Reluctant Surrender

by Riley Murphy

  She blinked and then stammered, “I-I know w-what an orgasm is.”

  “So?” He arched his brow, daring her to answer.

  “Yes, I’ve had an orgasm.” That phrase came out like a so there.

  “That wasn’t my question, Colin. I asked if you had an orgasm with John.”

  “Does it matter?” He nodded and she finally spilled. “No. I never had an orgasm with him.”

  “There, was that so hard?” She made a face that said that death would have been preferable and he grinned. “If it makes you feel any better, I never had an orgasm with John either.” She nearly spit out her brandy. Her head fell back, her eyes squeezed shut, and she fought to choke down the mouthful of brandy. “Honestly. Once you have an orgasm during sex, you’ll never want to go it alone again.”

  She gave a strangled cough.

  “Are you okay?” At her nod he said, “Good. Now, where was I going with this?” He paused just long enough to lull her with the notion that he’d lost his train of thought. But he hadn’t. “So, poor John couldn’t get you hot during sex, what about before or after?”

  “B-before or after w-what?”

  “Sex.” He took a measured sip of his brandy. “You did do other things in bed besides screw?”

  She was adorably mortified, and if not for the warming effects of the brandy, he was confident she would have demanded they stop the car so she could get out. “Sure. We slept.”

  “Did he ever spank you?”

  “No.” She was back to looking at her hands and fidgeting with the bottom of her glass.

  “Tie you up?”

  “No.”

  “Bite you? Lick you? Ea—”

  “No.” She sat up straight.

  “Did he have any help at all in that department?”

  Finally, she looked at him. “Help?”

  “Yes.” He held her stare.

  “I don’t understand.”

  “Did John have any tools-of-the-trade?”

  She blinked. “He was an accountant.”

  “I mean toys, Colin. Did John have toys he liked to use on you to try to get you there?”

  She downed her brandy and handed him the glass. “Nope.” Her voice sounded gritty as if she’d been chewing on gravel. “John didn’t have any toys.” She adamantly shook her head, repeating, “No toys.”

  “Do you?” It was quiet. Too quiet. Damn, the car had stopped. Just when he had her right where he wanted her.

  Chapter Ten

  The door swung open and Larry offered Colin his hand. She moved quicker than Ethan thought possible as she scooted out of the vehicle. But when his driver let go of her Ethan was hot on her heels.

  “Oh dear.” She tripped and stumbled forward. Immediately he reached out to steady her and she giggled. “That brandy is a sneaky beverage isn’t it? It’s gone right to my head.”

  He nodded to Larry and tossed him the keys. “Unlock the place and put on some lights, would you? Oh, and one of the guys will need a ride back to town tomorrow after he delivers the boat. So be back—”

  “Holy crap! Look at that moon,” Colin exclaimed, and in a less-than-elegant move, she kicked off her heels and zigzagged her way to the stairs down one side of the boathouse, which led to the water.

  “Be back around nine,” Ethan called over his shoulder and went after her.

  Watching her irregular swagger, he feared she’d fall down the steps on her way to the dock. Thankfully, he needn’t have worried. She managed to get down the stairs without incident.

  “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?”

  It sure was. The moon was full and the light it cast across the water was vibrant. But that wasn’t the main attraction at the moment. She was. With her face bathed in moonlight and that hair, he wanted to do nothing more than bury his face in it. “Yes, beautiful.”

  “It must be something living here.” She teetered along the decking to the very end and sat down. Not bothering to roll up her pants she just yanked up the bottoms before she plunked her feet into the water.

  “Yes it’s nice. I’d always wanted a place like this.” He took off his shoes and followed her, spending a moment to roll up his jeans before he sat and dropped his feet in right beside hers.

  “How great,” she whispered very loudly, leaning into him sideways. “I’m trying to get my dream realized. I’ve submitted my sealed bid. Fingers crossed.” She held up her thumb and forefinger and made a sloppy X under his nose.

  “You don’t say.”

  “Yep. So what if it cost me my vacations with the girls.” She brought her feet out of the water and wiggled her toes. “Gee, the water’s warm.”

  “Yes it is.” Trying his best not to get distracted by the dark polish that gleamed in the moonlight, he asked, “The girls? You mean your friends? Why didn’t you get to go on vacations with them?”

  “Because…” She drew this out in a playful voice, as if to say “silly” while she tapped her feet against the water’s surface. “I.” Tap. “Had.” Tap. “To save up.” Double tap. “I couldn’t go blowing my money like that. There’s only me, you know?”

  “Only you for what?” He shortened the small gap between them so they touched shoulder-to-shoulder.

  “To earn enough money to buy Wakefield.”

  “Wakefield?”

  “Yeah, it’s a small vineyard not far from here. That’s why I’ve been careful and worked so hard.” She took a deep breath and expelled it. Without preamble her feet made a splash as she unceremoniously plunked them back into the water.

  “I see.”

  “Wakefield was my mom’s family home. She grew up there. I would have too if my dad hadn’t lost it making poor investments.” She leaned into him. Her cheek rested on his shoulder. He didn’t dare breathe. “Mom loved that house.” He’d been slowly inching his arm around her, ready to pull her in close, but faltered when she whispered, “That’s why I want to make a go of that vineyard. I know it’s small, but it meant the world to her.”

  “To her? It did?” He dipped his head, trying to get a look at her. Between the wavering shadows of moonlight reflecting off the water and her halo of hair, he could barely make out her expression. “Colin?”

  Her head fell back against his shoulder and he sucked in a breath. The sadness in her eyes nearly undid him. “My dad hates me, you know.” She shook her head as though to clear it and leaned away. “I don’t know why I just said that.”

  He felt the cooling breeze that replaced her warmth and didn’t like it. “Your dad? Why?” She was jumping from one topic to another, but he was trying to keep up.

  “I suppose because I was young and angry…and foolish. Because my mom was my whole world and when that world was taken from me, I lashed out.” She shrugged, trying to be nonchalant, but the sorrowful action was anything but that. It looked more like something she did to throw off the pain.

  Unfortunately, before he had a chance to say something she squared her shoulders and stared straight ahead. “I should have done it that night, but I was scared and lonely. I wasn’t ready to let go of what little I had left of her. I couldn’t. Not that night.”

  She wasn’t making any sense. “Couldn’t what?”

  Her shoulders dipped and she looked directly at him. “Say goodbye to her.”

  To her mother? He frowned. “Where was your father?”

  She wouldn’t look at him.

  “Colin?”

  “Busy.” The way she arched her back was as if it ached. “My mom hadn’t been gone a week when dad slept with her best friend. The two of them…it was disgusting. Them, rolling around on my mom’s bed. In the tiny awful house he made her live in after he lost the one she loved. They were laughing while I-I—” She took a deep breath and exhaled through her nose. “That’s why I brought her there that night. To the rock behind the greenhouse. That’s where we always sat, looking over the vineyard and making our plans. She’d read me poems of Dylan Thomas some days, he was her favorite. We’d laugh an
d— I should have,” she said on a whisper. “I should have scattered her ashes that night because that’s what she wanted, but I was too scared. Instead I held on to her and fell asleep under all those stars we used to sneak out and count together. By the time morning came it was too late. The police were called. My father was furious. He knew I’d go there with her. He hated going back there. The property was nothing but a reminder of how he failed her. Me.”

  His gut clenched. It was a bittersweet picture she presented. “I’m so sorry, Colin.”

  “It’s…” She stiffened, as if she’d just realized who she was talking to and what she was saying. Without hesitation, she snapped out of it, waving a hand while her body went all loose and fidgety, feet swinging and torso rocking. “Aw, it’s no biggie. Really,” she tried unsuccessfully to assure. “My dad and Sheila had been together before my mom was—actually, dad was going to leave Mom for her, but then Mom got sick and dad stayed. I shouldn’t have been mad, I suppose, because he did a decent thing by staying with her until the end.”

  Ethan hooked his arm around her and hauled her up close. “There’s nothing decent about parents breaking up or death. Sometimes in a child’s mind it’s almost the same thing.”

  “I know.” She put her head on his shoulder again and was quiet for a time. The sound of the water lapping against the pilings was soothing. Hell, her, buried in the crook of his arm, heating his shoulder with the warmth of her breath was nice too. Perfect, if only she hadn’t brought up her family. After all, family ties were something he could definitely relate to, weren’t they? He didn’t want to think about that right now.

  And clearly, she wasn’t thinking about it either, now that he looked down at her. All her previous stress had vanished while she stared out at the sky. He didn’t move, but he kept his voice soft and inviting, asking, “What are you thinking about?”

  “Hmm? I was trying to work out how many times I’ve watched the moon from this side of the lake. Wakefield is only a short ways up the street from here.” She sighed, relaxing against him. “It was always so peaceful at this hour. It still is, isn’t it?”

  He rubbed his chin against her forehead and he couldn’t have agreed more. Peaceful, yeah. And she smelled good. Sweet, like the strawberries. Delicious.

  “It’s really not fair, you know,” she grumbled.

  “What?” He took her hand in his. So soft. Velvety.

  “Life sometimes.” She angled her head back. Her eyes looked glassy, as if she were going to cry. And when her lip trembled, he wanted to make it stop. Sure, he’d been waiting for a breach in her armor. For an opening and a measure of exposed vulnerability that he could use to learn more about her, but not like this. Suddenly he wanted to take her pain away. To shield her from it.

  Easing her chin up, he stared into her eyes. “What haven’t you told me?” He knew there was something she was holding back. Something fresher than the death of her mother and her father’s adultery that had cut her deep and still stabbed at her. “What?”

  “Marlene.”

  Ethan watched the tears well. He knew Marlene was the woman John had cheated with. Had Marlene been a friend of hers? He was just about to ask when Colin closed her eyes and swallowed loud enough for him to hear. “Marlene was my best friend. My confidant. She was also Sheila’s daughter.”

  “Your stepsister? She’s the one who slept with John on your wedding day?”

  She nodded.

  No wonder she prized loyalty so greatly. “I’m so sorry, baby.” Her lips still trembled and this time he leaned down to catch the quiver. To absorb it and taste her pain. To ease it and make her forget for just a little while. If he got his way she’d never be burdened with this again.

  Colin was dizzy and wanted to believe it was the liquor that made her that way, but it wasn’t. It was him. His kiss was wicked. Amazing. Sinful, and when he skillfully coaxed her mouth to open, he tasted like hot brandy and spice and heaven. God, the feel of him. Rock hard and dangerous. Powerful. Tempting. She pushed her fingers through his hair and tugged. Did he groan? No, that was her.

  At the moment she didn’t care as a delicious fire spread through her. It started slow, building, sparking and sizzling until it crackled to life with raw sensations that burned to hot little prickles along her nerve endings.

  So, when he moved to gather her in tighter, she didn’t argue but sank against him. It was good. Really good. Adrenaline and desire mixed. Need. Want. She didn’t want it to end. She wanted to forget who she was. Where she was. He did that for her. It might have been just a kiss, yet it was so much more than that. So very much more. But then he shifted and pulled back.

  “Ethan?” His expression was completely unguarded. Tender. If she didn’t do something, say something quickly to lighten the mood she’d break down crying. “You’re an amazing kisser. Bet you had a lot of practice with that. I’m guessing you started when you were twelve, right?”

  He took her cue and chuckled. “Ten.”

  Relieved to be on safer and less emotional ground, she mouthed the word “wow” and looked away.

  “Sweetheart.” She turned back. “You never answered my question,” he whispered, those dreamy eyes of his penetrating. Enthralling. Commanding.

  She went to turn away again, but he held her chin captive so she mumbled, “Wh-what question?”

  “Do you have any toys you play with?” Closing her eyes, she trembled in his arms. He must have felt it because he gave her an encouraging squeeze. “Tell me, Colin, are you a naughty girl when you’re alone in bed at night?”

  Those words shivered over her. Stoking her senses and tempting her nipples to harden and poke against her bra. She didn’t know what to say to that, or to him. She was nervous and to counter her anxiety she brought a hand up to cover her body’s automatic reaction. Fervently praying he wouldn’t notice.

  But he did.

  With the moonlight illuminating the dark interest on his face, he gently pushed her arm aside and stared down at the rapid rise and fall of her chest. Whatever he saw there pleased him. “Why, Colin, you are a naughty girl.” He punctuated that intimate pronouncement by reaching for her. Only this time when he kissed her, there was no gentle persuasion about it. He was aggressive and hungry as his hands fitted into the sides of her hair, fisting hard. Pulling to guide the embrace. His mouth angled over hers. Devouring.

  And if she thought she was dizzy before, now she had to grab hold of his shirt to keep from falling backward. Stars and bright pinions of light burst behind her closed lids. God, this was good. Every part of her came alive and when his hand moved to slide up under her blouse, she welcomed it. The anticipation, the building and adrenaline were back to consume. Throwing her off balance as her pulse sped and hummed. She held her breath until she groaned aloud, as his strong hand pushed away her bra and cupped her bare breast. The pad of his thumb went straight to the center, pressing temptingly over the erect nipple. She didn’t mind the intimacy. It sent bone-melting sensations right to her core, where her muscles contracted and her flesh went warm and wet.

  “Mmm.”

  “Come here.” He dragged her across his lap so she faced him in a straddle. The heart of her spread open over his thighs, hovering over his heat above his hardness, until he placed the flat of his big palm against the small of her back and pushed her in and down onto him.

  “Ethan…”

  She climbed him. Trying to connect with any part of him she could. Hastily tasting and exploring. Ripping at his shirt and grinding down onto his lap. Pivoting and pushing herself all over him until a tiny thread of clarity emerged and she realized he wasn’t participating. He seemed content to let her do this intimate discovering on her own while he sat, with arms braced behind him supporting their combined weight.

  Halting mid neck-lick, she breathed, “Ethan?”

  “Hmm?”

  Slowly, she leaned back to see his eyes. “Is something wrong?”

  “No.”

  “Then why ar
en’t you…?” Dropping her hands from where they’d been strangling his shirt, she sighed, “Did I do something wrong?”

  He sat forward and she noticed his pupils were dilated, his jaw was tight and his nostrils slightly flared. He was feeling this as much as she was, she was sure of it. So why was he calmly shaking his head? Pensively staring at her before tucking a hunk of her hair behind an ear and sighing. “No. You’re impulsive, Colin, so this behavior is to be expected from you. For me? Impulsiveness is my enemy. I don’t base my actions on needs. If I did, trust me, we’d already be naked and covered in sweat.”

  “Oh…” She scratched her head. “Am I supposed to understand all this?”

  “Not yet, but you will.” He gently slid her off his lap and stood. Offering her his hand he said, “Tomorrow, after you write your blog post I’m going to teach you proper positioning. It will make for an easier transition. Then we’ll play a little.”

  “Transition?” Her antenna went up with a zing. She wasn’t that drunk. “I don’t like the sound of that.” She crossed her arms and glared.

  He didn’t blink, only calmly reached over and pulled her arms down and out of their closed position. “I say this, Colin, because there will be a change in you. An understanding of self that will be for the better. I promise.”

  “You’re sure about this.”

  “Positive.” He tucked the other side of her hair behind her ear and winked. “This is a consensual power exchange. We play together. And if I don’t do a great job the first time around you won’t want to play with me again a second time.”

  When that sunk in she made a wordless oh.

  He brought her in for a hug and then let her go. “It’s late. I think it’s time for you to go to bed. Go on.”

  She wasn’t going to argue. The phrase “we play together” really had a nice ring to it, but the whole way to her room all she could do was think about those words and what the concept meant to him.

  Ethan let her go. Hell, he’d made her go because he feared if he hadn’t he would have forced her to stay. He would have stripped her bare both physically and emotionally until he owned her tears and she wasn’t ready for that kind of real. Not yet, but she would be. Eventually. He’d make damn sure of it because Colin Reneaux was a woman worth keeping.