In Too Deep

by Dakota Issacs

“Louisa, if you want to keep going, you have to say so.” His voice was stern.

  Did she want to see this through? In a weird way, the pain felt sort of wonderful, which was fucked up enough, but she also felt if they kept going, she was going to lose control. Lou didn’t cry like the girls in the movies. It wasn’t sweet or sexy. It was loud and messy and her nose ran.

  What the fuck? How could you be scared of something you longed for?

  “Alright,” she muttered.

  “If you want this, Louisa, then ask me nicely to keep going.”

  Louisa gritted her teeth.

  “Fine, would you keep going, please?”

  Trick laughed.

  “I am going to ignore your tone, this time, my sweet girl. Next time, I won’t go so easy on you. Now, relax your body. I’m going to take care of you.”

  Lou tried to even out her breathing.

  “Good, love.”

  She felt the flogger against her back. It was gentle again. She closed her eyes and tried to breathe.

  The strikes came harder. No time to recover. No way to twist her body to shield it.

  “Let go, love.”

  The blows were unforgiving.

  “Fuck you,” she cried out.

  The next blow came, and she made a grunt that was more animal than girl. Embarrassing and unsexy.

  “Louisa, let go. I have you.”

  The tears were pouring down her cheeks now. Her nose was running. She tried to choke the sobs down, but it finally became too much. Louisa began to sob in earnest. She realized sensation had started to shift. Pleasure had merged with pain. The blows still rained down, but the pain had started to shift into pleasure, a warm and soaring bliss. She wept in release. She felt clean.

  “That’s it.”

  Lou cried and cried.

  The blows became softer and softer till they stopped altogether.

  He came around to the other side of the cross and knelt before her. His smile was warm and approving.

  “You were such a good girl, and good girls get a reward.”

  His hands were hot on her thighs. He leaned in and planted soft kisses over her newly bare skin. It was too much and not enough.

  “Please,” she begged.

  “I know what you need, love. I know.”

  Then his mouth was on her, licking her folds. Then his tongue was on her clit. No one had ever kissed her down there. Licked her. It was wonderful. It was completely different from the touch of his hand.

  It felt blissful, and suddenly she was coming. An orgasm so intense it flooded her whole body with sensation. Little pinpricks of white flicked in front of her eyes. Too much. Her whole body jerked. She felt it down to her toes.

  What the. . . ? Lou had never come like that without any warning. She cried out. Weird wordless animal sounds. It was too much, but his mouth continued to lick and soothe.

  Finally, she found her voice. “Too much,” she cried out.

  “No, you’re not done yet, little love,” he crooned. His words vibrated against her clit. “You wanted to fly baby,” he murmured.

  She tried to move away but she was truly bound and helpless. He resumed the licking and sucking in earnest; then, without warning, he gently bit down on her clit and she split into pieces.

  Then he stood up, kissing her forehead and whispering to her.

  Trick bent down and uncuffed her ankles. He rubbed them briskly and then he did the same for her wrists. He rubbed the circulation back into her arms and peppered her skin with kisses. Then he picked her up and tucked her against his chest as he walked her into his bedroom. She let herself slip away. When she awoke again, she was on her tummy and he was gently rubbing cream into her bottom.

  “God, you were beautiful. How do you feel?” he asked.

  Lou guessed she should probably be embarrassed; instead, she felt euphoric.

  “Great, actually,” she said. Her voice sounded strange and husky.

  “Is your throat sore, love,” he asked.

  “A little,” she admitted.

  “You screamed, a lot,” he said, laughing. “It’s a good thing I don’t have neighbors. I think we might have gotten a visit from the NYPD. I’ll be right back, love.” He planted sloppy kisses on her back. “I’ve got a cure for that.”

  Lou closed her eyes, took a breath, and let her body sink into the mattress. It felt blissful to lay on a bed and wait for your lover. Except he wasn’t her lover, not really.

  Doubts began to creep into her thoughts. He would come back to this bed, and then what? Were they going to make love? Would he even want to do that, or did he think it was too big a responsibility to take her virginity? Would he let her stay the night? Would he want to see her again? Would he expect her to come back here one evening and choose a prospective suitor? Could he really think she wanted anyone but him?

  No, this was just a little adventure for him. He would go back to his exotic life, and who could blame him? He’d never made any promises. She was acting like an idiot. Take the pleasure. Don’t sour the memories, Lou, just take the moment and be glad you had it.

  “You’re crying.”

  Louisa opened her eyes to see Trick frowning down at her. He had two pints of ice cream and spoons in his hands. He sat them down on the nightstand.

  “Tell me what’s wrong, Louisa.”

  She suddenly felt very naked. She rolled over and slid underneath the covers.

  “Happy, a little overwhelmed, I guess. Sometimes, I cry when I’m happy,” Lou said, not meeting his eyes.

  That wasn’t even a lie; she did cry when she was happy. She got up and scooted back so she was sitting against the headboard. She pulled the covers higher over her chest.

  Still frowning at her, Trick walked into the bathroom.

  He came back a moment later, crawled onto the bed, and knelt beside her. He had brought a package of makeup wipes and a washcloth with him. He laid them down on the bed and plucked a tissue out of the box on his bedside table. He held the tissue to her nose.

  “Blow,” he commanded.

  She tried to take the tissue out of his hand, but he wouldn’t let go.

  “Louisa,” he growled.

  Too tired to fight, she blew her nose into the tissue without complaint.

  He then took the washcloth and washed the tears from her face. Somehow the gesture made her want to dissolve into tears again, but she fought the urge.

  “Are you having regrets?” he asked her.

  “What? No. It was just emotional. I. . .” she stopped, unsure of how to finish her thought.

  He took a makeup wipe out of the container and started to clean her face. He gently wiped makeup from under her eyes. When he took it away, it was covered with streaks of black mascara.

  “I must have looked a mess,” she said.

  “You looked beautiful, but sad,” he said softly. “Is there room under those covers for me?” he asked.

  “Of course.” Lou scooted over and pulled back the covers.

  Trick grinned at her. “Hold that thought, lovely girl.” He picked up the wipes and washcloth and got off the bed. He laid them down on the nightstand and shucked off his jeans. He hung them over a chair, and then he was climbing into bed before she got a good enough look at him.

  It was a shame; his legs were as awe inspiring as his chest. And his dark blue briefs seemed to conceal what she was pretty sure, even in her limited experience, was a huge cock.

  “You’re blushing,” he said as he scooted in next to her. “It’s adorable. Now, would you please come here?”

  He tugged her over so she was sitting between his legs and leaning against his chest. He wrapped a warm arm firmly around her waist and reached for the ice cream with his other hand.

  “That’s better. I didn’t know if you had a moral opposition to peanut butter in ice cream, so I brought the chocolate chip too. I thought it would help that throat of yours.”

  “I like peanut butter ice cream.”

  “Good. I
like you, so you need to tell me if I pushed you too far.”

  “You didn’t push. I wanted everything that happened. I loved everything that happened.”

  He liked her; the words put a weird ache in Lou’s chest.

  “Why were you crying, Louisa?”

  “I already told you. I’m fine. I promise.” She aimed all her comments at his toes.

  Trick watched her intently, like he was willing her to speak. Lou didn’t have the strength to lie anymore, so she closed her eyes and leaned back into the warmth of his chest.

  After a while, she felt something cold against her lips.

  “Open up, lovely. We should eat this before it melts.”

  She opened her mouth. Trick pushed his spoon into the peanut butter and fed it to her.

  “Do you have to work early, or can we sleep in?”

  We. Lou’s stomach did another weird jerky leap at the sound of that word.

  “I don’t have to work at all tomorrow. Mondays are my day off.”

  “Good. You’re mine then”

  He popped open the other carton.

  Lou took the spoon out of his hand and fed him bites of ice cream. She tried to memorize the moment: the way a piece of his hair stuck straight up in a little boy kind of way; the way his smile was higher on the left side of his face; the feel of the cold metal spoon on her tongue, and how much warmer it made his hand feel when he brushed it over her cheekbone. How long could she hold onto these memories? Would they fade if she took them out and ran them through her mind, giving them a mental polish? How long could they remain shiny?

  “Lovely girl, wanna watch the news with me before we go to bed?”

  “I’d love that,” Lou answered, and she let him fold her back into place, with her back resting against his chest and his tattooed arm firmly wrapped around her waist.

  Chapter 12

  Lou woke to sunshine, and the sound of Trick snoring. It wasn’t cute. It was a loud, snorting, gasping rattle that filled the room. Yet it was oddly reassuring. The sound made him seem more like a human and less like a god.

  Lou needed to pee. She slid as gently as she could out from under the leg he had kicked over hers. The snoring never paused.

  She came back to the bed, and he was still asleep.

  She pulled his t-shirt on and padded out to his kitchen. She wanted to cook for him.

  His refrigerator was well stocked. She found some peppers and good cheddar cheese. She pulled out the carton of eggs and began to search for his coffee.

  She heard the sound of a phone. Her phone, she realized, probably still in the living room in her purse. Lou ran to get it so it wouldn’t wake him.

  She opened her purse and fished it out.

  Genevieve.

  “Hi, Genevieve.”

  “Hi, yourself. I am calling with very good news; you are all set. Your meet and greet is scheduled for next Friday night. Mr. Blue must be very taken with you. He reached out personally to every man on your list. You have an A-list actor who is also an art lover and several prominent members of the art world, and, sweetie, they are all hot as fuck.”

  “He has also arranged for your attire and a makeup artist to see to you. Would you like them to come to you, or would you prefer to get ready here?”

  Lou willed her voice to be steady.

  “This isn’t a great time, Genevieve. I am so sorry. May I call you back?”

  “Of course.”

  “Thank you.” Lou hung up the phone and shoved it into her bag. Thank God her clothes were in the living room. She threw them on with shaking hands. She didn’t even bother to remove his t-shirt. He had plenty of fucking t-shirts. Lou pulled her hoodie over it. She stuffed her feet into her sneakers and she ran.

  Chapter 13

  ***Trick***

  Trick woke up to a room full of sunshine. He’d slept through the night. He never slept through the night anymore. Something about her body, warm next to his, had filled him with calm.

  It took him a moment to realize she wasn’t asleep beside him.

  “Louisa.”

  He got out of bed. She wasn’t in the bathroom. She had to be in the kitchen. She wouldn’t just leave. Would she?

  His stomach started to burn.

  “Louisa. Louisa.” He realized he was shouting her name, but he didn’t care.

  The kitchen was empty, but a carton of eggs and some cheese was on the counter. Did she sneak out of the house to get some things to make him breakfast? The thumping in his chest slowed a little. She went out; she would be back.

  He walked back to the bedroom to get his phone. He dialed her number and it went right to voicemail.

  “Hey, beautiful girl, where have you gone?”

  He pulled on some jeans and a shirt and sat down to wait for her.

  Three hours and 14 phone calls to her cell phone, that’s what it took before he finally admitted to himself that she was not coming back.

  He grabbed his wallet and keys and went to find her. Could she have been hit by a car on her way to the store? It seemed impossible, but he couldn’t help but imagine her sprawled on the street, a crowd gathered around her, the cry of the ambulance as it made its way up the street. Why would she leave without even a note, eggs still on the counter?

  He had her address on her application. He picked up his wallet and keys, threw on a jacket, and headed out to find her.

  She was either out or not answering her buzzer.

  He felt like a fool, but he needed to know she was alright. He needed to understand what happened. He must have pushed her, but why would she leave without a word?

  Desperate, he dialed Audra. She answered on the first ring.

  “Trick, you’re a dick.”

  “Is she alright?”

  “No, she’s not alright, you dick. DICK. DICK. DICK. Genevieve called her this morning to tell her you had personally arranged her introduction to half a dozen suitable men. Why do you think she’d be alright? She has no idea why you would try to give her away to someone else. And you have reminded me, repeatedly, that’s it’s not my secret to tell."

  “Audra, put her on the phone.”

  “No. I wouldn’t if she was here, but she’s not. She wanted to be alone. She really likes you. Why would you do this to her? You need to talk to her.” There was silence.

  “Poor you. I get it. I really get it. You are really good at fixing people, but you have no idea how to fix yourself. You don’t even see how you are broken. You think it’s such a big life-changing secret. You’re sterile. I get it, it sucks. It really sucks, but for her it might be no big deal. There are lots of ways to have children, Trick. If you guys even got that far. You didn’t even give her a chance. For such a smart guy, you are so incredibly stupid.”

  “Audra, is she at her house?’

  “Trick, I honestly don’t know where she is. She called here understandably upset and she’s turned off her phone. Give her some time to cool off and I’ll try to convince her to call you.”

  ‘Thank you.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  Shit. He was going to text Genevieve this morning and call it off. He’d almost texted her last night, but he didn’t want to wake her up. He never expected her to call Louisa on a Sunday. He never thought he would sleep so late. How was he going to fix this?

  Trick rang the buzzer to her apartment four more times and then he made himself turn around and walk away.

  Chapter 14

  ***Lou***

  Thank god he finally went away. The sound of the buzzer was like nails on a chalkboard. Lou wanted to let this evening dissolve into an evening of greasy food and alcohol, and she didn’t want Trick outside when the delivery guy came with her order.

  God, the asshole had even ruined ice cream for her, and she used to love ice cream. Now it was tainted with bad Trick mojo.

  She turned her phone off hours ago. She thought he might call, but she never expected him to show up at her apartment. The sight made her throat burn. Wh
y would he, if the plan was to get rid of her anyway? Wasn’t she making it easier?

  Lou picked up a wad of wet toilet paper and blew her nose again.

  She took a generous swallow of her cider and browsed through Netflix. She would get through this. There was no reason to lose herself to someone like this. He was basically a one-night stand; who cares if it had felt like more. It didn’t matter how right it felt.

  It felt right because you’re an idiot, Lou. It felt right because you’re a poor decision maker in the man department. That’s why it felt right.

  Four ciders and two movies later, Lou was ready for bed. She was suddenly intensely grateful for the alarm clock her Grandma had given her a year ago.

  Usually her phone was her alarm, but she suddenly had no desire to turn it on. In fact, she was wondering if it was possible to navigate her life without ever turning it back on.

  She set the alarm clock and climbed into bed.

  The next morning, she couldn’t pull herself out of bed. After hitting the snooze button four times, there was no time left for a shower. She didn’t even bother with makeup; she just put on her uniform, and went to work.

  The next three days passed in a blur. Lou was like a depressed robot. Go to work, walk home, eat shitty food, drink some cheap cider, and fall asleep. Lou knew she needed to call Genevieve and tell her she had changed her mind, but she kept putting it off. To call her she would have to turn her phone on, and then she would see Trick’s messages and his phone calls, or worse there would be no messages at all.

  So she never called Genevieve, never cancelled the stupid ‘come and get my virgin pussy’ meet and greet, and now here she was; freshly kidnapped off the street, sitting in some strange limo driving to some strange man’s house, some man that Trick actually had the nerve to choose for her, all because she couldn’t turn on her phone and call Genevieve to cancel her appointment.

  Lou leaned back into the limo’s seat and decided to spread her misery around.

  “Red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red, red,” Lou began to chant it like some fucked up mantra.

  “What are you doing,” the driver sounded annoyed. “I told you you had to wait till you actually meet your patron before you can invoke your safe word.”