  “I’ve invited you over to my house rather than taking you to a fancy restaurant in Logan’s Rest.” Logan’s Rest was the town over where we usually ate out. “Are you sure this is fine?”

  “Of course,” I said, and rested my head on his shoulder. I let his woodsy cologne wash over me, enjoying the moment of peace with him. For a second, my mind blanked out, and there was just Liam, this beautiful sunset, and the soda can, cool beads of perspiration dripping down its side, in my hand.

  “You know I like to treat you.” Liam kissed the top of my head. “But I’m expecting a call tonight. Arthur’s working on leads for a new case.”

  “I heard about that.” I straightened, turning to him. “Emma Carte?”

  “Yeah. Murder, it looks like.”

  “That’s terrible.”

  Liam studied me, wearing a knowing expression.

  “What?” I asked. “Why are you staring at me? It’s that new mascara I bought, isn’t it?” My mother had always told me mascara was a woman’s best friend. Since I was pretty bad at makeup, it was the only thing I wore daily. Apart from a scowl.

  “Because I know you,” Liam said. “It’s been a while since we’ve had a murder in Sleepy Creek. So long, in fact, that everyone’s talking about it. The mayor included. Folks thought that we were finally out of the murder slump.”

  “Right, and so?”

  “And so, you can’t keep yourself away from murder cases,” Liam said.

  “I know.”

  “And things have been going really well between us lately.”

  “They have.” My heart did a little flip. We’d been dating for a couple of years now, and my feelings for Liam had grown stronger by the day.

  “I wouldn’t want anything to come between us,” he said, and took a sip of soda.

  “It doesn’t have to come between us,” I rep
lied. “If you invite me to consult on the case, I’d be helping rather than hindering.” That and I’d get a consultation fee from the Sleepy Creek Police Department. That would help ease my debts, at least for the rest of the month.

  “That’s the thing,” Liam said. “I can’t afford to ask you this time around. The Captain’s in a precarious position, given that this is the first murder we’ve had in about a year. Everyone’s paying attention. The town council, Mayor Samson, everybody. If they get wind of the fact that we’re hiring outside help… well, we’ve already had our budget slashed this year, and we don’t need the bad publicity.”

  I remained silent.

  “There’s been talk about downsizing. And if they figure two detectives can’t do the work, then why have them around in the first place?” Liam asked. “Arthur and I are on thin ice as it is.”

  “Surely the county has enough cases to keep you busy? Not murder, but other stuff. Theft or… other stuff?”

  “Most of the time, sure, but with the budget cuts… Look, it feels to me like the higher ups are looking for an excuse to get rid of one of us. And neither of us can afford that,” Liam said. “Arthur’s helping Griselda fix up her grandmother’s house, and I know they eventually want to stop renovating and settle down. And me? Well, shoot, I don’t want to say times are tough, but it’s not like being a detective is especially lucrative. It pays the bills, and I love what I do, but I’m no Elon Musk.”

  Arthur was Grizzy’s husband, and I’d never wish ill on him, but he was in a better position than Liam, financially. Liam had a younger sister in the big city, and he was helping fund her schooling, as I’d discovered.

  “I see.” I swallowed my disappointment and forced a smile. “I understand, Liam. I wasn’t planning on getting involved this time, unless you asked me, so don’t worry about it, OK? I promise I’ll keep my evil sleuthing ways under wraps.” If there was no offer of money, it wasn’t worth the trouble. I didn’t want to upset the apple cart and endanger Liam’s job. “But if you need my opinion on anything, strictly off the record and unpaid, you know you can ask, right?”

  “Thanks, gorgeous. I know. And I appreciate your input, especially when I get to ask for it first.” He brushed a kiss across my forehead then rose from the swing. “I’d better get cooking.”

  “What’s on the menu tonight? You sure you don’t want to order in?” I buried my guilt at the stress I’d put Liam through in the past. How many times had I interfered with his cases?

  “No way,” he replied. “I love cooking for you.”

  “I’m a lucky woman.”

  “It’s steak, roasted potatoes, BBQ onions, and a side salad, by the way.”

  I groaned. “That sounds like heaven.” And it would be a good meal to keep me going until lunch tomorrow at the Burger Bar since breakfast was now a thing of the past.

  “You relax out here for a while,” Liam said. “You look stressed.”

  “Mrs. Immelman’s cat had kittens today.” It was an excuse to change the subject. I didn’t need Liam knowing I was in dire straits. He understood that my business wasn’t exactly booming, but he didn’t know the extent of it. Not even half of it. I preferred to keep it that way. As much as I adored the man, I couldn’t stand the thought of him trying to help when he had his own problems to deal with.

  Liam disappeared into the house, and I pushed myself back and forth a few more times, sipping my soda, trying to dispel a growing sense of dread. When I couldn’t take it anymore, I entered the house and found Liam in his kitchen chopping onions on the marble countertop. He sniffled, looking at me with tears streaming down his cheeks.

  “Did you watch Beaches again?” I asked.

  “That movie is a classic,” he replied, slicing into another onion. “Don’t even kid about that.”

  “Grizzy made me watch it about a billion times when I first got back to Sleepy Creek,” I laughed. “I could tell you the plot off by heart.”

  Liam offered me one of his heart-melting grins, and I settled into a seat at the kitchen table, watching as he worked. Stress threatened to ruin the moment, but I pushed it away. There had to be a solution to my money problems. I just had to figure out what they were without stepping on Liam’s toes, or upsetting Grizzy, or relying too heavily on the twins.

  If I didn’t figure this out, I would have bigger issues than looking after myself and my sweet cat Poirot, who got most of my cash as it was—kibble wasn’t cheap. I had a family member relying on me.

  4

  The following morning...

  * * *

  “Do you want to get something to eat at the Burger Bar?” Aggy asked, quietly.

  I sat behind my desk at the office, my forehead pressed against the hardwood, and my arms hanging at my sides. I was mentally exhausted, and this position, horrific posture and all, helped me relax.

  “Christie?”

  I didn’t answer my cousin. It was still the morning, and while there had been nothing to eat at the apartment, I wasn’t about to go prancing down to the Burger Bar to grab my daily free meal from Griz. It would only raise suspicions. The mention of burgers had set my stomach growling.

  “Christie?”

  “What?” I grated it out.

  “The Burger Bar?”

  “Agatha, it’s nine in the morning.”

  “But I’m hungry.”

  “And the sky’s blue. What’s your point?” Sometimes, my cousin gave me a headache. Most times, in fact, and it didn’t help that I was constantly hungry-angry either.

  “Burgers.”

  I lifted my head and glared at her. “We’ll go to the Burger Bar at noon,” I said. “Like we always do. For lunch.”

  Aggy sighed and sat back, pulling on the rim of her flat cap. Today, she’d chosen a pinafore with a black cotton shirt underneath. A weird sense of style I was, alarmingly, growing accustomed to.

  “What about coffee?” Aggy asked.

  “You know the machine’s busted,” I replied, and put my head back down on the desk.

  “Christie, I’m worried about you.”

  I ignored her. Hearing that she was worried only made me feel worse about our situation. The pressure of failure was growing heavier by the hour. Each moment the phones remained silent, my email inbox empty—

  A knock rattled my office door in its frame.

  I lifted my head, opening my mouth to call out, but the door opened before I could. None other than the Gossip Queen herself, the herald of doom, swept into the room. Mona “scald you with a look” Jonah paused inside the office in front of my desk, wearing her usual getup. Leopard print pants, a pink jacket bearing the words “Gossip Circle” on the breast pocket, and across the back as experience had shown, and a pair of rhinestone spangled sunglasses.

  She sniffed, raising her head, her blonde locks stiff with hairspray. Middle-aged and filled with fury, she scared everybody in town. Except for Missi. And for me.

  Mona removed her sunglasses and gazed upon me, her penciled eyebrows arched.

  “What do you want, Jonah?” I asked, though I had an inkling.

  This was the first time the Gossip Queen had stopped by. She much preferred catching me “out in the wild” and mocking me and my friends in front of her Gossip Circle.

  “Now, Christie,” Mona said, without the usual hostility in her tone, “can’t a concerned member of the community stop by to check on a friend?”

  I looked over both shoulders and then back at her. “Your friend is in here?”

  “Very funny.” Mona neighed with laughter. “Come now, Christie. You know I’m talking about you.” She sauntered forward, and Aggy recoiled in her seat in the corner, fearful of Mona’s wrath. She’d experienced it before.

  The Gossip Queen ignored my cousin entirely and dragged the rickety chair out from in front of my desk. She perched her rather large behind in it, and I half-expected the rip of leopard print pants to follow.

  “I’ve heard the rumors,” Mona said.

 
; “Rumors?”

  “That you’re going out of business. That you need help.”

  Anger flared in my chest. It was one thing to run into Mona around town and be subjected to her bitterness, but in my own office? “Get out, Jonah.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous, Christie,” she said, with another horsey laugh. “I’m not here to make you feel bad, I’m here to support you. You see, I happen to have a little problem of my own, at present, and I have a feeling that we could strike up a mutually beneficial relationship. Professionally, of course.”

  Ah. I see.

  “So, let me get this straight,” I said, sitting back too far and nearly breaking the back of my ancient office chair. I straightened and readjusted my position. “You’re in trouble with the law because they think you’re the one who murdered Emma Carte, and you thought it would be a good idea to waltz in here and mock me for my lack of business?”

  “Not mock you, Christie, of course not,” Mona simpered, fluttering fake lashes at me. “But to help you. I’m a woman of considerable means.”

  “You’re also considerably mean,” Aggy squeaked, from the corner.

  I flashed my cousin a grin. She had been spending too much time with Missi, and I liked it.

  Mona tossed her head, her blonde lioness mane sticking in place thanks to copious amounts of hair product, but didn’t fire back at Aggy.

  She’s desperate.

  “You’ve finally lost your mind, Mona,” I said. “Do you really think I’m going to help you after everything you’ve done? The way you’ve treated my friends, my family.” I nodded toward Aggy. “You’re dreaming. Or maybe I am, and this is my nightmare.”

  “I need help.”

  The words hung in the air. Silence followed after. Agatha shifted in her chair.

  “You mean you need my help,” I said.

  Mona gritted her teeth and nodded slowly.

  Even if I’d wanted to help Mona, which I most certainly didn’t, I couldn’t. I didn’t want to upset Liam or put his career under threat, and he had specifically asked me to stay out of this. Even though it meant losing my office, my job, my place in Sleepy Creek. What was I without my “career” as a private investigator? A nobody.