South Seas Shenanigans

by Abby L. Vandiver

  “You’d be right about that,” Miss Vivee said. “And we would have had to drive ourselves up the side of this mountain if Logan hadn’t come with us. So don’t start fussing at her.”

  “Are ya’ll still on that?” Sassy said narrowing her eyes. “Inferring my husband’s death was something evil.” She looked up at Bay. “I thought you were going to get a rein on your grandmother.”

  “I’m not a horse,” Miss Vivee said. “And your husband was murdered.”

  Sassy let out a chuckle. “The country of Fiji didn’t make that determination.”

  “And you probably already knew they wouldn’t when you decided to kill him here,” Miss Vivee said.

  Sassy’s mouth dropped open and she let out gasp.

  “Grandmother,” Bay warned. “She’s only here to pick up her husband’s things.”

  “She’s here to clean out the evidence. And if you’re as smart as I think you are, Bay, you won’t let her get her murderess hands on any of it.”

  “And what evidence would that be?” Inspector Tomasi Walota stepped around Sassy.”

  “How many of you are out there?” Mac asked.

  “This is it, Mac,” Bay said. “Tomasi came back over to the Island to hang out with Logan and me, a ‘thank you’ for me helping out. I’m sure he had no idea we’d run into this. Although I should’ve have known.”

  “We came up here to open the camp back up. The investigation is over and we thought we’d help Sassy pack up,” Inspector Tomasi said.

  “She is diabolical, Mac,” Miss Vivee said. “She’s got the police helping her get rid of the evidence.”

  “It’s just her husband’s equipment,” Inspector Walota said. He looked at Miss Vivee, then back at Bay. “Is your grandmother suffering from anything, or on any medication?” he asked.

  “No.” Bay said, a smirk on his face. “She’s old, but she’s working with a full deck.”

  “It’s you that seems to be missing a couple of aces, Inspector,” Miss Vivee said. “Because you missed that Campbell Gruger’s death was a murder. But you asking Bay to help was a good thing because he’s got an ace-in-the-hole.”

  “And what would that be?” Inspector Walota asked.

  “Us,” Miss Vivee said.

  “Okay,” the Inspector said and chuckled. “Why don’t you enlighten me?” He went over and sat down on one of the folding chairs, making an exaggerated gesture of crossing his legs.

  “Me too,” Sassy said and sat next to the Inspector. “I can’t wait to hear what you’ve come up with.”

  An exasperated, “Grandmother,” was all that Bay said.

  “You didn’t tell us you were a doctor, Sassy,” Miss Vivee said. “Even after we told you that we were.”

  “You’re not a doctor, dear,” Sassy said. “The AMA doesn’t recognize Voodoo as a practice. And,” she waved her hand toward Mac, “I wasn’t sure if he even knew that a vaccination had been found for polio.”

  Oooh, Sassy gonna regret saying those things, she doesn’t know who she’s messing with.

  “I may have heard in passing about Salk’s discovery,” Mac said. “And it’s true, that I can get behind in my reading, but I do know that an ethical doctor would never prescribe an anabolic steroid to a young, healthy man to help him build muscles.”

  Miss Vivee threw the prescription bottle to Sassy. “Especially without prescribing an anti-estrogen pill to take with it when the steroid being taken is testosterone based.”

  As soon as Sassy caught the bottle, the Inspector took it from her.

  “What are they talking about?” Inspector Walota asked Bay.

  “Not sure,” Bay said. “But if I know my grandmother, she’s ready to explain to you how Mrs. Gruger killed her husband.”

  “Alcott-Gruger,” Mac corrected. “She comes from a long line of doctor’s, but I’m guessing she’s going to be the first one to go to prison for murder.”

  “You are aware, Mrs. Whitson,” the Inspector said, “that we have ruled Mr. Gruger’s death accidental. He died from water intoxication.”

  “And how do you plan on explaining how someone could be murdered by those means?” Sassy said.

  “Oh, I can explain it,” Miss Vivee said. “And then maybe you can explain how “a little ‘ole housewife,’” Miss Vivee mimicked Sassy’s voice, “would know what hyponatremia is?”

  “You did know that,” Bay said. “Even before we found out the cause of death.”

  “Your grandparents guessed it right. I am a doctor. I know what it is,” Sassy said. “And I knew it was a cause of water intoxication.”

  “You didn’t seem to know what water intoxication was when we told you that was the cause of death,” the Inspector said. “We had to explain it to you.”

  “I was distraught about my husband’s death,” Sassy said. “And if you give in to this old woman’s hair-brained antics, I’m sure I’ll even be more stressed.”

  “Not to worry,” Miss Vivee said. “I’m sure your momma will send some of her chamomile and lavender tea to the prison.”

  “What d’ya have, Grandmother?” Bay asked.

  “Sassy knew that her husband had a penchant for women doctors, didn’t you?”

  Sassy blinked her eyes and nosily drew in a breath through her nostrils.

  “Campbell Gruger was cheating on Sassy with Elenoa,” Miss Vivee said to Bay. “And Sassy’s little fairytale life was busted.”

  “Elenoa?” Inspector Walota pulled out his little notebook and flipped through the pages.

  “Yes. Elenoa. So Sassy made sure that when her sweet, cheating husband came back to see Elenoa, it would be the last thing he’d do. What is it that your daddy told you to do?” Miss Vivee asked. “Give ‘em hell?” she laughed. “And that’s exactly what you did.”

  “How Grandmother?” Bay said. “Get to the point.”

  “In order to die from water intoxication, you have to drink at least one and half or two gallons of water. You also have to either not relieve yourself of the water, or have something interfering with your electrolyte balance. Sassy made sure her husband did both.”

  “That steroid there,” Mac said and nodded his head toward the bottle in Inspector Walota’s hand. “Is an anabolic steroid. It will make a person retain water.”

  “Aren’t steroids illegal for athletes to take in your country?” the Inspector asked.

  “Hmpf,” Sassy said under her breath. “He wasn’t an athlete.”

  “Excuse me?” the Inspector said.

  “I prescribed them to him for anemia,” Sassy said instead. “He was anemic. And that is perfectly legal.”

  “It is,” Mac said. “But a doctor – a good doctor wouldn’t prescribe that without prescribing an anti-estrogen pill.” He looked at Sassy. “To counteract the water retentive properties of the steroid. A patient would need something to help his body rid it of all the excess water.”

  “Is that true?” the Inspector asked Sassy.

  “He’s the so-called doctor, let him tell you.”

  “Dr. Macomber Whitson is not a so-called doctor,” Miss Vivee said. “He’s the real deal.”

  “I can vouch for that,” Bay said.

  “So if he took the anti-estrogen pill he wouldn’t have died?” Inspector Walota asked.

  “He didn’t just die,” Miss Vivee said. “He was murdered.”

  Inspector Walota nodded his head. “Go on,” he said.

  “Not only did she prescribe him a steroid to take, I believe she also put Ecstasy in his protein mix.”

  “Ecstasy?” Bay said. I could see he didn’t want to let out a chuckle seeing the situation was so serious. “What do you know about that, Grandmother?”

  “Logan told me all about,” Miss Vivee said.

  “Logan?” Bay looked at me.

  I just held up my hands. “All I know is what I read on Wikipedia. Ecstasy has water retentive properties. And I know that these little packets,” I held up the one I’d taken from Miss Vivee, �
�didn’t come like this. They were made up. Would’ve been very easy to add something to it.”

  “Is that Campbell Gruger’s protein mix?” Inspector Walota asked.

  “I’ve never seen it before,” Sassy said.

  “Then who mailed it to him from Meridian?” Miss Vivee asked. Mac walked over and picked up one of the Amazon boxes.

  “Let me see,” Bay said and went over to get it from Mac. “Postmarked from Lauderdale County, Mississippi.”

  “If I’m not mistaken,” Mac said. “Meridian is the county seat of Lauderdale County.”

  “Is that true, Mrs. Gruger,” Inspector Walota asked.

  “Yes.”

  “Sassy also knew that in this hot climate, her husband would have to drink a lot of water. She mailed him gallons of it.” Miss Vivee pointed to the shelves. “She even sent him reminders to drink it. Show ‘em, Logan.”

  I pulled up the message, read it and explained it to Bay and Inspector like I had to Miss Vivee.

  “Let me get this straight,” Inspector Walota said. “She gave him drugs that made him hold water. Then she encouraged him to drink water?”

  “Yes,” Miss Vivee said. “And instructed him to drink even more than he needed using his century ride as an excuse.”

  “Century ride?” the Inspector asked.

  “He had just ridden 100 miles the day he died.”

  The Inspector nodded. “And that’s the day the text was sent.”

  “In my country,” Bay said. “That would be premeditated.”

  “Because she knew the combination of drugs and water would be deadly?” the Inspector asked.

  “Because she knew,” Miss Vivee said. She looked over at Sassy. “Because she planned it.”

  “And I don’t think her husband knew she was coming according to Elenoa,” I said.

  Miss Vivee looked at me. I hadn’t told her that part but she picked right up on it. “She came to make sure it would get done.”

  The Inspector looked at us, smiled, and then looked at Bay. He stood up, and said, “Sassy Gruger, you are under arrest for suspicion of murder.”

  “Now Sassy,” Miss Vivee said, “when you get to that prison, you be sure to tell all them folks there that this ‘ole no-account Voodoo doctor told you to ‘give ‘em hell!’”

  Epilogue

  Sasha “Sassy” Alcott-Gruger’s prison term was going to be served a long way from home. And it looked like my destiny (curse) didn’t just work at home.

  It was getting to be so unreal. Solving murders had become a part of my life in Yasamee, and then Miss Vivee and I found one that we had to solve all the way on the other side of the world.

  I just couldn’t escape that woman’s hold on me. I wondered had she’d put some kind of spell on me.

  But it didn’t matter, I was happy to have Miss Vivee in my life, however she happened to fit in. And although Bay’s family would become mine after we were married, Miss Vivee had felt like my grandmother long before I’d even said “Yes.”

  I probably wouldn’t ever admit it to anyone, but I enjoyed hanging out with Miss Vivee. She taught me things about life and how to be strong. I know my mother had tried to, but I had chosen to rebel against her, disagree, argue and compete rather than ever admit she was right.

  Miss Vivee – my Meemaw, Grammy, Oma – or whatever name came to mind when people thought of their grandmothers, had become everything to me. She was my best friend. Her wedding day had made me more nervous and happier than she’d been. And somehow, without much fanfare, I’d let her talk me into she and Mac coming to Fiji with me for her honeymoon. All of our honeymoon.

  And it really had been one. We all had a ball.

  In Yasamee, usually all Miss Vivee and Mac did was fuss, but after we had arrived on the island, there’d been nothing but lovey-dovey, kissy-kissy between the two of them. Too much of it for my stomach to take. But honestly, I would have missed Miss Vivee if she had stayed in Yasamee.

  I wondered what that said about me, chosing to hang out with Grandma and Grandpa rather than people my own age.

  Geesh!

  Sassy had been the one that mailed all that stuff at the camp to her husband under the guise of a trainer she told him she’d hired. She was going to be sure her husband paid for his cheating ways. And there was even Ecstasy found in that protein mix, courtesy of a practical joke. She said she’d thought she’d give “Cam and Elenoa’s relationship” a boost. But all it did was seal her fate.

  Miss Vivee talked to Hank Harrison and found that it had been him that placed the broken oars over the lovo. He said he just didn’t want Madda Crawford to have a bad reputation. So many people were saying things about her, and that hurt him. That way, he figured, people might think someone else was responsible for all of her shenanigans.

  I’ll never forget them.

  I had the hardest time making sure Miss Vivee didn’t get to the excavation site with Bay and I. She so wanted to go. I even stayed at the airport until their plane took off to ensure her getting back to Georgia without any detours.

  Otherwise, I may have gotten involved in a Murdered Mummy Mishap!

  The End

  Thank you for taking time to read South Seas Shenanigans. Look for more books in the Logan Dickerson Cozy Mystery Series coming soon. If you enjoyed it, please consider telling your friends about it. And don’t forget to take the time to click on the link and post a short review.

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  A Note from the Author

  Honeymoons aren’t just for lovers, there for murders too. At least if you listen to Miss Vivee!

  So, I know that I said I was going to wind down the Logan Dickerson Cozy Mystery series, and that South Seas Shenanigans would be the last installment along with the prequel, A Lesson in Murder, but the characters have been shown so much love by my readers (thank you!), that I’ve decided to continue the series.

  Right now, I think that I will still do a prequel, but my idea of the story has changed, although the title (so far) hasn’t. I’ll tell the story that I planned for that book in Deep Delta Devilry, the seventh book in the installment which may not be out until Summer 2017 as I still have plans on starting a new cozy mystery series soon. It will be a paranormal series. Check my website, and sign up for my newsletter to keep informed at www.abbyvandiver.com.

  I think that I may also start a contest for my readers to help me come up with names and methods to kill for the new books. It’s really hard to come up with names starting with the same letter, and finding unique ways to kill.

  My readers know that in every book I’ve written, I have included real facts in them to build my story around. South Seas Shenanigans is no different.

  In this series, as you know, Logan Dickerson is an archaeologist. And here she is finally going on a dig, only to get side-tracked by her murder-seeking grandmother-in-law-to-be. The real history in this book surrounds Fiji and Logan’s dig. It is true that there may be a Maya and Polynesian link, and that there are excavations going on in Fiji. There is a Likuliku Lagoon Resort, and I tried to stay true to its set up, but I did take some poetic license in its description. The lovo, meke, and kava ceremony are real too, and no, I’ve never been (YouTube is an amazing research tool), so if I’ve gotten anything wrong, let me know.

  I am dedicating this book to my nephew, Leonard Vandiver. He’s a year older than me and that means I’ve known him all my life. He has been more like a brother to me than a nephew, he has also been my protector, confidant, and believe it or not a prankster! Born on April Fool’s Day, he was always in trouble when we were coming up for all of his shenanigans. I’ll follow the pattern from the other books I made dedications in, and put his first name in my next book (although, Oliver Gibbons in Coastal Cottage Calamity was named after him, (Oliver is Len’s middle name) because my nephew has a way with the women!)

  Thanks to my all my fans who have been following me and letting me know that they’re enjoying the books. I so enjoy hearing from yo
u.

  Please take the time to leave a review. I appreciate them all – good or bad – and look forward to reading what you thought about my book. Grammatical errors are of course unintended, so if you find any, just email me and let me know what you’ve found.

  I love connecting with my readers and look forward to chatting with you soon.

  ~ Abby

  Read My Other Books

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  Coming Soon

  Deep Delta Devilry – A Logan Dickerson Cozy Mystery

  A Lesson in Murder – A Logan Dickerson Cozy Mystery

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